Why do members just disappear?

[[Gr...]]

Any ideas on why some members just up and vanish?

I've found that doing a Google search such as Benzo buddies followed by the symptom such as numb arm brings up the best results.

 

I'm noticing that 2013-2017 had the best time period to ask for help. Every post I've seen has members gaining at least 7 or more replies where as getting 3 today is a miracle, lucky members get more and then there's those who can't get any which I feel really bad.

 

If a member has the same symptoms as me or close to ill check out their profile and see if they left a success story.  Most members logs just stop around 2016-2020...they're leave a post about a symptom and then leave the group without a trace. Any ideas why? My mind always goes to the worst of the worst as if they couldn't handle these withdrawal symptoms and did some to themselves which I hope isn't the case.

[[Sn...]]

Sometimes, I think rarely, it's the worst of the worst. It happens.

 

But most just recover and live their lives. Someone explained in a succes story that it's hard to come back to a place of suffering when you're all healed, since we're all just in such a dark place.

 

I promise that I will come back and write my Succes story. I owe that to benzobuddies, this site meant a lot to my health. I can't just leave.

[[Mi...]]

I was talking with someone outside of the forum for a few months. Their last entry on benzo buddies was Sept 2021. Almost a year ago. They left on a good note. Their signature says at two years they were able to live life with manageable symptoms.

 

However, they did not write a success story. And, at 3 1/2 years they had a wave, I know this because they've stayed in touch with me. It was less intense wave & still rough, but over with in 5 weeks. I have not heard from them in  2 months. Their last email to me was that they were doing even better than ever after that last wave, there was a shift for the better. They were taking trips and doing well and living life.

 

They did not like going onto the forum at all anymore due to it being just a negative experience and triggering. Therefore we have a healed person & no success story.

 

I can understand this because I've experienced it a bit myself. As I continue to improve I am finding how triggering things, like this forum,  can have a more profound negative effect. It can actually give me symptoms if I look at the wrong things on this forum.

 

My baseline keeps improving and when I have good days I don't even want to hear the word "withdrawal" & I don't want to be reminded. I could be humming along on a good day and if I even see a journal entry I wrote somewhere or maybe we drive by a place, like a store or something, where I once had a hard time it like sends this "mini shock wave" of negative nostalgia through my system.

 

Therefore, I can see why someone who is totally healed, or darn near close to it , wants nothing to do with it. Most people get over that eventually, but it takes a long time, months or usually years to be able to think about the withdrawal experience without that negative jolt of nostalgia.

 

And, this is the thing about "time" on any benzo forum and how long it takes to heal. Benzo withdrawal is one of those things that you have to look back at it chunks of like 6 months to see the improvement. So, we are all on this forum together and it's like watching a pot of water boil. Everyone is taking months. You will notice the longer you are on here that you will see your fellow travelers make milestones every 6 months or so and so will you. You will see after two years on here you will notice reading posts of fellow travelers improving and then they won't be on the forum as much and then they are on here less & less, then gone.

 

This is true. The people I have been "holding hands" with on my journey are turning corners. They may have a wave or setback or two cuz they had to take something or do something that they ended up being sensitive to- stress, something they ate, a medication, doing too much too soon, but as time passes they get through it & they are even stronger than before. I have seen it with my own two eyes.

 

I can go a few weeks at a time without wanting to be on this forum because it literally does more harm than good. And seriously when you feel better, after being sick for so long you're now seeing family, going to weddings/functions, outside in nature more - you know, normal life, you want to be anywhere but not on benzo buddies. I get this way myself for days/weeks at a time, but I am still healing and I still need support sometimes. 

 

For instance, yesterday I had a great day. Went out for a picnic lunch, did some part time work from home in the evening, walked in nature, took a country drive. All day yesterday I wanted nothing to do with this forum or anything to do with withdrawal, but I've been having some difficulties with sleeping at night the last week due to a symptom flare, so I was on here looking for help at 2am last night.

 

Bottom line... you will know when it's your time to take a break from the forum or leave it altogether and most people leave and don't bother coming back, like my friend who I stayed in touch with outside of here. She vanished because she healed and wanted nothing to do with it anymore. I thought she'd come back and share her good news... nope... gone.

 

There are benzo coaches who have been on this forum & never came back to write a success story.

 

As you start to heal more and witness others healing on here it will make more sense to you, and it's not a bad thing. It's a very very good thing.

 

-Fortitude

[Guest [...]]

Most just move on because they are better.

 

Same as Miss Fortitude said, I keep in touch with one member, who was also a moderator and hasn’t been on here is almost a year.

 

She’s living life, working, going to school, moving houses.

 

They don’t want to think about BB, it’s another lifetime ago.

 

2 other members that live close to me are the same.

 

They have waves, but are able to live life etc.

 

They are moving on.

 

I’ve also sent PM’s to some who don’t come here anymore,

They’ve gotten back to me on how well they’re doing.

Some know the things that rev them up, but all are living their lives.

 

My 2 cents.

 

Winnie

[[Be...]]

I almost 2 years off and I return here only when I am feeling bad due to a wave, just because I know that here is the only place that people undestand me. I will try to be here on the good moments too, but it is triggering, for sure. I hope to write a Success Story one day.

[Guest [...]]

Yes, this is the point for most, it is very triggering……

[[Mi...]]

Winnie,

 

Thanks for sharing. What you wrote there is very helpful and reassuring for all of us.

 

Benzoito,

 

I'm glad to hear I am not the only one who "comes & goes". I know many others do the same, but it's nice to hear it every once in a while. It's true. When things get tough this is a place to come where people understood you. I just have to practice discipline when I'm on here and not look at those triggering topics. Sometimes I don't do a good job of that & I can pay for it with getting symptoms.

 

That seems to be my issue as of late. Stress & doing too much physically is what has been problematic for me for most of this summer. I have a better baseline, but it's so obvious more than ever how stress can kick things up a bit, or more temporarily.

 

Keep moving forward everyone. Practice good self care & radical acceptance. Always shoot for that.

 

 

[[No...]]

I think because theres newer, better platforms. This website layout is ancient and not very easy or fun to navigate. For example facebook groups are easier to deal with along with reddit having a benzo wd group as well. More options.

[Guest [sc...]]

Considering many are older with multiple health issues, I think it’s safe to assume that some have died.

[[Be...]]

I think this forum is a lot easier to navigate than others.  It doesn't have all the ads and pop-ups and notifications and other distractions to deal with.

[[Sn...]]

You are all way too negative.

 

Most people really just live their lives. I'm feeling better too at the moment, and you just automatically start living more and spend less time here.

 

It's natural.

 

Don't be so negative 😉

[[Sn...]]

Lay-out of this forum is fine by the way.

 

The simplicity is perfect for when you can't think straight.

 

 

[[No...]]

I think this forum is a lot easier to navigate than others.  It doesn't have all the ads and pop-ups and notifications and other distractions to deal with.

 

Pop ups? I don't think those exist anymore. This website is hard to navigate compared to newer platforms and it's organized strange too, but oh well. Is it free to run? I'm sure people ask about this old site all the time

[[No...]]

You are all way too negative.

 

Most people really just live their lives. I'm feeling better too at the moment, and you just automatically start living more and spend less time here.

 

It's natural.

 

Don't be so negative 😉

 

So you're feeling better so that means everyone else should be feeling better as well? Last I checked benzo suffering was so bad it was induced in wars for torture and the suffering can last years. There's nothing positive about that  and people have a right to complain and vent. Toxic positivity is just as bad as negativity.

[[Sn...]]

You didn't understand me at all.

[[Sn...]]

Too negative about people the reasons why people leave.

 

It was a reassuring message.

 

Don't twist my words.

[[op...]]

I agree with what most of the folks here have said. I think, on occasion, someone does drop off for tragic reasons. But generally, I think people get well and don't want or need to return here. I know that I have largely avoided the site when I've been on vacation this past year. It wasn't intentional - I just was out of routine and it felt good to forget about this part of my life for a period of time.

 

I also think that there are additional resources now that there weren't before. I don't think they're better - I just think there are more of them. So it makes sense that folks are more spread out among them. BB is still my favorite.

 

And look how many replies you got to this post, greyzone!

 

I'm still tapering. I'm doing better, it seems, as I go lower, but still unsure of the future. I don't know if I'll write a success story. But I am very grateful to this forum. It has gotten me through some dark times and people here really understood when no one else did.

 

I'll definitely try to help others out as much as I can in the meantime.