Coming up on 6 months and fighting anger

[[se...]]

Hey all. First congrats to all who continue to fight the fight and make progression to free ourselves of these beasts.

 

This weekend will mark 6 months post jump for me from 0.0425 mg of klonopin (I think..best case liquid homebrew). I jumped at that dose because I could never get stable). I continue to struggle with the burning and tingling, especially in my head and sometimes legs and ear ringing. As I understand burning and tingling is a very very common symptom.

 

I am still struggling with anger, frustration, and depression. I continue to scrutinize my approach when I got down to 0.121 mg. I switched to liquid homebrew (did whole milk, and did not do a daily discard but a daily consumption based on the best math I could do). I switched to liquid with the intent to make smaller reductions as I could not handle the lower doses measuring on a scale.

 

In my mind I keep thinking I screwed up the end of my taper. I did not have doctor support (cut half, cut half, etc...sure many have heard that) and did not want to do a alcohol based approach and knew milk did a suspension and tried to do it as best I could and did not have access to do it via a compound liquid.

 

I now look back and know how you can really tell what the dose is via liquid as many of us know it is a experiment. I should have stuck with dry and did Bob7's method I would at least know I was close on the dosage based on scale weight and since I knew I was sensitive to drops not jumped where I did.

 

I know I cannot go back and need to look forward and no longer have the drug in my system (still take 6.2 mg of remeron and melatonin) which is a good thing. I keep trying to tell myself it has "only" been 6 months and so much feedback I have seen that is not that long. But then I cannot help but wonder if I did a dry cut approach would I be better off right now. I know you never win the what if game. I also try to tell myself where I will be in another 6 months.

 

My CNS is still so super sensitive. One positive note is I had to restrict my diet due to foods, etc. amping up my CNS and am down about 15 lbs. I get out and walk every day and try to enjoy the outdoors.

 

Battle worn, Battle weary, and very Battle tired. Buddies are true warriors.

 

Seeking

[[Pa...]]

I may be in the minority but based on my experience how you get off the drug doesn't make much of a difference on recovery, I quit cold turkey and healed fully and completely in record time, 14 months.  My understanding is the purpose of a taper is to use the drug to minimize symptoms as you rid yourself of the drug.  Once off the drug its up to your body to determine how long recovery will last.  We don't know what affects recovery, we have an idea such as genetics, general health, time on the drug, age and countless others but we don't know for sure.

 

What troubles me is you blaming your taper method for your recovery process, I don't think they're related and fretting about this can cause your symptoms to worsen.  You did everything right, you paid attention to your symptoms and you used all of the available knowledge to make your decisions, you did your best and your best was good enough.

[[La...]]

Amen Pam! I agree with you.

Seeking, you should be proud of being off however you did it. There’s no looking back to the what ifs. You did what you had to do to get it done. So well done! I wish you the best in your healing. 

[[se...]]

I may be in the minority but based on my experience how you get off the drug doesn't make much of a difference on recovery, I quit cold turkey and healed fully and completely in record time, 14 months.  My understanding is the purpose of a taper is to use the drug to minimize symptoms as you rid yourself of the drug.  Once off the drug its up to your body to determine how long recovery will last.  We don't know what affects recovery, we have an idea such as genetics, general health, time on the drug, age and countless others but we don't know for sure.

 

What troubles me is you blaming your taper method for your recovery process, I don't think they're related and fretting about this can cause your symptoms to worsen.  You did everything right, you paid attention to your symptoms and you used all of the available knowledge to make your decisions, you did your best and your best was good enough.

 

Thank you as always Pamster. Part of my struggle is I feel like I could have done so many things differently. Retrospect is a good and sometimes tough thing.

 

Seeking.

[[se...]]

Amen Pam! I agree with you.

Seeking, you should be proud of being off however you did it. There’s no looking back to the what ifs. You did what you had to do to get it done. So well done! I wish you the best in your healing. 

 

LadyDen. Thank you. I know. As noted with Pam my reflecting on my approach, decisions, and steps now I would have done some things differently. Would it have mattered, maybe or maybe not.

 

Thanks

Seeking

[[se...]]

I may be in the minority but based on my experience how you get off the drug doesn't make much of a difference on recovery, I quit cold turkey and healed fully and completely in record time, 14 months.  My understanding is the purpose of a taper is to use the drug to minimize symptoms as you rid yourself of the drug.  Once off the drug its up to your body to determine how long recovery will last.  We don't know what affects recovery, we have an idea such as genetics, general health, time on the drug, age and countless others but we don't know for sure.

 

What troubles me is you blaming your taper method for your recovery process, I don't think they're related and fretting about this can cause your symptoms to worsen.  You did everything right, you paid attention to your symptoms and you used all of the available knowledge to make your decisions, you did your best and your best was good enough.

 

Pamster was thinking about your feedback again and your journey where you were on ambien and finally got off of that and saw real healing and recovery. I am on 6.2 mg of remeron and wonder if my symptoms are related in addition to the remeron or if the remeron is impeding my healing. I also cannot help but think of reinstatement of klonopin but know that is a big gamble and may not get benefit and have to taper again.

 

Every day is a struggle. I am functional but the burning/tingling and rapid heartbeat and ear ringing are wearing me down.

 

Thanks

Seeking.

[[Pa...]]

I have no idea if the Remeron is having an impact on your recovery, but I do know what will and that's going back on the Klonopin, I'm sad it's been crossing your mind.  I know how disheartening it is to put your faith in time when the suffering is so intense, as humans we believe we can find a solution for just about everything but we can't with this, at least not yet.

[[se...]]

Thank you for the reminder, Pamster. You are so right. When you get caught up in the symptoms it is hard to look ahead. It feels like the klonopin veil will not lift off of me with the burning, tingling, ringing in my head and body and heart palpitations. When on the toughest days you are right looking for a quick solution that is not there.

 

I have fought to get to 6 months off. I keep telling myself I got this far and can go further and have to stop telling myself as noted previously I screwed up the end of my taper. Sometimes my brain gets in the way.

 

Thank you for all that you have done for me and this community.

 

Seeking

[Guest [Ro...]]

Seeking, I'm so sad to read that you are struggling and even thinking about taking K again.  Sounds like you are past that thought thank goodness...my brain gets really stuck on things now too.  I get bothered by something and can't let it go the way I used to.  I'm hoping it's part of the healing process.  Sending hugs.

[[se...]]

Seeking, I'm so sad to read that you are struggling and even thinking about taking K again.  Sounds like you are past that thought thank goodness...my brain gets really stuck on things now too.  I get bothered by something and can't let it go the way I used to.  I'm hoping it's part of the healing process.  Sending hugs.

 

Rodgerthat thank you and I hope you doing well. Yes, I am past that thought. I just get frustrated and keep thinking if I had changed my last titration approach to Bob7's method I may have had more success and went down further and not jumped at 0.0425 mg (At least that is what I think I was at). But every day was a constant struggle.

 

The burning/tingling is my biggest issue. I have seen some glimpses of improvement but no real windows yet. Trying to fight through each day.

 

Seeking