Loosing hope

[[on...]]

I don’t think I can do it anymore.

 

Month ago when it’s started to get worse I was telling to myself that it will pass.

 

Right now I see that it did not.

 

No progress since, I’m even worse.

 

No more windows (only very short ones), nights stopped being safe for me, health anxiety in extreme form. I can’t see any positive outcome out of it. All I can do is crying because of suffering

 

I don’t know what to do.

[[Ha...]]

You can do it.

Just let time pass until your body starts to heal then let more time pass and then more time…………

[[on...]]

After nightmarish morning I finally had a decent day!

 

One symptom that was active during the day was that nasty fatigue wave that arrived 2 hours ago.

 

It’s something that apperead during 2 month. It’s the feeling that resembles having lack of sleep despite sleeping 6-7 hours. Foggy, sleepy, tired. Definetly nothing nice because I lost ability to take a nap.

 

But still it’s always fades, and it’s not as scary as the rest of the benzo wd.

 

How was your day Hardy?

[[Fo...]]

Hello onceanormalhuman,

 

I know this is a bitter pill to swallow, but it seems like you are just about 4 months off benzos.  This is really very early in recovery. I was quite symptomatic at 4 months, in fact, new symptoms showed up around that time.

 

You are still the person you were, it's just hidden behind benzo withdrawal.  I felt very much the same. Where was the person who played tennis at l3ast 3 times a week, socialized and went anywhere and everywhere without a thought about whether I could tolerate it. 

 

I finally had to accept that I needed to go through this process. I quit/forbade myself from using Dr. Google. I used distraction, all day and sometimes through the night.  I developed patience, this was a hard one. I was playing tennis 2 weeks after having my gallbladded removed, so why was I still sick after 4, 5, 6 months off benzos. 

 

I believe healing is ongoing, even when you feel badly.  I developed a mantra, I would say 'what I'm feeling is my healing'. 

 

Little by little things improved. Sometimes it was 2 steps forward and one step back, other times it was the reverse. I persevered and as time went on, I did continue to heal. My recovery took a while, each of us will have our own paths, trajectory of healing.  I had some windows and also some very strong waves.  In the end, I'm so happy I saw it through, I did heal, completely and totally.  Once healed, there was no return of any symptoms. 

 

You aren't alone in this, others have walked the path to wellness and left big footprints for you to follow. 

 

pianogirl 

Great post. <3

[[Fo...]]

Human hope you're doing ok.

[[tw...]]

Once, I'm so glad you had a good day!!!!

[[...]]

4 Months is too soon to heal. Takes time, you are getting closer to good days... I am 9 months out, months 4 was not easy ( I was short term user), after 7 months I felt better...some months gets worse, But you should know, it is part of the game...I learned the Harder it hits me, Better days Follows....There is a Light At the End of Tunnel...You will get there...for sure

[[on...]]

I’ve got already got good days during wd. But those times passed  :'(

 

After decent yesterday (not window, not suffering but decent enough to distract thoughts about dying) I’ve woke up to the worst wave yet. I was screaming out of fear and misery

 

Maybe I’m doing something wrong I don’t know. Maybe there is something very wrong with me. First 2 months were heaven compaired to that.

 

Or maybe it’s a final healing wave before turning corner. I want to believe that, but I lost my hope already

 

[[Be...]]

I’ve got already got good days during wd. But those times passed  :'(

 

After decent yesterday (not window, not suffering but decent enough to distract thoughts about dying) I’ve woke up to the worst wave yet. I was screaming out of fear and misery

 

Maybe I’m doing something wrong I don’t know. Maybe there is something very wrong with me. First 2 months were heaven compaired to that.

 

Or maybe it’s a final healing wave before turning corner. I want to believe that, but I lost my hope already

Oh 4 months off seems to be so early.. You will get better maybe even in the next month..

[[on...]]

I know it’s early but how it’s possible to get worse than acute for longer than month? I accept that it’s nonlinear but I was feeling like I was 80% healed in April and May and since than Im struggling to survive during typical day.

 

And after today’s wave that was stronger than anything up to that point I’m terryfied what is next for me. What kind of diabolic torture wait’s for me?

[[Fo...]]

I know it’s early but how it’s possible to get worse than acute for longer than month? I accept that it’s nonlinear but I was feeling like I was 80% healed in April and May and since than Im struggling to survive during typical day.

 

And after today’s wave that was stronger than anything up to that point I’m terryfied what is next for me. What kind of diabolic torture wait’s for me?

I didnt have much bad symptoms the first 2 months , 3 to 9 has been worse,  after month 6 I started having more "windows"

[[tw...]]

I hear you. i would scream but I'm in an apartment building.

[[Fo...]]

I hear you. i would scream but I'm in an apartment building.

I know its not funny but I laughed because I can relate. What are you current symptoms?

[[on...]]

I live in apartment building, yet I still scream.

 

We bought that apartment last year, it was our’s first. We were so happy, and we were thinking about children. It seems like a memories from another life.

 

I started tapering shortly after we move in, so for neighbours i’m that constantly sick guy from second floor.

[[tw...]]

You will get there again, Once, I believe you will. You are young and have a lot of happy years ahead. Maybe keep the though of your future kids in your mind to help you.

[[on...]]

Thinking about my future makes my cry. I just don’t see any future right now.

 

It’s summer and I’m fighting for my life, it’s becomes harder and harder to have any kind of optymism.

 

Yesterday night I had that weird flu-like wave at night - malaise and hurting legs. Can anyone had this?

Or am i dying? Of course it’s passed after few hours, but it’s getting so weird and so disturbing. Constantly cycling, one passes, another one invade. It was never like this before.

 

I dont know how it’s possible that each morning I’m wake up alive. I feel like a survivor of so many near death experience, but I don’t know how much strenght I have left in me. Nothing have prepared me for this. Today morning I was convinced that I had heart failure and heart will stop any minute. Everyday something new.

 

Im very tired of this. So tired and hopeless

[[tw...]]

Can you check with your doctor about possibly taking a beta blocker? They have helped me at my worst. (I'm not a doctor.)

[[Fo...]]

Thinking about my future makes my cry. I just don’t see any future right now.

 

It’s summer and I’m fighting for my life, it’s becomes harder and harder to have any kind of optymism.

 

Yesterday night I had that weird flu-like wave at night - malaise and hurting legs. Can anyone had this?

Or am i dying? Of course it’s passed after few hours, but it’s getting so weird and so disturbing. Constantly cycling, one passes, another one invade. It was never like this before.

 

I dont know how it’s possible that each morning I’m wake up alive. I feel like a survivor of so many near death experience, but I don’t know how much strenght I have left in me. Nothing have prepared me for this. Today morning I was convinced that I had heart failure and heart will stop any minute. Everyday something new.

 

Im very tired of this. So tired and hopeless

 

This is exactly how it feels, you aren't dying.  This I'd how it feels....it is very hard.

[[tw...]]

Once, have you read any of the Success Stories section? That might give you some hope.