Family problems and fights, Need help with this, support,

[[or...]]

Your English is great, Not. Hope the psychotherapist works out. I had to see mine online, on telehealth, all during the pandemic. It's do-able.

 

Katz

[[No...]]

Your English is great, Not. Hope the psychotherapist works out. I had to see mine online, on telehealth, all during the pandemic. It's do-able.

 

Katz

 

Thank you Katz. I'll have to use it to earn some money, yet I don't know how.  I hope, we will see. 

[[No...]]

I did my first conversation with this woman yesterday, I did receive some tips, lets see what happens.

[[No...]]

I’ve moved back to apatment where I was alone, I wont go anywhere, perhaps just on the street. Mother came home

From

Work and out

Of blue said to me did you eat all 4 eggs?

Then

She

Started you don’t have any boundaties, limits, nobody cant tell you anything, accept iz when its said to you,

These people are just sick, im afraid of them honestly. She was yelling, and

Said you got into a fight with your dad, you dont want to

Go on

Work, they always make me to

Feel this

Way, worthless well they try to and to say that only problem is in me and im

The

Only one

Who has to change. I cant go on anymore. Im thinking

Going back to cigaretes

I came back last night to sleep here at my mother's place. She called me, I feel so lost and what not else. So lost, ripped apart on all sides.

[[...]]

I did my first conversation with this woman yesterday, I did receive some tips, lets see what happens.

 

Oh! What great news, NotImportant! You are taking control and trying things! How did you feel during your first session? Did you feel interaction with this therapist was easy? Did you feel listened to? I'm glad you took away some tips already!

 

Now let's see, as you say...

 

Not everything happens at once, you need to build the rapport with the therapist, and in a way, with yourself inside of this process. A lot will happen subconsciously, let it unfold gently....  :thumbs-up:

 

I wish you lots of good things to come out of this, let us know how you get on 

 

I’ve moved back to apatment where I was alone, I wont go anywhere, perhaps just on the street. Mother came home

From

Work and out

Of blue said to me did you eat all 4 legs?

Then

She

Started you don’t have any boundaties, limits, nobody cant tell you anything, accept iz when its said to you,

These people are just sick, im afraid of them honestly. She was yelling, and

Said you got into a fight with your dad, you dont want to

Go on

Work, they always make me to

Feel this

Way, worthless well they try to and to say that only problem is in me and im

The

Only one

Who has to change. I cant go on anymore. Im thinking

Going back to cigaretes

I came back last night to sleep here at my mother's place. She called me, I feel so lost and what not else. So lost, ripped apart on all sides.

 

Now... it sounds like you've had another chaotic interaction with your mom, I'm sorry to hear about this, Not... so you had moved from your dad's place back to your own previous apartment? You were alone when your mum came to visit and she started yelling? do you know what your parents 'accuse' you of? Is it the same thing for your mum and dad? is it that they think you don't want to work and want to take advantage of your situation?...

 

What is that that your mum said to you, about eating '4 legs'? Four chicken legs, or something? Weren't you supposed to eat all four, perhaps that was your dad's dinner?...

 

You know, whatever they might be expressing right now, what is meant deep down might actually be different from what you hear through the words and tone they use. For instance, your mum could be yelling about your 'bad behavior' but actually pouring her self-doubt and guilt onto you, perhaps saying 'i'm scared, my son, I see you are not well, I see you are suffering, and I don't know how to help you. I am your mother, but I don't know how to help you... so let me focus on something rational like work, something that makes sense to me, a model of living I understand, a model of living the whole world can understand with me... let me focus on mental disorders being cured with pills, because that is reassuring in a way too...'. That's just an illustration, I am not saying this is what your mum thinks... you will never know either for sure, because that is all inside your mum's subconscious (mostly subconscious especially if she isn't connected inward much), but you can come up with your theories, and the purpose of that is to be able to find some alternative reading of those violent scenes where your parents 'attack' you. Seeing their suffering and doubt, not for the purpose of feeling sorry for them, but for the purpose of seeing that it is probably not simply about attacking you... so you feel more detached from those events, you don't engage emotionally with the same intensity and violence. Your reactions change, with yourself, with your parents. And in turn, if your reactions to your parents' attack change, the attacks may become less violent or less frequent... because they begin to notice change in you, even if they can't admit it because it stays subconscious... and so you enter a circle of virtue, and this is how one little change can have an incredible effect and spill-over onto some much better things.

 

As always, I hope this helps at least a little, Not.

 

Again, I'm really glad you took the first step with therapy, and really hope this is the beginning of a good rapport with this therapist. If ever you feel after a couple of sessions that it isn't progressing, reflect on that and ask yourself why you feel this way about it. It may be that you haven't found the right person, it may also be that you are holding back, even subconsciously... you alone will have the answers... but I hope you start seeing something good coming out of this soon.

 

Take good care of yourself, feed yourself on good stuff, stuff that helps you in this. Good food, good thoughts, good relationships... take care of yourself

 

Julz 

 

PS: I need to prepare for my counseling session today 

[[Be...]]

If I had a mother who talked to me like that I'd get the hell away from her.  Those words are verbally abusive.  No wonder you feel so bad.

[[No...]]

I did my first conversation with this woman yesterday, I did receive some tips, lets see what happens.

 

Oh! What great news, NotImportant! You are taking control and trying things! How did you feel during your first session? Did you feel interaction with this therapist was easy? Did you feel listened to? I'm glad you took away some tips already!

 

Now let's see, as you say...

 

Not everything happens at once, you need to build the rapport with the therapist, and in a way, with yourself inside of this process. A lot will happen subconsciously, let it unfold gently....  :thumbs-up:

 

I wish you lots of good things to come out of this, let us know how you get on 

 

I’ve moved back to apatment where I was alone, I wont go anywhere, perhaps just on the street. Mother came home

From

Work and out

Of blue said to me did you eat all 4 legs?

Then

She

Started you don’t have any boundaties, limits, nobody cant tell you anything, accept iz when its said to you,

These people are just sick, im afraid of them honestly. She was yelling, and

Said you got into a fight with your dad, you dont want to

Go on

Work, they always make me to

Feel this

Way, worthless well they try to and to say that only problem is in me and im

The

Only one

Who has to change. I cant go on anymore. Im thinking

Going back to cigaretes

I came back last night to sleep here at my mother's place. She called me, I feel so lost and what not else. So lost, ripped apart on all sides.

 

Now... it sounds like you've had another chaotic interaction with your mom, I'm sorry to hear about this, Not... so you had moved from your dad's place back to your own previous apartment? You were alone when your mum came to visit and she started yelling? do you know what your parents 'accuse' you of? Is it the same thing for your mum and dad? is it that they think you don't want to work and want to take advantage of your situation?...

 

What is that that your mum said to you, about eating '4 legs'? Four chicken legs, or something? Weren't you supposed to eat all four, perhaps that was your dad's dinner?...

 

You know, whatever they might be expressing right now, what is meant deep down might actually be different from what you hear through the words and tone they use. For instance, your mum could be yelling about your 'bad behavior' but actually pouring her self-doubt and guilt onto you, perhaps saying 'i'm scared, my son, I see you are not well, I see you are suffering, and I don't know how to help you. I am your mother, but I don't know how to help you... so let me focus on something rational like work, something that makes sense to me, a model of living I understand, a model of living the whole world can understand with me... let me focus on mental disorders being cured with pills, because that is reassuring in a way too...'. That's just an illustration, I am not saying this is what your mum thinks... you will never know either for sure, because that is all inside your mum's subconscious (mostly subconscious especially if she isn't connected inward much), but you can come up with your theories, and the purpose of that is to be able to find some alternative reading of those violent scenes where your parents 'attack' you. Seeing their suffering and doubt, not for the purpose of feeling sorry for them, but for the purpose of seeing that it is probably not simply about attacking you... so you feel more detached from those events, you don't engage emotionally with the same intensity and violence. Your reactions change, with yourself, with your parents. And in turn, if your reactions to your parents' attack change, the attacks may become less violent or less frequent... because they begin to notice change in you, even if they can't admit it because it stays subconscious... and so you enter a circle of virtue, and this is how one little change can have an incredible effect and spill-over onto some much better things.

 

As always, I hope this helps at least a little, Not.

 

Again, I'm really glad you took the first step with therapy, and really hope this is the beginning of a good rapport with this therapist. If ever you feel after a couple of sessions that it isn't progressing, reflect on that and ask yourself why you feel this way about it. It may be that you haven't found the right person, it may also be that you are holding back, even subconsciously... you alone will have the answers... but I hope you start seeing something good coming out of this soon.

 

Take good care of yourself, feed yourself on good stuff, stuff that helps you in this. Good food, good thoughts, good relationships... take care of yourself

 

Julz 

 

PS: I need to prepare for my counseling session today 

 

I feel just so terribly alone in this, because i am.

I did 3 sessions so far and have one more appointment, I dont know if I will continue, in my situtation nothing seems to help so much. This woman is okay, she gave me some tips on breathing, I practiced that, and I did feel listened to.

Let me try to explain something, when I came to this reply I avoided doing so for so many days because these anger just waits to lash out and to return to these posts, how to explain it better and these thoughts just waits for me to argue with my mother or somebody else. Nothing changes, intrusive thoughts, voice thoughts, nothing. I just get more frustration.

Thank you Julz, thanks everybody, Becks. For example returning to Becks post dont do me any favour also, I just cant handle this. And I wont get better.

Dont have a life, dont have anything. Im lost.

So thats why I didnt answer right away to this thread. I need to keep my crazy brain on mute and in calmness.

I dont have my own apartment, both those apartments are not my. I was previously with my mom and then moved to that apartment which is from my dad but he doesnt live there so I was alone, now Im here currently with my mom.  They are divorced. I made a mistake, didnt write correctly, 4 eggs, not 4 legs, Im sorry.

Yes after all, they think I wont work, my Mom thinks I got argument with my dad and dont want to go there. I just dont want to, I feel to much humiliated to go there ever again. Last days things are pretty quiet and ok, just the other day I mentioned something about my thougths and my mom said that that doesnt exist, so I gave up, I forgot I told myself I wont talk about my sxs at all in the outside world, but its too damn hard.

Thank you for this great advice, I will try. Its pretty calm now.

Take care Julz

 

 

 

 

 

[[...]]

I feel just so terribly alone in this, because i am.

I did 3 sessions so far and have one more appointment, I dont know if I will continue, in my situtation nothing seems to help so much. This woman is okay, she gave me some tips on breathing, I practiced that, and I did feel listened to.

Let me try to explain something, when I came to this reply I avoided doing so for so many days because these anger just waits to lash out and to return to these posts, how to explain it better and these thoughts just waits for me to argue with my mother or somebody else. Nothing changes, intrusive thoughts, voice thoughts, nothing. I just get more frustration.

Thank you Julz, thanks everybody, Becks. For example returning to Becks post dont do me any favour also, I just cant handle this. And I wont get better.

Dont have a life, dont have anything. Im lost.

So thats why I didnt answer right away to this thread. I need to keep my crazy brain on mute and in calmness.

I dont have my own apartment, both those apartments are not my. I was previously with my mom and then moved to that apartment which is from my dad but he doesnt live there so I was alone, now Im here currently with my mom.  They are divorced. I made a mistake, didnt write correctly, 4 eggs, not 4 legs, Im sorry.

Yes after all, they think I wont work, my Mom thinks I got argument with my dad and dont want to go there. I just dont want to, I feel to much humiliated to go there ever again. Last days things are pretty quiet and ok, just the other day I mentioned something about my thougths and my mom said that that doesnt exist, so I gave up, I forgot I told myself I wont talk about my sxs at all in the outside world, but its too damn hard.

Thank you for this great advice, I will try. Its pretty calm now.

Take care Julz

 

Hey there, NotImportant 

 

I totally understand, Buddy. Some things are just too much, too overwhelming, too triggering. And yes, sometimes it is best to not address those things head-on. Because we are not well-equipped enough, not ready, too much in the chaos of withdrawal still with all the symptoms... things have a way of blending into one another, of increasing tenfold when just added two by two. Protecting yourself is a very valid option, you know. It doesn't have to be the only option you choose always, as little by little you will see other paths and begin to feel you can take those too. But I think setting the foundations for YOU to be at least a bit 'more ok' is a good way to slowly get to that point where you can actually see better... but one step at a time.

 

Many on BBs wish to avoid talking about symptoms because they find the subject too triggering. I think that is one very valid way of dealing with the matter 

 

In addition to all the symptoms we have to contend with on a daily basis, there is a situation from hell in the fact that very few outside BBs can actually sympathise with withdrawal, the 'craziness' of its symptoms, the length of this process, the ups and downs for those who navigate through windows and waves... for most, this can't be real. Yet it is our reality, right now. Not always, but right now, it is. And that alone is so hard for us, because negating what we are currently going through is like denying a part of us - again, not us who we are, but our current reality. It takes so much work, self-talk, love and empathy towards ourselves in order to support ourselves in this current reality, that I think protecting this part of ourselves is a very valid choice indeed.

 

To add to everything about withdrawal, symptoms and this 'crazy' process... there are those relationships. Those alone can already be so much to deal with... it seems that in both our cases, we have our work cut out for ourselves.

 

So yes, take one thing at a time, and start by protecting yourself  :thumbs-up:

 

I have no doubt that in time, your world is going to expand again, NotImportant. It won't be limited to and constrained by your parents. And when that begins to happen, the power your parents hold on your well-being will slowly lift  That is one way I believe your situation will positively evolve, but I am sure there are lots of other ways that you will discover in your own time, in due time 

 

I hope this helps while also offering some hope too.

Just one last word before I wrap this up: it may feel this way, but you are not alone, NotImprtant. None of us are.

 

I wish you a better day today. Keep taking good care of yourself, and keep going one day at a time 

 

Julz

[[No...]]

Hi Julz

Yes, these things are too much at every cost and I can't handle it anymore.

I'm again thinking about moving on in that apartment where I can be alone, but can't even decide that. This hell seems to never get better.

Do you honestly see better or? But I understand if you don't want to trigger anything talking about like I do, we all I think.

I'm constantly on edge and frustrated. I stopped talking with this woman, at least I made I pause. She gave 4 sessions, thats how she works, she gave me some tips, I'm so in hurt that I can't remember to do actually those advices.

No one cares about us, out of people outside of this forum, that's what I see.

I'm not sure its just right now. I have lost everything and don't think it will stop there.

You too keep going, thank you for your nice words each time.

 

 

 

[[No...]]

If I had a mother who talked to me like that I'd get the hell away from her.  Those words are verbally abusive.  No wonder you feel so bad.

Where you will go away when you dont have your own place how would you do it? Both of them are the

Same. I had sister who was supportive before, she disappointed me during my worst. I have brother who is same like my mother, nobody cares. I could die in front of them, they wouldnt care more.

[[No...]]

I just had another terrible fight with my mother. Could she be called that? Person

Who wanted to put me into mental institution where crazy people are during my worst alongside with my brother. I will never forget them

That and forgive. Half an hour ago she said I attacked her. I lost it because I cant undersand how somebody can die(I), i mean on my sxs and that state and she and anybody else  doesnt see or want to see anything.  They are cruel and dont care a thing. I am talking about her because Im with her right now. I have nobody. I dont believe people recover.

[[or...]]

I'm again thinking about moving on in that apartment where I can be alone,

 

What's preventing you from doing this, Not?    Seems like a no-brainer to me.

 

Katz

[[No...]]

I dont know. Thoughts, other symptoms cant even mention. How I am gonna eat, always same meal, or two different. Too much all in once. On the other hand when I’m sick of it all and everybody in that moment i can do everything, after some time I begin to questioning it all.

[[...]]

I'm again thinking about moving on in that apartment where I can be alone,

 

What's preventing you from doing this, Not?    Seems like a no-brainer to me.

 

Katz

 

Hi NotImportant, Hi Katz! 

 

I'm on the same path right now: big step towards freedom on all levels. Comfort zones are so very misleading, this 'comfort' is just false pretext to not try something different. Our brains don't like change! Yet...   

[[...]]

I dont know. Thoughts, other symptoms cant even mention. How I am gonna eat, always same meal, or two different. Too much all in once. On the other hand when I’m sick of it all and everybody in that moment i can do everything, after some time I begin to questioning it all.

 

It is a little enigmatic but it sounds like something I know too. Do whatever helps you 'function' at least somewhat (cover the basics of hygiene, feeding yourself, etc through whatever strategies that keep you safe, clean, fed, etc) and let go of what people think. I know it's easier said than done, but it is about YOU getting YOURSELF through this. Until it gets easier, without all those coping strategies 

[[No...]]

I'm again thinking about moving on in that apartment where I can be alone,

 

What's preventing you from doing this, Not?    Seems like a no-brainer to me.

 

Katz

 

Hi NotImportant, Hi Katz! 

 

I'm on the same path right now: big step towards freedom on all levels. Comfort zones are so very misleading, this 'comfort' is just false pretext to not try something different. Our brains don't like change! Yet... 

Hi Julz If you can do it, go for it. But take it easy.

[[No...]]

I dont know. Thoughts, other symptoms cant even mention. How I am gonna eat, always same meal, or two different. Too much all in once. On the other hand when I’m sick of it all and everybody in that moment i can do everything, after some time I begin to questioning it all.

 

It is a little enigmatic but it sounds like something I know too. Do whatever helps you 'function' at least somewhat (cover the basics of hygiene, feeding yourself, etc through whatever strategies that keep you safe, clean, fed, etc) and let go of what people think. I know it's easier said than done, but it is about YOU getting YOURSELF through this. Until it gets easier, without all those coping strategies 

Thank you Julz I doubt it gets better, doubt it will happen. Take care od yourself and have a great day. Today I will talk with this woman again.