The Long Hold Support Group

[[Ma...]]

Trishy, love, this is withdrawal. I even had it before I started to taper. You just feel like you are in a movie playing the part of you. Everything looks like you haven’t seen it for years. You know what it is, but you don’t feel a connection to it. Feel like floating in a dream. Mine is subtle, but definitely something I notice. I kept searching for a word for it long before I knew Benzos were a problem. Be good to yourself, Esperanza

 

How are you today my dear Esperanza?  Did you talk to English last night?

[[Ma...]]

Popping in. Hi Everyone. Having another horrible day. Just need to rest, cry and wait it out.

 

Trishy, I think Gingermint has given you excellent advice there.

 

Love and Hugs to All.  Gilly xxx 💟💟💟

 

Love you English, I am getting over a migraine and my shoulders are giving me hell.  I tried a side exercise I found online the other day, don't think I did it exactly right and it annoyed my shoulders something fierce, hope that eases soon too.  Thinking about you and Tilly 🐱🐾🐾🐾.    🌷💐🌼🍀

[[Ma...]]

Intend, hope you are ok, please give us an update if anything new happens.  Love you my friend  🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🍀⚙️⛏🔨🐱🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾.      Mary

[[Tr...]]

Trishy,

 

My first introduction to derealization was with my concussion.  I was in a perpetual dream state and it was so weird.  It lasted for several months.  When I CTed off Ativan 6 months later it came back in spades.  I had to go back on the A and start tapering.  As you have found out, it is very common.

Mary is right, no more cuts now.  Next time we can figure out a lower percentage, maybe 3% of your current dose.  By cutting the same amount each time you increase the percentage with every cut.  For now your CNS needs to rebalance.  Be patient and hold and you will be yourself again.

 

We think perhaps we can fool our brains but it does catch up with us and some brains are more sensitive to changes than others.  We are each one unique so don't make comparisons to how fast someone else can go.

 

My best to all. G.

Thank you G, you've been so helpful to me. I appreciate your advice and your knowledge. I also envy your math super powers. I can't for the life of me figure out how reducing the same amount is actually increasing my reduction percentage.. I'm so mentally challenged when it comes to anything besides basic math 🤔 but I trust your math skills and I will go with what you say to do.

 

Thanks again you wonderful math wizard!

 

Love,

Trish

[[Tr...]]

Hey ladies,

I'm at the movies and I can't catch up on all the posts now but I'll be back later. My husband thought it would be good for me to get out after work.. He's trying to lift my spirits, he's a good guy.

 

Love you all,

Trish

[[In...]]

Intend, hope you are ok, please give us an update if anything new happens.  Love you my friend  🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🍀⚙️⛏🔨🐱🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾.      Mary

 

Things are so-so around here. Mary is still involved with that car accident. It seems that other person involved is fighting this. Mary’s  spoken to the adjuster several times, and she says she has no idea what her client said to the police. So Mary and Dan are going to get the police report, and then going to the tow yard to try to open the trunk of her car and get everything there out.

 

And yesterday, I got several new emails from Cathy that are not friendly at all, and I saw them early this morning. She is quite persistent in blaming me for her problems. It’s bordering on calling the authorities as in cyber stalking or harassment. So far I have not responded and most likely will not as its finally clear to me that she is not rational.

[[Ma...]]

Intend, hope you are ok, please give us an update if anything new happens.  Love you my friend  🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🍀⚙️⛏🔨🐱🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾.      Mary

 

Things are so-so around here. Mary is still involved with that car accident. It seems that other person involved is fighting this. Mary’s  spoken to the adjuster several times, and she says she has no idea what her client said to the police. So Mary and Dan are going to get the police report, and then going to the tow yard to try to open the trunk of her car and get everything there out.

 

And yesterday, I got several new emails from Cathy that are not friendly at all, and I saw them early this morning. She is quite persistent in blaming me for her problems. It’s bordering on calling the authorities as in cyber stalking or harassment. So far I have not responded and most likely will not as its finally clear to me that she is not rational.

 

Mary is smart bright woman, with smart boyfriend, they can figure that out.  You have you and Dan to take care of, plus Pepper, until maybe Cathy comes around.  I know you can't help but worry about her, try putting it in a box 📦.  And only let yourself have so much worry about that box a day. I know that sounds stupid but I have read in a lot of self help books, which believe me, at one time, I was devouring  .  I know you are shocked I needed them

[[In...]]

Mary,

 

I’m not that worried about Cathy right now. I am a little concerned about Dan and little Pepper, but those are usual concerns.

 

Cathy seems like she is literally screaming at me through those emails, so I’m holding off on any contact with her.

 

I do think Mary is very smart and so is Brad. When she got earlier, she had a lot of things figured out.

 

Well, you used all those books you read to learn, and you have learned so I’m not shocked a bit. 💚💛🧡❤️💜

[[Ma...]]

Mary,

 

I’m not that worried about Cathy right now. I am a little concerned about Dan and little Pepper, but those are usual concerns.

 

Cathy seems like she is literally screaming at me through those emails, so I’m holding off on any contact with her.

 

I do think Mary is very smart and so is Brad. When she got earlier, she had a lot of things figured out.

 

Well, you used all those books you read to learn, and you have learned so I’m not shocked a bit. 💚💛🧡❤️💜

 

:smitten:

[[Tr...]]

Popping in. Hi Everyone. Having another horrible day. Just need to rest, cry and wait it out.

 

Trishy, I think Gingermint has given you excellent advice there.

 

Love and Hugs to All.  Gilly xxx 💟💟💟

She has she's the bomb. com!

❤️

[[Tr...]]

Trishy, love, this is withdrawal. I even had it before I started to taper. You just feel like you are in a movie playing the part of you. Everything looks like you haven’t seen it for years. You know what it is, but you don’t feel a connection to it. Feel like floating in a dream. Mine is subtle, but definitely something I notice. I kept searching for a word for it long before I knew Benzos were a problem. Be good to yourself, Esperanza

Thanks E, you're such a love. As I think back it's like pieces of a puzzle coming together. I had lots of wd symtoms but never knew it was wd.. How stupid not to know?? But I didn't. My depression and memory were getting really bad..I would even take an extra Xanax at times bci was so depressed that I couldn't take feeling like that another minute, of course it didn't help bc my xanax was causing all this unbeknownst to me..uhggg...

The memory gaps are the most frightening besides the derealization and hindsight being 20/20 I think this has been going on for way longer than I originally thought.

 

Love to you my dear friend,

Trish

[[Ma...]]

Hey ladies,

I'm at the movies and I can't catch up on all the posts now but I'll be back later. My husband thought it would be good for me to get out after work.. He's trying to lift my spirits, he's a good guy.

 

Love you all,

Trish

 

He is a good guy, you tell him, we all think he is wonderful  .  Have some Popcorn 🍿 for me 🌻

[[Tr...]]

Hey ladies,

I'm at the movies and I can't catch up on all the posts now but I'll be back later. My husband thought it would be good for me to get out after work.. He's trying to lift my spirits, he's a good guy.

 

Love you all,

Trish

 

He is a good guy, you tell him, we all think he is wonderful  .  Have some Popcorn 🍿 for me 🌻

Hey sweet D, I ate enough popcorn for the both of us believe me lol!! He really is a great guy, quiet and very kind. We're total opposites which is why I think our marriage works all these years. His even, good natured personality with my tumultuous one balances us out I think 🤔😂😂

 

Love you lady,

Trish

[[In...]]

So ladies, I think I'm going to only taper once or twice at the most per month, I've met my quota for this month , after having that meltdown in the tub and finding out I'm experiencing depersonalization, well that's enough for me to put the breaks on the taper.

 

Trish,

 

Just wanted to give you a quick explanation of those increasing percentage rates.

 

When I look at your signature, you go from 1.5 mg to 1.4375 mg. That @.0416% drop taking away .0625 mg.

 

Then 1.4375 mg becomes your new “baseline.” And you take away .0625 mg again from the 1.4375 mg. And that’s @.0435% drop. So that’s the new baseline again. And from the 1.4375 mg, take away .0625 mg again and that’s  @.0454% drop. And lastly, you’re at 1.3125 mg, and you take away .0625 mg, and that’s @0478% drop and you’re now at 1.25 mg.

 

Overall, your baseline amount drops, but the percentage increases which is shown by more intense w/d sx. This is what Gingermint means.

 

Yes, you are lowering your daily dose amount, but doing it by decreasing at the same amount (.0625 mg) so the  percentage goes up.  Ginger will try to lower the amount you’re taking away so the percentage doesn’t go up as much.

 

I hope that makes sense because your are smart and this is basic math. Right? 💟💟💟 🌺 🌸

[[Ma...]]

Hey ladies,

I'm at the movies and I can't catch up on all the posts now but I'll be back later. My husband thought it would be good for me to get out after work.. He's trying to lift my spirits, he's a good guy.

 

Love you all,

Trish

 

He is a good guy, you tell him, we all think he is wonderful  .  Have some Popcorn 🍿 for me 🌻

Hey sweet D, I ate enough popcorn for the both of us believe me lol!! He really is a great guy, quiet and very kind. We're total opposites which is why I think our marriage works all these years. His even, good natured personality with my tumultuous one balances us out I think 🤔😂😂

 

Love you lady,

Trish

 

Tim and I are a lot like that too, and we are wonderful friends. We can spend days on end together and never say a cross word.  He is my rock, I couldn't do this without him

[[Ma...]]

So ladies, I think I'm going to only taper once or twice at the most per month, I've met my quota for this month , after having that meltdown in the tub and finding out I'm experiencing depersonalization, well that's enough for me to put the breaks on the taper.

 

Trish,

 

Just wanted to give you a quick explanation of those increasing percentage rates.

 

When I look at your signature, you go from 1.5 mg to 1.4375 mg. That @.0416% drop taking away .0625 mg.

 

Then 1.4375 mg becomes your new “baseline.” And you take away .0625 mg again from the 1.4375 mg. And that’s @.0435% drop. So that’s the new baseline again. And from the 1.4375 mg, take away .0625 mg again and that’s  @.0454% drop. And lastly, you’re at 1.3125 mg, and you take away .0625 mg, and that’s @0478% drop and you’re now at 1.25 mg.

 

Overall, your baseline amount drops, but the percentage increases which is shown by more intense w/d sx. This is what Gingermint means.

 

Yes, you are lowering your daily dose amount, but doing it by decreasing at the same amount (.0625 mg) so the  percentage goes up.  Ginger will try to lower the amount you’re taking away so the percentage doesn’t go up as much.

 

I hope that makes sense because your are smart and this is basic math. Right? 💟💟💟 🌺 🌸

.

 

I also wrote you one of these today but I just couldn't explain it as well and didn't want you to be more confused so I erased it.  Now you have Intend, grab her til you get it

[[Tr...]]

So ladies, I think I'm going to only taper once or twice at the most per month, I've met my quota for this month , after having that meltdown in the tub and finding out I'm experiencing depersonalization, well that's enough for me to put the breaks on the taper.

 

Trish,

 

Just wanted to give you a quick explanation of those increasing percentage rates.

 

When I look at your signature, you go from 1.5 mg to 1.4375 mg. That @.0416% drop taking away .0625 mg.

 

Then 1.4375 mg becomes your new “baseline.” And you take away .0625 mg again from the 1.4375 mg. And that’s @.0435% drop. So that’s the new baseline again. And from the 1.4375 mg, take away .0625 mg again and that’s  @.0454% drop. And lastly, you’re at 1.3125 mg, and you take away .0625 mg, and that’s @0478% drop and you’re now at 1.25 mg.

 

Overall, your baseline amount drops, but the percentage increases which is shown by more intense w/d sx. This is what Gingermint means.

 

Yes, you are lowering your daily dose amount, but doing it by decreasing at the same amount (.0625 mg) so the  percentage goes up.  Ginger will try to lower the amount you’re taking away so the percentage doesn’t go up as much.

 

I hope that makes sense because your are smart and this is basic math. Right? 💟💟💟 🌺 🌸

You're a doll intend, yes it makes sense now bc my baseline keeps lowering but my reduction percentage doesn't change so I'm actually increasing my reduction to baseline ratio and so the amount I reduce from baseline goes up in percentage?? 🤪..uhggg math! Just the word gives me anxiety. That's what I get for playing with dolls instead of building toys when I was little Lol!! Simply no head for math at all..

 

Thank you my dear friend for helping me out, even if above doesn't make sense I'm pretty sure I understand it now

 

Love you,

Trish

[[Tr...]]

Can anyone answer this? It's been 3 weeks since my last cut and I've been experiencing horrible anxiety, headaches which is new, I'm not a headache sufferer. I thought the blood pressure cuff I wore for 24 hrs hurt me in some way and caused that horrible migraine that hit me out of the blue last week. I'm also experiencing involuntary twitching at night when I'm on the couch.. So the question is why am I experiencing wd sxs a couple to a few weeks after the last cut? Is it cumulative?

[[In...]]

Trish,

 

It could be cumulative since it seems you are moving a little faster than before. Cuts will accumulate when you taper faster and/or by too much.

 

Really you’ve done very well here, so just hold longer than 3 weeks.

 

When I cut, it’s a pull on a syringe, and I let the sx hit me first, before I start counting my hold days.

 

So say I do the pull on day 1, wait for the sx to hit which at most @week, and I start counting the days afterwards as my hold time. For all I know, my sx might hit me longer that a week in, and take longer to resolve than they usually have.

 

I’ve been “tossed” around so much with all these generic changes, anything is possible.

 

Well, jumping in shower before it’s time for bed. Actually, it’s only 6:30pm here, but you all go to bed early because of all these nutty time zones, and I’m a night owl 🦉 and an early bird 🦅 at the same time.

[[Ma...]]

Trish,

 

It could be cumulative since it seems you are moving a little faster than before. Cuts will accumulate when you taper faster and/or by too much.

 

Really you’ve done very well here, so just hold longer than 3 weeks.

 

When I cut, it’s a pull on a syringe, and I let the sx hit me first, before I start counting my hold days.

 

So say I do the pull on day 1, wait for the sx to hit which at most @week, and I start counting the days afterwards as my hold time. For all I know, my sx might hit me longer that a week in, and take longer to resolve than they usually have.

 

I’ve been “tossed” around so much with all these generic changes, anything is possible.

 

That sounds like a good plan Intend.  I may give that some thought 

[[Ma...]]

Good night everyone.  Love you all. Sleep well

 

 

Stut, we love and miss you.  Please take care of yourself.  Love to sis, Muff, Daisy, and Socks.

 

Seen any dragons 🐉 🐉🐉🐉🐉🐉🐉.  Getting closer everyday   

 

Love you our Queen.......Lady Mary 🐱🐕🐶🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾

[[Ca...]]

Hi Guys,

Just a quick visit while I can...  Sorry, I havnt kept up with the thread, -as usual...

 

Im surviving ok, but it hasnt been pretty, -kinda an odd way to put it, but the SX havnt been brutal, just deabilitating, particularly with communication and/or thinking and reading.. The headaches from the first couple of weeks have nearly gone, as have several things, -muscle cramps, joint pain, etc..

Perhaps the fatigue has even eased up a bit...?

 

Anyways, I hope you are all holding up ok yourselves, and I will catch up when I can..

 

My best wishes...

🐢.....

  Oh there you are l was about to head for Australia with lady Mary 😀. So glad to hear you are holding your own and things are settling down l hope everything eases off in the near future.How are the boys doing?

  I have reached 1 mg so will be holding until after Easter have to say the lower l go the more intense the symptoms however my thinking is a lot clearer and my driving is a lot less risky.l didn't even know they had been affected at all so there you go.

  Keep in touch if you can we miss you here and we all worry when you disappear l miss the exclamation marks especially 😁.

  Love to you my lovely mate.

  Love and hugs Stut X

Hi Stut,

Yes, we are all good here.. kids out at the rodeo tonight, so quiet here...

 

Thats good news on your tapering, even though its still rough... I was at 0.25v before the brain freshness started to appear..

 

Keep up the good work, you are getting there...

 

***

A big HI to Everyone.. Sorry its rough days for many of you..

Trish, -Hang in there, -As of your last post, I think your on the right track.. -Give things a bit of time to settle..

🐢.....

 

 

[[St...]]

Good night everyone.  Love you all. Sleep well

 

 

Stut, we love and miss you.  Please take care of yourself.  Love to sis, Muff, Daisy, and Socks.

 

Seen any dragons 🐉 🐉🐉🐉🐉🐉🐉.  Getting closer everyday   

 

Love you our Queen.......Lady Mary 🐱🐕🐶🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾

  Love you and miss you too my lovely friend l haven't time to catch up here just wanted to pop in to wish you and everyone a better day.l am being kept on my toes here which isn't always good but sis is making steady progress so that was the plan.The pups miss their Auntie so sending you a massive hug.l am still struggling but what can you do this too shall pass.l just wish it would piss off and leave me alone 😀. Anyhoo have a good weekend my love and tell my boys l was asking about them.

Love you my lady Mary X

  Free as always thinking of you and hoping one day you get some ease . love you my lovely friend.

  Trish my twiny you have been struggling for a while now so please hold and don't push on any further.l know you want off this poison but try not to go down the rabbit hole in the meantime.l have had dp on and off before and during my taper it is shit but like all the withdrawal symptoms it will pass.l know your headache coincided with the BP cuff but remember how stressed you were l believe you had a tension headache.l have maths dyslexia so if you are unsure of your percentage intend or G will help you my love also Google will give you percentages so try not to get ahead of yourself.Love you twiny.

Esperanza l am so sad to read you have this worry on top of everything else.l know you are getting everything checked over and l am thinking of you my love.Please hang in there and I hope everything comes back normal.love you my hillbilly friend.

  Gilly horrible to see you struggling however you will get through this as you have so many times before.Hang in there my love.love you.

Intend you have had your fair share of trouble l do hope Mary gets this car business sorted out.As for Cathy l think she really does need professional help however that takes time.Just let her vent and don't react she really does sound very unstable so you will just be adding fuel to the fire responding.l will be thinking of you and l do hope things settle down for you soon.love to you.

  Love and hugs Stut X

[[St...]]

Hi Guys,

Just a quick visit while I can...  Sorry, I havnt kept up with the thread, -as usual...

 

Im surviving ok, but it hasnt been pretty, -kinda an odd way to put it, but the SX havnt been brutal, just deabilitating, particularly with communication and/or thinking and reading.. The headaches from the first couple of weeks have nearly gone, as have several things, -muscle cramps, joint pain, etc..

Perhaps the fatigue has even eased up a bit...?

 

Anyways, I hope you are all holding up ok yourselves, and I will catch up when I can..

 

My best wishes...

🐢.....

  Oh there you are l was about to head for Australia with lady Mary 😀. So glad to hear you are holding your own and things are settling down l hope everything eases off in the near future.How are the boys doing?

  I have reached 1 mg so will be holding until after Easter have to say the lower l go the more intense the symptoms however my thinking is a lot clearer and my driving is a lot less risky.l didn't even know they had been affected at all so there you go.

  Keep in touch if you can we miss you here and we all worry when you disappear l miss the exclamation marks especially 😁.

  Love to you my lovely mate.

  Love and hugs Stut X

Hi Stut,

Yes, we are all good here.. kids out at the rodeo tonight, so quiet here...

 

Thats good news on your tapering, even though its still rough... I was at 0.25v before the brain freshness started to appear..

 

Keep up the good work, you are getting there...

 

***

A big HI to Everyone.. Sorry its rough days for many of you..

Trish, -Hang in there, -As of your last post, I think your on the right track.. -Give things a bit of time to settle..

🐢.....

  And why are you not at the rodeo 🤔?

Can't rough is putting it mildly l am absolutely feeling crappy but you know what l will get through as you have.l don't know how you have kept going but you have taught me to keep moving forward.

  Have you decided when you are going to taper your opiod or is it just wait and see time?

  Love and hugs Stut X

 

[[Ma...]]

Good night everyone.  Love you all. Sleep well

 

 

Stut, we love and miss you.  Please take care of yourself.  Love to sis, Muff, Daisy, and Socks.

 

Seen any dragons 🐉 🐉🐉🐉🐉🐉🐉.  Getting closer everyday   

 

Love you our Queen.......Lady Mary 🐱🐕🐶🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾

  Love you and miss you too my lovely friend l haven't time to catch up here just wanted to pop in to wish you and everyone a better day.l am being kept on my toes here which isn't always good but sis is making steady progress so that was the plan.The pups miss their Auntie so sending you a massive hug.l am still struggling but what can you do this too shall pass.l just wish it would piss off and leave me alone 😀. Anyhoo have a good weekend my love and tell my boys l was asking about them.

Love you my lady Mary X

  Free as always thinking of you and hoping one day you get some ease . love you my lovely friend.

  Trish my twiny you have been struggling for a while now so please hold and don't push on any further.l know you want off this poison but try not to go down the rabbit hole in the meantime.l have had dp on and off before and during my taper it is shit but like all the withdrawal symptoms it will pass.l know your headache coincided with the BP cuff but remember how stressed you were l believe you had a tension headache.l have maths dyslexia so if you are unsure of your percentage intend or G will help you my love also Google will give you percentages so try not to get ahead of yourself.Love you twiny.

Esperanza l am so sad to read you have this worry on top of everything else.l know you are getting everything checked over and l am thinking of you my love.Please hang in there and I hope everything comes back normal.love you my hillbilly friend.

  Gilly horrible to see you struggling however you will get through this as you have so many times before.Hang in there my love.love you.

Intend you have had your fair share of trouble l do hope Mary gets this car business sorted out.As for Cathy l think she really does need professional help however that takes time.Just let her vent and don't react she really does sound very unstable so you will just be adding fuel to the fire responding.l will be thinking of you and l do hope things settle down for you soon.love to you.

  Love and hugs Stut X

 

Hey you!  Are you still here?  I will dash to the Village just in case.......