The Long Hold Support Group

[[Tr...]]

Mary did you get some glasses today? How about lunch with Tim, did you have a nice time out?

[[Ma...]]

Mary did you get some glasses today? How about lunch with Tim, did you have a nice time out?

 

Yes I did, one pair has to be sent off for a special coating, second pair I get tomorrow.

 

Then to lunch, a nice Mexican Restaurant, I had been to before, but Tim never had, he loved it.

 

Then to Toyota place, I will be getting a new small SUV soon, mine is getting too big for me.  It's a 2020 Rav 4 and they have really improved the look.

 

My back was killing me by the time we got home, mercy......took a nap with some heat and it helped.

That was rough, whew.....

[[Tr...]]

Mary did you get some glasses today? How about lunch with Tim, did you have a nice time out?

 

Yes I did, one pair has to be sent off for a special coating, second pair I get tomorrow.

 

Then to lunch, a nice Mexican Restaurant, I had been to before, but Tim never had, he loved it.

 

Then to Toyota place, I will be getting a new small SUV soon, mine is getting too big for me.  It's a 2020 Rav 4 and they have really improved the look.

 

My back was killing me by the time we got home, mercy......took a nap with some heat and it helped.

That was rough, whew.....

That's good D, at least you'll have a pair tomorrow. 😊

Rich loves Mexican I do not and he loves Chinese, I love Italian food and it loves me back

 

Sounds like you had a nice day out other than your back bothering you, hope that pain is gone.. I used to drive a Rav 4 and now I drive a Nissan rogue. I can't drive anything but an SUV. Especially with living in the North East for weather. Hope you like your new SUV 😁

[[Tr...]]

Well I think I'll read for awhile on my Kindle, hope you have a good night D.

 

Good night LHSG, wishing everyone a better tomorrow.

 

Love to all,

Trish 💖

[[Ma...]]

Well I think I'll read for awhile on my Kindle, hope you have a good night D.

 

Good night LHSG, wishing everyone a better tomorrow.

 

Love to all,

Trish 💖

 

Nite Trishy 

[[Li...]]

Hey guys

Haven’t read posts today. Hope everyone is ok.

 

I’m in trouble. Probably shouldn’t have cut when not stable. I’m in a bad way. Only cut .02 ml over the last 2 nights. Chemical anxiety over the top. Migraine. Brain pressure. Little sleep with 2 am terror. Body aches. Wobbly legs. Can barely walk. Numb from the knees down. Tinnitus screaming. Head pressure. Very limited vision in my left eye, pressure in both. Etc

 

Don’t know what to do. I hate this shit. Do I keep tapering and get off? My husband doesn’t believe that tiny amt can make a difference. I’m here to tell you it can. I don’t want to updose. Haven’t been stable since 19 mg. Holding 7 mo didn’t work. What do I do?  T Y Lil

[[Ma...]]

Hey guys

Haven’t read posts today. Hope everyone is ok.

 

I’m in trouble. Probably shouldn’t have cut when not stable. I’m in a bad way. Only cut .02 ml over the last 2 nights. Chemical anxiety over the top. Migraine. Brain pressure. Little sleep with 2 am terror. Body aches. Wobbly legs. Can barely walk. Numb from the knees down. Tinnitus screaming. Head pressure. Very limited vision in my left eye, pressure in both. Etc

 

Don’t know what to do. I hate this shit. Do I keep tapering and get off? My husband doesn’t believe that tiny amt can make a difference. I’m here to tell you it can. I don’t want to updose. Haven’t been stable since 19 mg. Holding 7 mo didn’t work. What do I do?  T Y Lil

 

Lil, Valium does have such a long life, it is early for you to be feeling any symptoms from those cuts.  I am not saying you aren't, just that it would be awfully fast.  You are still on over 10 mgs .  I can't answer every question because benzo's are just so unpredictable.  Let me go read your signature again real quick.  Brb

[[Ma...]]

Hey guys

Haven’t read posts today. Hope everyone is ok.

 

I’m in trouble. Probably shouldn’t have cut when not stable. I’m in a bad way. Only cut .02 ml over the last 2 nights. Chemical anxiety over the top. Migraine. Brain pressure. Little sleep with 2 am terror. Body aches. Wobbly legs. Can barely walk. Numb from the knees down. Tinnitus screaming. Head pressure. Very limited vision in my left eye, pressure in both. Etc

 

Don’t know what to do. I hate this shit. Do I keep tapering and get off? My husband doesn’t believe that tiny amt can make a difference. I’m here to tell you it can. I don’t want to updose. Haven’t been stable since 19 mg. Holding 7 mo didn’t work. What do I do?  T Y Lil

 

Lil, Valium does have such a long life, it is early for you to be feeling any symptoms from those cuts.  I am not saying you aren't, just that it would be awfully fast.  You are still on over 10 mgs .  I can't answer every question because benzo's are just so unpredictable.  Let me go read your signature again real quick.  Brb

 

So you weren't stable on the Ativan, crossover to 19 Valium, there you felt okay, then you rushed down, got sick, had to take antibiotics and have basically held for 6 months or more.  You can try holding again but I am really not too hopeful.  Have you had anything that resembles a lessening of symptoms during that time?  I would keep coming down, it doesn't have to be a daily micro taper, it can be every other day, mine is not an everyday.  Keep trying for a few weeks, then if you are positive it is tapering causing the symptoms getting worse, you can hold again.  I don't think you can say for sure these were from this taper because you have been getting worse and not tapering.  Yours is a tough one.  What was your dose of Ativan when you crossed in Valium equivalency?  And did you cross over slowly?  Sorry for all the questions, just trying to think it all through 

[[Li...]]

Mary,

It Was a 3 wk C/O -1.5 mg Ativan and 1.3 mg lunesta to 19 mg Valium. No holding period after that. Just kept reducing to 11 mg by Jan. That was per the schedule set up for me by BB, Ashton method.

I wish I’d have figured out out to use this forum in my confused state. I didn’t understand the DLMT.

 

And my symptoms are definitely from the cut. I’ve had bad days all along, but this is over the top.

I feel same as Chin and Espy. Every tiny cut effects them. I have had a few hours of partial windows though. But never good. I push myself because I have to. But today- no way. Honestly, I felt better after the pneumonia cleared up in January than I do now. Holding gave me no stability. A benzo has never agreed with me. I guess Valium is no different. I don’t think it could be much worse just going CT at this point.

 

I hope I don’t come off as too crabby, but I am. I’m sick. I’m scared. I’m so over this.

Thanks Mary

Sorry. I can’t think.

[[Ma...]]

Mary,

It Was a 3 wk C/O -1.5 mg Ativan and 1.3 mg lunesta to 19 mg Valium. No holding period after that. Just kept reducing to 11 mg by Jan. That was per the schedule set up for me by BB, Ashton method.

I wish I’d have figured out out to use this forum in my confused state. I didn’t understand the DLMT.

 

And my symptoms are definitely from the cut. I’ve had bad days all along, but this is over the top.

I feel same as Chin and Espy. Every tiny cut effects them. I have had a few hours of partial windows though. But never good. I push myself because I have to. But today- no way. Honestly, I felt better after the pneumonia cleared up in January than I do now. Holding gave me no stability. A benzo has never agreed with me. I guess Valium is no different. I don’t think it could be much worse just going CT at this point.

 

I hope I don’t come off as too crabby, but I am. I’m sick. I’m scared. I’m so over this.

Thanks Mary

Sorry. I can’t think.

 

You don't have to apologize, this will make you crabby.  It sucks and it is so hard because everything effects everything and everyone differently.  You are still at a much higher dose than Esperanza and Chin, a lot of people have to do more than 1 taper.  builder did three , begood has done three. Lots of people.  Knowing what you know now, would you consider going back to 19, hold there and start back down using all the things you know.

I am truly just guessing here, the reason you felt good on the 19 mgs was because it was higher than you needed and might have worked if you had known how to taper, which none of us do, until we have screwed up several times and just stumble into a way that works for us.  I know Stut will look this over, see if she has other ideas.  Love, Mary ♥️

[[Li...]]

I don’t know if I want to do that. I hate to start back at 19. Valium has made me so depressed, fatigued and nauseous. If I could be guaranteed an updose would work, I might try it. But it could ultimately make things so much worse. I don’t know at this point if it’s wd, or just the Valium itself making me sick. I know others were sick all the way down. I know Bella was. Maybe I should contact her. I’d also like stut’s input. And if Intend is reading...

It’s just been so many years Mary of feeling so horrible. I really don’t know how much more I can take. 4 yrs of DP/ DR and every physical and mental symptom there is. My head feels like it’s in a vice. And my body feels like it got run over by a Mac truck. My hair is falling out again. My skin looks like a 90 yr old. I feel like acid poured on my brain and poison running through my blood- a sick, burning chemical anxiety.

Thanks Mary. 💜 I do appreciate your time and input. ❤️❤️

 

[[Ma...]]

I don’t know if I want to do that. I hate to start back at 19. Valium has made me so depressed, fatigued and nauseous. If I could be guaranteed an updose would work, I might try it. But it could ultimately make things so much worse. I don’t know at this point if it’s wd, or just the Valium itself making me sick. I know others were sick all the way down. I know Bella was. Maybe I should contact her. I’d also like stut’s input. And if Intend is reading...

It’s just been so many years Mary of feeling so horrible. I really don’t know how much more I can take. 4 yrs of DP/ DR and every physical and mental symptom there is. My head feels like it’s in a vice. And my body feels like it got run over by a Mac truck. My hair is falling out again. My skin looks like a 90 yr old. I feel like acid poured on my brain and poison running through my blood- a sick, burning chemical anxiety.

Thanks Mary. 💜 I do appreciate your time and input. ❤️❤️

 

Intend, my friend.....we need some help here if you are feeling okay, in time morning is fine, we need some input from you and Stut, this is hard one

[[Ma...]]

Good night LHSG.....sleep well :smitten:

 

 

 

Morning my Queen, Lil needs some help, I have wracked my brain, need you and hopefully Intend to hop in here.  Love you my Queen, Lady Mary 🍀🍀🍀🍀🍀🍀

[[Li...]]

Good night Mary

Thanks a bunch xx

[[Ma...]]

Good night Mary

Thanks a bunch xx

 

Night Lil, we will do  all we can I promise ♥️

[[Li...]]

Ok. I know you will. Woke at 12 trembling. 2 hrs sleep. Ugh

[[va...]]

Hey guys

Haven’t read posts today. Hope everyone is ok.

 

I’m in trouble. Probably shouldn’t have cut when not stable. I’m in a bad way. Only cut .02 ml over the last 2 nights. Chemical anxiety over the top. Migraine. Brain pressure. Little sleep with 2 am terror. Body aches. Wobbly legs. Can barely walk. Numb from the knees down. Tinnitus screaming. Head pressure. Very limited vision in my left eye, pressure in both. Etc

 

Don’t know what to do. I hate this shit. Do I keep tapering and get off? My husband doesn’t believe that tiny amt can make a difference. I’m here to tell you it can. I don’t want to updose. Haven’t been stable since 19 mg. Holding 7 mo didn’t work. What do I do?  T Y Lil

 

Hi Lilgma. I'm so sorry to read that your feeling so poorly. I understand these symptoms and the chemical anxiety and terror is the worst thing. I know you'll be well advised by the veteran members of the group. However if you asked me and after the months I'm going through, I would totally cancel the cut, go back to the previous dose, and hold again for as long as it takes. I'd rather be on valium for like than live with chemical anxiety and terror 24/7. But maybe that's just me and you're stronger than I am and can live with it. I hope whatever you decide works well for you.

 

Oh, I'm just reading your last message and see you were trembling and only 2 nights sleep. Do you think some of us should just stay on the benzo forever, period? I'm never wanting to let my daughter see me so badly again (I hope plain tolerance doesn't send you into acute WD). IDK, I feel if we can taper safely and the sxs are tolerable fine, but for some people I just doubt it's worth it. Just a thought.

[[Li...]]

Thanks V

Things were starting to get worse without cutting. I held for 6-7 mo. I don’t even know what a stable dose would be. I don’t really want to go back to the beginning. I don’t know what to do. I’m just so tired. Can’t think. I’m afraid adding more drug into the mix may make things worse. I think too many drug changes got me into this mess. And updosing is no guarantee. What if it makes things worse?

 

How are you feeling? Are you finally getting some sleep?

[[St...]]

Morning Lil l am only on for a minute sweetheart now you are 100% right in what you have said regarding the meds and your history.l believe your history etc have definitely had a profound impact on your withdrawal.l know you have never been well on valium which means that you are between a rock and a hard place.ln my mind you have only one option and that is off.Now you can do that in a controlled way or do as Esperanza has done and just keep going.l wish to God l had another option for you my lovely however sometimes there isn't one.

  I know this is hell on earth and l wish l could tell you to do other things however you have held and you are getting worse so l think that tells me you have to get off this poison.

  Please know that l will be here for you sweetheart however to do this you are going to have to have good support with you.

  I am sorry this is rushed but know we will support you whatever you decide to do.

  Now if you get well before your viruses etc that is a different story l would updose to that amount and forget about tapering for at least a year however l think you said you never felt well on these drugs.

  Try to not panic sweetheart you will get through this l know this feels hopeless but you will get off and heal we just have to work out the best way to do that.

  Love to you

  Love and hugs Stut X

 

[[St...]]

Good morning LHSG hoping everyone has a better day.This is only a quick pop in to wish you all a withdrawal free day.

  Love and hugs Stut X

[[Li...]]

Thank you Stut. Yes. Need to figure out how.

Love and hugs to you!

[[Tr...]]

Hey Lil, sorry you're feeling so bad. I hate this, I really hate this. I read about your struggles and I'm in tears. What these drugs have done to us is inhuman. I'm scared and terrified. I believe my taper resulted in these extra pvc's I'm having and had to updose. Now I have to re taper what I struggled so damn hard to get rid of. I feel hopeless this morning of ever getting off this drug, I'm overwhelmed with this and all the problems it's caused me. I feel your pain Lil. I wish I could help you but the others who are more benzo wise have given you the best advice. I didn't know builder started over 3 times in his taper. What I'd like to know is how he successfully got off his drug bc I'm tempted to try what worked for him after I get my heart troubles figured out.

Crying for all of us this morning 😭

 

Love,

Trish 💞💞

[[va...]]

Good morning Stut

You are a sweetheart-

Yep. I did it. Like for you, I think it’s just going to be a rough ride til the end. Holding did me no favors. Just gave me more time to obsess about the inevitable.

 

I dread hair appts, but I love my stylist. It’s always a therapy session for me. She’s got a different form of brain injury but with similar symptoms. We can share our experiences or not, and just talk and laugh.

Enjoy your walk with sis. She’s lucky to have you.

 

It doesn’t matter how old our children get. There’s always something to worry about. It doesn’t stop when they turn 18. Once a mother, always a mother. Hugs 💕Lil

 

Lilgma how are you doing now after the 0.2 mg cut? Are  you still having many symptoms and what are they? BTW in your signature you say you cut in May but I think you cut in June? I hope you're doing a bit better, you've been so sweet to me in my darkest hours. Today I was feeling a little better but I guess it's one of those windows and hell will come back anytime, who knows. Because it's soon for the updose to do anything I guess (considering NONE of the "rescue doses did anything, I don't see how two days updosing would). Are you doing anything fun for the weekend or are your symptoms keeping you at home? I went to the sunbed and now I'll check my online dating app that I usually ignore completely, but I've realized I'm going to need to get a SO if I ever want to start tapering again  I'll mention it on the first date so that they know what they're getting into  :laugh:

[[fr...]]

Me too Trishy.  I’m so tired of it all, no way out for me.  :'(

[[Ma...]]

Me too Trishy.  I’m so tired of it all, no way out for me.  :'(

 

Please don't say that my free  . I love you so much  :'(.  Please hold on, Mary ♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️