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Hei all, it's been now close to 8 months, and quite honestly forgot this place and benzos all together, so just final words for those thinking or starting CT, as you'll get there.

Now I can blankly still remember, day this year mid of March where I realized I'm out of luck scoring benzos, been on em for well over ten years, never scripted, so dark markets etc. As many started using them for anxiety but in years it grew as popping one at least couple hours, few for sleep, and so on, went as high as 10mg Xanax a day to eventually in last year's taking around 20-40mg valium on daily basis, fair to say not an hour passed thinking if I had enough pills for day week month.


Anyhow once I realized I'm not getting easily them anymore I was stuck with 10 tablets, that would been like 2-3 day supply.


I tried to quit every year at least once in past three years, never lasting past a week, wds are horrible. Not sure what changed this time was it knowing I can get them or just a good timing finished my season job, covid still was rife, had couple months.


And sure enough took the plunge, lasted maybe 3 days before having horrible anxiety and first pill was taken, did the math if I could space em out week apart dosing once would last me couple months. Was active here, and first two weeks were horrible, barely any sleep, tired minute I'm awake, did bare minimum days spent holding my head just watching YouTube or movies to distract.


After 3-4 weeks, one day said sure you can last a week why not making it 8 days before taking that 5mg tab, that turned into ten days two weeks. Think around two month mark I was already fully clean full month.


That said symptoms were all over the place, like listing all would be insane, but most horrible were ones that would show, extreme weakness, my legs felt either numb or extremely tight, had episodes where I felt like my heart was shaking my entire body, just by standing in a que for 2 minutes, self conscious, memory glitches, couldn't remember things I've done a minute ago, question even if I did something, driving felt like my foot will jump of brake pedal while at traffic lights, extremely foggy, can't keep attention, mood went completely away think it was 3 months before I had a genuine laugh.


Anyhow some symptoms stuck for months, other went away in days and replaced by some other fears, anxiety, brain felt numb, couldn't think.


What really saved me was having no job at the time, and close to 0 daily outings and responsibilities, anything I'd do shopping, or out would plan it not to last more then few minutes.


Around 3 months any thinking of benzos was gone, wasn't even a question I need a pill anymore, I forgot them, funny enough I'd have dreams still where I'd see em , but once awake you realize it's just years of habit and addiction playing tricks.

I think last couple months is where I truly healed, life became everyday things, sleep eat work again, laugh be moody, my original anxiety returned at about 10% but nowadays it's just overthinking and being to focus and realizing much of it is just in the head, all symptoms went away, resorted my strength sleep.

Like entire life gained new meaning as at first questioned how did I manage to go decade on drugs daily, how I've missed years of things I've done, events and how careless I was doing so.


I don't want to highlight much of symptoms that I went trough again here, but 99% of them were caused by brains making reality EOF everything at the time, if ur legs twitches it does, not because u have something but because brain will do everything to convince its happening, but amazingly our brains are so powerful that they will make you suffer so bad, but not over the line where your dead, I've spent hours thinking world is ending close to panic attack for no reason then you look at the mirror and nothing it's just you standing there alone, ur in one part, nothing is flying or falling, a glimpse of everything being still even thou brain at the time would be screaming ur In a jet plane..


It's the craziest ride I've experienced in my life, but unlike drugs or benzos it's one where in weeks and months you become literally better yourself, like I'm in control of my mood things I do, how I approach situation, no drugs no mind altering, just facing every situation way it plays out.


Now I've gotten lucky, having time off early on, managing to CT completely within month. I did have early on situations where stress from others, made me literally debate on taking pills as things got out of hand, but once you taste those couple weeks being clean, then rest becomes, not I need immediate relief, but despite everything can I do another day without them, which in my case resulted yes despite everything..


Taking first few months slow and one thing at a time, without overwhelming myself was crucial, as outside if someone looks at you they will hardly notii anything wrong but I side I had moments where I barely could stand while talking to someone, it's like legs giving up any moment.


But for everything I've went trough all the bad has subsided and went away, in a such way where it seems it bothered me so long then month later you think what was it that I had hard time with.


So ten years of daily and quite massive abuse, and real cold turkey without any cuttin, and just I guess fear that even if I wanted there's no chance I'm getting benzos, or more like enough to have like for a month, that finally gave me a push to quit the., And honestly never again in my life I will take any z drugs, as when I'm anxious now I always try to think why am I anxious, does it pose any legitimate fear or is just exaggerated, situation my brain made up, or something that I am putting of facing thus it being new or never done that makes me feared excited rather unknown.


It's been a long journey this year, but aside getting email from BB, this entire thing barely crosses my mind in day to day life, as it's the past now, and can't dwell on things as won't change anything.


Good luck to all and hopefully it is of some help to those as I know myself I needed encouragement early on with every new symptom etc that appeared as days weeks went on..


Sorry for any typos or mistakes format as on mobile and it's hard to see type all out.

Also English isn't my first language in case someone think I've had a stroke, as can see myself jumped in a lot of places, it's a bit exciting when you know you made it and giving that last positive to someone that despite the odds all will do eventually.





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Hi alwaysstuck,


I've moved your post to Success Stories because it is and you are, I'm so happy you made it to the other side.  Thank you for letting us know that you're feeling better, this helps so many people who haven't tapered the way most people do know that they can recover too.  I hope your life continues to get better and better. 



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Thank you Pam ❤️


It's a lot to put out, and didn't want to dwell much so might seem jumpy , as it's exciting thing to say I've done it, but I know many in the moment as I did ask what about now, time passes slow when at different points until simply we in time forget what it was that we struggled with, wasn't easy and always thought of benzos as necessary evil, but to be fair it's propably one of the drugs that shouldn't exist for anxiety. As if I think now of years when I was on em, I wasn't happy, and it's like it wasn't even me, just a shell living on a solution for anything that's life in a pill, sad really, when you have to claw back to reality, but hopefully helps others.

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Congrats! Inspiring to see someone who used at such high doses get better. How did you feel when you were on benzos? Was it just supply issues that caused the stop or was there other reasons?


Be proud of yourself!

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  • 1 year later...

Alwaysstuck - Did you manage to get off the phenibut for good too, as well as all other drugs?


My opinion is you were just lucky due to being young or perhaps that combined with genetics.  Most people can't go off benzos the way you did.  You didn't use the Ashton method.

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