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really bad depression today .


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So I woke up with the most horrible depression today...this anxiety, which I now think is mild akasthesia, it hurts. It hurts my chest, my legs, my hands tremor almost constantly. I've been down all week and its come to a head today..I can't do this anymore. I don't know what happened, I was dealing fine, then out of nowhere I get depressed. I feel so guilty because my gf has to deal with it but she said today I'm such a downer to be around and she has no sympathy. Also this feeling of being trapped in a broken body is really disconcerting...I just want to crawl into a dungeon and be away from all the happy people who can do stuff and be normal...I'm 23 I should be out enjoying beautiful days like today, but instead I'm cursing and despising and loathing. Thinking of going onto remeron wonder if is have to go through this again coming off remeron too..
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I had bad depression tuesday evening, then it kind of lifted wednesday, but then it came back in full force yesterday.  I was mildly depressed almost all day yesterday, but between the hours of 4pm and 8pm I was really depressed and anxious.  It was the akathesia kind of anxiety and depression too.  My mind wouldn't shut off and negative thoughts were stuck on loop.  ADs always seem like a potential solution when depression is at its worst... but then when it lets up a little bit I am glad I didn't try to start one again.  I think the initial increase in anxiety symptoms would make my depression worse  :-\

 

It is a major downer to have good days and feel like you are on a steady path to recovery only to be hit by a wave.  Mornings and early evenings are the worst time for my symptoms as of late.  I hope you can hold on and get through this. I am holding on as well.  I constantly think about time travel, so I could go back and undo mistakes I have made (mostly drinking alcohol and taking klonopin).  May we both get windows again soon..

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Hey thanks crono, yea i keep going back and fourth on the antidepressant like today I was convinced I should get on something, I was having adrenaline rushes ALL day at work..not even worrying about anything, not even thinking and just started having trouble breathing and speaking and my heart was beating hard..I haven't had this happen since I got off 5 months ago so it worried me. But now its fine, its gone away and hoping tomorrow will be better. I still have yet to try taking glutamine or taurine, glycine, ect so have hope maybe one will help. And god yes, I would pay my entire lifes pay to go back to that one moment and change it. Stop the excessive alcohol that led me to taking the klonopin. Here's to hoping our days are brighter tomorrow my friend
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My depression and anxiety are always the worst in the morning and late afternoon also.

 

Those stupid adrenaline surges are the worst.  :D

 

Windows are what keep me going.

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Yea I hear ya..it was actually weird because the next few days after that, I've had minimal symptoms, and yesterday I virtually had none, and it was really really nice lol.
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