Need encouragement about a direct Xanax taper after failed Diazepam crossover.

[[ml...]]

I have had issues with anxiety for a REALLY long time, life long. In my 20's I tapered off of Xanax by crossing over to Diazepam, and I don't remember much about it, I don't remember it being a big deal or very difficult. It may have been a pretty low dose (this was 25 years ago now).

 

A few years ago, and I posted about it here, I did a direct taper of Ativan, and it was not great (especially in the morning), but it was also fine. I did a faster taper than waas recommended, but not super fast, and it was again, fine. Or, maybe it was not great, but it was not a benzo horror story that you read about.

 

In 2019 I started having some medical issues that were first diagnosed as B12 deficiency. We treated it as such, until November 2020 when all the neurological symptoms returned despite B12 treatment. The symptoms were very weird, loss of sensation in limbs, etc., no one could figure any of it out at first, my anxiety about it SKYROCKETED, I also have lots of GI problems and have lost a great deal of weight, and in the middle of all that, I ended up on 1.5mg of Xanax per day. Eventually, 1mg extended release at night, and .5 during the day. I really didn't want this, but all of my family, my therapist, my medical providers were pressuring me, and admittedly I was very anxious and not doing well. At the same time, I know how hard tapering is, and my mother took WAY too many psych meds, and I do not want to be my mother. So I really felt unhappy about taking benzos again. My doctor said, don't worry- you will get through this and then taper off.

 

On March 3rd, I was diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis. This was not a huge shock. While I am definitely depressed and mourning, I am relieved that I have a diagnosis and a plan, and I got all of the necessary vaccines so that I can start MS meds next week. I also see a new GI doctor next week who is very well regarded, all of that will be positive although I know I also have GI testing ahead of me.

 

Keeping in mind that TAKING the anxiety medication and knowing that there is a taper ahead of me at some point in itself made me anxious, I decided in the middle of this that I wanted to crossover to Diazepam, stabilize on it, and then eventually start to taper. I have a very understanding prescriber. We used a plan based on the Ashton Manual and started a slow crossover substituting some of the xanax for diazepam. The first week was ok-ish. My mood was a little lower, my nausea was a little higher. We took another step and added more diazepam and less xanax, and it has been a week of absolute hell. I have been in bed the whole time. I have been crying constantly. Morning terror. Feel totally sedated to the point it is hard to walk around my house or stand up to shower. I have three kids and have not been able to do much with them. So much mom and wife guilt.

 

I realize that I probably chose a highly questionable time to make this switch, with the recent MS diagnosis, about to start MS meds, weight loss, lack of appetite, GI problems, etc. I had a telehealth appointment with my prescriber this morning that my husband joined, and after talking through all of the options, given everything and how unstable I am, and just being INCREDIBLY depressed, sobbing all day, and way sedated, that I need to go back to the xanax and get off of the diazepam. I second guess every decision I have made over the last year, I have great regret that I ever resumed any xanax in the first place, but here we are. And I know that no one did this with malice, that it is so hard to see me this way, I am generally not a crier so to see me cry all day long is alarming for everyone.

 

So starting today, I will just take Xanax going forward. I am going to dose four times a day instead of three, and try to stay at 1.5 mg toal for the day. In a month, when I am hopefully stable on MS meds, we will start a taper. A VERY SLOW tiny taper. All of the tablets are .25 mg, so I can cut them in quarters. We also talked about using a compounding pharmacy to make tiny cuts through custom tablets, we also talked about doing a water taper or liquid taper. I was taking the Diazepam for a month, and since it is so long acting I am hoping it isn't too rough to transition back to the xanax. I just need to hear any encouragement or success stories or reassurance that a direct xanax taper is possible. I know that is not what most people advise, but my body really did not like the diazepam and it seemed to make everything so much worse for me, especially sedation and depression- things I am already facing due to my MS diagnosis. The worst thing is the morning terror/ cortisol/ physical anxiety. But I think that is just something I have to accept.

 

Thanks for reading all of this, and I will take any stories of encouragement.

[[ga...]]

There is a Xanax support group here:  The Xanax Club

 

Also, Xanax comes as a pharmaceutical liquid. I used it and just diluted it with water. If you decide to go that route, you can get help here: Titration

 

Your idea of dosing 4 times/day is a good one. Dosing at least 4 times/day makes the Xanax ride smoother. Waiting a month to get accustomed to the Xanax again is a good idea, too. 

 

If you're interested, there is an inexpensive e-book on amazon by Shipko called Xanax withdrawal. I found it helpful. Xanax Withdrawal

 

I actually ended uncrossing from Xanax to Librium, but I wonder if I had started more slowly and held when things got rough, if I could have tapered straight off of the Xanax. Librium is similar to Valium, and I found it terribly depressing. Take your taper as slow as you need to. You can do this.

[[da...]]

Hello. I am doing a Xanax liquid micro-taper. I make my own solutions (details in signature) and it is working well for me. Slowly working my way down to zero.

[[Li...]]

I tapered directly off Xanax. It can be done. Just stay focused and don't let fear derail you. It will take time and is likely to be an up and down journey, but you are smart, strong and can do this.