Going at it alone!

[[ta...]]

I have only had 15mg today and I am feeling what has to be withdrawals. Shaking all over, mostly in my neck and head. How did you not loose your mind?  How did you quiet your mind from intrusive thinking? Did you have someone in your life to help you through and encourage?  I lean on God and meditating on scripture through tough times, but this is unbearable.  This to shall pass!

[[Pa...]]

Yes, you're going through withdrawals and I know it's overwhelming but you're doing the best thing you can do for yourself. 

 

I just kept telling myself that what I was thinking wasn't me, it was the drug.  The drug was manufacturing the fear so the fear wasn't real, it was a product of a pill so it wasn't me either.  I was afraid of everything, things I'd never thought twice about but I hung on and got through each minute because I knew it would end and I would feel better when it did.

 

After I stopped taking the Zolpidem I didn't sleep for a moment the first night but the second night I got a couple of those little micro-sleeps that your brain uses to survive.  You don't really sleep its more like losing time, just enough to realize that it happened.  The first two days were bad but by about the third day, I could feel my muscles begin to relax and my thoughts returning to normal.

 

Your experience may not be the same as mine because you're still withdrawing from Valium but I wanted to give you a possible roadmap. 

[[ta...]]

Thx for making that point!  This is not me! This is the drug! One minute at a time. 

[[ta...]]

Hello Pam! Hope you are well in these crazy times. I want to let you know I follow all of your replies to the different threads. Thank you for what your knowledge and what you do to help folks. You give me. great deal of hope!    I will be adding my signature later this week or next weekend. Todd

[[Pa...]]

Hey tan, I've seen you online a time or two and wondered about you.  I'm well thanks, my world has gotten pretty small thanks to Covid but I'm healthy, safe and warm so I can't complain.

 

How are you doing?

[[ta...]]

I have been struggling but taking it one day at a time. Had some "life issues" that caused some setbacks.

[[Pa...]]

Life doesn't stop doing it's thing while we go through this, that's for sure.  One day at a time, sometimes one minute at a time. 

[[ta...]]

I remember you telling me that you stopped the Ambien cold turkey. I really don't know how you did it! I know it's compromising any type of my recovery.

[[Pa...]]

The Ambien cold turkey was so much easier than the Klonopin cold turkey I hardly noticed it at all and the relief I felt was almost immediate so it was worth.  I have addiction issues so its kind of all or nothing for me, I have no plans to test those waters again, it hurts too much.

[[ta...]]

Wow! I feel the uncertainty of me stopping cold turkey and not getting that little "relief" the a gives me from myself and maybe having a seizure and dying is something I am trying to work through. When I was younger I had friends , and people that worked for me get hooked on many different drugs and alcohol when I was able to know when enough was enough and walk away. I would always help and encourage them, but now I am on the other end of this "monster" called benzos. This crap wasn't ramped in the 80's and 90's. Like you said: One day, or one minute at a time. I look back at the days, weeks, months that I have suffered through this, but by the grace of God I am still here.

[[ta...]]

Morning Pam!  Did you chase sleep at all different hours with amb?

[[Pa...]]

Wow! I feel the uncertainty of me stopping cold turkey and not getting that little "relief" the a gives me from myself and maybe having a seizure and dying is something I am trying to work through. When I was younger I had friends , and people that worked for me get hooked on many different drugs and alcohol when I was able to know when enough was enough and walk away. I would always help and encourage them, but now I am on the other end of this "monster" called benzos. This crap wasn't ramped in the 80's and 90's. Like you said: One day, or one minute at a time. I look back at the days, weeks, months that I have suffered through this, but by the grace of God I am still here.

 

I'm not advocating cold turkey, tapering is certainly the gentler route so you're doing the right thing.  I am concerned about your statement though, it sounds a little like me.  Please know I'm not comparing your use to my abuse but sometimes our thinking about these drugs moves from using it as an aid to using it as an escape. 

 

 

[[Pa...]]

Morning Pam!  Did you chase sleep at all different hours with amb?

 

When my use of Ambien spiraled out of control I began taking it during the day to escape the interdose withdrawals.  I could get maybe an hour or two of sleep but upon waking I'd be that hypnotic state where I could function somewhat but there were huge gaps in my memory.  I'm so glad those days are over, it was exhausting, painful and scary.

[[ta...]]

I have definitely been abusing it 

[[ta...]]

I hope I am not out of line, or I am not overstepping your boundaries. Would you be willing to guide or help me with my reduction or tapering?

[[Pa...]]

I hope I am not out of line, or I am not overstepping your boundaries. Would you be willing to guide or help me with my reduction or tapering?

 

Of course tan, this is what we're here for. 

 

Just let us know your current dose, how often you dose and what other medications you're taking.  I'm sorry you find yourself in this situation, it sounds like you've been compassionate when dealing with others who have had problems in the past so be sure to save some of that compassion for yourself. 

[[ta...]]

TY so much! I am so greatful I found BB.  I currently dose 10mg of v in a 24 hour period. 1/4 in the am, 1/4 after lunch and .5 late afternoon/night time. I take 12.7mg Ambien cr at night(10ish) with an additional 5mg zolpidem. After a few hours sleep 2-3 at most I will take more zoldpiem to try and sleep. Maybe getting 1 hour additional sleep. This is where my problem is: I will take an up to 50-60 additional chasing sleep or trying to feel normal. I have no structure or discipline with the z. Last Wed I took 130mg in a 24 hour period. I am so angry and disappointed in myself for getting into this. I have always been a halfway confident person and thought I could beat this. I have no support system or anyone in my life help me through this. I know I am in a fight for my life with this poison . I just want to be me again.

[[Pa...]]

Thanks Tan, I know how difficult it is to admit this to another person and to yourself.  You can beat this and while it's nice to have support in real life, only one person can make this happen and that's you.  These next questions hold no judgement from me, just need to know for planning purposes.

 

Are you interested in converting the Ambien and Zolpidem into Valium for tapering purposes or would you rather taper the z-drug's directly?

 

Are you under a Dr's care?

 

Are your medications prescribed?

[[ta...]]

I am prescribed the 12.5 cr Ambien along with 1 mg of Lor. (Dailey) 12+ years. I stopped the lor. and started Val at first of Oct but have used a couple of times in really rough patches. My GP has no idea I having this problem. I went to a so called top notch rehab facility in July and was the only one there for just benzo recovery. Big mistake, gave me 40mg of librium on day one a dropped to 0 in 4 days. I would like to get of all benz but I know I have major issues with the zol/amb. So, lost and confused on what to do anymore.