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18 Months Benzo Free and Still suffering and Miserable! Can I complain now?!?!


[Ho...]

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So may people have told me that it’s still early and to wait until the 18th month mark and it will be better.... We’ll I can assure you it is NOT! I am still so sick and completely miserable. I am unemployable and basically spend my days trying not to die from this shit!

 

I’m sorry if I am scaring some folks that think that it gets better, for some I’m sure it does. My journey is not the same as everybody else’s.  But I really thought I would be feeling better than this by now.

 

Sorry for the rant, but the frustration I feel is only exceeded by the pain I’m in daily!

 

Best wishes and I hope we all get to feeling better soon!

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You can absolutely complain and you have every right to, you're in a terrible place and you're sick and tired of feeling like this.  Can you tell me, have any of your earlier symptoms left you?  I don't doubt that if they have they've of course been replaced with something equally as hideous but I was just wondering. 
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Thank you for the compassion Pamster!

 

I really didn’t want to be so negative but I’m starting lose hope!

 

Yes, some of the sxs have gone (tachycardia, POTS, most of the intrusive thoughts, DP/DR has lessened).

 

I am still left with so many physical sxs:

 

Extreme tinnitus

Dizzy / lightheadedness

Ground coming up to meet me feeling

Chest pain

Heart palps / flutters

Inner vibrations throughout my body

Nerve pain

Sensitivity to light and sound

Rebound anxiety, often extreme.

 

Some days are better than others but these sxs seem to be always present at some level.

 

I Know I am better than when I was in acute BWD and bedridden for about three months, but c’mon!

 

Again, sorry for ranting and thank you for the reply!

 

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No worries about being negative this is what we're here for, people deserve to have a safe place to express themselves, we get it. 

 

It sounds like your remaining symptoms are mostly physical, I've never really thought about this but I wonder if this is common, do the mental typically leave before the physical? 

 

I'm probably one of those people who told you you're early in the process, and to tell you the truth I feel bad about saying that to members, I mean who wants to hear that, that the suffering you've endured is going to continue and will for some time?  The problem is we just don't know how long each of us will take to recover, and we can't make promises we can't keep but we have to say something, don't we?

 

These aren't questions you need to answer, I'm just letting you know I'm frustrated too, this is a lousy process and especially so because we have to be so vague, offer hope but not too much.  :tickedoff:

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Thanks again for the reply Pamster!

 

I think we are all a bit frustrated.

 

I do agree with the statement that perhaps the mental sxs leave us before the physical ones...At least that has been my experience as well as a lot of others I have talked to.

 

I have done so much research, talked to so many people, tried so many things that I think I somewhat of an expert at BWD at this point. I know pretty much exactly what is happening to me, I’m just so frustrated that I’m not seeing the relief I feel I deserve for the work I have put in.

 

One day at a time, keep putting one foot in front of the other, keep pushing forward and all that Jazz! 😊

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So may people have told me that it’s still early and to wait until the 18th month mark and it will be better.... We’ll I can assure you it is NOT! I am still so sick and completely miserable. I am unemployable and basically spend my days trying not to die from this shit!

 

I’m sorry if I am scaring some folks that think that it gets better, for some I’m sure it does. My journey is not the same as everybody else’s.  But I really thought I would be feeling better than this by now.

 

Sorry for the rant, but the frustration I feel is only exceeded by the pain I’m in daily!

 

Best wishes and I hope we all get to feeling better soon!

 

Hopper,

 

I'm almost at the exact timeline as you and feel the same. I was hoping to feel better but only feel worse.... Some day are little better than others but still the same agony day after day.

 

I have too less mental and more physical sxs now.

 

How is your sleep?

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Hello, did you considered to try water fasting? It worked for me.

 

Water fasting.?.?  Please, tell me more!

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So may people have told me that it’s still early and to wait until the 18th month mark and it will be better.... We’ll I can assure you it is NOT! I am still so sick and completely miserable. I am unemployable and basically spend my days trying not to die from this shit!

 

I’m sorry if I am scaring some folks that think that it gets better, for some I’m sure it does. My journey is not the same as everybody else’s.  But I really thought I would be feeling better than this by now.

 

Sorry for the rant, but the frustration I feel is only exceeded by the pain I’m in daily!

 

Best wishes and I hope we all get to feeling better soon!

 

Hopper,

 

I'm almost at the exact timeline as you and feel the same. I was hoping to feel better but only feel worse.... Some day are little better than others but still the same agony day after day.

 

I have too less mental and more physical sxs now.

 

How is your sleep?

 

Hi Sensi!  I'm sorry to hear that you are struggling as well!

 

My sleep is not too bad if I take Vistaril.  Without it, it's not very good. 

 

 

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In right there with you Hopper. I never thought at 18 months off I would still be here and so sick. I thought i would have already written my success story and moved on. So very disheartening 😢

I guess all we can do is keep fighting the fight. I wish better days for you soon 🙏

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In right there with you Hopper. I never thought at 18 months off I would still be here and so sick. I thought i would have already written my success story and moved on. So very disheartening 😢

I guess all we can do is keep fighting the fight. I wish better days for you soon 🙏

 

Thanks Tidefan!

 

Just gotta keep pushing!  Hopefully we will be on here telling our success stories soon!  😊

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  • 2 weeks later...
Hey hopper! I didn’t get better until month 25ish. And now at month 29 my mental symptoms are torture but the physical symptoms are gone/
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I was doing so well and now back to shitville. 

 

My daughter has schizophrenia and is incredibly needy.  I can't take it.  It stresses me to the max and I've gone backwards.  Par for the course at 16 months I guess.  No matter how much you might care about someone else it is not possible to carry them.  No good for either of us. 

 

Feel embarrassed to say I have gone backwards after my exuberant post of recovery.  Oh, well.  Can't really care about that sort if shite anymore.  I'm dusted.  But I'll be up again. 

 

Dee x

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Oh Dee and hopper.....I am 18 months too.  Sorry to hear the sxs are still raging.  I tried not to look at it like 'going backwards.'  We are a lot more healed than 6 months ago or even 1 week ago.  The sxs trick us into believing that we have regressed.

 

My cns continues to be so fragile...it kinda surprises me.  I feel well and then go to the dentist or deal with something emotionally draining and my sxs come back.  For me, the sxs do not stay.  But they sure are disheartening.

 

We are still in the game guys....what else can we do?  One of these days our final wave will roll out for good.  Can't be soon enough.

 

 

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Hey hopper! I didn’t get better until month 25ish. And now at month 29 my mental symptoms are torture but the physical symptoms are gone/

 

Sorry you are still struggling with the mental sxs Meganz!  I need to try and be patient going forward! It will happen one day I hope!

 

Best wishes!

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Oh Dee and hopper.....I am 18 months too.  Sorry to hear the sxs are still raging.  I tried not to look at it like 'going backwards.'  We are a lot more healed than 6 months ago or even 1 week ago.  The sxs trick us into believing that we have regressed.

 

My cns continues to be so fragile...it kinda surprises me.  I feel well and then go to the dentist or deal with something emotionally draining and my sxs come back.  For me, the sxs do not stay.  But they sure are disheartening.

 

We are still in the game guys....what else can we do?  One of these days our final wave will roll out for good.  Can't be soon enough.

 

Hi Dove, good to hear from you.  Glad your sxs are not persistent, you are well in your way!

 

Healing wishes!

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I was doing so well and now back to shitville. 

 

My daughter has schizophrenia and is incredibly needy.  I can't take it.  It stresses me to the max and I've gone backwards.  Par for the course at 16 months I guess.  No matter how much you might care about someone else it is not possible to carry them.  No good for either of us. 

 

Feel embarrassed to say I have gone backwards after my exuberant post of recovery.  Oh, well.  Can't really care about that sort if shite anymore.  I'm dusted.  But I'll be up again. 

 

Dee x

 

Hi Dee!  Sorry to hear you are experiencing some sxs again. Sounds like you have a lot of stress you are dealing with.

 

Hope you get some relief soon!

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Sorry Dee and Hopper and others. I am wondering if I will be in the same boat.

 

I am 16.5 months off and had some great 3-4 days this week that filled me with so much hope and made me so happy to feel just like a human being again. Now I feel like crap and back on my couch. I start to wonder how long this can go on and I think it gets harder the more time it takes. When you are 3,6,9 months off, you look to those who are a year or a little more who are healed and it gives you strength to keep going. But then when you pass those milestones and see people healing in less time then where your're currently at, it gets so discouraging. Ugh. Just ugh my friends.  :(

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It's almost 6 am and I am  reading through the threads  to help me through the night and not feel  so alone

 

6,5 months off and a long way to go  , 

 

How this drug messes with us, 

 

I had hoped that by this point I would be feeing some improvement but not to be.

 

I  am beginning  to see that for so many of us, this is a long process, 

 

I hope we all eventually reach a  the point where we are well  again ,

 

My ears are screaming at me and rumbling, ,what a torture

 

Of course you should have a moan  Hopper,  lets face it  this is not the way anyone should have to live

 

I know very well that on top of the feeling that my fingers are dead and tingling, and my head hissing and my ears squeeling and thundering , that in a short while the panic will start to rise, as 6am approaches, and that will stay till evening,  predictable torture , until it decides to leave ,

 

There is not a lot  we can do , as much as we  might endlessly search and hope,  This is a matter of time  and very liittle else , and there is no way to alter that, or  know how long it will take, 

 

At my age I hope I have the years left in me to enjoy life again

 

The not knowing when, or how well we will  heal  only that adds to the mess,

 

As time goes by, the hope is  more and more  challenged, 

 

Slowly it dawns that there is little to nothing we can do but wait for time to pass, and just hope, ,

 

Maybe there are things we should not do , but we are  human and the process is so brutal for some, so we occasionally do what we should not,

 

Last night I did just that  and ate more than my one square of dark chocolate, 

 

I craved something to break this misery and now I am suffering even more , as what little sleep I get , has been filled with  nightmarish dreams, ,to be woken with my ears , even worse and my head in confusion,, and torment

 

Thank you Doctor for this torment that I have no idea could happen

 

So Hopper ,you have every right to moan ,

 

Lets hope the day when we gain our lives back is not so far away .

 

I am with you , We all have a right to moan somewhere, as out there, so often we are not believed and we are expected to be better by now, even by those who believe us,

 

One day surely it will get better , 

 

Till then I am so glad of this place to come to where  people do truly understand .

 

I  wish this had not happened to any of us

 

I can feel the panic rising already and another day begins,  as 6am approaches, and my body clock says time for adrenalin and cortisol to add to the nightmare,

 

How to get through anothe day I have no idea when distraction seems impossiible and all I can do is walk till I drop

 

I am with you Hopper,  i want to moan as this so hard  to keep going through day after day

 

Love you all

 

Jen

 

 

 

 

 

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Sorry Dee and Hopper and others. I am wondering if I will be in the same boat.

 

I am 16.5 months off and had some great 3-4 days this week that filled me with so much hope and made me so happy to feel just like a human being again. Now I feel like crap and back on my couch. I start to wonder how long this can go on and I think it gets harder the more time it takes. When you are 3,6,9 months off, you look to those who are a year or a little more who are healed and it gives you strength to keep going. But then when you pass those milestones and see people healing in less time then where your're currently at, it gets so discouraging. Ugh. Just ugh my friends.  :(

 

Hi Warrior, I’m sorry to hear that you are still struggling with some sxs.  Embrace those good days and remember that my journey is not your journey...You may be on the verge of healing any day now!

 

Best wishes!

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It's almost 6 am and I am  reading through the threads  to help me through the night and not feel  so alone

 

6,5 months off and a long way to go  , 

 

How this drug messes with us, 

 

I had hoped that by this point I would be feeing some improvement but not to be.

 

I  am beginning  to see that for so many of us, this is a long process, 

 

I hope we all eventually reach a  the point where we are well  again ,

 

My ears are screaming at me and rumbling, ,what a torture

 

Of course you should have a moan  Hopper,  lets face it  this is not the way anyone should have to live

 

I know very well that on top of the feeling that my fingers are dead and tingling, and my head hissing and my ears squeeling and thundering , that in a short while the panic will start to rise, as 6am approaches, and that will stay till evening,  predictable torture , until it decides to leave ,

 

There is not a lot  we can do , as much as we  might endlessly search and hope,  This is a matter of time  and very liittle else , and there is no way to alter that, or  know how long it will take, 

 

At my age I hope I have the years left in me to enjoy life again

 

The not knowing when, or how well we will  heal  only that adds to the mess,

 

As time goes by, the hope is  more and more  challenged, 

 

Slowly it dawns that there is little to nothing we can do but wait for time to pass, and just hope, ,

 

Maybe there are things we should not do , but we are  human and the process is so brutal for some, so we occasionally do what we should not,

 

Last night I did just that  and ate more than my one square of dark chocolate, 

 

I craved something to break this misery and now I am suffering even more , as what little sleep I get , has been filled with  nightmarish dreams, ,to be woken with my ears , even worse and my head in confusion,, and torment

 

Thank you Doctor for this torment that I have no idea could happen

 

So Hopper ,you have every right to moan ,

 

Lets hope the day when we gain our lives back is not so far away .

 

I am with you , We all have a right to moan somewhere, as out there, so often we are not believed and we are expected to be better by now, even by those who believe us,

 

One day surely it will get better , 

 

Till then I am so glad of this place to come to where  people do truly understand .

 

I  wish this had not happened to any of us

 

I can feel the panic rising already and another day begins,  as 6am approaches, and my body clock says time for adrenalin and cortisol to add to the nightmare,

 

How to get through anothe day I have no idea when distraction seems impossiible and all I can do is walk till I drop

 

I am with you Hopper,  i want to moan as this so hard  to keep going through day after day

 

Love you all

 

Jen

 

Hi Jen, I’m so sorry to hear that you are still having a rough time of it!  I know exactly what you are going through. Although I did write this post to complain in a way or vent, I do believe we are all going to heal.  None of us knows our timetable and while patience and perseverance can be challenging at times, it’s the only path we have to follow.

 

I hope you bet some relief soon!

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Everything will be fine! We all go through hell. We will keep going and eventually come to the exit! God bless you All. Hug!
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Just passed 20 months and in a lot of ways Im much better, but I am still experiencing chest pains and heart palpitations just like you Hopper. Many of our physical symptoms are very similar, including the dizziness and boaty feeling. The dizziness has passed for me and I am currently left with the chest pains and palpitations which lead to an increase in anxiety and depression that this ia still dragging on. I keep pushing forward and looking forward to the day when we are all healed.

Take care,

Fp

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I'm sitting in bed crying writing this I'm 17 months off with no hope of ever recovering. Intrusive thoughts have been relentless I totally understand how you are feeling Hopper. Stupidly tried SSRI 's for few months made my symptoms so much worse now having deal with withdrawal from them as well. I can't do anything much really wish I had the courage to make it all go away. The withdrawal from SSRI's is awful just feel I have no future at the moment
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