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Negative things from past keep popping up


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I have been teased and kind of bullied in the past but was able to roll through. Now that I amin severe withdrawl I'm remembering these experiences and now it's effecting me . I feel so depressed and down and the anxiety is unbearable. Why is this stuff effecting me years later? I have so much anger towards these people as well . I might just delete social media so I don't see certain people and remember I guess... Is this part of withdraewl remembering negative things in the past? Does it go away? Thanks
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This is in chapter 3 of the  The Ashton Manual, Professor Ashton says it's fascinating, I say it's torture but  it's very common, I went through it too but it all went away when I healed.  Try not to make any important decisions for now, things will get better when you recover.

 

Intrusive memories. A fascinating symptom in patients undergoing benzodiazepine withdrawal is that they often mention the occurrence of what seem to be intrusive memories. Their minds will suddenly conjure up a vivid memory of someone they have not thought about or seen for years. Sometimes the other person's face will appear when looking in the mirror. The memory seems uncalled for and may recur, intruding on other thoughts. The interesting thing about these memories is that they often start to occur at the same time that vivid dreams appear; these may be delayed until one or more weeks after the dosage tapering has started. Since recent sleep research indicates that certain stages of sleep (REMS and SWS) are important for memory functions, it is likely that the dreams and the memories are connected. In both cases the phenomena may herald the beginning of a return in normal memory functions and, although sometimes disturbing, can be welcomed as a sign of a step towards recovery.

 

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this is so true and has been one of my worst symptoms...its gotten better but flares in a wave. Minute details of things I haven't thought of in years, or exacerbation of something you can swear you made peace with years ago now becomes traumatic all over again. Or past regrets nag in your head.

 

I am more at peace than in acute - but like Pamster says - its torture. Literally started thinking I had delayed ptsd.

 

This will lessen:) Talk logically and kindly to yourself during these times. I found it to help a bit.

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thank you trina glad to know im not alone! ill try to ride it out .. hopefully wont last too long!

 

stay safe

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  • 2 weeks later...

this is so true and has been one of my worst symptoms...its gotten better but flares in a wave. Minute details of things I haven't thought of in years, or exacerbation of something you can swear you made peace with years ago now becomes traumatic all over again. Or past regrets nag in your head.

 

I am more at peace than in acute - but like Pamster says - its torture. Literally started thinking I had delayed ptsd.

 

This will lessen:) Talk logically and kindly to yourself during these times. I found it to help a bit.

 

Oh my goodness hah I thought I had delayed PTSD for months as well until the symptoms started fading away. Was so happy to check that off my list of imaginary worries eventually!

Hey how long did that symptom last for you?

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Oh it still "visits"...just not flooding me 24/7 anymore..so glad. In a wave is when it knocks at the door or when I'm overtired.

 

Threelittlebirds - thank you! We need to hear this!!

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These negative thoughts and feelings pop up during withdrawal and will after. At this point our brain is not able to cope as normal. be paitient, I have the same issues I had during withdrawal but can now handle them. They are not amplifide a thousand times. I am starring at the same issues that crippled me through different eyes and they seem so muvh reduced.

 

Andrew

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Wow,I just read this. I have been going through this too. It's awful. It's so hard to distinguish what we should worry about..
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  • 4 months later...

I have been teased and kind of bullied in the past but was able to roll through. Now that I amin severe withdrawl I'm remembering these experiences and now it's effecting me . I feel so depressed and down and the anxiety is unbearable. Why is this stuff effecting me years later? I have so much anger towards these people as well . I might just delete social media so I don't see certain people and remember I guess... Is this part of withdraewl remembering negative things in the past? Does it go away? Thanks

 

I deleted social media for that exact same reason..... what you are describing has happened to me exactly...I am trying to let go because I noticed those negative emotions affect my body healing

 

Blossom

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  • 3 weeks later...

Wow,I just read this. I have been going through this too. It's awful. It's so hard to distinguish what we should worry about..

If in doubt, don't worry.  ;)

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  • 5 weeks later...

I have been teased and kind of bullied in the past but was able to roll through. Now that I amin severe withdrawl I'm remembering these experiences and now it's effecting me . I feel so depressed and down and the anxiety is unbearable. Why is this stuff effecting me years later? I have so much anger towards these people as well . I might just delete social media so I don't see certain people and remember I guess... Is this part of withdraewl remembering negative things in the past? Does it go away? Thanks

 

I too, since withdrawals, have become captive to the negative side of the past and feel personally affected by it. I obsess over those violations of my rights and personal boundaries. It’s brought fear, anger, insecurity, guilt up to the surface. It’s as if these occurrences are fresh assaults, over and over. There is a sense of torment on the back of my mind that I cannot get shed of. I thought I knew what depression was, but I underestimated my capacity to experience the depth, intensity and scope of it. But I suspect this is all to do with Benzos. I do hope this is true.

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I have been teased and kind of bullied in the past but was able to roll through. Now that I amin severe withdrawl I'm remembering these experiences and now it's effecting me . I feel so depressed and down and the anxiety is unbearable. Why is this stuff effecting me years later? I have so much anger towards these people as well . I might just delete social media so I don't see certain people and remember I guess... Is this part of withdraewl remembering negative things in the past? Does it go away? Thanks

 

I too, since withdrawals, have become captive to the negative side of the past and feel personally affected by it. I obsess over those violations of my rights and personal boundaries. It’s brought fear, anger, insecurity, guilt up to the surface. It’s as if these occurrences are fresh assaults, over and over. There is a sense of torment on the back of my mind that I cannot get shed of. I thought I knew what depression was, but I underestimated my capacity to experience the depth, intensity and scope of it. But I suspect this is all to do with Benzos. I do hope this is true.

I think our mind and bodies are going through so much that it's like a "purging" state. It's good to be aware of things and people that damaged us emotionally so we can get "rid" of them 100%. I am working currently on this, and to be honest I am a bit isolated, also because of the pandemic, but it feels great to be honest. I am working on myself and getting to know me better.

 

Blossom

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  • 2 weeks later...
I just read this again. I too was feeling like is this delayed ptsd. Then I thought, because I am neurotic more so than before, that for the rest of my life traumas will be popping up. It freaked me out. So I feel like I have to figure out all these memories and pop up thoughts out so I can resolve it. I know you just have to let it go, it hard. I was doing self compassion, that was hard, because im my own worst enemy. But, have not been beating myself up like I used to, even before wd. That was a tough one to conquer.  I hope it doesn't come back. I figure going through this alone is bad enough and we shouldn't be  eating ourselves up. Anyway, im just rambling. I hope I d8dnt trigger anyone. Im sure most ppl don't think crazy the way i do. I just hope this anxiety gets better. We will all get better, im sure of it. One day at a time, everyday we are healed more than the day before even if it doesn't feel that way. By the way I sound,  im sure you all are thinking,  she got a long way too go,  :o
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  • 3 months later...

Here’s my theory on this, which has absolutely no scientific basis at all, but I was trying to explain this to a friend the other day;

 

I think a lot of these distant, bad memories, could be my mind trying to equate the trauma I’m currently experiencing with memories of a previous trauma, in an attempt to remember how to heal. I started thinking this after having a few memories of a previous cold turkey from 4 years ago, I began to remember several unpleasant feelings/situations from that withdrawal period, the fact I was remembering things about this withdrawal that I’d not thought about since the event made me think my brain was trying to remember how I recovered the last time, it calmed me in a way to think that I have felt bad from this before and I did recover, although I’ve felt several magnitudes worse than back then and for a significantly longer period of time, it helped nonetheless.

 

Another random memory I had was of hitting my head when I was a child, I must have been 9 years old and I slipped and hit my head on a tiled bathroom floor and had an egg shaped lump, this is something I really haven’t thought about for years, it’s a really unpleasant memory when I think about it, I was sickeningly terrified, could that be my brain remembering a previous head trauma as it tries to find pathways that it’s gone down before while trying to heal?

 

There are countless other memories that often seem to be previous times I’ve felt bad anxiety too.

 

The nightmares/intense dreams seem completely unrelated to this theory, they’re as random as any other nightmare/vivid dream that I’ve experienced pre-withdrawal.

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  • 2 weeks later...

I've been struggling terribly with this. I don't think it's specific to benzo withdrawal as I've been having it worse with antipsychotic withdrawal. It has had really bad repercussions for me, because I had tapered to a negligible dose and was

having bad flashbacks of past (family) traumas, but basically coping, when my father suddenly died and my support was removed, adding new trauma to the fresh trauma. The doctor who was supposed to be overseeing my medication withdrawal totally let me down and I've been left floundering since then, doubting myself as well.

 

But the original traumas that were surfacing took place over 20 years ago, they were well in the past. I never had a diagnosis of PTSD - and looking closely I don't meet the criteria now either, but it's been really deceptive. I've felt very isolated about this because people are very willing to believe trauma stories, and dismiss medication withdrawal.

 

However, I remember similar intrusive thoughts when going through benzo withdrawal. I don't know the exact explanation, it may be that when your brain feels out of control , it rationalises by dragging up every bad experience you had.

 

 

 

 

 

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The nightmares/intense dreams seem completely unrelated to this theory, they’re as random as any other nightmare/vivid dream that I’ve experienced pre-withdrawal.

 

In my case it's just the opposite. I have A LOT of nightmares of my parents abusing me. Every single night.

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  • 2 weeks later...

Yup, same here.  It's like you're at the bottom of a pit and trying to climb back out, you have to go through all the "layers" that weighed you down...

 

I have been benzo free for 3ish months and, for me, it dissipated, poof!  But, prior, it was a cesspool of hurt, pain, self-loathing.  All the past.  Fury, rage.

 

I am learning that no matter how yucky I feel, it will pass.  Eventually.  To feel it is terrifying, but I, to my surprise, got through.  And you will too.

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