anyone else suffering from rumination of their past？

[[to...]]

Yep... every night while laying in bed waiting for "sandman" to come. Starts with what life was like

before benzos, what led me to being prescribed benzos, all I went through to finally figure out

my "med" was my problem, tapering, all the time and years wasted, and now dealing with an uncertain resolution to "brain damage".  Have to yank my mind back to a "blank".... what's done

is done..... but I keep seeing this same "picture show"... every night.

[[Qu...]]

I have a unprovable hypothesis that this is why recovered people sometimes describe a kind of blissful attitude once they are healed. Like having thought through and examined in the most minute detail every past mistake or decision or other possible decision is like a kind of grotesque therapy.

[[Pt...]]

I'm stuck analyzing all moments with my ex and it's pretty much half of my life. There's a lot of memories to go through. It really sucks. I was the one who broke up with him and now my brain wants me to believe I should've cherished him and hold on to those happy times and not break up with him in the first place, Why doesn't my brain want me to hold onto happy times with my mom or family? Or other boyfriends ive had? Why is my brain fixated on this ex? Ugh.

 

also can someone tell me why some people heal and others don't? If the severity correlates with time/length of benzo use I should be better by now, but I'm not seeing much improvements.

[[mo...]]

I have a unprovable hypothesis that this is why recovered people sometimes describe a kind of blissful attitude once they are healed. Like having thought through and examined in the most minute detail every past mistake or decision or other possible decision is like a kind of grotesque therapy.

 

I totally agree. Of course I can’t prove this, but have thought same.

[[Ho...]]

Some of this is OCD related which benzo withdrawl is known to cause. If you get to a point to where it's to difficult to handle, check into ERP therapy for OCD.

[[Be...]]

I also have this WD symptom.  I think about all the mistakes I've made in my life and all the wrongful things other people have done to me.  I'm concerning myself about things that happened a long, long time ago that I had even forgotten.  This is taking up a lot of my thoughts and I don't know how to make it stop.

 

I've been thinking this was my life flashing before my eyes before death...

 

It's reassuring to know this is a WD symptom and should hopefully will go away.