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Bedridden 3 years...no more!


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Hi all.

Its been awhile since i came on but i always do looking to see who needs help...spirit.

 

I wont write a book explaining my horror but I was severe WD and bedridden 17hrs a day for over 3 years. That includes the 1.4 years or so of tapering,

I was so sick and major major major depression. Unable to take care of myself. I didn't shave or shower sometimes for over a month...i couldn't do it. and didn't care. I never left the house unless it was for my TMS therapy or later in WD my friggin ECT therapy!!! Yes..i was so desperate i signed up for ECT to try to get relief from the extreme severe depression.

 

I never thought i would get better, have a life, look out on a nice day and want to go enjoy the sunshine and warm breeze.

 

Then....unexpectedly...the depression lifted. I was still sick, i was suffering symptoms of a damaged CNS and brain, but the impossible had happened and i knew if i just kept living I would continue to heal!!! I was right...the other success story writers were right.

 

I still have a major fatigue problem that makes normal activity difficult at times, but I am living and proof we can recover from this nightmare that seems to be a permanent state. BENZO LIES BENZO LIES BENZO LIES. Hang tough...be strong...have hope...pray to your God....love yourself.

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Congratulations on a hard fought journey of benzos.

You made it through a very tough time and I'm glad you are healing.

 

Did your symtoms lift as you tapered or when you finally got off?

 

I am wishing you better and better days ahead.

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Did you suffer what felt like panic attacks in your brain, like you couldn't think clearly or focus on anything in real life?

 

Did you deal with anger at all?

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My symptoms remained for quite awhile after i jumped off. During WD was the worst. My panic attacks were and always were...very physical. Glutamate causing CNS discomfort...suffering etc. Acid running through my veins it felt like and it actually hurt.

 

I could not think clearly nor focus on anything. Again, I was bedridden and i mean bedridden i dont mean laying in bed watching TV or reading a book. I was waiting and praying to die and get it over with. 3 years..every day.

 

Anger...of course YES. We are all angry, and angry at anything when suffering like that.

 

 

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Grove, I reached out to you over 5 years ago, and you were so kind and supportive towards me. I am so happy that you no longer suffer with that dark depression........it only gets better and better.

 

Bless You, Cindy

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I remember you, groovejuice, going through absolute hell. I'm SO HAPPY to know that you are healed from the awful depression. Miracles do happen. Thank you for coming back and telling us that! We need to hear from people such as yourself. WONDERFUL!!!
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Couldn’t be happier for you, Groove!

 

I was couch-bound for about 18 months, after that it got better and better (w some waves here and there) until I was back to normal.

 

Thanks for coming back to posting hope to those who are still in the thick of it.

 

Challis  :smitten:

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Nice Work Groovejuice...nice work.

 

This is such reassuring news to hear and confirms that this is just a TIME thing and all we gotta do is outlast it.

 

May it continually get better and better for you.

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This is great news Groovejuice, thank you for coming back and sharing, it will bring a lot of hope to others.    I know how tough it was for you, I was also bedridden for a long time,  I am so happy for you. 

 

 

Magrita :smitten:

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Congratulations Groovejuice, so happy for you and your recovery, I'm wondering if you think that ECT contributed to it? I just read that ECT is done under general anaesthesia, was it the case for you too? And what about TMS? which of those therapies do you feel helped in your recovery? Congratulations again)))
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OMG such emotion....tears falling as i read ur responses. Good people suffering  :(

 

I am trying to respond to all questions but easy to get lost with PMs and the post.

 

The ECT...did it help? Timing made all my family and friends this YES the ECT helped and is why i am so improved....but i know it didnt. I wud not do it again it was hell in itself. TIME is what healed me and our amazing biological make up. Our brains are damaged and other systems as well.

 

But our brain rewires and once its back online ( healed) at a nominal state..the other systems begin to heal also.

 

Symptoms began to lift long after i jumped off. I wud not expect any noticable improvements while tapering. Tapering is tough...go slow...very slow imo.

 

Our brain, if healing at all during taper stage,  is very minor and just not apparent to us. Its all invisible but know this everyone. IT IS HAPPENING YOU ARE HEALING I PROMISE YOU (tears falling for you) YOU WILL GET BETTER!!!!!!!

 

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This is awesome dude! Fellow drummer here who communicated with you a couple years back. I am nearly healed as well. Wasnt as sick as you, but still real ugly for about 7 years. Enjoy life now!

 

Patrick

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  • 2 weeks later...
[39...]
groove I was following your progress over the last 2 years. I am sooooo happy to hear you are in a much better place.  :smitten: :smitten: :smitten: :smitten: :smitten: :smitten:
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  • 1 month later...

TY everyone..i remember u all. Lots of ECT and TMS questions i like it.

Hl01 the overstim is a symptom of all of us in WD....the TMS was harmless and painfree.

 

I would sit in a chair, turn on a TV and the tech would hook two big magnets to my head in certain locations.

Once in place...the stimulation would begin. A serious of 3000 pulses in 1 second.

 

It didnt hurt, but i could feel it like a wood pecker peckin on my skull.

 

I again, as with the ECT, feel it did nothing to help my depression.

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Groove, glad to hear you are ok now!!

 

Hope you do not mind a few questions...    since you were so disabled, did you have everything (including the TMS) come to you?

 

And you liquic micro tapered off?  And did the gabapentin help with that or not?

 

Were there social services that came to you or how did you manage?

 

Thanks for coming back to post!

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Oh, one more question if you have time for it--  was the worst withdrawal during the taper or when off?

 

I'm weird in that I went into acute while still on, when another med was added...  I was totally bedridden then.  I wonder if I will be again since am not much functional now.

 

OK, thanks and again so great your depression just lifted like that and you healed ;)

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TY everyone again.

 

No i went to the hospital for all my treatments. Family helped me, i couldnt drive hell i could hardly walk. TMS ECT and the 6 years of trying to fix myself going to Drs and getting every test known to man....

 

I didnt liquid taper...i dry cut with a scale 10% cuts every 2 weeks hold as needed.

 

Gabapentin...yuck evil stay away...yes it probably helped me but if i were not already an addict to it at that time i would never ingest that poison.

Its just as bad if not worse imo as klonopin. I believe the combo of G and K is one reason my brain was so damaged.

 

No social services came to me.

 

I was in tolerance WD very sick already when i found this site. But..i did get sicker when i did my taper and jumped. I was polydrugged and like i said...that Gabapentin was an X factor..i know it had alot to do with the damage done also. GOOD LUCK GOD BLESS YOU ALL> YOU WILL MAKE IT I AM PROOF.

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