Looking for Buddies - LT High dose Xanax direct taper 1/2 way there!

[[He...]]

Hello,

I am brand new here. I am wanting to ask how you get your dosages so precise as you drop. I am using a pill cutter and guessing the best I can since I just started cutting a couple days ago from a very high dose (4mg Xanax). I also don't know all the terminology although I am catching on. I have had bad hours and better hours. Those must be 'windows'  where longer periods of time are 'waves'. Mostly, I have loss of appetite. The shakes, feeling cold, anxiety (rebound, I'm sure) and heart palpitations. Oh and bad insomnia. I have underlying insomnia and that is one of the reasons I was prescribed Alprazolam in the first place. At this moment, I am not having withdrawal symptoms but I know this can take months, even years to recover from. I have had some really rough hours with heart pounding, shaking and head buzzing.

 

Just seeing the progress people have made is inspiring. There are a ton of horror stories and I want reality but I also want hope. 

Welcome, HeartMost! I am the only man in this thread and the most prolix participant (I'm sure the others are quite weary of my posts by now). It seems that each cut causes my brain to go into hyperdrive and I write way too much. The good news seems to be that apparently xanax doesn't damage one's verbal abilities - as everyone here writes well and clearly. But I'm determined to keep my posts shorter from now on (even gone back and pared down earlier posts).

 

I am especially happy to see you here, as I'm reassured that I won't be alone, seeing a newcomer like you starting a taper from 4mg, though I'm sorry that you are there and certainly empathize completely that you feel you may have a long road ahead. But I'm with you there: 4 mg. is where I have tapered to at this time! Maybe we can help each other. With all the others so close to "jumping" (stopping the benzo completely), I was afraid that only Baddove and I would be left in this thread!

 

"Windows" are periods of time when negative symptoms of withdrawal lessen, while  "waves" are times when symptoms get worse. A wave usually hits when one makes a cut. When I cut too much and feel extra miserable, I call it a "tsunami" (but I don't think that's standard lingo here).

 

All your negative symptoms are very familiar to me and my experience in tapering from 6mg, which I was prescribed in 2005 for C-PTSD (chronic post-traumatic stress disorder - emotionally abused as a child and teenager, experienced a series of traumas in the early 2000s that I was not emotionally strong enough to endure without help). I asked my PCP to refer me to a therapist, but he referred me to a psychiatrist who specialized in "drug management", who started me on 6mg of xanax, saying I needed "xanax for PTSD like a diabetic needs insulin". So I was sent on the descent into benzo hell by "professionals" I trusted, while medical opinion was beginning to change and to recognize the serious dangers of this original viewpoint. Much like the opioid crisis, but not given nearly the same public recognition and support.

 

I myself avoid staying on the forum for too long, as there ARE so many horror stories that can be very upsetting, and there is unfortunately a lot of unsound advice and misinformation. For example, I recently read that one person claims that she could not take magnesium during tapering and that taking magnesium after quitting all benzos caused her to experience withdrawal again (there had to be something else involved that she was not recognizing). All that seems highly unlikely, as magnesium is an essential nutrient that is actually soothing to the nerves (esp. magnesium glycinate), it is essential in over 300 metabolic processes in your body, and is, in short, necessary for staying alive. Most Americans are somewhat deficient in recommended magnesium. So don't believe everything you read and log off right away if you start feeling despair or great anxiety...and seek diversion, distraction, ice cream, bicycling....

 

Again, welcome,

 

Dave

 

Hi Dave!

Thank you for the gracious reply and congratulations on getting down to 4mg. I am doing an unorthodox, unique to me, tapering system.

At this stage, Xanax makes me anxious. Obviously, I also get anxious when I don't don't take it as well. I'm having a 'window' whereby I feel better when I DON'T take it. It's odd. I'm on such a high dose that one would think I need to be very careful to not cut too much too fast. Last night, I was fortunate enough to doze off for a little bit twice. I remember dreaming:) Insomnia is my biggest symptom. Anyway, I usually does at night and I skipped it. I have noticed today that I feel better not taking it. It's kind of scary. I only stated cutting a week ago.I am taking less than 3mg a day. I use a pill cutter to cut my 'bars' into 8ths or approximate .25 mg tabs and I was taking hem every 2 hrs which is 3mg a day. Today I have been an hour late on my dose twice and my last dose, 3 hours ago, I cut the .25mg piece into half and took half of that. My point being, I am waiting for symptoms to take anything and when I do, my body reacts with symptoms of anxiety and panic. Before I started cutting a week ago, I would take a 2mg bar to sleep and it would make my heart pound and make me VERY restless before finally helping me get maybe 2 hours of sleep. I knew I had a problem. My dose was no longer working AND causing symptoms BUT I still have to take it to lessen withdrawal.

What makes me different from all I have read is the going with your body thing. I am taking it as my body tells me to and a natural cutting is happening. I hope that continues but I fear i will get 'stuck' at a certain point and have to deal with much more discomfort. I have had the shakes, ticks, feeling cold, heart pounding, feeling restless, inability to sit still etc. Today has been calmer for me for some reason but tonight has yet to come and we'll see if I lay in bed all night or I can sneak in a sweet dream or two.

 

Getting down to micro-tapering is intimidating. Maybe my 'taking as little as I can get away with' approach will keep working for me as I get down to dust.

Lastly, my prescriber is at a low income clinic where they don't prescribe Xanax for obvious reasons. He may be leaving and my fear is I'll get cut-off by my new prescriber and be forced to rapid withdraw. I'll deal with it if if happens. 

 

Thanks again for the support! I would love to return it! My best to you:) and congrats again on getting your taper down to 4mgs.

 

Alice

[[Wo...]]

I know I don’t post on here much anymore, but it’s not because I don’t love you guys, but more because I don’t feel I have had it as bad as all of you. But this last week has been tough, and I need some encouragement and positivity. My Mom was in a horrible car accident and is in bad shape. It’s been hard and devastating. She’s literally my best friend next to my husband. I am so very close to my parents. They are two of my biggest supporters through this awful taper process. We had gotten a new puppy. I loved the puppy. It’s been the first dog I would even look at since the death of my two beloved golden doodles almost two years ago. Since my mother will need me at their house daily and my husband works ten hour days, we made the hard decision to give the puppy back to the breeder. She’s an amazing family raised breeder, but it still broke my heart. We just didn’t think it was fair to have to have her in a kennel for lengths at a time and I will not be able to take care of all my moms needs and deal with a puppy at the same time. We wanted to do what was best for the dog. I love the dog but love my mother so much more obviously and am so worried about her. We’re so,lucky she’s alive. This all of course has thrown me into a wave and thrown off my tapering. And as I keep getting lower in dose the harder this damn stuff has become. I usually am so positive and can work out of the sadness and turn it around, but I think the stress of everything has beaten me down this time. I’m sorry to dump this on you guys but any encouraging words would be so appreciated. Bless you all and hugs to all of you.

 

Mary

[[se...]]

Mary,

 

I am so sorry to hear you are having such a difficult time.  Your mom is very lucky to have such a strong support system in her time of need.  I’m sorry you had to return the puppy, this was such a responsible move on your behalf.

 

It’s disappointing when bumps in the road happen with the taper.  Maybe you should consider holding a week or two?  This has helped me tremendously.  I will be coming off a two week this Sunday, I held due to dizziness.

 

You know the old saying “life happens “, we have to adjust accordingly.  You should be very proud of your taper, you have made tremendous gains, don’t let this get you down. Taking care of your mom will be a great distraction and possibly get you through the remainder of your taper.

 

You are in my prayers, stay strong!

[[Wo...]]

Mary,

 

I am so sorry to hear you are having such a difficult time.  Your mom is very lucky to have such a strong support system in her time of need.  I’m sorry you had to return the puppy, this was such a responsible move on your behalf.

 

It’s disappointing when bumps in the road happen with the taper.  Maybe you should consider holding a week or two?  This has helped me tremendously.  I will be coming off a two week this Sunday, I held due to dizziness.

 

You know the old saying “life happens “, we have to adjust accordingly.  You should be very proud of your taper, you have made tremendous gains, don’t let this get you down. Taking care of your mom will be a great distraction and possibly get you through the remainder of your taper.

 

You are in my prayers, stay strong!

 

 

Thank you so much Seasalt! You always have the best things to say to make someone feel better! I’ve been holding for a week and may hold another one as well. I hope taking care of her and my parents daily needs helps distract me through the rest of my taper! That would be a positive in all this! Thank you for your kind words and please know they brought me great comfort! Hugs to you!

 

 

[[se...]]

Remember, you are not alone.  We are all trying to distract and get to the finish line.  I think so many of us are at these lower doses that are hard.

 

We will all cross that finish line!

[[to...]]

I know I don’t post on here much anymore, but it’s not because I don’t love you guys, but more because I don’t feel I have had it as bad as all of you. But this last week has been tough, and I need some encouragement and positivity. My Mom was in a horrible car accident and is in bad shape. It’s been hard and devastating. She’s literally my best friend next to my husband. I am so very close to my parents. They are two of my biggest supporters through this awful taper process. We had gotten a new puppy. I loved the puppy. It’s been the first dog I would even look at since the death of my two beloved golden doodles almost two years ago. Since my mother will need me at their house daily and my husband works ten hour days, we made the hard decision to give the puppy back to the breeder. She’s an amazing family raised breeder, but it still broke my heart. We just didn’t think it was fair to have to have her in a kennel for lengths at a time and I will not be able to take care of all my moms needs and deal with a puppy at the same time. We wanted to do what was best for the dog. I love the dog but love my mother so much more obviously and am so worried about her. We’re so,lucky she’s alive. This all of course has thrown me into a wave and thrown off my tapering. And as I keep getting lower in dose the harder this damn stuff has become. I usually am so positive and can work out of the sadness and turn it around, but I think the stress of everything has beaten me down this time. I’m sorry to dump this on you guys but any encouraging words would be so appreciated. Bless you all and hugs to all of you.

 

Mary

Hi Mary,

I just saw your post.  I am praying for you and your Mom and Dad! 

I am so sorry you are going through all this right now.  I agree with SeaSalt, you made the responsible decision to return the puppy.  Maybe later you will be able to get another one.

I am also so sorry about your Mom, I am sure this is hard for you.  Your Mom will be well taken care of I'm sure, you seem to be such a loving, giving person. 

 

It is ok to hold on your taper when you have things going on like you do.  I find that sometimes if I am going through something rough, if I make a cut, the WD is worse so I try to hold where I am in that case.  I made a 80 hold in 2019 when we moved from Virginia to Myrtle Beach because I knew I would not be able to handle everything while cutting.  It was such a wise decision.  It really helped me and the couple months of feeling pretty good was a welcome break.

 

I am so glad you posted and I hope you will continue to do so.  It does not matter if your taper has been easier than others - you are still tapering and as you said, the lower you go the rougher it gets for you!  You are welcome here! 

 

I am thinking about you and your husband and your parents!  Take care of yourself too!

 

Love you and sending hugs and prayers!!! 

Julia :smitten:

[[to...]]

Remember, you are not alone.  We are all trying to distract and get to the finish line.  I think so many of us are at these lower doses that are hard.

 

We will all cross that finish line!

 

Hey Seasalt,

Very well said and I can relate.  Distraction is one of the best things I can do to help with this taper.  The lower we go, the harder it is but we will get there - it may take longer than we hoped but freedom will come.

 

My off balance and dizziness is some better.  I am making myself do things and it seems to be helping.  I hope your dizziness is getting better.

 

Love and hugs,

Julia 

[[se...]]

Thanks Julia, I am getting better with the dizziness I am hoping to start tapering again on Sunday (fingers crossed). I must say this has been no fun as you as know.

 

The past two weeks early morning nausea has hit me, I wish this one would go too!

 

Take care..

[[to...]]

Thanks Julia, I am getting better with the dizziness I am hoping to start tapering again on Sunday (fingers crossed). I must say this has been no fun as you as know.

 

The past two weeks early morning nausea has hit me, I wish this one would go too!

 

Take care..

Hi Seasalt,

I am so glad you are getting better.  I want to make a cut on Sunday too, we will see how I am by then, hopefully good!  You are definitely right, the dizziness is NO fun at all!

 

I have had nausea on and off for the last couple years.  Mostly before the taper and for the first few months of my taper.  It has gotten alot better over time.  I do sometimes still get it but it is much more tolerable than it used to be.

 

Hugs, Julia 

 

 

[[se...]]

Julia,

 

I had nausea at the beginning of my taper as well but it resolved.  I read somewhere nausea in the morning could be a blood sugar issue.  I hope it passes..

[[Di...]]

Mary I am so sorry to hear about your mothers accident praying that her recovery goes well.

 

Seasalt and Julia always praying for you both as well as everyone on here.

 

I've not posted much having a rough week...seeing a new doctor tomorrow I have lost faith and trust in my other one.

 

Hugs to everyone.

[[to...]]

Julia,

 

I had nausea at the beginning of my taper as well but it resolved.  I read somewhere nausea in the morning could be a blood sugar issue.  I hope it passes..

Hi Seasalt,

I hope it passes for you too.

I've not heard about it being blood sugar but I wouldn't be surprised. My blood sugar was up last time I had my regular check-up so we'll see what it is next week for my next check up. It's always been normal before.

Take care.

Julia

[[to...]]

Mary I am so sorry to hear about your mothers accident praying that her recovery goes well.

 

Seasalt and Julia always praying for you both as well as everyone on here.

 

I've not posted much having a rough week...seeing a new doctor tomorrow I have lost faith and trust in my other one.

 

Hugs to everyone.

Hi Dianedeedee,

Thank you. I'm sorry you're having a rough time. I'm praying for you.

Hugs,

Julia

[[Di...]]

Julia thank you.  ❤

[[to...]]

Julia thank you.  ❤

I hope you are better soon. ♥️😊☀️

[[Lo...]]

So sorry to hear that a few are having a rough go of it lately.  It's pretty much the nature of the beast but that doesn't make it less frustrating. 

Hopefully all are feeling a bit better today!  Sending prayers!

 

So sorry I have not been on here.  Thank you both Seasalt and Julia for your notes.  The whole experience with the endocrinologist truly took the wind out of my sails last week.  I waited over 3 months for that appointment hoping to get some answers and obviously that was a total disaster.... I won't rewrite everything.  I'm simply at a loss.

 

I didn't feel any worse from my cuts than I was already feeling. The first few days were plagued with insomnia but that got a bit better by day 4.  I'm not sure when I'll make the next cut.  I just wish that every muscle wasn't completely tight because I'd love to start exercising.  After seeing my cholesterol up for the very first time in my life, I'm genuinely worried about what is happening to the inside of my body let alone what I see on the outside.  It's becoming painfully apparent that 3 years of this tapering has taken its toll on me physically and it scares me.  My mind wants to do things that my body wont allow and it has me down.  I know I sound like a big baby here... but I just want my life, health, and body back!  I'm so tired of not living... REALLY tired!

 

So that's my upbeat post of the day! 

 

Sorry... Just getting extremely tired of this taper and the possibility of yet another year of "healing" following. 

 

Lori

 

 

[[to...]]

So sorry to hear that a few are having a rough go of it lately.  It's pretty much the nature of the beast but that doesn't make it less frustrating. 

Hopefully all are feeling a bit better today!  Sending prayers!

 

So sorry I have not been on here.  Thank you both Seasalt and Julia for your notes.  The whole experience with the endocrinologist truly took the wind out of my sails last week.  I waited over 3 months for that appointment hoping to get some answers and obviously that was a total disaster.... I won't rewrite everything.  I'm simply at a loss.

 

I didn't feel any worse from my cuts than I was already feeling. The first few days were plagued with insomnia but that got a bit better by day 4.  I'm not sure when I'll make the next cut.  I just wish that every muscle wasn't completely tight because I'd love to start exercising.  After seeing my cholesterol up for the very first time in my life, I'm genuinely worried about what is happening to the inside of my body let alone what I see on the outside.  It's becoming painfully apparent that 3 years of this tapering has taken its toll on me physically and it scares me.  My mind wants to do things that my body wont allow and it has me down.  I know I sound like a big baby here... but I just want my life, health, and body back!  I'm so tired of not living... REALLY tired!

 

So that's my upbeat post of the day! 

 

Sorry... Just getting extremely tired of this taper and the possibility of yet another year of "healing" following. 

 

Lori

 

Hey Lori,

Sorry you are frustrated and down.  I totally get it, it sucks!  Been there myself.  You are doing good though and almost to the finish line.  I know it is hard to see how far you have come right now but you have come a long way.

 

I was telling Dave today, I too am really TIRED of this damn taper and what it has done to me physically and mentally.  It is so hard to remember a time when I was genuinely happy - just laugh out loud happy.  Dave is supportive and like he said today- although he does not understand because he is not going through what I am - he is going through this with me and it is hard on him too.  I had him cut me more pills today and he was actually able to cut a .0625 in half to a .03125 pill so I can make a smaller cut.  I  may cut Sunday and see how this goes.

 

I am glad you did not feel worse from the cuts.  I hope that continues for you.  Our bodies and brain have been through a severe beating the last couple years - over 3 for you - and it is hard as hell some days to be positive.  Some days I just want to stay in bed and not get up for a week!  That would be great except - I would have to freaking get up to take this horrible medicine!

 

We will get there - but it can not come fast enough!  I relate to what you said about once you are done too - it will still take a while to heal - but the good part of that is- we will be healing and not having to keep putting more of the drug in our systems while we do.

 

Take care and know I am thinking about you!

 

Love and hugs,

Julia 

[[se...]]

Hello all,

 

Lori, so glad to hear you are doing ok.  I agree with you and Julia, I am over this too.  Every week there is something new. 

 

Today was rough for me, I am struggling terribly to regulate my blood sugar.  Having these mini attacks.. I just can’t explain.  I was nauseous upon waking every morning this week, but today was worse.  I have had it all day, ears ringing, gut pain.  I am exhausted...

 

With all that said I am pushing through like the rest of you.  I’m worried as well about my health, but I can only focus on the taper at the moment.

 

Praying for all of us..  hugs

[[to...]]

Hey Seasalt,

I'm so sorry you're having such a rough time. It does suck when there's constantly something else to have to deal with and figure out.

Have you ever had blood sugar issues before? I had never had problems with blood sugar before but my A1C was borderline last doctors visit.

I've had nausea on and off even before I started tapering. It's alot better but I still have it sone mornings. I've had stomach issues through this whole nightmare.

 

I am praying for all of us that once we're off this drug, that our health will improve along with our happinesses!!

Love and Hugs and lots of prayers!!💓

Julia

[[Di...]]

Lori, Julia, Seasalt...prayers for all of you.  It has been a rough week!  Don't know why we were all chosen for this journey praying we come out stronger.

Hugs ❤

[[to...]]

Lori, Julia, Seasalt...prayers for all of you.  It has been a rough week!  Don't know why we were all chosen for this journey praying we come out stronger.

Hugs ❤

Thank you!! I don't either but I do Know this is not for the faint of heart. Hardest thing I've ever had to do!!!

Prayers to you too.

Hugs,

Julia

[[se...]]

Thank you Dianedeedee,

 

We are all suffering in one way or another.  This journey is no fun, when we cross the finish the real healing will begin.

[[to...]]

Thank you Dianedeedee,

 

We are all suffering in one way or another.  This journey is no fun, when we cross the finish the real healing will begin.

That's the day I'm waiting for!!!!♥️♥️♥️

[[Di...]]

Well I saw my new doc last Friday he is very nice, kind, compassionate and listened to me.  Gave me suggestions but let me decide.  But like you Lori I came away deflated.  I  so hoped that he would be much more knowledgeable then the other doc about benzo wd.  He did disagree with the medications that she had put me on in the first place.  I believe that he will support how slow or fast I need to taper.  Unfortunately he confirmed what I already know but didnt want to face or couldn't in that the fact is you aren't going to get away with not suffering.  Just wish there were better answers. 

Praying everyone has a better week.

Hugs ❤

[[to...]]

Well I saw my new doc last Friday he is very nice, kind, compassionate and listened to me.  Gave me suggestions but let me decide.  But like you Lori I came away deflated.  I  so hoped that he would be much more knowledgeable then the other doc about benzo wd.  He did disagree with the medications that she had put me on in the first place.  I believe that he will support how slow or fast I need to taper.  Unfortunately he confirmed what I already know but didnt want to face or couldn't in that the fact is you aren't going to get away with not suffering.  Just wish there were better answers. 

Praying everyone has a better week.

Hugs ❤

Dianedeedee,

I am so sorry you did not find comfort in your doctor's visit.  I am afraid there are not many of us that do.  You would think that since doctor's prescribe it so much, they would know what it can and WILL do to us! 

I am glad he listened to you.  The hard part is that most doctor's do not know enough about benzos to help us. 

You are doing well at tapering and I know it is hard but I am glad that you are not at a higher dose.  I started my taper at 3.5 (was taking 3.5-4 mg a day)  I did well for the most part at the higher doses when cutting but the lower I go the harder it is.  I was looking at my signature yesterday and realized that I have been having a really hard time since January with my cuts.  I was at .625 and went down and had to go back up and then down again.  I am cutting but am not sure of exactly what the dose is, except to know it is lower than where I was, so next week I plan to make another cut if I am doing ok with this one.  I decided to make a really small cut this week to see if I can handle it.  I am going to move forward regardless, I have to keep going.

 

I believe you will do well and it looks like you are making very small cuts so I hope you will not suffer so much.  I made a 18% cut in November and it kicked my butt so bad that it has had a hold on me for months!  I just want to be done!  I know it will happen, it just takes time and patience, which I have little of.

 

You are strong and positive and I am glad you are here where you will get support, honesty, encouragement and Love!

 

Love and hugs and lots of prayers,

Julia