Went cold turkey around April/May of 2013

[[Te...]]

Hi, gaer, and CONGRATULATIONS!!!  :thumbsup:

 

I am really interested in the bp issue because mine is so very sensitive still. It goes up at ANYTHING slightly stressful, like a lie detector test. Whenever I would go to the hospital, it's the only thing I truly worried about because it would go up to 200+. And even with my doctor. My theory is that bp pills don't really help much for this type of anxiety because benzos cause the sympathetic nerves to take over. I'm doing a lot of parasympathetic breathing exercises and meditation, but it takes awhile to see results.

Thank you so much for coming back and saying things improve!! We need to hear from you people who have healed!! 

[[...]]

Hi gaer! Slowly I’m getting better but unfortunately I had to take a benzo again and so I’m here again. I c/ t this time. The only reason I took it again was because I was unable to eat any food at all. I’m not sure what happened but I was 2. 1/2 years free from my first taper. I will never take one again. This has been very hard. You talk about how you don’t think about the things you do now, that you work right through things and it’s no big deal. That’s a wonderful feeling that I can’t wait to have everyday again.

 

How amazing that your shoulder healed on its own. Makes you wonder how many unnecessary surgeries take place. So glad you are doing well and I look forward to hearing more on how you are doing. Thanks so much for coming back and giving us all hope.

 

Love, Jackie

Hey Jackie!

 

For sure there are unnecessary surgeries. I broke my scapula, and for a lot of people it heals on its own because it's in a place that is very hard to get to. The basic thing is to keep the upper arm immobilized for awhile to let it heal.

 

What made you take a benzo again? I've never touched caffeine once since I found out it is a migraine trigger, and I don't go near pills of any kind. They gave me two percosets in the ER and a shot of morphine, then gave me a script for more percoset. But I never filled the script. The last thing I need is problem with more pills!

 

These days I'm just coasting along. I'm absolutely inflexible about running, just finished my second run for the night. I think I'm pretty careful with food too. Other than that mostly I just work, eat, play a little and sleep.

 

Gaer

[[...]]

Hi, gaer, and CONGRATULATIONS!!!  :thumbsup:

 

I am really interested in the bp issue because mine is so very sensitive still. It goes up at ANYTHING slightly stressful, like a lie detector test. Whenever I would go to the hospital, it's the only thing I truly worried about because it would go up to 200+.

It's the same for me, and you know what? I no longer worry about it. Every time I am in a doctors office, my BP goes sky high, and they say: "Do you know you have high BP?" It's embarrassing.

 

My GP, on the other hand, knows my story. When they used that damn cuff where it is automatic, I can feel the pressure build up and it freaks me out. Immediately it goes sky high. But my GP knows about it. He knows that I stopped K after 35 years, and he knows I'd rather jump off a cliff than go back on pills, so he waits a few minutes until I forget about it, takes it really fast the old fashioned way, and it always drops about half way down. I used to measure it at home, but I'd wait until after running as hard as I could, then I'd take it the moment I got in the door. I was too tired/relaxed to have a bad reading, and then once I knew it was OK, I could take it again and it was fine.

 

I'm not saying don't monitor it, and don't be careful, but it's a hair-trigger thing for me, and I don't expect it will ever be normal for me. 35 years on this poison was so long that I don't think I can ever 100% reset the BP anxiety reflex.

And even with my doctor. My theory is that bp pills don't really help much for this type of anxiety because benzos cause the sympathetic nerves to take over. I'm doing a lot of parasympathetic breathing exercises and meditation, but it takes awhile to see results.

I don't even know what "sympathetic nerves" are, but I know I can feel the pressure. They say you can't and call it the "silent killer", but I feel it in my temples and even in my neck. Many times I'm find, and I know I'm fine. I THINK the reason high BP kills is that it is higher 24/7. Mine is not, and yours probably is not either.

 

But I take the pills, so it's as good as it can get. I tried another medicine and it was awful. Just awful. My wife takes it. It made my pressure worse. So I stick with the Ramipril.

Thank you so much for coming back and saying things improve!! We need to hear from you people who have healed!! 

I want to stay here this time. I loved talking to a few people way back. It's not like I outgrew those people, and to be honest I wish a couple of them were here right now, because they were very fun to talk to. But I can tell you that the normal thing is for people to come here, bitch and moan like hell (which I did too!), then slowly get better. There comes a time when they don't need to come here, just to stay sane, so they start to get on with their lives, I guess. But I have enough free time so that I think I can come here a couple time :smitten:s a week and help other people, because there were always people here for me.

 

Gaer

[Guest [NM...]]

I've just been through the first 20 pages of my blog. I didn't read everything, but I'm starting to remember some of what I wrote.

 

Good GOD, I was 50% insane. I talk now about never having a true migraine in the last 6 years, and that is true. But apparently I started coming close a few times in the first month or so. My headaches are now so controllable that even when I get one, and it is persistent, I walk out the door and start running for about 1/2 miles, and it just melts away. I do that twice a night.

 

Way back then there were several people who showed up every night here and helped keep me sane. I'll mention more about them in the future. But they were fantastic, and I believe they are all doing fine now. So we really do get better.

 

I had forgotten how much trouble I had with my toes. Sometimes I could barely walk, even though other days I was able to soldier on. I'm 6 years older, so I was 64 at the time, but with the right shoes I just don't have those problems.

 

I was totally freaked out about a 6 month "wellness" appointment, and I think I screamed at someone because I did not get the results fast enough. I now go to these things with my wife - we started going together - and I barely think about it.

 

My teaching was getting bad, less and less students. Looking back, I was grumpy or worse, and it was probably a horrible time to take lessons from me. My schedule is back up to as full as it's been for 10-20 years.

 

I was desperately typing here, from work, the moment I had a break. Now I work straight through and don't even think about doing anything else but teaching. I've started a website and have several of my students actively involved in helping me add things to it.

 

I was talking about how hard it was to put up with my stepson and the grands. They were at the time 5, 7 and 9. They are now 11, 13 and 15. We all made a dinner together today. I made some sauce, not meat, then Kayla made garlic bread and Nick, my stepson, fried up some beef and it all made a great meal.

 

My sleep is totally different now. I do sleep long sometimes, but generally I'll sleep like 4-5 hours, get up and do work, nap before teaching, nap after work. I get 8 hours, and it's good sleep. I never got that on Klonopin and Tranzadone combined.

 

Crappy things still happen. Over a year ago I could not run a mile without stopping into a park at night (totally private) and peeing on a tree. I thought maybe it was some kind of infection, but my GP suggested bladder stones. I used to get kidney stone attacks, and apparently I never passed them. They must have ended up in my bladder, and then they grew. I had out patient surgery, they were removed, and I was back running in no more than a week.

 

I was not looking where I was going and tripped over a concrete slab in front of a parking space and came down so hard on my right shoulder that I broke my scapula. ER told me it was broken and to see a doctor immediately. But two specialists told me, after seeing the Xrays, that they could not do anything for a week or two until the swelling went down. A week later I was running again, with my arm in a sling, and the most powerful painkiller I took was Advil. Never went back to a doctor, the shoulder healed, and I have full movement back for piano.

 

There are always bad days, but I want to tell all of you that I never ever EVER dreamed I could feel this much better, at my age, after being on these damned pills for 35 years.

 

I still bitch and moan when things don't go my way, but life is really good now, and it's only perhaps in the last 6-9 months that a lot of new things have straightened out, so I think those of us who recover after being on these pills really do continue to adjust and further heal even after years.

 

Sometime in the next few days I'm going to come back again and mention some of the amazing people who kept me sane, way way back, when things seemed so hopeless.

So inspiring, Gary! I know from reading here that you're okay, but wow, still reading your blog and it's like reading a novel and being on the edge of my seat, feeling your fear and hoping you're gonna be okay! Thank you for sharing your experiences.

[[Te...]]

Hi, gaer, and CONGRATULATIONS!!!  :thumbsup:

 

I am really interested in the bp issue because mine is so very sensitive still. It goes up at ANYTHING slightly stressful, like a lie detector test. Whenever I would go to the hospital, it's the only thing I truly worried about because it would go up to 200+.

It's the same for me, and you know what? I no longer worry about it. Every time I am in a doctors office, my BP goes sky high, and they say: "Do you know you have high BP?" It's embarrassing.

 

My GP, on the other hand, knows my story. When they used that damn cuff where it is automatic, I can feel the pressure build up and it freaks me out. Immediately it goes sky high. But my GP knows about it. He knows that I stopped K after 35 years, and he knows I'd rather jump off a cliff than go back on pills, so he waits a few minutes until I forget about it, takes it really fast the old fashioned way, and it always drops about half way down. I used to measure it at home, but I'd wait until after running as hard as I could, then I'd take it the moment I got in the door. I was too tired/relaxed to have a bad reading, and then once I knew it was OK, I could take it again and it was fine.

 

I'm not saying don't monitor it, and don't be careful, but it's a hair-trigger thing for me, and I don't expect it will ever be normal for me. 35 years on this poison was so long that I don't think I can ever 100% reset the BP anxiety reflex.

And even with my doctor. My theory is that bp pills don't really help much for this type of anxiety because benzos cause the sympathetic nerves to take over. I'm doing a lot of parasympathetic breathing exercises and meditation, but it takes awhile to see results.

I don't even know what "sympathetic nerves" are, but I know I can feel the pressure. They say you can't and call it the "silent killer", but I feel it in my temples and even in my neck. Many times I'm find, and I know I'm fine. I THINK the reason high BP kills is that it is higher 24/7. Mine is not, and yours probably is not either.

 

But I take the pills, so it's as good as it can get. I tried another medicine and it was awful. Just awful. My wife takes it. It made my pressure worse. So I stick with the Ramipril.

Thank you so much for coming back and saying things improve!! We need to hear from you people who have healed!! 

I want to stay here this time. I loved talking to a few people way back. It's not like I outgrew those people, and to be honest I wish a couple of them were here right now, because they were very fun to talk to. But I can tell you that the normal thing is for people to come here, bitch and moan like hell (which I did too!), then slowly get better. There comes a time when they don't need to come here, just to stay sane, so they start to get on with their lives, I guess. But I have enough free time so that I think I can come here a couple time :smitten:s a week and help other people, because there were always people here for me.

 

Gaer

 

I'm EXACTLY like you, gaer, when it comes to having my bp taken!! What I do now is talk nonstop when the cuff is inflating because I have a phobia about the noise.

 

I take my bp a little too frequently, but I have to gear myself up to taking it. It's always high on the first try, and then as I relax, of course it goes down. I take way too many pills - I've been polydrugged on bp pills because of my high systolic in doctors' offices.

 

I know when my bp goes up. I can feel it in my eyes - they kind of bulge out because that's what they do when I'm anxious. My head feels "full," and my stomach gets tight. I can also feel it in my arms. But gradually I'm getting used to it. It's all over my chart that I have GAD, white coat syndrome, and what my bp numbers are. When I get more comfortable with a doctor, the bp goes down. I wish so much that there was a way to track bp without the noise of the cuff!!!

THANK YOU for helping me, gaer, and I'm so, so happy that you're able to have a good life without Klonopin!!! 

[[...]]

 

I'm EXACTLY like you, gaer, when it comes to having my bp taken!! What I do now is talk nonstop when the cuff is inflating because I have a phobia about the noise.

 

I take my bp a little too frequently, but I have to gear myself up to taking it. It's always high on the first try, and then as I relax, of course it goes down. I take way too many pills - I've been polydrugged on bp pills because of my high systolic in doctors' offices.

The BP machine is to my left, on a shelf. I took it every night, after running, for many months. So I know what is usual for me. I don't any more. I just don't worry about it. My numbers are the same every time in the doctor's office.

I know when my bp goes up. I can feel it in my eyes - they kind of bulge out because that's what they do when I'm anxious. My head feels "full," and my stomach gets tight. I can also feel it in my arms. But gradually I'm getting used to it. It's all over my chart that I have GAD, white coat syndrome, and what my bp numbers are. When I get more comfortable with a doctor, the bp goes down. I wish so much that there was a way to track bp without the noise of the cuff!!!

Yes. I'm similar in all this except that it rarely bothers me at all when I'm not getting the BP checked. My general level of anxiety is so much lower now, I'm just fine most of the time. I had to look up GAD. I don't think I normally have it these days. I don't know about before, because I always had pills. My use of K went up before really hard things. I had a steady script, and I normally never took as much as I was allowed. That meant there was always extra, so I could always take more when things got really bad. I never really thought about it, but I know it went up and down, always averaging at 1 mg. of K per day or less. I always had extra. Then over the last year or so it was going down, and I was down to no more than about .5 mg. before quitting. I never thought about it. I just took less when things were better, sort of a non-thinking taper. If I felt shaky, I'd take it, if not less. I was down to around .25 mg. when I jumped, feeling pretty nervous, but nothing impossible. Then I jumped and all hell broke loose.

 

Then I came here. I could not have made it without this place. People here kept me sane.

THANK YOU for helping me, gaer, and I'm so, so happy that you're able to have a good life without Klonopin!!! 

I know. It's so weird. You get better little by little, and I think you don't always notice it. You find out you are not craving the support of this group, you start to live your life, and things just get better. That's how I pretty much left this place, for a long time. I didn't need it (still don't), and I forgot all about it. But recently I started wondering about how some of my old friends were doing, and if they ever check in, and then I suddenly realized how much better things are in almost 6 years. This makes me want to reach out and help others, which may be a new place for me.

 

Gaer

[[Te...]]

I'm hoping my obsession with taking my bp goes away like yours did. I so want to have a life! Thank you for saying it does and that you no longer think much about it. I have pages and pages of written bp numbers, and I had to throw them all away. It's a painful part of my past. I still don't know what is usual for me because it still jumps around so much.

 

How wonderful of you, gaer, to want to reach out to others!!! THANK YOU!!! 

[[...]]

I'm hoping my obsession with taking my bp goes away like yours did. I so want to have a life! Thank you for saying it does and that you no longer think much about it. I have pages and pages of written bp numbers, and I had to throw them all away. It's a painful part of my past. I still don't know what is usual for me because it still jumps around so much.

 

How wonderful of you, gaer, to want to reach out to others!!! THANK YOU!!! 

Well, I THINK the danger of high BP is not about brief spikes, which we both have, but about an average high reading. Like if you are going around with 210/150, and it stays that way day in and day out, hour after hour, I would assume the damage over time is what kills many people. But if your BP spikes when you are scared, and then comes back down, I think it's different. I'm not suggesting not monitoring it, and by all means discuss it with your doctor, but the fact that my GP is not concerned - because he knows me - tells me I should feel the same.

 

These days I only think about quality of life. Sure, it would be nice to live to 100 in nearly perfect health. Who wouldn't want that? But these days I want to enjoy being usually in no pain, now for about 6 years, and then just enjoy life. During WD I never had bad pain when I could not walk. It was only pain when I tried to move. So I've been very lucky. But for 55 years before that I was in terrible pain about once a week. So I look at myself now on borrowed time, and I just have to enjoy mostly feeling good.

[[Te...]]

Oh, I bet you will live a long life, gaer!!!  :thumbsup:

[[...]]

Oh, I bet you will live a long life, gaer!!!  :thumbsup:

Terry, I don't think much about how long any more, just concentrate on now. If it's a good day, life is good.