Expecting Recovery (Healing)?

[[Rx...]]

The human body has enormous regenerative reserves. People heal after traumatic brain injury, removal of large portions of the brain during tumor surgeries, etc.

 

Thanks for the hope.    Yes, the girl who had the right side of her brain removed:  https://www.goodnewsnetwork.org/girl-with-half-her-brain-becomes-speech-pathologist-as-an-adult/

 

Yes, thank you both. It is very, very appreciated

 

You're welcome, LF. 

 

As far as hopelessness goes...  I had my periods of thinking I might never become fully functional and/or feel anything closely resembling happiness again.  However, I figured IF I could become fully functional again and/or feel anything closely resembling happiness again, every day off the stuff was one day closer.  So, every night before bed, I'd just think to myself, one more day off the stuff, putting my time in Hell, one day possibly closer...Sigh.  If that's all anyone can realistically muster, it's something.  It's ALL I had to hold on to post CT then very rapid detox for quite awhile.  Maybe for those who taper, one more day cut back, one day possibly closer...Sigh would work.

 

 

[[Lo...]]

The human body has enormous regenerative reserves. People heal after traumatic brain injury, removal of large portions of the brain during tumor surgeries, etc.

 

Thanks for the hope.    Yes, the girl who had the right side of her brain removed:  https://www.goodnewsnetwork.org/girl-with-half-her-brain-becomes-speech-pathologist-as-an-adult/

 

Yes, thank you both. It is very, very appreciated

 

You're welcome, LF. 

 

As far as hopelessness goes...  I had my periods of thinking I might never become fully functional and/or feel anything closely resembling happiness again.  However, I figured IF I could become fully functional again and/or feel anything closely resembling happiness again, every day off the stuff was one day closer.  So, every night before bed, I'd just think to myself, one more day off the stuff, putting my time in Hell, one day possibly closer...Sigh.  If that's all anyone can realistically muster, it's something.  It's ALL I had to hold on to post CT then very rapid detox for quite awhile.  Maybe for those who taper, one more day cut back, one day possibly closer...Sigh would work.

 

 

Thank you, RxDamaged. I really appreciate your message of hopefulness and perseverance. It has been especially brutal for me over the last month or so. Not that it has been easier before, but I am starting to feel the brunt of being on lower doses, and I had observed that many here had had problems with their tapers once on lower doses. I had gone into tapering very unstable and hanging by a thread, and it has been rough through and through. It was not a comfortable taper by any means. It has been a highly symptomatic suffering despite the slow decreases, and then life became so horrendously difficult and complicated in the middle of all this, which didn't help things one bit. I have seen articles out there about tapers being needed to minimize "discomfort", but what I'd gone through and what many others had gone through had been light years beyond "discomfort".

 

I went into a taper purely out of survival instinct because my prescribing doctor at the time suggested I just stop taking the Ativan, and I got terrified because I was under the impression that the doctor I was seeing had a greater understanding of what to do. Apparently, he didn't. I changed doctors while being in complete agony, "stabilized" as best as I could and commenced a slow taper.

 

I do have to emphasize that due to my prescribing doctor at the time treating this as "psychological" problem and giving me various anti-depressants at the time (when none worked any longer), I ended up so confused in those 2 months, and was unable to take anti-depressants without my ativan dose being increased, as I was getting the overload of serotonin, which is something I had not previously experienced on an anti-depressant. I was also told to go to therapy that month, but I was so anxiously looking for the therapist and wondering why I wasn't able to make it to the therapists' offices at the time and why I barely made it to one, who wasn't comprehending what was going on at all. It scared me to no end. I would not say that this site solved my problems, but at least it validated what I was going through, and that was the severe central nervous system and other injuries I'd incured from a prescription drug Ativan (Lorazepam).

[[Fl...]]

FG - you have been at this a long time.

 

Can I ask how much better you are? Are you basically able to live your life now or are you housebound? Can you work?

 

That is hard to quantify and I have always hated putting numbers on it but if I had to give percentages I would say that mentally I am at least 80%, physically maybe 60-70% but cognitively I am still only operating at about 50% of where I should be. Of course this is just a guess and it is an average- I have some nasty waves and I have windows where I feel a lot better mentally and physically. I also have cognitive windows but they don't happen as often and are only partial.

 

The biggest gauge of my progress though is my overall functionality. I started a business about 4 years ago and I have built it to the point where I am able to live on my own again. Speaking of which, I also spent most of 2017 and part of 2018 building a tiny house, and that is something that not everyone can really do so I think that's progress.

 

All of this is incredibly difficult despite the fact that ten years ago I would have been able to do it in my sleep. But it's better than not being able to do much at all. I am definitely doing things today that I would not have been able to do 5 years ago.

 

Have you done anything at all that you think helped any symptoms or do you attribute improvements entirely to time?

 

Short term I did very well when I worked a manual labor job when I was 18-23 months off. I felt better then than I have at any point in the process but it wasn't sustainable and as soon as the job ended I found myself in one of the nastiest waves I have had. I eventually got back to baseline again after about a month and a half but that was painful reminder that even though we can sometimes push ourselves and it might help short term, we still have to be careful not to overdo it.

 

My business is very low stress but I do have to use my brain so it can be cognitively challenging sometimes and if I want to grow (I have to grow, no choice in the matter) I have to keep pushing the boundaries of what I can do. My cognitive function has improved slightly over the years and I can't say for sure how much of this can be attributed to running my business vs. passing time, but I'm sure it doesn't hurt to exercise my brain.

 

[[Aj...]]

Thanks!

 

When I tapered down last year before it all went tits up I felt better than a I have in decades.

 

I don’t expect to ever be fully well. I would be very happy if I could get well enough to work at all after 22 years of illness.

 

I would be happy if I could get well enough to socialise and go to the theatre etc.

 

I will be instantly ecstatic if my senses return to normal and I get sensation back in my body properly, can taste and feel food and don’t have constant hunger and terror and if a I could get remotely physically comfortable enough to concentrate on reading.

[[Rx...]]

The human body has enormous regenerative reserves. People heal after traumatic brain injury, removal of large portions of the brain during tumor surgeries, etc.

 

Thanks for the hope.    Yes, the girl who had the right side of her brain removed:  https://www.goodnewsnetwork.org/girl-with-half-her-brain-becomes-speech-pathologist-as-an-adult/

 

Yes, thank you both. It is very, very appreciated

 

You're welcome, LF. 

 

As far as hopelessness goes...  I had my periods of thinking I might never become fully functional and/or feel anything closely resembling happiness again.  However, I figured IF I could become fully functional again and/or feel anything closely resembling happiness again, every day off the stuff was one day closer.  So, every night before bed, I'd just think to myself, one more day off the stuff, putting my time in Hell, one day possibly closer...Sigh.  If that's all anyone can realistically muster, it's something.  It's ALL I had to hold on to post CT then very rapid detox for quite awhile.  Maybe for those who taper, one more day cut back, one day possibly closer...Sigh would work.

 

 

Thank you, RxDamaged. I really appreciate your message of hopefulness and perseverance. It has been especially brutal for me over the last month or so. Not that it has been easier before, but I am starting to feel the brunt of being on lower doses, and I had observed that many here had had problems with their tapers once on lower doses. I had gone into tapering very unstable and hanging by a thread, and it has been rough through and through. It was not a comfortable taper by any means. It has been a highly symptomatic suffering despite the slow decreases, and then life became so horrendously difficult and complicated in the middle of all this, which didn't help things one bit. I have seen articles out there about tapers being needed to minimize "discomfort", but what I'd gone through and what many others had gone through had been light years beyond "discomfort".

 

I went into a taper purely out of survival instinct because my prescribing doctor at the time suggested I just stop taking the Ativan, and I got terrified because I was under the impression that the doctor I was seeing had a greater understanding of what to do. Apparently, he didn't. I changed doctors while being in complete agony, "stabilized" as best as I could and commenced a slow taper.

 

I do have to emphasize that due to my prescribing doctor at the time treating this as "psychological" problem and giving me various anti-depressants at the time (when none worked any longer), I ended up so confused in those 2 months, and was unable to take anti-depressants without my ativan dose being increased, as I was getting the overload of serotonin, which is something I had not previously experienced on an anti-depressant. I was also told to go to therapy that month, but I was so anxiously looking for the therapist and wondering why I wasn't able to make it to the therapists' offices at the time and why I barely made it to one, who wasn't comprehending what was going on at all. It scared me to no end. I would not say that this site solved my problems, but at least it validated what I was going through, and that was the severe central nervous system and other injuries I'd incured from a prescription drug Ativan (Lorazepam).

 

Many hellish tapers here indeed.  And disgusting physiological suffering is ever written off as psychological.  My empathy to you and all here suffering.

[[Su...]]

The human body has enormous regenerative reserves. People heal after traumatic brain injury, removal of large portions of the brain during tumor surgeries, etc.

 

Thanks for the hope.    Yes, the girl who had the right side of her brain removed:  https://www.goodnewsnetwork.org/girl-with-half-her-brain-becomes-speech-pathologist-as-an-adult/

 

Yes, thank you both. It is very, very appreciated

 

You're welcome, LF. 

 

As far as hopelessness goes...  I had my periods of thinking I might never become fully functional and/or feel anything closely resembling happiness again.  However, I figured IF I could become fully functional again and/or feel anything closely resembling happiness again, every day off the stuff was one day closer.  So, every night before bed, I'd just think to myself, one more day off the stuff, putting my time in Hell, one day possibly closer...Sigh.  If that's all anyone can realistically muster, it's something.  It's ALL I had to hold on to post CT then very rapid detox for quite awhile.  Maybe for those who taper, one more day cut back, one day possibly closer...Sigh would work.

 

 

Thank you, RxDamaged. I really appreciate your message of hopefulness and perseverance. It has been especially brutal for me over the last month or so. Not that it has been easier before, but I am starting to feel the brunt of being on lower doses, and I had observed that many here had had problems with their tapers once on lower doses. I had gone into tapering very unstable and hanging by a thread, and it has been rough through and through. It was not a comfortable taper by any means. It has been a highly symptomatic suffering despite the slow decreases, and then life became so horrendously difficult and complicated in the middle of all this, which didn't help things one bit. I have seen articles out there about tapers being needed to minimize "discomfort", but what I'd gone through and what many others had gone through had been light years beyond "discomfort".

 

I went into a taper purely out of survival instinct because my prescribing doctor at the time suggested I just stop taking the Ativan, and I got terrified because I was under the impression that the doctor I was seeing had a greater understanding of what to do. Apparently, he didn't. I changed doctors while being in complete agony, "stabilized" as best as I could and commenced a slow taper.

 

I do have to emphasize that due to my prescribing doctor at the time treating this as "psychological" problem and giving me various anti-depressants at the time (when none worked any longer), I ended up so confused in those 2 months, and was unable to take anti-depressants without my ativan dose being increased, as I was getting the overload of serotonin, which is something I had not previously experienced on an anti-depressant. I was also told to go to therapy that month, but I was so anxiously looking for the therapist and wondering why I wasn't able to make it to the therapists' offices at the time and why I barely made it to one, who wasn't comprehending what was going on at all. It scared me to no end. I would not say that this site solved my problems, but at least it validated what I was going through, and that was the severe central nervous system and other injuries I'd incured from a prescription drug Ativan (Lorazepam).

 

Really sorry to read you've had such a rough go of it.  And that the medical community was so unwilling to look at the source of the issues.

SS

[[Rx...]]

P.S.  But it is pretty much a given in this.  Regardless of how high and/or dangerous the level of physiological suffering may be, there is always someone to be knocking one's attitude and insinuating or deeming psychological/psychiatric issues which are truly physiological.  That's what ignorance and evading liability and subtle or outright bullying is all about in this.

 

The human body has enormous regenerative reserves. People heal after traumatic brain injury, removal of large portions of the brain during tumor surgeries, etc.

 

Thanks for the hope.    Yes, the girl who had the right side of her brain removed:  https://www.goodnewsnetwork.org/girl-with-half-her-brain-becomes-speech-pathologist-as-an-adult/

 

Yes, thank you both. It is very, very appreciated

 

You're welcome, LF. 

 

As far as hopelessness goes...  I had my periods of thinking I might never become fully functional and/or feel anything closely resembling happiness again.  However, I figured IF I could become fully functional again and/or feel anything closely resembling happiness again, every day off the stuff was one day closer.  So, every night before bed, I'd just think to myself, one more day off the stuff, putting my time in Hell, one day possibly closer...Sigh.  If that's all anyone can realistically muster, it's something.  It's ALL I had to hold on to post CT then very rapid detox for quite awhile.  Maybe for those who taper, one more day cut back, one day possibly closer...Sigh would work.

 

 

Thank you, RxDamaged. I really appreciate your message of hopefulness and perseverance. It has been especially brutal for me over the last month or so. Not that it has been easier before, but I am starting to feel the brunt of being on lower doses, and I had observed that many here had had problems with their tapers once on lower doses. I had gone into tapering very unstable and hanging by a thread, and it has been rough through and through. It was not a comfortable taper by any means. It has been a highly symptomatic suffering despite the slow decreases, and then life became so horrendously difficult and complicated in the middle of all this, which didn't help things one bit. I have seen articles out there about tapers being needed to minimize "discomfort", but what I'd gone through and what many others had gone through had been light years beyond "discomfort".

 

I went into a taper purely out of survival instinct because my prescribing doctor at the time suggested I just stop taking the Ativan, and I got terrified because I was under the impression that the doctor I was seeing had a greater understanding of what to do. Apparently, he didn't. I changed doctors while being in complete agony, "stabilized" as best as I could and commenced a slow taper.

 

I do have to emphasize that due to my prescribing doctor at the time treating this as "psychological" problem and giving me various anti-depressants at the time (when none worked any longer), I ended up so confused in those 2 months, and was unable to take anti-depressants without my ativan dose being increased, as I was getting the overload of serotonin, which is something I had not previously experienced on an anti-depressant. I was also told to go to therapy that month, but I was so anxiously looking for the therapist and wondering why I wasn't able to make it to the therapists' offices at the time and why I barely made it to one, who wasn't comprehending what was going on at all. It scared me to no end. I would not say that this site solved my problems, but at least it validated what I was going through, and that was the severe central nervous system and other injuries I'd incured from a prescription drug Ativan (Lorazepam).

 

Many hellish tapers here indeed.  And disgusting physiological suffering is ever written off as psychological.  My empathy to you and all here suffering.

[[Lo...]]

P.S.  But it is pretty much a given in this.  Regardless of how high and/or dangerous the level of physiological suffering may be, there is always someone to be knocking one's attitude and insinuating or deeming psychological/psychiatric issues which are truly physiological.  That's what ignorance and evading liability and subtle or outright bullying is all about in this.

 

So true.I recall when I was in my very early 20's and a doctor offered me an anti-depressant sample. I took it home, read the label and came back to her and asked about this or that, and then she yelled at me and said "Well, every medication has side effects!!!!". End of discussion. I chose not to take it, went back home and was utterly confused by the Dr.'s reaction. I feel that this was just one of the experiences I had that actually made me more intimidated to ask probing questions in the future. 

[[Fl...]]

Thanks!

 

When I tapered down last year before it all went tits up I felt better than a I have in decades.

 

I don’t expect to ever be fully well.

 

I am very skeptical of the idea that everyone heals 100% but I do believe that most people heal substantially and everyone probably continues to heal over time, albeit very slowly.

 

I would be very happy if I could get well enough to work at all after 22 years of illness.

 

I would be willing to bet that at least 90% of people who come off of benzos who end up very sick are able to return to work again within a few years. There are a lot of protracted folks that are still symptomatic but are working.

 

I would be happy if I could get well enough to socialise and go to the theatre etc.

 

This is one thing I still struggle with but I think it might be as much a secondary symptom that is a result of being sick for so long as it is a direct benzo issue. It's just so hard to connect with people and I don't have the energy that is required to put the time into it and to live up to social expectations. Really hoping to be able to get this aspect of my life back on track soon.

[[Lo...]]

P.S.  But it is pretty much a given in this.  Regardless of how high and/or dangerous the level of physiological suffering may be, there is always someone to be knocking one's attitude and insinuating or deeming psychological/psychiatric issues which are truly physiological.  That's what ignorance and evading liability and subtle or outright bullying is all about in this.

 

I am pretty sure many have heard these:

 

"You need to stay off the internet"

 

“Will power is all you need”

 

“This is nothing to do with drugs you are mentally ill”

 

“How about you go for a run when your heart rate goes up?”

 

“You need to be in a mental hospital"

 

“You are not in withdrawal ( 2 months off) you have an anxiety disorder, you need to take an anti-depressant
”

 

“Drug withdrawal doesn't cause suicidal thoughts”

 

“Stop researching - you will make yourself worse. Get off the computer and distract”

 

"You are on baby doses. They are safe and you can stop anytime"

 

"Your parents are making you mentally ill, not the meds. You need to be in a nursing home"

 

"Let me guess--you didn't have any side effects until you read about them and now you think you have all of them”

 

"You are the most depressed person I have ever met"

 

  “It's not a big deal. It's just one pill a day"

 

“Try Celexa. .. it is like a anti-depressant light”

 

  “Just Get over it”

 

  “For Xanax withdrawal, take Zoloft, Ambien and Xanax. 32 days later let's cold turkey you off Zoloft"

 

  "It's alright you can take it, don't be afraid, it will heal your nerves"