I'm still in here!

[[...]]

Hi B strong,

Thank you for the great success story. It always great to hear when someone makes it to the other side. Can I ask how long your insomnia lasted? I am now 18 months off and I still have horrible insomnia. I really hope it goes away some day.

[[He...]]

Tyson,

Yes, I do still have the tinnitus…it is my last symptom. My last benzo was on March 1, 2017, so I guess it can linger. It is annoying for it still to be hanging around and I’m cognizant of the fact it may never leave. The good news is that when you can get to the point of realizing where you were and how many symptoms have dropped it becomes easier to deal with. I honestly have gotten to the point where I don’t notice it even though it’s always there, yes in both ears. It is worse when things are stressful. I wouldn’t have thought a few years back I would be able to say that it’s manageable…but without the horrible akathasia, insomnia, anxiety and depression gone I see the glass as way more than half full!

 

Helen,

I’m so sorry your April was so bad. As we heal our mind and body goes through many waves and ebbs and flows it seems. I know it’s tough but eventually we get to the point because of what we’ve been through that we are in a valley and that we will rise back up. Healing, and life are not linear. Even people not dealing with what we’ve been through have life’s trials to go through. It’s much more difficult when you’re not whole yet, but it does come. Journaling my journey kept me sane at times, being able to see that I wrote down where I had come from made me realize the huge strides that I had made…even though in the middle of it it seems minuscule. Don’t give up hope and try to find the smallest things because they do add up!

 

Keep healing my friends!❤️❤️❤️

 

B strong

 

Thank you B Strong!  You are always so encouraging and yes you are correct.  People with all sorts of issues have to endure hard times.  This has been such an incredible and unexpected wave for me involving, massive body pain, benzo belly, nausea, crawling scalp, etc that it feels permanent but I know my best course of action is to keep plodding along.  I also keep a journal and have for several years.  So many of my symptoms have completely changed so I suppose that's positive. I'm hoping to come out of this truly brutal phase and move on to better things.  I want so much to help others like you do.  I just need to get myself feeling better.

 

Thank you again and I hope your life is going well.

 

Helen

[[B ...]]

Hey X,

Insomnia is horrible, I definitely get that! I would recommend not chasing sleep by taking other drugs. I know it’s extremely difficult, but don’t be tempted by saying well I’ll just try this for a couple nights just to help, because short term success leads to longer duration problems imo. My insomnia was so bad at times I thought during my akathasia “how can my body even function” during zero sleep. I went days and even at times over a week with absolutely no sleep! It is hell! Even after I considered myself well, I was waking up every hour when I did sleep 6-10 times a night…but I was getting a little sleep so compared to no sleep I considered it a win. Our wins are different than others, when you come back from where we were you have to take small wins and be hopeful they will get bigger. In the 4+ years since my recovery I have only slept over 4 hours in a row 2 times! But, I lay there sometimes and think how grateful I am to get sleep! Now I usually go back to sleep and get 6-8 hours a night but wake up 3-4 times a night.

Will I ever get 8 hours of sleep in a row? Probably not, but I take what I can. It is not a linear recovery as I’m sure you know, and we’re all different…but being optimistic as much as possible does help. I think of where I was and where I am now and am so grateful!

Hang in there X!

 

Helen,

Always great to hear from dear friend! I pray for your recovery and am hopeful it is coming for you!

 

 

B strong  💪

[[Re...]]

How did your Akathisia resolve? How long did it last? Have you experienced it since then?

[[B ...]]

Rebecca,

Akathasia is hell on earth, I know too. The inner terror as I’ve heard it describe is indescribable unless you’ve been there…I’m sorry you’ve had to deal with it. The 24/7 shaking, pacing, trembling lasted for around 9 months nonstop. I had most of the other symptoms for just over 3 years. The akathasia kind of one day just fell away, no explanation, just wasn’t in the throws of it. I knew once the akathasia fell away I could make it through the rest of the symptoms because I knew it couldn’t get worse. I haven’t had it return thank God.

Take it one moment at a time. I never, ever thought I’d make it through it, but I did somehow. Hang in there Rebecca.

 

 

B strong

[[Re...]]

I don’t know how you did this for nine months. Let alone three years. Even after the fact for the rest of my life I’m going to be traumatized and afraid it could come back.

[[Pi...]]

B strong:  I am into my 10th month off Ativan.  I am doing ok, not great but ok.  Aspects of your story are similar to mine and I can tell that you have felt what I have felt. Anyway, it was a great read and it is reassuring that you got through it.

Thanks Pickle

 

 

 

 

[[Su...]]

B Strong, Thankyou so so much for your story and all your comments. They have really helped me this evening. I have been in this same nightmare like yourself and so many others here.  I went through a very long slow taper that ended 93 days ago. I have been having a difficult time with symptoms ramping up. Dizziness has been real bad. I ended up in the Er approx. a month ago with the dizziness and after many tests and Drs they say l have mitral valve insufficiency, a heart disease. It scares me.  Did you have this symptom also?  I read these stories of hope and they many times have carried me through the next moments and days. I want to make it past all this to where l can live again, like what you said about    You still being in there.    I am feeling pretty sad right now.    Sunny     

[[B ...]]

Sunny,

I was doing the same as you several years back…reading success stories over and over and picking out pieces that would help me make it through the day. Important to remember that when you’re having bad moments or symptoms that they will eventually pass. Nothing is linear about the healing and everyone is different…but I used everyone else’s success stories to give me hope. Being hopeful and positive is very important mentally to make it through the bad times. I wish you well my friend!

 

B strong ❤️

[[Ga...]]

Hello B strong.  I am beyond happy that you have moved back into your life and are enjoying all the “normal” things we BBs miss during our withdrawal and recovery.

 

I think we exchanged posts some time ago about headaches, but I am not sure.  However, if you did suffer with headaches how long did they last and of what type…..sinus, band around head, up the back of the neck into top of head, burning scalp type, etc?

 

Headaches have been my worst and longest lasting symptom, and now that I am at 38 months and three weeks, I do see some improvement in their intensity and duration, and am thankful for this.

 

Thanks for any relevant reply…now go enjoy living!!!!

 

GG😍

[[B ...]]

GG,

I’ve had migraines for years. I used to work shift work for 30 years and the hours along with back disc problems contributed for years. I believe taking meds also played a large part as looking for relief is something we all want. Taking migraine medication would give some relief but I believe led to my body needing it to function and then also leading to rebound headaches. Being given benzos and other drugs led to many more headaches and pain, a lot of times radiating from tightness in my neck muscles. Muscle tightness and tension from all the drugs lasted through the drugs, withdrawal and recovery. I still have headaches more on an occasional basis probably still from my disc problem but I try and not medicate when possible. Once or twice a month I use Maxalt, a prescription migraine medication that works really well for me. I don’t use it unless I get to the point of having too. I don’t take anything the majority of the time and have found that I have much less problems when I tough it out and also avoid the rebound headaches from overly medicating. I used to take migraine medication almost daily when I worked shift work to function and with the introduction of all the other drugs prescribed by doctors it led to part of my polydrugging. I don’t take anything anymore, no Tylenol, no prescribed medication except for the maxalt maybe twice a month. I used to take more, but hope to be totally off of them at some point. I hope this helps you.

 

B strong

[[B ...]]

I hope all of you suffering through this terrible time can find comfort and hope today. Know that many of us were in your shoes and thought we’d never get our life back. It certainly wasn’t easy for me but I’m glad to say that somehow I made it and want to give you hope that you can too! God bless you and don’t give up.❤️

 

B strong 

[[Ho...]]

Thank you B Strong! You're a dear to see coming back and encouraging those of us still walking through rough times. I totally believe you!! Won't give up!! 

[[or...]]

7 hours ago, [[B...] said:

I hope all of you suffering through this terrible time can find comfort and hope today. Know that many of us were in your shoes and thought we’d never get our life back. It certainly wasn’t easy for me but I’m glad to say that somehow I made it and want to give you hope that you can too! God bless you and don’t give up.❤️

B strong 

amen to that @B strong, I'm noticing wd sxs now, that I actually thought were my new-normal because I've learned from others about Tolerance wd and I had those for years since I had only taken 1 mg C.  But since starting to taper 5 months ago, I have these amazing days (windows) so when I have the waves, I know they are wd sxs.  Your message I see this a.m. after another 4 hours only of sleep, was such a bright-spot, so thanks so much, glad I was following the Post, hugs and encouragement to ALL today, Denise

[[Ba...]]

Wow, your comeback story is definitely worth sharing. Stories like yours give me reassurance and help me keep determined to get well…let time pass actually. You’re the only person with a story that I’ve read that is similar to my most disturbing symptom during withdrawal….my cortisol was definitely high and maybe closer to Cushing’s syndrome. I knew the docs wouldn’t understand and so I never got tested. Didn’t want more drugs thrown at me due to their ignorance on benzo withdrawal. My question is how  long did it take for the morning cortisol to dampen down? Mine is definitely still heightened in the morning but not full blown attacks of terror. Now , my mind is calm but my body still reacts. What helped you? Maybe it wasn’t just one thing but please share anything. I

[[B ...]]

2 hours ago, [[B...] said:

Wow, your comeback story is definitely worth sharing. Stories like yours give me reassurance and help me keep determined to get well…let time pass actually. You’re the only person with a story that I’ve read that is similar to my most disturbing symptom during withdrawal….my cortisol was definitely high and maybe closer to Cushing’s syndrome. I knew the docs wouldn’t understand and so I never got tested. Didn’t want more drugs thrown at me due to their ignorance on benzo withdrawal. My question is how  long did it take for the morning cortisol to dampen down? Mine is definitely still heightened in the morning but not full blown attacks of terror. Now , my mind is calm but my body still reacts. What helped you? Maybe it wasn’t just one thing but please share anything. I

Baraqah,

The cortisol elevation was part of my polydrugging imo. It started early on and lasted through my taper and withdrawal and several months after. When I got tested and it came back so high my Endocrinologist (probably my favorite doctor) said “you have to feel like you’re being chased by a tiger constantly”!

There was no chance to relax or catch my breath. I was wired and tired constantly. He thought I had Cushings and wanted more testing but when I told him how I felt about more tests he said “that’s fine I understand, we’ll do what you want”. Later on after I went through everything and came out on the other side he said he was glad we didn’t do more testing and that I was right. He even said if it had come back positive he may have recommended unnecessary surgery, and said the test was subject to false positives.

Did anything help? Not really, except time. When I decided I’m not having more tests or more drugs no matter what, the health anxiety lifted somewhat. Always worrying about doctors, drugs and tests is no way to live. I decided if I’m going to die I’ll die on my own terms not because of drugs….it was kind of like I was going to accept what happened and not look for more symptoms, angles, answers under every rock. Yea, the suffering was very hard  physically but I had decided to kind of let the mental anguish not overwhelm me. It still did at times, but I decided I was going to make it.

I hope you hang in there and get through it. Life is worth living if you can get past the Hell of the drugs!

❤️

B strong 

[[Ba...]]

Being chased by a tiger or having a rocket on my back was how I described It. At 20 months off I’m still struggling with morning cortisol. Not as bad but definitely still annoying and the ever so changing inner trembling. I have to be strong !! Thanks 

[[st...]]

@[B ...]Wow just read your. Story brings us hope.

[[st...]]

On 21/05/2023 at 00:01, [[B...] said:

Sunny,

I was doing the same as you several years back…reading success stories over and over and picking out pieces that would help me make it through the day. Important to remember that when you’re having bad moments or symptoms that they will eventually pass. Nothing is linear about the healing and everyone is different…but I used everyone else’s success stories to give me hope. Being hopeful and positive is very important mentally to make it through the bad times. I wish you well my friend!

B strong ❤️

I'm doing the same thing. Reading and reading success stories 

[[st...]]

@[B ...]your story is amazing. Glad you made it to the other side. I to was given Lexapro and messed me up and was given Ativan. Are you totally back to normal laughing feeling emotion again.?

Edited September 11, 2023 by [st...]

[[B ...]]

2 hours ago, [[s...] said:

@[B ...]your story is amazing. Glad you made it to the other side. I to was given Lexapro and messed me up and was given Ativan. Are you totally back to normal laughing feeling emotion again.?

Yes, I have emotions again and can actually sit and not have any thoughts too. The racing mind was hard to deal with, continually not being able to relax. It took a full 18 months after an 11 month taper to feel “normal”, but I am blessed to be living a great life. Getting off everything and allowing time to heal was a big part. Everyone heals on a different timeline, nothing is linear on this journey so just do the best you can!

God bless!

B strong ❤️

[[st...]]

@[B ...] thanks so much for answering me back I appreciate it. 

[[Up...]]

Thinking of you and your family Bstrong…Merry Christmas I am alive and my daughter is doing well.  I can’t figure out this site at all.  Can’t use the messages but I think of you often.  
 

🎄💜✌🏼

[[Re...]]

How are you now, @[B ...]?

Edited April 19 by [Re...]