Is it the drugs, or the psychological condition, we're suffering?

[[Es...]]

I fell terribly sick at age 14 as a result of experiences I’d rather not talk about here. I’m 100% sure my disease was not a result of any psych meds. As I wasn’t taking any at the time. Psych meds both helped me and destroyed me. I think they did more good than harm in my life. Certain psych meds did more harm, others more good. I don’t want to even imagine what would have happened to me if I weren’t put on psych meds as a teenager. 

 

[[ma...]]

There's no underlying condition for me. I started taking the benzo due to situational anxiety related to circumstances that are no longer a problem, and my withdrawal symptoms are mostly physical: muscle pain, lack of strength, headaches, dizziness, etc. Even the shortness of breath is physical as I don't feel anxious.

 

note: I also have some mental symptoms, brain fog and memory problems, which I didn't have before the benzo.

[[Fl...]]

I can understand how someone might question this if they were either a) really sick prior to taking benzos and they indeed are only dealing with a return of symptoms or b) they aren't dealing with anything close to what I have been going through since coming off the drug.

 

All I know is that in my case I started taking benzos for (what I now know was a mild case of) social anxiety, and what I ended up with was absolutely not related to that in any way, shape or form.

[[Lo...]]

I can understand how someone might question this if they were either a) really sick prior to taking benzos and they indeed are only dealing with a return of symptoms or b) they aren't dealing with anything close to what I have been going through since coming off the drug.

 

All I know is that in my case I started taking benzos for (what I now know was a mild case of) social anxiety, and what I ended up with was absolutely not related to that in any way, shape or form.

 

I think this is a really interesting discussion, because compared to the benzo-induced anxiety I feel, I can definitely call my previous anxiety mild. But before I started taking ativan in my late 30's, the anxiety I felt seemed way more than just mild. So looking back from this point, I'd give anything to go back to that place of pre benzo-anxiety and avoid Ativan and other benzos like a plague and live my life with all the anxiety and panic it brought. But from that point of pre-benzo anxiety, this particular experience I am dealing with would seem impossible to me. There would have been no way for me to comprehend that this level of "anxiety" (if it should be called that) even exists. Basically, what clinicians call "anxiety" and what we humans experience as life anxiety (even if it is high), are two completely different things. Yet so many in mental health and even peer based supposed system insist on using the word "anxiety", although "extreme organic fear" would be much more apt description.

 

On another note, I get so tired of my therapist saying that benzos are addictive, while completely ignoring everything I tell her about the horrid symptoms of coming off of them, and how people hit plateaus where they just can't reduce their benzos and have to hold and start again later, and how it would be nice for the mental health professional to understand a need for an individualized taper for people, as well as to understand that many may have lingering symptoms post jump and can have them quite a long time. Apparently, this is not a part my therapist wants to hear. Also, I almost got completely stranded after the therapy session, and my ride arrived late, and I started questioning the value of therapy when feeling weak and agoraphobic. I had panic attacks going there and panic attacks while going back. Then I got home and called a helpline just to help me talk it through with a volunteer, which is almost like a mini-therapy to recover from the logistics of going to and from a therapy session, as well as some aspects of the therapy session itself.

 

Benzos robbed me of the freedom to ditch the therapist that is not a good fit for me. They robbed me of the freedom to chose and express myself the way I wanted to. They robbed me of my intelligence, creativity, sense of compassion, empathy, ability to feel comfort in feeling sad and ability to feel joy and happiness. If this was the price of reducing anxiety/panic attacks, it was absolutely not worth it. The anxiety/panic relief I got with these drugs was just a temporary illusion and they made everything 10,000 worse. The EMS services were here in the neighborhood, as a neighbor has taken his life and he was found yesterday. No, he wasn't on psychiatric drugs at the time and I don't know the details, but the flat affect and emotional blunting I've seen in him over the years, coupled with a profound depression made me think if he might have been medicated at some earlier point in his life. I have enough to deal with it, and this shook me to the core.

[[Es...]]

I’m sorry about your neighbor, LRF. Maybe he was just another victim of anti-psych med propaganda. Which targets especially antidepressants and antipsychotics. The most important thing is that he died med free, though.

[[po...]]

I've also pondered this. I had panic attacks and anxiety before the benzos and then was better on them. While on them I also did a lot of therapy. I have been working on coming off for a few years now and have been able to deal with my anxiety and panic that did come way better than I did before I got on benzos. I hit a really rough day a couple of weeks ago and haven't felt good since. I have NEVER felt this way before even before the benzos. I am having I guess extreme depersonalization and do not feel normal. I have to blame this on the benzo withdrawal. I asked my psychiatrist if these symptoms were withdrawal or because I actually needed the drug. He said that is the hard thing to figure out, but we would know if I can't get off. Blunt answer, but I guess the truth.

[[Te...]]

I can understand how someone might question this if they were either a) really sick prior to taking benzos and they indeed are only dealing with a return of symptoms or b) they aren't dealing with anything close to what I have been going through since coming off the drug.

 

All I know is that in my case I started taking benzos for (what I now know was a mild case of) social anxiety, and what I ended up with was absolutely not related to that in any way, shape or form.

 

I think this is a really interesting discussion, because compared to the benzo-induced anxiety I feel, I can definitely call my previous anxiety mild. But before I started taking ativan in my late 30's, the anxiety I felt seemed way more than just mild. So looking back from this point, I'd give anything to go back to that place of pre benzo-anxiety and avoid Ativan and other benzos like a plague and live my life with all the anxiety and panic it brought. But from that point of pre-benzo anxiety, this particular experience I am dealing with would seem impossible to me. There would have been no way for me to comprehend that this level of "anxiety" (if it should be called that) even exists. Basically, what clinicians call "anxiety" and what we humans experience as life anxiety (even if it is high), are two completely different things. Yet so many in mental health and even peer based supposed system insist on using the word "anxiety", although "extreme organic fear" would be much more apt description.

 

On another note, I get so tired of my therapist saying that benzos are addictive, while completely ignoring everything I tell her about the horrid symptoms of coming off of them, and how people hit plateaus where they just can't reduce their benzos and have to hold and start again later, and how it would be nice for the mental health professional to understand a need for an individualized taper for people, as well as to understand that many may have lingering symptoms post jump and can have them quite a long time. Apparently, this is not a part my therapist wants to hear. Also, I almost got completely stranded after the therapy session, and my ride arrived late, and I started questioning the value of therapy when feeling weak and agoraphobic. I had panic attacks going there and panic attacks while going back. Then I got home and called a helpline just to help me talk it through with a volunteer, which is almost like a mini-therapy to recover from the logistics of going to and from a therapy session, as well as some aspects of the therapy session itself.

 

Benzos robbed me of the freedom to ditch the therapist that is not a good fit for me. They robbed me of the freedom to chose and express myself the way I wanted to. They robbed me of my intelligence, creativity, sense of compassion, empathy, ability to feel comfort in feeling sad and ability to feel joy and happiness. If this was the price of reducing anxiety/panic attacks, it was absolutely not worth it. The anxiety/panic relief I got with these drugs was just a temporary illusion and they made everything 10,000 worse. The EMS services were here in the neighborhood, as a neighbor has taken his life and he was found yesterday. No, he wasn't on psychiatric drugs at the time and I don't know the details, but the flat affect and emotional blunting I've seen in him over the years, coupled with a profound depression made me think if he might have been medicated at some earlier point in his life. I have enough to deal with it, and this shook me to the core.

 

I absolutely agree with this. Had I known that my anxiety (which was more to do with discontinuation syndrome from all the drugs I had taken from two back-to-back hospital stays - who knows what they gave me. I asked, but from the response I got, it was best to not challenge the system since I was in dire straits) on benzos was going to be 10 times what I had that day when I called for something to ease anxiety, I would have never taken them. I would have waited it out. And I bet that I would have been far better off and feeling well. There is huge regret about this as well as regret about countless things regarding benzos.

[[Ma...]]

I wondered this about myself also. As I taper off this drug.

When I read stories of people who are having horrendous symptoms I have much more anxiety and it always happens at night when I go to bed. Having a sleep disorder, the nights I am panicked, I feel its kicking in again.. The nights  I feel more secure about my plan to taper and less afraid... I sleep much better.

I did not know what I had been taking. Until my new doctor told me. Then I panicked .Read everything  I could . And some of it frightening.. Then I would have worse symptoms I cut this back twice already over the years. With no problem. Until I KNEW what it was. this time I am feeling all sorts of things I never felt before.

I even said..I think I would have done better tapering, IF I had of never known .

But some of these people I believe are suffering horribly.. I never doubt people when they say how they feel.

25 years ago, I was diagnosed with a sleep disorder and I didn't sleep but just a couple hours when I was so tired I basically passed out.. I had sleep deprivation that turned in to horrible problems . That is why I was medicated. And for the anxiety that was tearing me apart.

All caused by unnecessary surgery.. And a unbelieving doctor. NOW here  I am on a medication that some say will put me back into that kind of misery again.

Its just hard to comprehend.

SO I do wonder. But I will never doubt others..

People doubted me.. And it still hurts this many years later..