Alcoholism During Taper

[[Te...]]

Thirdtime,

I didn't feel better than anyone at AA, it's just that these people told stories that were not like mine. I was in acute withdrawal from k when I went and was so sick I could barely sit through the meetings. I was agoraphobic and suffering from extreme dp/dr too, so driving to the meetings was difficult. I also don't feel that labelling one's self (Hi, I'm --- and I'm an alcoholic) is helpful. I'm not into the shaming component as IMO it doesn't  address the underlying causes of the drinking, in my case anxiety, exacerbated by a legally prescribed drug which I was not abusing. No disrespect is meant to those of us on this forum who find AA helpful. We all do what works for us.

I am not drinking now, and I know that if I use alcohol to alleviate anxiety,I'll never be able to drink again. My hope is that one day, I'll be able to enjoy an occasional drink. But if not, so be it.

[[Th...]]

Thirdtime,

I didn't feel better than anyone at AA, it's just that these people told stories that were not like mine. I was in acute withdrawal from k when I went and was so sick I could barely sit through the meetings. I was agoraphobic and suffering from extreme dp/dr too, so driving to the meetings was difficult. I also don't feel that labelling one's self (Hi, I'm --- and I'm an alcoholic) is helpful. I'm not into the shaming component as IMO it doesn't  address the underlying causes of the drinking, in my case anxiety, exacerbated by a legally prescribed drug which I was not abusing. No disrespect is meant to those of us on this forum who find AA helpful. We all do what works for us.

I am not drinking now, and I know that if I use alcohol to alleviate anxiety,I'll never be able to drink again. My hope is that one day, I'll be able to enjoy an occasional drink. But if not, so be it.

 

I'm so sorry if I sounded like you I insinuated you felt better than anyone, not my intention at all and I'm really sorry if it came out that way. I've kinda learned my lesson about saying AA is not for me and always kinda add a disclaimer now for those in the program that I tend to be hard on because of a negative experience with AA I had a year ago. The whole debacle is at the beginning of this thread.

 

It gave me PTSD and I will never be able to return to a meeting in the state I'm in due to terror attacks. My second go there I attracted some bad eggs and well was taken advantage of and threatened and all else.

 

It's a good program for some so there is my disclaimer so I don't get yelled at by anyone using it.

 

I completely understand not relating to the stories and I feel if I can't talk about all of the problem involving the Klonopin connection what's the point. Many are still on them from detox and I was told multiple times not to mention it, and no one else did either. Tough love never works for me and the harsh tactics didn't help me. This second time I was in a horrible place just like you were to be going. I had to go through an hour of panic before each meeting. I was not getting anything from it but being a victim again when I just wanted help. I'm surprised I still have it in me to reach out.

 

The one thing I could always relate to was the despair and knowing I was going to have to look outside myself for help.

 

I think we have very similar stories. Accept you are on the level now and I need to be.

 

 

[[Te...]]

Third time

No need to apologize! I didn't feel insulted. I was agreeing with you. My discomfort with my AA experience was not because I didn't think I had a problem. It was just that I felt my alcohol problem stemmed from the klonopin and that while I needed to be abstinent, AA meetings weren't going to help me. And not being able to talk about the k and having to reduce myself to a label was just not my scene. I was also turned off by the religious component.  Not the prayers of my faith.

You just have to tell yourself that right now, nothing good can come from alcohol. The risks outweigh the benefits. It's hard, I know. It's even harder when other pleasurable things like food are taken away because of withdrawal sx. I've been struggling with GI symptoms and my diet is limited.

Best,

TeeCee

[[Th...]]

Well I did again and had another binge. I feel so hopeless right now. 3 days in a row. I may have to go back to AA but because of my negative experience there and I panic. The people that attacked me go to every meeting in town and I'm scared of running into them. I have no other options though, I'm desperate to get this under control.

 

When my husband goes to the office I panic being alone so I drink. When we moved here I tried so hard to make friends and I'm so lonely that I panic and can't even have the good sense to know it will make things worse. It's like blinders are on and yes it's an obsession.

 

So considering my options are limited I'm going back to AA. I'm really scared, really scared.

[[Te...]]

Thirdtime,

I don't know where you are, but see if there is a Smart Recovery group near you. You might like their approach better than AA.

Good luck and hugs.

[[Th...]]

Hi Tee Cee, there once was one near me but it's not there anymore. I do read their website and use the tools. Thanks for suggesting it, not many people know that it is an alternative. It's more science based which I like. Some of the tools have been useful. The journaling has kept me dry several days. I suppose I need to make it more of a ritual to read some everyday. Right now I'm still sick as a dog but I'm going suffer with sxe to no end as this is much worse. It's like sxe on steroids.

[[Te...]]

I'm sympathetic. Although I didn't reach full blown alcoholism, as the k became less effective I drank more to relieve anxiety. I got sick while I was in what I now know was tolerance, and I gave up alcohol first. It hasn't been easy, but every day I tell myself that my marriage, my health, my children and my sanity are more important than alcohol. Alcohol may make you feel better in the short term, but will make you feel worse in the long term. You have to keep telling yourself that.

Hugs.

[[Th...]]

Thanks TeeCee, this last episode really scared me. I went to a really dark place. I'm fighting hard. Today I had many triggers but pushed through. I grew up with a mother, grandmother, and brother who were alcoholic. I swear to myself I will not put my daughter through it. I'm not putting her through me on any drugs. Klonopin killed my brother.

[[Pi...]]

Hello have found you ❤️

[[Pi...]]

Have posted on this thread...because I grew up with my nan who was an alcoholic.i was a big binge drinker for 20 years only on weekends but could never do one drink was always 100 drinks then black out!!only realised I was blacking out as I was drinking on zopiclone :/

Am 17th month sober but my god my craving for booze is in sane...it's definitely the benzos!!hell I never craved booze on a morning this is totally insane

[[dr...]]

Here's my thoughts.

I think you should focus on just one issue at at a time. For now I would look to getting your drinking in order and put the benzo taper on the back burner. Simplify so to speak. And when ready, then resume the benzo taper.

The alchohol is probably a major contributor to your panic attacks.

 

 

Me too!  As soon as I was off I lost all desire to drink.  Before that, I binge drank like crazy and engaged in high risk behaviors.  All of it gone.  I look back and wonder how I am still here.  Amazing.

Thank you, that is what I'm going to do. Not reinstate but not even consider a drop until the craving subside. Alcohol is the bigger evil in my book. It's a catch 22. When off Klonopin my cravings disappear but I can't rush to get there or I'll be worse off than I started.

 

So if I'm understanding you correctly, your craving for alcohol is gone once you are off Klonopin?

 

I would think it would be the opposite, as benzos are usually prescribed for people quitting alcohol.

 

The same happened with me.  My alcohol cravings were awful while I was suffering tolerance withdrawal symptoms, but are nonexistent now.  I thought I had a serious drinking issue, but it was the K all along.  There has been no point in my taper or recovery that was as hellish as that time -suffering symptoms without understanding why, gulping down straight vodka to tame the inner torment. Horrible.

 

I know these exact feelings and have noticed and found the exact same for myself. Absolutely insane when you really put it all together. Scary.

 

 

I noticed the same thing.  I am three years off now and can't believe how Klonopin affected me.  Binge drinking, gambling, and other high risk behaviors.  It changed or amplified behaviors.  As soon as I quit, all of it gone and I am thinking how did I survive it all.  I am all back to living in moderation.  I can have drinks but it is not to relieve tolerance withdrawal symptoms.  Amazing.

[[Th...]]

Have posted on this thread...because I grew up with my nan who was an alcoholic.i was a big binge drinker for 20 years only on weekends but could never do one drink was always 100 drinks then black out!!only realised I was blacking out as I was drinking on zopiclone :/

Am 17th month sober but my god my craving for booze is in sane...it's definitely the benzos!!hell I never craved booze on a morning this is totally insane

 

Yep! I'm the sad soul you see waiting for the store to open in the morning. 17 months is a long time, hold it close! That first drink after 6 years started this one year cycle of binges for me. It was 2 drinks after 2 nights of insomnia and I wanted anything to sleep. Well over the course of a year 2 became 12. I've got a whole week under my belt since my last binge. Something was different about it, something darker. I'm really afraid of alcohol from it and the cravings have subsided....for now. I decided to start a long hold due to the cravings. I think if I level out I can get back on track. Taper on hold, dealing with what I think is a bigger demon for me. My mother was an alcoholic and I can't put my daughter through it. Lucky she is 3 and hopefully won't remember my taper time at all.

[[Th...]]

Here's my thoughts.

I think you should focus on just one issue at at a time. For now I would look to getting your drinking in order and put the benzo taper on the back burner. Simplify so to speak. And when ready, then resume the benzo taper.

The alchohol is probably a major contributor to your panic attacks.

 

 

Me too!  As soon as I was off I lost all desire to drink.  Before that, I binge drank like crazy and engaged in high risk behaviors.  All of it gone.  I look back and wonder how I am still here.  Amazing.

Thank you, that is what I'm going to do. Not reinstate but not even consider a drop until the craving subside. Alcohol is the bigger evil in my book. It's a catch 22. When off Klonopin my cravings disappear but I can't rush to get there or I'll be worse off than I started.

 

So if I'm understanding you correctly, your craving for alcohol is gone once you are off Klonopin?

 

I would think it would be the opposite, as benzos are usually prescribed for people quitting alcohol.

 

The same happened with me.  My alcohol cravings were awful while I was suffering tolerance withdrawal symptoms, but are nonexistent now.  I thought I had a serious drinking issue, but it was the K all along.  There has been no point in my taper or recovery that was as hellish as that time -suffering symptoms without understanding why, gulping down straight vodka to tame the inner torment. Horrible.

 

I know these exact feelings and have noticed and found the exact same for myself. Absolutely insane when you really put it all together. Scary.

 

 

I noticed the same thing.  I am three years off now and can't believe how Klonopin affected me.  Binge drinking, gambling, and other high risk behaviors.  It changed or amplified behaviors.  As soon as I quit, all of it gone and I am thinking how did I survive it all.  I am all back to living in moderation.  I can have drinks but it is not to relieve tolerance withdrawal symptoms.  Amazing.

 

While I see other drugs make people crave alcohol, I've noticed a majority were on Klonopin.