benzo and antidepressant CT/fast taper simultaneously

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Everyone says we all recover, but it's been 8 years for me now and my nervous system isn't any better than it was years ago. because I CT'd an antidepressant and tapered fast Klonopin at the same time. The expert on SurvivingAntidepressants.org said the worst withdrawal is antidepressant and benzo withdrawal combined because both GABA and serotonin that help recovery are downregulated. and I CT'd and tapered fast both drugs simultaneously which is also worse than CT'ing just one. CT'ing and tapering fast both simultaneously inflamed and ruined my nervous system so severely, it seems my nervous system can't heal naturally without medicine. because it's been 8 years and my nervous system is still just as bad as it was years ago. Eating vegetable leaves and exercising heals my brain more although even after years of it my brain still isn't recovering fully so I still have some mental problems left and the vegetables and exercise don't heal my nervous system much. The damage to my nervous system is too far gone, it seems like I need medicine to heal. Just like certain illnesses require medicine to heal, and can't heal without it. Everyone says we all recover but everyone recovered in less than 8 years and from withdrawals that were less bad than mine, because the worst withdrawal is CT'ing or tapering fast a benzo and antidepressant simultaneously. So I'm dealing with the worst of the worst. Everyone else tapered more slowly or CT'd just one. I truly feel like the worst case of all, and alone. I never tried another psych drug again because I can't bear the suffering of another withdrawal again. And a year ago, the suffering got much worse and unbearable when my sleep deprivation became so extreme, the extreme lack of sleep caused me to feel extreme, severe, unbearable agony. But I still couldn't bring myself to do suicide and couldn't risk taking a psych drug for sleep because it might make my sleep problem worse and would also worsen my brain and nervous system. People on this forum suggested sedating antidepressants which helped them sleep but that's because they're only in benzo withdrawal. I'm also in antidepressant withdrawal so I can't take a sedating AD for sleep, that's like taking a benzo. It would worsen my withdrawal. People in benzo withdrawal also don't know that people in antidepressant wd are much more sensitive than people in just benzo withdrawal. Benzo people are able to take other psych drugs and magnesium in high doses for sleep, but not people in antidepressant withdrawal. Many people in AD withdrawal get horrible reactions from other psych drugs as well as magnesium supplements in low doses. We're so sensitive we can't eat many foods either, and can't eat the same foods everyday and in big amounts.

 

Non psych drug sleep meds didn't help me, they made it worse. Chamomile tea and magnesium didn't help either. I had no choice but to endure it and pray. Over time, the agony lessened little by little as I continued to sleep a couple hours most days though I haven't been able to get enough because breathing car/motorcycle cycle smog everyday (living in the city) messed up the the part of my brain that regulates sleep so that it started causing me to wake up several times during sleep everyday and be unable to fall asleep again, which is why I became so extremely sleep deprived. Over the past year, as I continued to sleep some most days, the agony became less unbearable but I was still suffering nearly unbearably everyday because of being unable to get enough sleep, I'm still extremely sleep deprived. I had to survive each day everyday and now it's gotten worse again because this time stress worsened my sleep problem even more. I've been suffering unbearably again and I can't bear anymore of it. Not only that, my brain and nervous system seems like it can't heal fully, and I've been unable to live normally, can't work a job or even go to the market because of the car smog. I'm an adult and my mom's still babying me, buying my food for me. She's getting old now and can't keep doing this of course. I can't bear anymore suffering and can't live independently and she and no one else can baby me for the rest of my life. I can't live like this, so it seems suicide is my only solution. It seems there's no hope for me. But I don't want to do suicide if there's something at the hospital that can help me. I don't have much hope because doctors generally treat the brain and nervous system and insomnia with psych drugs but I at least need to try when suicide is my only other solution. My mom wants me hospitalized but she doesn't understand psych drugs. I'm scared to try any medicine even at the lowest dose because it might cause horrible reactions and problems since I'm so sensitive. But I don't have a choice. I wish I could be hospitalized with non-psych drug medicines and treatments that will heal me and my sleep. But before I go I'd like to know if anyone has been offered or tried non-psych drug medicines or anything at the hospital that helps. Psych drugs aren't an option so has anyone gone to the hospital and tried any non psych drug meds or treatments there?