18 - 30 Month Plus Group

[[so...]]

Korbe,

 

I had the akathisia big time until month 8.  Then it subsided to a manageable level.  It was my most disturbing symptom.  Absolutely devastating.  I feel for you, but take heart that it goes away eventually.

 

Jenn,

 

We are all getting better than we were and we constantly need to remind ourselves of that.  I love your positivity.  I will try hard today to keep my anxiety 2 feet ahead of me, instead of succumbing to it.

 

I wish the people who no longer post on the thread would come back and write success stories.  It would help me to know that recovery does happen.  It's too bad when they just disappear without closure.  I'm looking forward to reading all of yours and to writing one of my own.

 

Love, Sofa

[[Mi...]]

 

I just want to get my confidence back , where I can trust my body and mind again.

 

 

Cindy, I can absolutely 100% understand exactly what you are saying!

 

[[tr...]]

Do you get the chest adrenaline pressure hell with this? With the burning toeture through ur veins?

[[Si...]]

...

I just want to get my confidence back , where I can trust my body and mind again.

...

 

You'll get it back when it starts improving for you. I'm pretty sure it's chemical related as mine just dropped off into nowhere the last month or so. Very weird indeed. Just keep moving forward.

 

[[dr...]]

Siggy-I'm so impressed w your healing.  You sound great.

[[Si...]]

Siggy-I'm so impressed w your healing.  You sound great.

 

Thanks drew! Yeah, it's very weird. Only two months ago I thought it would never end and was still feeling pretty terrible most of the time. But over the course of about 2 weeks, everything seemed to dial back a lot. I still have some symptoms, but they definitely aren't nearly as bad as they were. Waiting for a few months to see how it goes, but if I continue to improve, I will write the long awaited success story. Which will be right in time for my 2 years off / 7th wedding anniversary. 

 

Hope you're doing well and settling in to the married life.

[[dr...]]

I was steadily improving until I got hit w this migraine yesterday.  No I'm pad up in pain. When I feel bad this is so hard.

[[so...]]

Drew,

 

I hate to see your migraine is back.  It's temporary and you'll be back in the healed zone tomorrow.  You are almost at the finish line Drew.  This is the last wave for you.  I have been noticing that when I'm hit hard with a persistent symptom, it loses its steam the next day.

 

Siggy,

 

What can I say but AWESOME!

 

Love you all, my friends, Sofa

 

 

[[ci...]]

siggy, i am so happy you are seeing improvement.

[[Si...]]

Drew hopefully you'll get some rest tonight and the migraine will be gone tomorrow.

 

Thanks for the well wishes everyone. Hope y'all have a nice night tonight.

[[St...]]

Hey just wondered how many of you are taking CoEnzyme Q-10 as a supplement? I'm not taking any supplements currently as everything i've tried just seems to rev up my symptoms as my nervous system just can't seem to handle them. Saying that though i'm 14 months out without a single window, my chronic fatigue makes me completely unable to do exercise and i just woke up feeling like i need to be doing SOMETHING to help the regeneration of my brain.

 

Would appreciate your thoughts

[[Mi...]]

Stuck,

 

I take a Probiotic.  Calcium Magnesium, Vitamin D, Fish Oil, B Complex, and C.

I just recently was able to take these a couple months ago.  I have to go low on the Magnesium as it seems to relax me abit to much.. Idk if that's what it does for everyone or just some weird thing in how I personally react to it???   

Idk anything about CoQ/10...  I started the supplements when my mental sx started to drop off and the physical started...  My naturopath wanted me to start. 

If u decide to start slow and one thing at a time so you know what your reacting to if you react....

The only one I won't go without is the probiotic! 

[[Te...]]

Jen,

 

What brand of probiotic do you use?

I currently I'm using something from the fridge section....I got the children's version....thought it would be better for trying it out......Im nervous to take it everyday....so for know take it every three days...

 

They highly recommended the fridge probiotics versus ones on the shelves....it's just very expensive

 

TM

[[Mi...]]

Hi Buddies,  This throat closing sensation is still kicking by *ss!!!  Do you guys still get this?  It's the cause of every panic attack I have had in the past few months,  I hate this more than ANYTHING!!! I know what the ENT specialist said BUT it's been constant and I am going crazy like actually losing my mind over this! I am starting to doubt what the old man said!  I AM LOSING IT OVER THIS

 

 

TM, I use the refrigerated ones as well. I got them from my Naturopath.  There called GASTROZYME from ENERGIQUE.  He personally thinks they are the best ones out there for the price.  I think I pay about $30 or $40 for 100. 

[[Te...]]

Jen,

 

Thanks for probotic info.....guess the better ones cost more....which is ok

 

As for throat....mine comes and goes....and sometimes it's super bad and chest can be tight with it...

I've had several test done on throat.....all normal.......but it's a terrible feeling ...mine to me feels like I'm having an allergic reaction to something...my nose sometimes even feels like swollen...it's just amazing what the darn pills can do to us.......

It's also weird why my throat symptoms can be different at times....if not tight and feeling like being choked....I have a times this feeling of a big pill stuck in my throat...which gives me goose bumps...so strange

 

How long does you throat symptom last....mine various in length....sometimes its all day......grrrrr

 

Warm lemon water does help sometimes

 

TM

[[Mi...]]

Thanks TM,  Mine comes and goes,  I guess!  I don't keep a journal at home so I was going through my posts.  As I feel like I have been dealing with it forever! I guess I wrote at the beginning of Dec that I was so happy I wasn't dealing with it any longer....  Ugh...  So it's something that comes and goes.  I am pretty sure I have been dealing with it again since Christmas.  I just really really hate this Sx. Mine pretty much feels like I am constantly clearing my throat 24/7.  Although it is that time of the year as well.  It acts up on me daily. Usually evenings are worse.  Either feels like my throat muscles are constricting and are going to close. Or I have some big ball lodged in my throat. 

I guess it is do to anxiety.  I never had anxiety like this before these damn pills but I have really noticed how anxious I have been lately. Now that 99% of that chemical anxiety is gone I guess I am left with this, ughhh....    I think it's mainly do to healing and getting my feet wet in the outside world a bit.  I feel like I have one foot in WD and one foot out.  Constantly looking over my shoulder.  Constantly second guessing whether I should do this or that. And if I do this how will my body/mind react to it today.  If that makes any sense.  I guess it comes down to maybe trusting yourself again in a way.  I get into the car already to go do this or that and the memory's of doing this or that in withdrawl come flooding in and it's like I freeze.  So I am guessing this is all anxiety, anxiousness, 24/7 so I am sure that's the reason for the throat thing?...     

I actually talked to my psychologist about this.  She is wonderfully amazing! And totally gets the benzo WD.  I argued with her and said but my anxiety is gone ect..  And she kinda laught at me and said yes your chemical anxiety the anxiety that the pills put you through has lessened ect...  But the psychosis, agoraphobia, and pure complete fear you went through is still there in memory ect...  And until this is COMPLETELY over and you find that trust in yourself you lost along the way ofcourse you are going to be anxious ect....  She said what you have right now is like normal everyday anxiety.  And since you have been through hell and back it just doesn't compare to the hell you were in so you aren't registering it as anxiety ect... 

And I know she is right.  I do this every minute of the day while not distracted...  Wonder how the trip to the grocery store will go, or how driving my daughter to dance will go, or how the hockey game will go?  It's constant.  My sister says I am so much better and had began to invite me to everything again.  But, it's extremely stressful...  It's like I have built these walls around myself! I don't even go to the doctor alone! And I am just not ready to start tearing them completely down yet.  I still very much so need the safety of them in my mind.  The limitations I have put on myself. As in driving in town but never out of town alone ect...    Idk maybe I just need more time or maybe I just need to kick myself in the ass and take my life back....    Maybe just TIME

 

IDK I JUST WANT LIFE BACK AND MY THROAT AS RELAXED AS POSSIBLE,

 

[[...]]

I know what you mean about wanting your life back Jen

 

This has been such a tough week, (tuesday and we not too bad) don't know how I've got through. Yesterday was hell and someone upset me at work which was unbearable.

 

I just feel total apathy, don't know if it's depression but my head feels really heavy, it's making me panic. I just want to go home and cry.

 

This too shall pass...... please

[[dr...]]

Thanks TM,  Mine comes and goes,  I guess!  I don't keep a journal at home so I was going through my posts.  As I feel like I have been dealing with it forever! I guess I wrote at the beginning of Dec that I was so happy I wasn't dealing with it any longer....  Ugh...  So it's something that comes and goes.  I am pretty sure I have been dealing with it again since Christmas.  I just really really hate this Sx. Mine pretty much feels like I am constantly clearing my throat 24/7.  Although it is that time of the year as well.  It acts up on me daily. Usually evenings are worse.  Either feels like my throat muscles are constricting and are going to close. Or I have some big ball lodged in my throat. 

I guess it is do to anxiety.  I never had anxiety like this before these damn pills but I have really noticed how anxious I have been lately. Now that 99% of that chemical anxiety is gone I guess I am left with this, ughhh....    I think it's mainly do to healing and getting my feet wet in the outside world a bit.  I feel like I have one foot in WD and one foot out.  Constantly looking over my shoulder.  Constantly second guessing whether I should do this or that. And if I do this how will my body/mind react to it today.  If that makes any sense.  I guess it comes down to maybe trusting yourself again in a way.  I get into the car already to go do this or that and the memory's of doing this or that in withdrawl come flooding in and it's like I freeze.  So I am guessing this is all anxiety, anxiousness, 24/7 so I am sure that's the reason for the throat thing?...     

I actually talked to my psychologist about this.  She is wonderfully amazing! And totally gets the benzo WD.  I argued with her and said but my anxiety is gone ect..  And she kinda laught at me and said yes your chemical anxiety the anxiety that the pills put you through has lessened ect...  But the psychosis, agoraphobia, and pure complete fear you went through is still there in memory ect...  And until this is COMPLETELY over and you find that trust in yourself you lost along the way ofcourse you are going to be anxious ect....  She said what you have right now is like normal everyday anxiety.  And since you have been through hell and back it just doesn't compare to the hell you were in so you aren't registering it as anxiety ect... 

And I know she is right.  I do this every minute of the day while not distracted...  Wonder how the trip to the grocery store will go, or how driving my daughter to dance will go, or how the hockey game will go?  It's constant.  My sister says I am so much better and had began to invite me to everything again.  But, it's extremely stressful...  It's like I have built these walls around myself! I don't even go to the doctor alone! And I am just not ready to start tearing them completely down yet.  I still very much so need the safety of them in my mind.  The limitations I have put on myself. As in driving in town but never out of town alone ect...    Idk maybe I just need more time or maybe I just need to kick myself in the ass and take my life back....    Maybe just TIME

 

IDK I JUST WANT LIFE BACK AND MY THROAT AS RELAXED AS POSSIBLE,

 

 

Jen-I totally relate.  Our chemical stuff is so much better but I have the same questioning you do.  Also, the old patterns of feeling bad everywhere outside are still with me.  We have to push through and realize none of the uncomfortable feelings can hurt us. 

[[...]]

We have to push through and realize none of the uncomfortable feelings can hurt us.

 

That's a helpful thought Drew  Yes they are just uncomfortable feelings and I am sitting here getting worked up about them. There's no point, I've felt this before and it's passed.

 

[[dr...]]

I'm doing the same thing

[[Mi...]]

Thanks Drew and Marj,

 

I hate that you guys feel this way as well...  But, it's also nice to know I haven't completely lost my mind.  I know the feelings can't hurt us.  I just get carried away in the moment and need to remember this.  I just am at the point where I feel I need to get back to life. Prove to myself I can do this again.  I am worried if I don't my walls will never come down! I hope I don't end up having a nervous break down or that my heart actually will beat out of my chest! But I guess if I was healthy enough to survive this far the chances of that are slim, right?...

Next week I am going to make myself do something everyday outside of my walls.  Drive out of town solo.  Make a plan and keep it Ect....  And next wknd we are going out of town for a hockey tournament and I am going!! 

 

Have A Good Wknd. 

And thank you again, 

 

:smitten:

[[so...]]

Drew,

 

I'm so sorry you got hit with the migraines again.  I hope you feel better today with an even higher baseline.  I had a bad day yesterday, but I'm feeling better today.  The healing process is moving along.

 

Love, Sofa

[[dr...]]

thx sofa!  Yesterday was terrible.  I worked myself up over the pain and symptoms of the migraine(had heart palps and no sleep) that I went down the rabbit hole.  I was actually dry heaving which I get rarely.  Had an emergency session with my therapist to get back on track.  At work today and feeling better but still anxious.  I am just being one with it and not analyzing it.  It is amazing how we can go spiraling out of all reality.   

[[Mi...]]

Drew, I must have missed your post as I was trying to breath through my throat sx yesterday, so sorry about the migraine!  Any yes spiraling down out of all reality!  EXACTLY.....  I know we are better but we are still healing and trying to deal the best we can with what we all have been through! And still dealing with! Even if it's on a less intense level most of the time, it is still very difficult....  Our less intense level is in all practicality is probably the normal breaking point for many!  So be kind to yourself! Tell yourself what you would tell one of us going down the rabbit hole.

We are going to get there.....  To that sunny day where there is no more benzo waves!

[[so...]]

Drew,

 

The rabbit hole and spiraling is devastating.  My biggest problem is convincing myself I will heal eventually, mostly because I have felt the same for 14.5 months with almost imperceptible improvements.  Having said that, I have to keep reminding myself that I have seen improvements each month nevertheless.

 

You are close to the end, Drew.  Your worst days of suffering are your biggest days of healing.

 

Love, Sofa