18 - 30 Month Plus Group

[[No...]]

Well ... tried to sleep again early in the morning and got smacked with the vibrations and toxic stuff ... fell asleep later and slept for almost four hours ... now feel lousy ...

 

Seems I have the infection stuff going on and the benzo stuff at the same time ... I have the sense that the antibiotic is beginning to break up the congestion stuff ... and things feel pretty raw ... throw in the reflux ... and the vibrations ... 

 

Feels like they have me in a salad spinner ... and ... things are okay ... just loud and dynamic ...

 

Not much else to do today except stay slow and try to keep myself on an even keel ... I decided I needed to chase this congestion stuff so I can't complain too loudly ... but I can whine ... 

[[Si...]]

Sig... yay! on the sleep....is that a few nights in a row now? ...I hope you feel better as the day moves on....

  Thanks for the encouragement regarding the codeine ,I didn't know that it is a low level narcotic....takes an act of Congress to fill the script. Even at 7.5 mg it was very effective pain relief....but definitely not worth the palps, elevated b/p and headache....things seem to be calming down with the b/p but still taking low dose atenolol..  I think I am getting back to that 85% ....85% with a chance of sx....onward.

        Hope you get some sunbreaks....coop

 

Yes, I think this makes 5 nights in a row. Some nights were not very good, but I still take that over none at all. I think my longest stretch in the last 7 months were about 2 to 2-1/2 weeks. The worst month was May where I think I went about 6 weeks straight of one night on one night off. I'll feel a lot better when I can consistently not miss a night of sleep. I still feel like crap from this wave that hit 2 weeks ago. I'm really hoping this is the last major one I have to do. Of course we all do.

 

Nova, hang in there buddy! I've always hated the congestion stage of having a cold. You'll be out of the trenches soon.

[[Li...]]

  Hello just saying hello. I tried to past awhile back and must have screw it up, anyway I am 20 month this month. I dry cut k 5 weeks after 9 year run for ptsd. Today wave is hell had a few good days last week and wave fired up Sat had to go back to bed today, benzo flu, head psi, and so on. Hope this post makes it, Hanging in there. Thanks.

[[No...]]

Hi Little Man ... welcome ... that is a lot of what we do, hanging in there ... you have made it this far ... and you will get to the finish line ... we all will ... 

[[dr...]]

Ha...at headache center.  BP was 155/90 and hr 109.  They out me in a room literally the size a  closet w a strong fluorescent light and an ice machine noise.  Temporary room to check vitals. Keep you all posted

[[Co...]]

Ha...at headache center.  BP was 155/90 and hr 109.  They out me in a room literally the size a  closet w a strong fluorescent light and an ice machine noise.  Temporary room to check vitals. Keep you all posted

 

....Drew..  you doing ok?....mine goes to that range every time I go to the doctor....You are going to be good again once you get home. .  Did you get the disconnect too? ...Sorry that happened to you Drew..  waiting to read your next post

    Thinking of you......coop

[[Co...]]

Nova, glad you are getting some more rest....yes, the salad spinner response..  spins your head is what it does.  Half the people I know have respiratory infections....it's the season.

    You will have your bounce back... rattling around in your kitchen before Halloween comes knocking on your door.

      Feel better Nova.. .and rest well......coop

[[Co...]]

Hi Coop, glad you are getting over you blip. This seems to be what is happening to the 'healing folks' lot's of improvements and then a rumble to upset the apple cart. I don't really get health fear, however I did this weekend. Horrible......... my mind was doing a number on me and I really thought I was going to end up on a psyche ward. It's calmed a bit but feel shell shocked and jittery. I need to be more patient and accepting in what I can't do. It drives me mad that I don't want to do housework. I know that sounds trivial but I feel so disabled sometimes. That finishing line is really getting close for you now. I woudn't worry about the codeine it is totally different to benzo and will not have hampered your recovery. It's just that we are so cautious in not rocking the boat but you will be fine. 

 

...Marj.  I know the feeling of not wanting to let the house chores go. I absolutely have to get to the daily basics ( dishes, laundry, make th bed, sweep the floor) or it drives me crazy. But I am not working and supporting young adult kids....I hope you can let a few things go and take a nap or go for a little walk.

    Sorry that you are jittery and feeling psych-y ....You are such a warrior....you are getting really close too Marj.  It seems that making it past 18 months is a big psychological boost...We are all going to be able to put the's hard times behind us...

      Sending you big hugs ....and wishes for some decent sunbreaks tomorrow.....coop

[[Co...]]

Sig, I don't know why things have to turn crappy in the second part of year 2.....it stinks....but it seems like once you crawl on your belly through those late months a corner gets turned...

    I have only had a 4 day wave and I am really tired in the afternoon ... you have every right to be tired.....especially when you sleep with one eye open for your bad boy cat to come in out of the rain. 

    You're getting there Sig... 17 months? ....You are rounding the corner friend......coop

[[Co...]]

  Hello just saying hello. I tried to past awhile back and must have screw it up, anyway I am 20 month this month. I dry cut k 5 weeks after 9 year run for ptsd. Today wave is hell had a few good days last week and wave fired up Sat had to go back to bed today, benzo flu, head psi, and so on. Hope this post makes it, Hanging in there. Thanks.

 

.....Little Man.....yep, 20 months out and getting hit with benzo flu....so discouraging. I am at month 23.5 and had a bout of it at the end of month 21....20 months out is almost 'there'....I felt wavy all the way through month 21 and gradually got to 85%  better on most days in month 22.  I am currently getting washed up on shore after a 4 day wave....but pretty much landing just where I was....85%....

    Hold on.....keep going....Glad you jumped on here....really nice people here with a lot of caring, good information, wisdom and humor.....We are here for you....just keep on keeping on....Wishing you sunbreaks.....coop

[[No...]]

Hi Coop ... sure did feel like the salad spinner for a couple of hours during last night ... and things are okay ... I seem to be smiling most of the time rather than grumping ...

 

Hope you are having a good day ... 

[[dr...]]

Well...that was interesting.  My anxiety contributed to climb in waiting room.  Nurse moved the BP stuff to another room to try again. Told her I was doomed here. Lol. 145/ 85. A bit better

 

Met w dr for over an hour.  He commented on me jumping out of skin and he said "that's def benzo withdrawal.  How can a dr think it's not?"  We had a very long chat about the benzos not causing the headaches but the secondary effects being migraines from anxiety/tense muscles.  I thought it would end up being a disagreement but it was more semantics.

 

He asked me what I would like him to do since he is a medical dr and he prescribes drugs but he can tell I'm anti drugs.  He said he understood why I felt the way i did and he'd be the same way.  I told him maybe i can learn a thing or two.  We talked more, he gave me a full exam, etc...

 

Said he sees no reason for an mri as anything deadly wouldn't come and go. It'd be constsnt(good note for all of us who think we have tumors, ms, etc).  He also said he wouldn't recommend any meds since I've been improving and he feels it's a secondary effect from the withdrawal.  We made a deal if the headaches came back or were bothersome I would make an appt and we can discuss non brain meds that time.  He said it was safe to take Excedrin or another pain med around 2x per week. More than that can cause bound headaches.

 

He retook my BP at end of appt and by that time I was comfortable in the environment.  120/75!!!  He laughed told me to get out and he never wants to see me again.  I told him ditto!!!

 

All in all a reassuring visit and really good neuro doc. Oh...he also told me he wish he could have me advocate to his patients how bad these drugs are.  He said the pain pills and benzos are ruining so many lives. 

[[Si...]]

Yeah coop, I'm nearing 18 months. Basically around the beginning of November. The kitties are all curled up now on the sofa. The one that tried to escape, Gandalf, use to be my avatar on here.

 

Drew, interesting info about the neuro. I've contiplated going to one. My head symptoms have been bad for 7 months since the flu. The head pressure, burning and vibrating is relentless. I hate it.

 

Welcome to the crew little man!

[[dr...]]

Sit we are moving right along. There really isn't anything the doc can do unless you want to take meds.  I'm pretty sure these headaches will all go away but if they don't I want to have this UCSF headache center as a resource. It can take six months to get in if they accept you.  Once you're in you're in for life.  They even give you a special phone number .  I went and now I'm part of the club

 

Except for the anxiety during doc visit I felt decent all day. The disconnected feeling yesterday completely left.  Stimulative anxiety and other stuff mostly ok. Not great but manageable.  The other thing is I didn't even come close to a panic at the dr.  That is huge.  Again...trying to point out to myself where I healed.

[[Si...]]

Yeah that's great drew. Congrats on the VIP. As you said my head stuff has occassionaly gone away. So I guess that's a sign that to quote Arnold "it's not a tumor!". I'd love for it to go the hell away though. I haven't had many anxiety attacks until recently with this latest wave or two. Feels like my whole spine is just jacked up with electricity. Usually my BP is in the 115/75 or so range with a bpm of 60. Consequence of never ever eating or drinking anything fun. Majority of any sugar I get is from fruit juice. Did your sleep improve any? I know you were having some rough nights recently.

[[dr...]]

Man...autocorrect changed you to Sit instead of sig.  Lol.  It's all benzo so please don't worry. That's the biggest difference now. Even though I get chemical anxiety I knew nothing else was causing it or any other symptom except benzos.  Ive hit the total acceptance stage of whatever I feel I know what it's from. It freed my mind from giving anything more than a thought. 

 

I've been sleeping 7-8 hours with nightmares and wake ups every two hours or so. I'm okay.  It's manageable.  The doc couldn't believe I can drink coffee.  I told him this is the worst I get now and he's witnessing it. .  Home on the couch w one of my cats purring on me.  All good.

[[Co...]]

Drew!....what a great doc....I love everything he had to say...and that you are now a lifetime member of the elite exclusive honorary headache conclave at the UC  Headache Center....if anyone deserves that distinction you do. Everything sounds so positive and encouraging....doing another happy dance for you.  There is a huge difference in how you sound now and how you were when you made your appointment with the center....when you were trying the 3 prong supplement. ..I am so happy for you Drew.

    It's going to be a very good wedding for you friend.

 

It was reassuring to me to hear that serious stuff doesn't come and go. 

    Such good good news .....coop

[[Co...]]

Nova....Glad to hear that you are smiling....you're on your way up....have a good night .....carry on......

[[dr...]]

Thx coop    He was naming natural remedies and I told him how they all wonked me.  He said basically I can prescribe something but you're in no condition to take anything.  He said "meds or any supplement are an agreement between dr and patient and you're not in agreement whether that is benzo or mental it's still real".  he also said that he believes what patients tell him what they are experiencing as we all know our bodies better than he can.  Rather refreshing. We did agree there are some wackos out there 

 

Coop-you pull out of crapland?

[[Co...]]

Drew..I want a doctor just like that... actually my primary is pretty great and my gastrointerologist is very much like your neuro at the Center

  Yes, I am starting to roll out of this wave..  I am now pretty convinced that it was the codeine....the wonky 150 hr hasn't happened again and my b/p is coming back into line...health fear more manageable.  Pretty much good to go.  Lol.

      Onward we go with our rag tag assortment of worn out sx hanging out of our pockets and bags....we're beaten up, but scrappy and on our way.  Have a good night Drew.    coop

   

[[He...]]

Coop,

I'm so glad to hear that you are starting to feel better after this past wave!!    One of these days the waves will be in the distant past.  I'm feeling back to normal again.  I have a feeling that random waves may pop up for a while still, but they are manageable. 

 

Drew,

What a great doctor appointment! Always good to hear that anything deadly wouldn't come and go.  I had some old health anxiety pop up this past wave and I will be filing that bit of information away in case it happens again. 

 

Nova,

Smiling rather than grumping is a great thing! 

 

 

[[Co...]]

HH....so good to hear from you. I kept thinking about you and your last wave after months of being healed. I almost messaged you, but didn't want to bother you....knowing that you had some bad acute like sx , including anxiety and health fears, really helped me stay out of complete discouragement. I agree, I think we are going to continue with random waves from time to time. I feel back at 85%, but I was really afraid that I was on my way back to blue hell.  I will take the 85% and run with it

  So glad you are back on top.  Wishing you happiness happiness and all happiness.    coop

[[He...]]

HH....so good to hear from you. I kept thinking about you and your last wave after months of being healed. I almost messaged you, but didn't want to bother you....knowing that you had some bad acute like sx , including anxiety and health fears, really helped me stay out of complete discouragement. I agree, I think we are going to continue with random waves from time to time. I feel back at 85%, but I was really afraid that I was on my way back to blue hell.  I will take the 85% and run with it

  So glad you are back on top.  Wishing you happiness happiness and all happiness.    coop

 

I would have loved it if you messaged me!  Next time you have the urge, PLEASE do.    I think it is just par for the course, these random waves. 

Wishing you happiness right back, my friend!

HH

[[Co...]]

Thanks HH.....next time I will. ..

[[Li...]]

  Thank Copperten am just beginning to recognize what is what. I do know that I had three good days last week and then it came again. I thank the worst part is not recognizing myself in the mirror and feeling so detached from everything. Walking around in my own space and watching my family and not understanding why they are doing what there doing and sometimes getting really irritated about it all. Also the head psi and sharp teeth.  Anyway thanks for the note back.