18 - 30 Month Plus Group

[[Hi...]]

Does how kindled you are and how many times you been ctd and reinstated mean for longer recovery I'm so traumatized I'm not off yet but was at one point and wasn't getting better now I'm worse. Also I have progressed liver disease and I think that plays a huge role in this I'm so screwed

[[dr...]]

I've been on and off a few times over the years. Kindled for sure  Not sure on the length of suffering as we all vary but my taper was tough from the get go. Never stable.  The key is to get off anyway you can and just stay off no matter what.  It sucks

[[so...]]

Hi Hiphop,

 

I've talked with you before and have read many of your posts.  You're in a really tough spot.  You have a doctor who is over-medicating you, is trying to get you in his detox clinic for $90,000, has done nothing to stabilize you, and you feel very very sick.

 

I pray for you all the time and, even though you have health issues on top of withdrawal, you are hanging in there.  It's hard to peel away the onion layers when you're poly-drugged.  You don't know what's causing what.  You are too sick to think clearly, figure out a plan and stick to it and nobody is helping you in real life.

 

I'm just going to reiterate what others have said to you.  Pick a drug you think is giving you the biggest problems, slowly taper off the drug, go on to the next drug.  Repeat.

 

I hope you find the inner strength to do this.  Your strength is there.  You just need to find it.

 

Love, Sofa

 

 

[[No...]]

Hi ... I seem to be fighting something off ... actually feels like I am a bit sick with something other than recovery ... that's kind of cool ...

 

This is the third day of antibiotics so things should start moving along in the next day or so ...

[[...]]

Sofa, how lovely your words are. So comforting, so inspiring. What a kind person you are, keep going as you are going to bloom 

 

Serenity, once again I identify with what you have written 100%. This is brutal, I feel on my last legs too and am beginning with health fear as in, there seriously has to be something wrong. The misery, pain and suffering cannot still be this intense, and am I going to have to get up every day and feel so crap and weak like I have for the past 3+ years. I apologize for my hopeless post but I'm battle fatigued, just like every other poor soul here,so I know you 'get it'. I am going low and slow, making myself do my ironing with the worst headache and spaciness. I have zero motivation and hate living like this. My brain is burning in my skull but no anxiety, just depressed and defeated. Even though this is negative I am really trying to focus on the positive while ironing. Also positively, I have slept well the last 2 night, still exhausted though  :'(  I cried to God yesterday to make it give stop or to just give a hint of recovery. This is beyond scary and once this is over I will never complain again.

 

Nova, feel better and wow an something other than recovery? Lucky you!!!!! Enough is enough eh 

[[dr...]]

Hi all...I'm back in the soup a bit.  Had my usual nightmares and my fiancé thankfully woke me up during one. Apparently I hyperventilate during them   on the funny side I told her what my nightmare was about and we both had a huge laugh at 4am. It was a little orange man who startled me. I put my hand on his hand on a bannister in a dark stairwell funny now but oh so scary in dreamland.

 

My DR/disconnectedness is as thick as the SF fog. This is always disconcerting when it revisits til I get used to t. Also, slight pressure in forehead.  I have to food shop which I'll do soon and then it's another couch day for me.

 

[[Si...]]

Coop, yep just like a cat. He's been crying to go out on out back fenced patio (that's where he escaped from). He knows he can't by the tone in my voice. The wife is patching up our bird net rig that she set up to keep them jumping over the fence.

 

Nova hopefully the crud you have will be cleared up soon. A lot of people here have been getting colds. I had one I honk about 6 weeks ago. Wife may be coming down with something, so she's taken some airborn in hopes of staving it off.

 

Marj, I'm right there with you on this. Keep grinding forward. I know the depression but we'll. Never had hat until dealing with this massive craziness.

 

Hiphop, sorry my man, I can't really say much about kindling. Unless my drinking alcohol after I thought I was healed at 5 minths is what set me back? I can't tell, but I drank quit a few time without a huge problem. After getting the flu is when everthing went to hell. I know you're in a tough spot. We all wish we could go back in time and avoid taking this poison all together.

 

Drew, sorry you're getting hit again. I've been back in the crap for almost two weeks. Had very light sleep a few days ago where I usually have dreams that seem real. Had formicstion ones where I felt like bugs and worms were crawling all over me. Not pleasant at all. Hen theree was one in the very early hours, maybe 3am that same night where I felt like my wife was standing in the room and she screamed my name. That was also very disconcerting. I was on our sofa downstairs where I sometimes go when I can't sleep. Usually I'm super excited by Halloween, but I've been so depressed lately that I don't care. My birthday is the day after on Nov. 1. Hopefully I'll be in a window by then.

 

I actually slept pretty well last night. Started getting sleepy around 12pm which is unusual. I rarely get sleepy now. Went to bed at 1am and fell asleep rather easily. We ended up going to a massive Halloween parade they have every year I the Little 5 Points neighborhood. It definetly pushed my boundaries for anxiety sensitivity.

[[dr...]]

Yes sig...Halloween.  I half heartedly have bought some cool decorations but I'm nothing like my normal Drewcifer self

 

I decided to skip shopping for now and keep it low and slow. Why push it?  Rhetorical 

 

I'm here all day

[[No...]]

Hi ... feeling crappy ... but that is to be expected ... hopefully this infection thing will break soon ... no energy ... and not sleeping well ...

 

Another day in paradise ... 

[[Si...]]

Hi ... feeling crappy ... but that is to be expected ... hopefully this infection thing will break soon ... no energy ... and not sleeping well ...

 

Another day in paradise ... 

 

Hi nova, do you have a cold? Sorry you're feeling so poor today. I can totally identify with not sleeping well. It just adds to the misery.

 

I'm not feeling great either. My symptoms and anxiety are all ramped up. We had an important neighborhood meeting today (we're in town homes with an HOA). There's a large retaining wall behind a bunch of town homes (including ours) that's slowly been failing. So now the monumental task of figuring out how we'll move forward with the repairs.

[[Si...]]

Yes sig...Halloween.  I half heartedly have bought some cool decorations but I'm nothing like my normal Drewcifer self

 

I decided to skip shopping for now and keep it low and slow. Why push it?  Rhetorical 

 

I'm here all day

 

Ha ha drewcifer! Nice one.

[[Co...]]

Nova....get out the tea....really so sorry that you are on the down side. Hope the antibiotic is helping....Well,I guess paradise is one way to call it.. ..Do you have some yummy things tucked away in your freezer....gotta eat...

    Take care friend....Wishing you rest

                                          coop

[[Co...]]

Hi all...I'm back in the soup a bit.  Had my usual nightmares and my fiancé thankfully woke me up during one. Apparently I hyperventilate during them   on the funny side I told her what my nightmare was about and we both had a huge laugh at 4am. It was a little orange man who startled me. I put my hand on his hand on a bannister in a dark stairwell funny now but oh so scary in dreamland.

 

My DR/disconnectedness is as thick as the SF fog. This is always disconcerting when it revisits til I get used to t. Also, slight pressure in forehead.  I have to food shop which I'll do soon and then it's another couch day for me.

 

.....Scoot over Drew.  Any room on your couch?....Soup here too. Back to acute sx ( anxiety, elevated b/p....160/80)  back to taking my atenolol after being off of it for months....what the heck....after about 2 months of days that have more better than bad ... the Wheel of Unfortune has landed on acute.....so frustrating I could sream....

      Some of us are swimming around in the soup....Let's go over to Nova's and have tea and wisdom

.......feel better Drew... you are still sounding better than a month ago. ...carry on......coop

[[Co...]]

Sig....really glad to hear that you got some better sleep last night.....You really are managing. ..brunches, home owners meetings, going out, standing gaurd for your cat...

    We are better than we were. ....hoping that we all swim out of this wave soon. .. coop

[[dr...]]

Oh shit coop.  I'm nowhere near acute. I can't believe how hard you're getting hit. My hope is it's much shorter wave and it ends quickly. The beast is so cruel.

 

I have DR and weird head but no anxiety or headache pain w it which is a blessing. I'm trying to focus on the things I don't have each time I feel wonky so I don't get discouraged. I have the headache center appt tomorrow afternoon.  Had two visual auras this month but no headaches. Go figure.

 

I did get out for a two mile walk as I just had to do something. Drew's Cornicopia Kitchen is closed as I don't feel like cooking. Ordered a couple of Thai curry dishes. Nova and coop you're still welcome. I'm actually getting offended as Nova has no showed to several of my dinners. 

[[Co...]]

Drew, you are sounding so so good....a month without migraine, anxiety not hanging around....I am thrilled for you...you so deserve turning this corner....doing a happy dancefor you...

......hmmm....the Cornucopia Kitchen....I will be over, I will stop and pick up Nova on the way..

 

.....I think I might have kindled myself....I was on a 5 day low dose codeine therapy for bad bad RA pain last week. I thought surely , not being a benzo and being 23 months out I would be ok. I got heart palps and panics on the 3rd day but continued through the 4th day ... God I hope not.  I can not possibly go through another 2 years....My mind is good.  No cog fog or d/r... lots of health fear ....uugghhhh

....onward....are you serving any chocolate?......coop

[[dr...]]

Coop-totally possible you gave yourself a jolt.  That wouldn't be kindling and you will probably settle down within a few days.  Don't read too much into it or beat yourself up. 

 

I've had two migraine auras and some other symptoms w it but no headache.  Als no anxiety, pals, or chemical rushes that was off the charts w them. It's progress. 

[[Co...]]

Drew, thanks for the reassurance.. I would rather have the pain than the acute sx back

.....Progress....I' ll say....I am hoping for you that this progress just keeps right on going for you.  I am hoping good things for you at the Headache Center. 

    Raising a coffee to you ... coop

[[dr...]]

Thx coop.  I'm going in w low expectations that they won't believe it's benzos and want me to try meds.  I'm hoping to be pleasantly surprised and maybe learn a thing I don't know.  I doubt it but my deductible is met for the year so what the heck. 

[[No...]]

Hi ... up again after a three hour sleep ... seems to be the pattern last couple of days ...

 

Coop ... hang on ... don't worry about that "kindled" stuff ...

 

Drew ... slept through dinner again ... oh well ... please do not get a "complex" ... 

[[No...]]

Coop ... we get tangled up in things ... and we do our best ... this antibiotic stuff seems to be okay for me, just finished three days ... and this afternoon the benzo stuff popped up ...

 

I seem to be sleeping for a couple of hours and then up for four or five and then back to sleep ... it will work itself out ...

 

As Drew said ... the codeine may have been a bit of a jolt, and you decided you needed it ... so ... try to get too down on yourself ...

 

We are doing well ... it just doesn't feel like it right now ... 

[[Si...]]

drew, good luck with your appointment.

 

nova, sorry your sleep is broken. But I guess at least you are getting some. I took some amoxicillin a few months back after have a root canal with no problems. I'm sure you'll even out once whatever crud you have passes.

 

coop, I wouldn't worry too much about the codeine. It's a very weak opiate anyway and isn't specifically aimed at GABA receptors. Most likely whatever s/x it caused will pass in a few days.

 

Somehow I slept last night. I really had the feeling that I wouldn't, but ended up drifting off. Went to bed at 1am and woke up at 5:30am for my wife's alarm. Then went back to sleep for a little while. Still feel like crap, but at least I slept, which is much better than not. 

[[Co...]]

Sig... yay! on the sleep....is that a few nights in a row now? ...I hope you feel better as the day moves on....

  Thanks for the encouragement regarding the codeine ,I didn't know that it is a low level narcotic....takes an act of Congress to fill the script. Even at 7.5 mg it was very effective pain relief....but definitely not worth the palps, elevated b/p and headache....things seem to be calming down with the b/p but still taking low dose atenolol..  I think I am getting back to that 85% ....85% with a chance of sx....onward.

        Hope you get some sunbreaks....coop

 

[[Co...]]

Nova,... wow...tolerating the antibiotic....that's so good. I have heard others say that antibiotics can make you tired....of course so does an infection.....nap away friend....

    Yep, we get tangled....then untangled again....I am caught in health fear, but trying to be a little more zen with it and just consider it a ' guest' in my life right now and take it along with me through the day. 

    Carry on Nova and rest....and feel better....coop

[[...]]

Hi Coop, glad you are getting over you blip. This seems to be what is happening to the 'healing folks' lot's of improvements and then a rumble to upset the apple cart. I don't really get health fear, however I did this weekend. Horrible......... my mind was doing a number on me and I really thought I was going to end up on a psyche ward. It's calmed a bit but feel shell shocked and jittery. I need to be more patient and accepting in what I can't do. It drives me mad that I don't want to do housework. I know that sounds trivial but I feel so disabled sometimes. That finishing line is really getting close for you now. I woudn't worry about the codeine it is totally different to benzo and will not have hampered your recovery. It's just that we are so cautious in not rocking the boat but you will be fine.