12-18 month support

[[mr...]]

Hi Everyone,

After my last several posts of pure rant and fear, I have to share that I had a really good day today.  Just like that my anxiety, my pain, my fear switched off and I had a day of simply feeling good.    It was busy, productive, had times of joy and times of aggravation...and through it all I felt NORMAL.  I realize that my baseline is really, really high.  If it's not 100%, then it is darn close.  Now if ONLY it would stay there!   

 

I dearly hope you all have had a good day, too. 

HH

 

HH,

 

YESSSSSSS!!! I was just thinking about you... So glad to hear your good report!

 

Mrs.

[[Co...]]

HH.  Great post.  Absolute encouragement for all of us. .  I am so happy for you .  We are all going to have our lives back . I am hoping for you that this is it for you.. that this 100% will just be your new normal.  happy happy for you.  coop

[[Fi...]]

Hey, everybody, I am calling today a good day here in Oregon so I hope that's encouraging.  I didn't have my usual glass of wine and--guess what?--no rapid  heart rate.  So that's it for me and alcohol for awhile until this is in my rearview mirror.

 

HH, so glad you got better.  You too, Coop.  Weirdest thing, isn't it?  How the symptoms can come and go?

[[No...]]

Good Morning, Folks ...

 

It's Thursday ... sitting here muddling through my cold ... with some wavey stuff in the background ... and yes, it is weird how this stuff keeps coming and going ... and how all of us "keep going" ...

 

Some "doldrums" here ... a little "rant" there ... and seasoned with a little "joy" now and then ... and I am thankful that I have gotten this far ... and I am thankful for all of you ... and I am thankful that "next year" should see us "through" ...

 

Today is our 36th wedding anniversary ... a marvelous blessing ...

 

Pushing my cart around the grocery store this morning ... sniffling and coughing and feeling pretty "blue" ... just enduring ... and out of wherever these "messages" come from, an angel whispered ... "you can get through this ... no worries" ... and I just lightened up ... "stuff" just moved to the background and I smiled ...

 

So ... "we can get through this ... no worries" ...

 

Be well ...

 

Michael

 

[[No...]]

WORD FOR THE DAY

 

Thursday, Dec. 18

 

Hope is the deep orientation of the human soul that can be held at the darkest times.

 

Vaclav Havel

 

[[...]]

Wow Michael I could have written that post!

 

I'm fighting a very bad cold and "stuff" is trying to sneak in...I'm going with it and distracting!

 

I hope you feel better soon!

 

Hoping everyone is well!

 

[[No...]]

Hi GMIT ... yep ... the cold thing is a little "miserable" ... been hanging around for a week now ... oh well ...

 

Mrs Nova came down with it Tuesday evening as well ... one more day and we can "shut down" for two weeks like we always do this time of the year ... we do a "just us" thing ... our "selfish" time ...

 

Hope your cold passes quickly ... I tried a cold "remedy" that had an antihistamine in it ... what a trip ... spent an entire day feeling "stoned" ... which was pretty much "okay" ... just weird ...

 

[[...]]

Yes, mine has been here almost a week as well! I've taken something for all the mucus, I think it's what set me back. My daughter and granddaughter have both had it, so I'm sure that's where I got it from!

 

I'm just going to hang out in bed today and try to let my body rest!

 

I sure hope your cold clears up soon!

 

[[Gr...]]

 

I rarely get the vibrations anymore TG, 3 times a month it seems.  I will say this, I ONLY get them when I lay down at night, or first thing after getting up in the morning.  They always point to a wave coming in the morning, or a wavy day ahead of me.

Yes, Mike, they come with a wave.  They're the most awful symptom.  They make me feel like I need to run down the block in the middle of the night in my nightgown screaming.  Now, really, who else could I share this with, in my real life?

 

How have you been feeling?

 

I have been very good, and also "just ok", thanks for asking.  Sunday and Monday were awesome, both 80% days for the entire day, that hasn't happened ever!  A milestone in my book!  Today,not so good, but ya know what?  I'm not so bad either!  I think my baseline definitely changed after a pretty rough past 20 days prior to this past weekend.    So yes, even though today isn't great, it's definitely tolerable.  I can do what I need to do, I can talk to who I need to talk to, just have to endure some derealization and little muscle tension as I'm accomplishing these basic things.

Regarding WEIGHT:  I want to chime in and say the WD process has definitely messed with my weight too.  I had been very up and down (+/- 15lbs) for this entire process; then after I reached 1 year out it hasn't changed and i'm back to my normal weight.  What I was eating didn't seem to have anything to do with what the scale was saying.  Which brings me to my new moneymaking idea...  "It Must Be Withdrawal?" bumperstickers.

 

Regarding FEAR, CONFIDENCE, and PLANS:  On my really good days I have no fear, and I have confidence in myself.  On my poor days, I have lots of fear still, can't handle public things very well, feel shy to make eye contact with others, basically zero confidence, lots of social jitters.  I've accepted this hurdle for the time being. 

 

Something I've been doing to work on my fear of plans is simply saying YES to everything! 

 

Whenever plans come up (unless it involves drinking which I still can't do) I just say yes.  There is some anxiety waiting for the day to come because we never know how we will feel on a later date.  I KNOW we all know that fear.  When the day comes, whether I feel good or bad, I still keep the plans and just get out there.  If I'm not having a good time after a while then I'll leave, but at least I made the attempt.  At least I don't feel depressed, ashamed, or jealous the next day for staying home and missing out.  All that matters is that I made an appearance.  All that matters is that I'm trying.  If you mentally commit yourself 100% to keeping plans, then the fear of having to cancel them goes away.  I was finding myself more scared of possibly having to cancel a future plan than the plan itself!  Confidence is so important, I can't wait to feel it regularly again.  I think it will come back quicker the more I say yes to plans and yes to life.

 

Mike,

 

what you said,

 

So yes, even though today isn't great, it's definitely tolerable.  I can do what I need to do, I can talk to who I need to talk to, just have to endure some derealization and little muscle tension as I'm accomplishing these basic things.

 

And I would add sometimes fatigue, nausea, the boaty dizzy, and some odds and ends, which can be tough when all the symptoms decide to show up on the same day, but like you said, I can do what I need to do, talk to who I need to talk to, and when I deem it too much for me, for that day, I can make a reasoned, adult decision to call it a day, give myself a break.

 

I hear ya, and I'm very grateful for the improvements that allow me to live life, which last year I couldn't.  Thanks for posting this.

[[Gr...]]

Jenny...I believe you are right.  This lonely feeling is the worst. All tied  in with depression and lack of sleep.  Very hard to get the mind going in a positive direction.  That's is what we could all use at this point...positive thoughts. Would be nice to meet folks in person who have a good feel for what each other is going through.  I am sure there are support groups out there also.

 

Gart and Jenny,

 

I know what it is to have that overwhelming urge to connect with someone going through this.  Even though we know what's going on, withdrawal is an extremely lonely journey, nobody in our lives can truly understand what we're going through.  I have talked with people who experienced it, but since they were healed they could only offer reassurance, not much more, they weren't feeling it anymore.  And I've had days when I felt really good, and I couldn't connect with people here on BB.  I think when we heal, it's going to be like Neverland, we're just going to forget, it's going to be like something that happened a long time ago.

[[Gr...]]

 

Green--your suggestion that my pain in the back of my thighs is just one version of the nerve pain everybody talks about makes sense.  This started when I first began tapering off of my Oxycodone, though, so I've always associated it with that.  Funny thing--another of the first withdrawal symptoms from that was aching lower teeth.  I haven't had much of that in a long time but now it revisits me.  So I think I'm having two years after withdrawal from opioid symptoms and really, the things I've associated with the Xanax have dwindled to very little in comparison to what the rest of you describe.  So maybe I'm kind of the step-sister here!

 

 

FJ, I've had a lot of dental pain, the back molars, lower jaw.

[[...]]

Green, you are so awesome and supportive!!

 

You're great!

 

[[Gr...]]

Well here I am just completed one year off and I finding myself in need to reach out for help as many of us still do regardless our time frame. For months non stop cycling of depression/anxiety desperation anguish. Very few good days anymore. Sleep for the most part has been fair but 2-3 times a month I get close to zero sleep like last night. That sets off a cluster of unimaginable

(too many)symptoms.

 

Its very discouraging after one year, the thought of possibly another year at this relentless level.

 

I see my pdoc today and he will tell me;

 

You may not see it but your are improving;

Stay in the moment;

No way out but through it;

Distract;

Etc.....

 

My problem in this recovery is and always have been the psych sxs mainly agonizing depression hopelessness as well as anxiety. Never had either one until coming off the pills.

 

So that is my place in recovery today, much like everyday. Thanks for listening!

 

Merry Christmas to all

 

JROD,

 

This time around the year anniversary was the hardest for me.  Stay steady.  I truly believe you will see improvement soon.

[[Gr...]]

There's a lot of people having a tough time right now; I write paragraph three not to gloat, but to spread hope, which seems to be in short supply for some right now.

 

During my 12th month I felt pretty bad all the time, the 1 year mark was a quite a disappointing time for me.  That was a major goal, yet I felt empty and hopeless as all my SX were elevated compared to month 11.  Thanksgiving was absolutely horrible up until early this month.  I hit 14 months on the 10th of this month, and again, felt pretty darn bad, lots of intense waves, pain, fatigue, cog fog, DIZZINESS!  Around the 10th I wrote about how bad things things were for me, and how I guessed that waves that bad are surely leading to a new baseline soon....

 

A couple days ago I shared a new milestone which was feeling 80% from start to finish both Sunday and Monday.  Yesterday wasn't the greatest but it was very tolerable.  I am pleased to say today has been 80% great since I woke up.  Having three great days out of four is unheard of up to this point.  It took me a week into month 15 to get this break, but it finally came!  Am I new man good to go?  Nope.  Will there be more BS?  Oh I'm sure.  Can I let that bring me down?  Nope.

 

These really tough times late in recovery really do mean something positive is about to happen.  I learned that from others like you, and kept the faith as best I could because of people like you.

 

I'm sorry so many of you are struggling, I hear you, I really do.  Just try to keep pushing yourself.  Try to push the fatigue away, the pain, the depression.  Try to ignore the anxiety, try to find the faith.  Faith is something I have lost at times during this process many times, but I can always come back to BB and find it again in you guys.  As you can see I don't post very much, but you can bet I read just as much as anyone here.  Understanding that not feeling normal is perfectly normal has taken away so much fear I had at the start of this journey.

 

It doesn't matter if you're 12 months out or 18+, try to find faith in how my week has been going so far.  I have found faith through you.

 

Mike,

 

Thanks for taking the time to share this.  I've read some of your posts, I know you had a really hard time.  And good for you for getting out there. 

[[Gr...]]

HH....I am just a]roach in month 14 ( Jan. 4)  and I got hit like a ton of bricks with the back, rib, shoulder, neck and chest pain ( also legs and hips). I honestly feel like I have been run over by a truck. I think I started complaining on the forum about it maybe a week or so ago.. maybe 8 days ago. It was so painful when it first came on that I could barely move and my stand by pain relief of lavender Epsome salts hot bath soaks didn't even help. ...Now at day 7/8 it is still here but better. ...It is truly awful, but it let's up. I can't even tell you anything that really helped.  maybe aspirin was the one thing that helped somewhat. I took aspirin and soaked in a hot bath in the morning and did the same at night before bed. .

.....So sorry you are,having a go around with this.  I hope it let's up for you soon... Wishing you some relief ... cooo

 

Coop, hey buddy, it's me, your symptom partner!  Right there with ya, buddy, I've got it all.  I swear you're my wave twin.  I push myself out the door, and slowly realize I've got such muscle soreness and stiffness I can hardly move!  I just keep going trying not to think about it, though, cuz I'm trying to sidestep depression and discontent -- in other words, trying to stay as positive as possible, as functional as possible.    I am a little worn out from the holiday, though, I love it, but the prep and hustle and bustle is wearing me out, and I'm fighting the anxiety about getting stuff done in time.  Trying to fight that feeling, too, and like MikeJee enjoy life as much as possible. 

 

 

[[Gr...]]

Good Morning, Folks ...

 

It's Thursday ... sitting here muddling through my cold ... with some wavey stuff in the background ... and yes, it is weird how this stuff keeps coming and going ... and how all of us "keep going" ...

 

Some "doldrums" here ... a little "rant" there ... and seasoned with a little "joy" now and then ... and I am thankful that I have gotten this far ... and I am thankful for all of you ... and I am thankful that "next year" should see us "through" ...

 

Today is our 36th wedding anniversary ... a marvelous blessing ...

 

Pushing my cart around the grocery store this morning ... sniffling and coughing and feeling pretty "blue" ... just enduring ... and out of wherever these "messages" come from, an angel whispered ... "you can get through this ... no worries" ... and I just lightened up ... "stuff" just moved to the background and I smiled ...

 

So ... "we can get through this ... no worries" ...

 

Be well ...

 

Michael

 

 

HAPPY ANNIVERSARY, MICHAEL!  And you will get through this.  We get through 'em all.  Have a wonderful day!

[[...]]

Michael...HAPPY ANNIVERSARY!! To you and your wonderful wife!

 

[[Gr...]]

Wow Michael I could have written that post!

 

I'm fighting a very bad cold and "stuff" is trying to sneak in...I'm going with it and distracting!

 

I hope you feel better soon!

 

Hoping everyone is well!

 

 

GMIT, I LOVE that tree.  Sometimes the stuff trying to sneak in gets bored and goes away!

 

HH, I'm so glad you are feeling better.

 

Coop, I'm with you, this second year is still challenging, but even with crippling body pain does not even come close to what we left behind in year one.

[[Gr...]]

Green, you are so awesome and supportive!!

 

You're great!

 

 

Awesome and supportive??  I'm on the couch in my oversize T-shirt, hair sticking up and out all crazy, bleary, red-eyed.  Who's she talking about?  Me??  LOL.

 

Feel better,  have a wonderful day.

[[Fi...]]

Hey all-- just a report.  Skipped my glass of wine last night and the heart palps were much better.  Like I hit 90 once but it wasn't staying at 99 for a long time.  So, now I'm a person who doesn't drink! 

 

Knock would but I am waking up feeling good!  I watch my thoughts.  I was thinking, "Hey, I think I'll go to the play park with the guys today!"  (The guys would be my husband and one year old grandson.)  It's the effortless mind, or whatever people were calling it. 

 

I felt good yesterday too.  If I stay good, this will be the first time I've had two good days in a row in several months. 

 

Green--Yeah, I know people have teeth pain with benzos too.  Actually, with benzos, people have EVERYTHING   For me this has been closely tied to the opioids though.  The teeth pain had diminished greatly by the time I jumped from Xanax, and hasn't been too prevalent since.  Sorry you're back on the couch :'(

 

Hang in there everybody!

[[Gr...]]

Hey all-- just a report.  Skipped my glass of wine last night and the heart palps were much better.  Like I hit 90 once but it wasn't staying at 99 for a long time.  So, now I'm a person who doesn't drink! 

 

Knock would but I am waking up feeling good!  I watch my thoughts.  I was thinking, "Hey, I think I'll go to the play park with the guys today!"  (The guys would be my husband and one year old grandson.)  It's the effortless mind, or whatever people were calling it. 

 

I felt good yesterday too.  If I stay good, this will be the first time I've had two good days in a row in several months. 

 

Green--Yeah, I know people have teeth pain with benzos too.  Actually, with benzos, people have EVERYTHING   For me this has been closely tied to the opioids though.  The teeth pain had diminished greatly by the time I jumped from Xanax, and hasn't been too prevalent since.  Sorry you're back on the couch :'(

 

Hang in there everybody!

 

Linda,

 

Glad to hear the improvement after ditching the wine.  I wouldn't touch it while still having symptoms.  I think it sneaks up and retards healing.  That's just me, though.  Everyone is different.

 

And on the molars, I did break a filling on one of those "aching" teeth.  I think I might have been grinding in my sleep, hence the aching jaw? 

[[...]]

Green, you are so awesome and supportive!!

 

You're great!

 

 

Awesome and supportive??  I'm on the couch in my oversize T-shirt, hair sticking up and out all crazy, bleary, red-eyed.  Who's she talking about?  Me??  LOL.

 

Feel better,  have a wonderful day.

 

 

Yes you! Answering everyone and supporting them!!

 

YOU ARE AWESOME!

 

[[je...]]

Good Morning, Folks ...

 

It's Thursday ... sitting here muddling through my cold ... with some wavey stuff in the background ... and yes, it is weird how this stuff keeps coming and going ... and how all of us "keep going" ...

 

Some "doldrums" here ... a little "rant" there ... and seasoned with a little "joy" now and then ... and I am thankful that I have gotten this far ... and I am thankful for all of you ... and I am thankful that "next year" should see us "through" ...

 

Today is our 36th wedding anniversary ... a marvelous blessing ...

 

Pushing my cart around the grocery store this morning ... sniffling and coughing and feeling pretty "blue" ... just enduring ... and out of wherever these "messages" come from, an angel whispered ... "you can get through this ... no worries" ... and I just lightened up ... "stuff" just moved to the background and I smiled ...

 

So ... "we can get through this ... no worries" ...

 

Be well ...

 

Michael

 

 

 

Michael, congratulations!! I love your attitude!! Enjoy your day with the Mrs

[[je...]]

Jenny...I believe you are right.  This lonely feeling is the worst. All tied  in with depression and lack of sleep.  Very hard to get the mind going in a positive direction.  That's is what we could all use at this point...positive thoughts. Would be nice to meet folks in person who have a good feel for what each other is going through.  I am sure there are support groups out there also.

 

Gart and Jenny,

 

I know what it is to have that overwhelming urge to connect with someone going through this.  Even though we know what's going on, withdrawal is an extremely lonely journey, nobody in our lives can truly understand what we're going through.  I have talked with people who experienced it, but since they were healed they could only offer reassurance, not much more, they weren't feeling it anymore.  And I've had days when I felt really good, and I couldn't connect with people here on BB.  I think when we heal, it's going to be like Neverland, we're just going to forget, it's going to be like something that happened a long time ago.

 

 

Green,

 

I could have written that post! I have a very hard time connecting sometimes, and when I feel good I forget how bad I can get.. I think you are absolutely right, once we are healed it will be a memory forgotten... Kinda like childbirth, you forget how painful it was. Jenny

[[je...]]

Fj and HH so glad you both are feeling better!!

 

Hi gmit!! Where have you been ??