12-18 month support

[[He...]]

Hi Friends,

OH, how I am done with this!!  :'(  I am still being slammed with this wave.  This feels unlike any other patterns I've had.  I just want to scream and cry!!  I have the anxiety where I just shake, feel all tremory, and just have to keep jiggling my foot and moving around.  I feel like everything is being squeezed.  I feel like I need to burst into tears.  I feel afraid.  I feel sick.  My body hurts in weird places.  I have the chills.  I have weird vision issues, almost like I'm wearing my contacts in the wrong eyes. UGH!! Seriously, does this ever END???

 

I slept good last night and woke up feeling calm, but then my anxiety started building and just kept going up and up.  I actually thought that I was going to have to leave school for a while, but then it went away until about 5:00 tonight and it's still here.  This is NOT my normal anxiety and it doesn't even seem situational, due to my house.  It feels like I am sick and this is very physical and chemical. 

 

I feel like I'm getting worse.  How can that be? 

 

I'm sorry about the downer post, AGAIN.  :'(  I have to get it out before going to a basketball game....all I want to do is run and hide. I haven't had a complete day of no symptoms for over a week now. 

 

I just reread my post and have to make an edit.  It DOES feel like patterns I've had before.  It feels like days from months 5, 6, and 7 all over again.  Seriously??  I have went BACKWARDS?   Is hibernation an option???

 

Amy,

 

The house thing is a major stressor.  Most people would be in bed with the covers over the head.  This is a lot, very taxing.  I would guess if you're having symptoms, it's at least in part situational.  I think anyone, even not in withdrawal, would be feeling awful.  Remember Life had something going on in his life?  And he had a hard time with it?

 

I frequently say a little prayer of gratitude that nothing eventful happened in my first year, I mean stuff like you have with the house, that Peace has with her dad.  So just go slow. 

Meditation.  I can't do it, but I have practiced clearing my mind of thoughts for as long as I can, while breathing deeply.  It helps a little. :smitten:

 

Sue,

Thank you.  You are right...it IS a terrible stressor.  I've just been living with it hanging over my head for 2 years now, UGH.

 

Have you heard from Peace?  I'm worried about her.  I can't imagine.  :'(  My heart hurts for her. 

 

Love to you!

HH

 

[[Gr...]]

Hi fj-- I'm feeling exactly the same way tonight. While I do feel a lot better and I'm very grateful for that, I too am just freaking tired of feeling like crap everyday and waiting to start my life. I want to stop always thinking things through in my head about what I can or can't do. I just want to get this chapter over with already! Sorry for the rant..... Luckily my mom is very supportive and I whined on the phone with her today about how tired iam of all of this.. She just kept telling me that damage to the CNS can take a loonnng time, no fun..once again all we can do is give it more time. I gained a small amount of weight too, not really noticeable to any one else but me about 7 pounds. I've been thin my whole life and I'm very tall (5"10) so weight has never been an issue until w/d. Its like the weight would not budge at all. Recently I lost the 7 lbs and it literally fell off I did nothing different, so I know it is possible to lose it but it like the body is in control and will lose it when it wants to. I think you will lose the weight when your body chooses to let go of it, so try not to stress about it too much-- it will happen, but I know how discouraging it can feel. I have heard of that gym and from what I know its very pricey, but good so maybe you will like it.. Love, jenny 

 

Jenny, you are the sweetest, most supportive girl.  You have helped me so many times.

 

You are going to feel better.  This is so long, it absolutely sucks.  It's hard trying to stay positive all the time, be cheerful -- I had dinner, I ate light, really, and I have this giant benzo belly sticking out.  WTH is up with that anyway?

 

FJ, the absolute last thing you want to do is make yourself crazy about weight right now.  Mine is an issue, too, but until I feel better and can really exercise, I can't deal with it aggressively.  Jenny is right, sometimes it comes right off, for no apparent reason.

 

While we're still dealing with withdrawal, how can we make ourselves crazy about something we can't do anything about?  Until I'm ready to diet and exercise, there's nothing I can do.

P.S.  There have been times in w/d when my anxiety caused me to eat compulsively, eating like without tasting, just chewing away?  It stopped before it got out of control.  But I remember being concerned, thinking this has to stop.

:smitten:

[[Gr...]]

Hi Friends,

OH, how I am done with this!!  :'(  I am still being slammed with this wave.  This feels unlike any other patterns I've had.  I just want to scream and cry!!  I have the anxiety where I just shake, feel all tremory, and just have to keep jiggling my foot and moving around.  I feel like everything is being squeezed.  I feel like I need to burst into tears.  I feel afraid.  I feel sick.  My body hurts in weird places.  I have the chills.  I have weird vision issues, almost like I'm wearing my contacts in the wrong eyes. UGH!! Seriously, does this ever END???

 

I slept good last night and woke up feeling calm, but then my anxiety started building and just kept going up and up.  I actually thought that I was going to have to leave school for a while, but then it went away until about 5:00 tonight and it's still here.  This is NOT my normal anxiety and it doesn't even seem situational, due to my house.  It feels like I am sick and this is very physical and chemical. 

 

I feel like I'm getting worse.  How can that be? 

 

I'm sorry about the downer post, AGAIN.  :'(  I have to get it out before going to a basketball game....all I want to do is run and hide. I haven't had a complete day of no symptoms for over a week now. 

 

I just reread my post and have to make an edit.  It DOES feel like patterns I've had before.  It feels like days from months 5, 6, and 7 all over again.  Seriously??  I have went BACKWARDS?   Is hibernation an option???

 

Amy,

 

The house thing is a major stressor.  Most people would be in bed with the covers over the head.  This is a lot, very taxing.  I would guess if you're having symptoms, it's at least in part situational.  I think anyone, even not in withdrawal, would be feeling awful.  Remember Life had something going on in his life?  And he had a hard time with it?

 

I frequently say a little prayer of gratitude that nothing eventful happened in my first year, I mean stuff like you have with the house, that Peace has with her dad.  So just go slow. 

Meditation.  I can't do it, but I have practiced clearing my mind of thoughts for as long as I can, while breathing deeply.  It helps a little. :smitten:

 

Sue,

Thank you.  You are right...it IS a terrible stressor.  I've just been living with it hanging over my head for 2 years now, UGH.

 

Have you heard from Peace?  I'm worried about her.  I can't imagine.  :'(  My heart hurts for her. 

 

Love to you!

HH

 

No, haven't heard.  Love to you too.  This will all work out, you'll see.  Try to protect yourself from the stress if you can.  When I find myself in a difficult situation, I try to tune it out as much as possible, I'm always afraid my symptoms will go wild.

[[Gr...]]

Is anyone getting kind of bad headaches, stretching across and behind the forehead, down into the nose?

[[Fi...]]

Green--thanks for addressing my concerns.  I really stopped beating myself up about the weight gain a long time back, just realized as long as my brain was going to go into overdrive craving carbs and I'd be stuffing cinnamon bread in my face in desperation there was no way I could prioritize weight loss at the top of my list.  I think it just came up again recently because while I had been holding steady all that time (at a weight I wasn't at all happy with) at least I was holding steady.  This last piling of poundage was fast and alarming.  People talk about their stress being off the charts.  My weight was literally off my chart.  I had not made the grid go high enough! I think maybe it's a sign I'm getting better because it's about re-entry.  I don't like the idea of going back into the world and seeing people I haven't seen in ages and just knowing their reaction is going to be Wow, she packed on the pounds!

 

HH!  That is the greatest news that you're suddenly better.  It does help to be reminded of how fast we can be feeling better, what a short time we may actually need to be hanging on in darkest desperation.  I wonder if there's some kind of adrenalin factor that gets going for you when you're out with your family.  I've noticed that I managed to feel amazing on my 40th anniversary and Thanksgiving too, even though both times the days before and after were quite bad.

 

As far as fears of what I can do--here's the deal.  I've actually done a done during withdrawal, like fix up and sell three properties, then get my mom moved and sell HER house.  Oh yeah, and write a book.  These were things on my plate that I just had to do, the way you have to teach 4th grade.  But the stress of doing those things was really hard on me and now I'm trying to shield myself from stress.  What I'm talking about are the kind of things where you have to make commitments and then if you get sick and can't follow through, you feel like a flake.  It was TWO FULL YEARS AGO I started back to my tribal belly dance classes.  I was like...I'm back!  Only then I wasn't.  And after awhile I just got so weary of being a no show and having to explain myself, it just became easier to hole up at home.

 

I'm thinking if I could just get to a point where I'm logging more good days (I haven't had two good ones in a row in a couple of months) maybe I could tentatively try to re-engage.  Last summer I was up and down dramatically, but I had 8 good days in a row during one stretch, my record.  Now I'm just going along more even but rarely feeling good or with the spark of energy I need.

 

I hope you get more good days and your house issue resolves itself.

 

:smitten:Linda

[[Gr...]]

Green--thanks for addressing my concerns.  I really stopped beating myself up about the weight gain a long time back, just realized as long as my brain was going to go into overdrive craving carbs and I'd be stuffing cinnamon bread in my face in desperation there was no way I could prioritize weight loss at the top of my list.  I think it just came up again recently because while I had been holding steady all that time (at a weight I wasn't at all happy with) at least I was holding steady.  This last piling of poundage was fast and alarming.  People talk about their stress being off the charts.  My weight was literally off my chart.  I had not made the grid go high enough! I think maybe it's a sign I'm getting better because it's about re-entry.  I don't like the idea of going back into the world and seeing people I haven't seen in ages and just knowing their reaction is going to be Wow, she packed on the pounds!

 

 

 

As far as fears of what I can do--here's the deal.  I've actually done a done during withdrawal, like fix up and sell three properties, then get my mom moved and sell HER house.  Oh yeah, and write a book.  These were things on my plate that I just had to do, the way you have to teach 4th grade.  But the stress of doing those things was really hard on me and now I'm trying to shield myself from stress.  What I'm talking about are the kind of things where you have to make commitments and then if you get sick and can't follow through, you feel like a flake.  It was TWO FULL YEARS AGO I started back to my tribal belly dance classes.  I was like...I'm back!  Only then I wasn't.  And after awhile I just got so weary of being a no show and having to explain myself, it just became easier to hole up at home.

 

I'm thinking if I could just get to a point where I'm logging more good days (I haven't had two good ones in a row in a couple of months) maybe I could tentatively try to re-engage.  Last summer I was up and down dramatically, but I had 8 good days in a row during one stretch, my record.  Now I'm just going along more even but rarely feeling good or with the spark of energy I need.

 

I hope you get more good days and your house issue resolves itself.

 

:smitten:Linda

 

Linda,

 

I was just thinking.  I don't sleep, so this is a good time to think, lol.  I was thinking that I'm irritable and dissatisfied with how I look, too, and the awful shape I'm in.  For a long time I was too sick to care, I was so focused on just surviving I couldn't care less how I looked.  Now I do.  But I'm not ready to tackle this head on -- I mean I can't dive into crazy -- eating healthier, more exercise, I need to go slow.  I'm not steady enough on my feet yet. 

 

You sound mad, feisty.  That's a good sign.  I was reading your signature.  It's so hard to figure out where you are -- I mean it's hard to figure out where anybody is -- but because of the opioids, it's hard.  You can't tell which causes what.  But I have heard there's something of a synergistic withdrawal effect, withdrawing from them together?  Have you heard that?

[[Fi...]]

HI Susan--so much for my bragging about consistently sleeping through the night.  Here I am, checking the board at 2 a.m. 

 

Not sure what you mean by synergistic withdrawal effect.  I've always presumed I was having trouble with both and could only hope I was serving a concurrent sentence here.  Since I can't  find anybody with a similar history, who knows?  When I first posted asking about opioids at the same time, somebody jumped in and schooled me, saying obviously it was the benzos because he's known so many guys in rehab who were just fine in two weeks after opioid withdrawal.   I've had a really hard time finding ANYBODY who's come off of opioids so I've been completely unable to answer the question of how long it takes before you're totally well?  In my personal life, people either get off of them quickly after surgery or they're still taking them.  A study the other day reported that of people who took them for a minimum of 30 days, fully half were still taking them three years later.  It's NOT easy to get off and the relapse rate is high.  Even before I realized I needed to quit Xanax I was reading the BB board because I identified more with the people here--the pattern of just doggedly trying to get through withdrawal after doctor prescribed meds.  I've never had the severest of the CNS symptoms you all report, but suspect I may have more of the hyperalgesia stuff related to opioids.  Overall, though, I see that the Xanax had put me into a tolerance state before I had my surgery, and I look forward to coming back to better than before.

 

As for caring about looks--maybe it's because I'm blessed to have this sweet husband.  I've always joked that I'm on the Cute Enough to Keep Plan.  No, wait.  That's not true. Or at least it goes back further.  I think because I've always worked at home as a writer, I am in the habit of trying to get it together everyday to some degree whether I leave the house or not.  Just some sort of self-respect type thing!  I actually launched into this whole thing--the knee surgery, going off of propranolol because I thought it was keeping me fat--with the very intention of losing weight and getting nice and fit for my Third Act.  Had no idea it would go so far off the track!

 

Maybe we'll feel better in the morning

[[ga...]]

I'm here with you at 3:30 a.m.  No sleep again and so very tired and frustrated.  My daughter graduating from college today and I am a mess.  I am beating myself up over it.  I will be there in body and that's about it. My mind is focused on me and my just trying to get along moment to moment.  I don't know how, why are what is going on with me at this point....just wish it would all come to an end and back to a normal state.  Just don't feel it right now with all the stressors.

 

I hate to be here at typing this stuff out.  I just need some kind of an outlet.  Thanks.

[[Fi...]]

Yeah, Garton, I'm still here in the awake in the middle of the night club.  Feel for you.  Great your daughter's graduating college, though!  I know though, when you're sick like we are, everything else, whether good or bad, hardly seems relevant.  Maybe you'll be blessed with a shot of adrenalin or whatever it is that has gotten some of us through these big family events.  I hope so.

[[Wi...]]

I need some input from my buddies.  I am looking for help to try to  identify what may be w/d and what may not be w/d for me.  At almost 18 months out after an especially hard, drawn out taper, while things have certainly improved, there are things that have not.  My biggest challenge is that I'm constantly afraid.  There are moments of reprieve but mostly I am afraid.  It is affecting my relationships and my life. Stress makes it worse and when I get really stressed which doesn't take as much as one would think, I get scared which often leads me to be angry and agitated. 

 

I also find I withdraw from people.  I no longer am the funny, charming smart woman I was and seem to be just a scared, frightened woman.  I don't really know what to do about this.  I'm not very trusting of the psychology/psychiatry world as a result of my experiences over the last several years.  But I'm afraid I'm going to wear out my welcome with the people in my life now, simply because instead of being warm, loving, charming, funny I'm just a frightened woman.

 

So I'm looking to hear if either others experience any of this OR if you have any suggestions on how to deal with this.  I have been practicing meditation and present thinking for some time.  I also do a lot of breathing exercises. I'm trying to journal more.  I've tried to get therapy a couple of times, but have not found that helpful at all.

 

Any thoughts? Your input is hugely appreciated!

 

WWWI

 

I think when we're still struggling with symptoms we're not funny, charming and smart.  I'm doing a lot better than I was, but I don't have the sense of humor I used to have -- my God, I could really laugh, belly laughs with tears running down my face.  I haven't laughed like that in years.  I have to say I think it's the benzos. I also think it will come back.  And when I'm wavy I get afraid, I think I'm going to be mugged, that it's dangerous to walk in certain places -- and it's not, not really, in broad daylight.  I also get unprovoked, unexplained fear.  So I'm inclined to say this is withdrawal, it's not you.  And I think when you start feeling better, you're going to be funny, charming and smart again.  Hope that helps a little.

GI

 

I missed this yesterday and am sorry.  Although it was a very nice surprise to find today.  You reminded me that its probably impossible to be happy go lucky when you are feeling intense fear.  The challenge for me is that i start to beat myself up for not being positive or easy going which just lumps more badness on an already difficult situation.  I think i agree with your point.  I do have other issues, but i also brlieve a good chunk of this must still be withdrawal.

 

Thank u for your thoughts and your time 

 

Wwwi

[[Gr...]]

HI Susan--so much for my bragging about consistently sleeping through the night.  Here I am, checking the board at 2 a.m. 

 

Not sure what you mean by synergistic withdrawal effect.  I've always presumed I was having trouble with both and could only hope I was serving a concurrent sentence here.  Since I can't  find anybody with a similar history, who knows?  When I first posted asking about opioids at the same time, somebody jumped in and schooled me, saying obviously it was the benzos because he's known so many guys in rehab who were just fine in two weeks after opioid withdrawal.   I've had a really hard time finding ANYBODY who's come off of opioids so I've been completely unable to answer the question of how long it takes before you're totally well?  In my personal life, people either get off of them quickly after surgery or they're still taking them.  A study the other day reported that of people who took them for a minimum of 30 days, fully half were still taking them three years later.  It's NOT easy to get off and the relapse rate is high.  Even before I realized I needed to quit Xanax I was reading the BB board because I identified more with the people here--the pattern of just doggedly trying to get through withdrawal after doctor prescribed meds.  I've never had the severest of the CNS symptoms you all report, but suspect I may have more of the hyperalgesia stuff related to opioids.  Overall, though, I see that the Xanax had put me into a tolerance state before I had my surgery, and I look forward to coming back to better than before.

 

As for caring about looks--maybe it's because I'm blessed to have this sweet husband.  I've always joked that I'm on the Cute Enough to Keep Plan.  No, wait.  That's not true. Or at least it goes back further.  I think because I've always worked at home as a writer, I am in the habit of trying to get it together everyday to some degree whether I leave the house or not.  Just some sort of self-respect type thing!  I actually launched into this whole thing--the knee surgery, going off of propranolol because I thought it was keeping me fat--with the very intention of losing weight and getting nice and fit for my Third Act.  Had no idea it would go so far off the track!

 

Maybe we'll feel better in the morning

 

Linda,

 

Concurrent sentence about says it, with some extra intensity?

 

If you google PAWS addiction and recovery, a lot will be opioid, you'll get a lot more on withdrawal.  Even though benzo w/d is probably the worst, a lot more people have paws from opioids.  I know a nurse who withdrew from heroin/methadone ten years ago, and she was protracted, two years she says.  Opioid withdrawal packs a pretty good wallop, I mean protracted. 

 

We're all so afraid of "protracted," but I think that's what we are, protracted acute withdrawal syndrome.  And my personal belief, once this "protracted" thing kicks in, no matter what the substance, opioids, alcohol, benzos, it's two years, with people mostly feeling a lot better somewhere in the second year.  So dezlaz and eastcoast say most people are feeling significantly better at 18 months, some before, some after.  I think that's about right.

 

And when you feel better, it happens on a dime.  That happened to me.  I'm not completely healed, not even close, but I was pretty bad, function-wise, forget working, like you, just getting out of the house was a big deal.  So I'm still not up and out early in the morning, but I am up and out at some point.  There is major improvement.  I think the one single thing I did, many times the only thing I did in a day, was get dressed and get out the door, even if I couldn't get out of the car when I got there  (that only happened a couple of times)  I read that somewhere on here, get out, even if you just walk down the block.  I needed to feel I could accomplish something, and sometimes that was it.

 

Wow, I'm shaking my head, kind of stunned at how much we suffered, still suffer.  This is really freaking unbelievable.

 

Hope today is a better day.

[[Fi...]]

Well, I'm not feeling too horrid at the moment, just that persistent burning in the back of my thighs that I've never seen described quite the same by anyone else.  I was awake for three hours in the night so how energetic could I feel anyway?  I know that's not a big deal for a lot of the people on this board regularly sleeping only a couple of hours.

 

I've been all over those PAWS sites for two years.  They all pop up "you last visited this site on such and such a date" or "you have visited this site many times.

 

What do you do for work, Susan?  I know we're supposed to remain anonymous on this board, but I have a terrible time trying to picture the specifics of a person's life and how benzo withdrawal is affecting it with nothing but hazy details.

 

Thanks for help hanging onto me!

[[Mi...]]

 

I rarely get the vibrations anymore TG, 3 times a month it seems.  I will say this, I ONLY get them when I lay down at night, or first thing after getting up in the morning.  They always point to a wave coming in the morning, or a wavy day ahead of me.

Yes, Mike, they come with a wave.  They're the most awful symptom.  They make me feel like I need to run down the block in the middle of the night in my nightgown screaming.  Now, really, who else could I share this with, in my real life?

 

How have you been feeling?

 

I have been very good, and also "just ok", thanks for asking.  Sunday and Monday were awesome, both 80% days for the entire day, that hasn't happened ever!  A milestone in my book!  Today,not so good, but ya know what?  I'm not so bad either!  I think my baseline definitely changed after a pretty rough past 20 days prior to this past weekend.    So yes, even though today isn't great, it's definitely tolerable.  I can do what I need to do, I can talk to who I need to talk to, just have to endure some derealization and little muscle tension as I'm accomplishing these basic things.

 

Regarding WEIGHT:  I want to chime in and say the WD process has definitely messed with my weight too.  I had been very up and down (+/- 15lbs) for this entire process; then after I reached 1 year out it hasn't changed and i'm back to my normal weight.  What I was eating didn't seem to have anything to do with what the scale was saying.  Which brings me to my new moneymaking idea...  "It Must Be Withdrawal?" bumperstickers.

 

Regarding FEAR, CONFIDENCE, and PLANS:  On my really good days I have no fear, and I have confidence in myself.  On my poor days, I have lots of fear still, can't handle public things very well, feel shy to make eye contact with others, basically zero confidence, lots of social jitters.  I've accepted this hurdle for the time being. 

 

Something I've been doing to work on my fear of plans is simply saying YES to everything! 

 

Whenever plans come up (unless it involves drinking which I still can't do) I just say yes.  There is some anxiety waiting for the day to come because we never know how we will feel on a later date.  I KNOW we all know that fear.  When the day comes, whether I feel good or bad, I still keep the plans and just get out there.  If I'm not having a good time after a while then I'll leave, but at least I made the attempt.  At least I don't feel depressed, ashamed, or jealous the next day for staying home and missing out.  All that matters is that I made an appearance.  All that matters is that I'm trying.  If you mentally commit yourself 100% to keeping plans, then the fear of having to cancel them goes away.  I was finding myself more scared of possibly having to cancel a future plan than the plan itself!  Confidence is so important, I can't wait to feel it regularly again.  I think it will come back quicker the more I say yes to plans and yes to life.

[[Fi...]]

Wow, Mike, I really admire the way you're handling this.  I think I still feel better not pressuring myself, though. 

 

The word "confidence" in your post really jumps out at me because that's what I recognize on a good day when it comes back!

[[Wi...]]

I don't  want to sound like I'm  on some kind of bandwagon, but i started Paleo a few weeks back and I'm finding success with it.  I LOVE carbs but they don't  love me so much or at least not my hips.  Thankfully i slso love meat and fats with vegis sprinkled liberally in there.

 

My point is just that getting to eat meats and fats till I'm content has made a huge difference in my carb cravings AND weight is coming off.  If im i eat bacon, eggs, steak, asaragus wButter, artichokes wButter and feel decent.  Best thing is my buddah belly is decreasing.  This may not be your thing snd i get it but eating like this certainly doesnt feel like punishment or that I'm being deprived.  I can do this long term, a lifestyle thing, not so much a diet, but lose weight and inflamation.  I'm  just putting this out there cause I'm not the most motivated human on the planet and yet this is managable and appears to be working. So, again just putting this out there

 

[[Wi...]]

Two questions...

 

Anyone else ever feel that very lonely/needy feeling for no apparent reason?

 

Do i have to abandon this post when i hit 18 mo?  In my defense, i just found it. 

 

Thoughts?

[[Gr...]]

Well, I'm not feeling too horrid at the moment, just that persistent burning in the back of my thighs that I've never seen described quite the same by anyone else.  I was awake for three hours in the night so how energetic could I feel anyway?  I know that's not a big deal for a lot of the people on this board regularly sleeping only a couple of hours.

 

I've been all over those PAWS sites for two years.  They all pop up "you last visited this site on such and such a date" or "you have visited this site many times.

 

What do you do for work, Susan?  I know we're supposed to remain anonymous on this board, but I have a terrible time trying to picture the specifics of a person's life and how benzo withdrawal is affecting it with nothing but hazy details.

 

Thanks for help hanging onto me!

 

The burning pain is what they call nerve pain, isn't it?,  quite common.  I don't have it on the backs of the thighs, mine is mostly below the knee into the feet.  But I think all limbs are fair game.  And this only started in the second year for me.  Never had it before, not like this.

[[je...]]

Two questions...

 

Anyone else ever feel that very lonely/needy feeling for no apparent reason?

 

Do i have to abandon this post when i hit 18 mo?  In my defense, i just found it. 

 

Thoughts?

 

 

No you can stay here as long as you like, its good to hear from others ahead of us too  I get the lonely feeling all the time. I wish we could all meet in person because sometimes you really need the face to face interaction. I'm constantly just feeling sad and alone in how I feel, I do think its a apathetic w/d sx  because when I'm feeling good I don't have those thoughts. Jenny

[[Wi...]]

Two questions...

 

Anyone else ever feel that very lonely/needy feeling for no apparent reason?

 

Do i have to abandon this post when i hit 18 mo?  In my defense, i just found it. 

 

Thoughts?

 

 

No you can stay here as long as you like, its good to hear from others ahead of us too  I get the lonely feeling all the time. I wish we could all meet in person because sometimes you really need the face to face interaction. I'm constantly just feeling sad and alone in how I feel, I do think its a apathetic w/d sx  because when I'm feeling good I don't have those thoughts. Jenny

I think you are right.  It does seem that when that appears other symptoms also seem to be rearing their heads and yes "pathetic w/d sx" is very very accurate LOL.  And thanks for your kind words.  Hope you are doing ok 

[[ga...]]

Jenny...I believe you are right.  This lonely feeling is the worst. All tied  in with depression and lack of sleep.  Very hard to get the mind going in a positive direction.  That's is what we could all use at this point...positive thoughts. Would be nice to meet folks in person who have a good feel for what each other is going through.  I am sure there are support groups out there also.

[[Fi...]]

Lonely?  Sad?  Pathetic?  Okay, folks, I'm just gonna come out and say it, when I get like this I FEEL FREAKIN' SORRY FOR MYSELF!  Of course we all know that's a no-no in our culture, so that gives us one more thing to beat ourselves up about.

[[No...]]

Good Morning ... if you find 2:30 AM "morning" ... I got a good restful sleep for the first time in a week ... maybe this "cold" is breaking up ... will see how the day goes ...

 

Feel like I am getting "cleaned out" ... I am amazed how one person can "produce" so much "congestion" ...

 

Oh well ... it is what it is ...

 

Have a good Wednesday, Folks ...

 

[[He...]]

Do any of you get a horrible tightness all through your torso?  My abs, my back, my sides are almost painfully clenched and it gets hard to relax. My cartilage in my upper chest starts to get all crackly and it feels like I'm 95! I've had this during my waves for a while now, but probably the worst after hitting 14 months or so.  I will also start to shake, like I'm cold.

 

This wave is relentless and I got pulled under again about 4:00 this afternoon.  I'm so afraid of getting worse, I could just cry.  I'm feeling sorry for myself, too, FJ. How could we not after enduring this for so long?

 

I need to start tracking my days again because I'm getting very discouraged.  :'(

[[Sk...]]

Do any of you get a horrible tightness all through your torso?  My abs, my back, my sides are almost painfully clenched and it gets hard to relax. My cartilage in my upper chest starts to get all crackly and it feels like I'm 95! I've had this during my waves for a while now, but probably the worst after hitting 14 months or so.  I will also start to shake, like I'm cold.

 

This wave is relentless and I got pulled under again about 4:00 this afternoon.  I'm so afraid of getting worse, I could just cry.  I'm feeling sorry for myself, too, FJ. How could we not after enduring this for so long?

 

I need to start tracking my days again because I'm getting very discouraged.  :'(

 

My cartilage has been crackly for quite a while now !!! I thought it was just me/old age and so on !!

 

But I have really stopped keeping track of these things, I just know these will lift when we heal. But yes, 95 year old seems to be the same age I look and feel like !!

 

Healing, sorry your wave is so bad,  just hang in there. You have had some really nice days, they will  come back and you will come here and tell us all about it. hold on to that thought, when things get worse.

[[Fi...]]

HH-- I've had the chest clutching thing a few times.  It's the reason I officially joined BB, so I could be encouraging to you about it!  But it sounds like yours is worse.  Mine comes on out of the blue and lasts a finite amount of time.  The longest, a year ago, was a half hour, the last one only about five minutes.  I do have lots of disturbing pains in the chest and the cartilage and all that.  I guess the fact that they keep moving around is what prevents me from freaking out that something dire is going on in one certain place.

 

Ever since I went off Oxycodone I went back to my routine of one glass of wine a day.  I haven't worried about it and haven't written about it on the board because I know a lot of people need to just not drink at all and don't need suggestions that maybe one wouldn't hurt.  One of my symptoms lately is tachycardia in the evenings.  I've wondered if it had anything to do with my five o'clock glass of wine, but didn't want to give it up to test it!   Tonight, though, I ended up having two glasses and my heart was doing 104 while trying to distract by watching The Princess Bride.  Now THAT was distracting!  (My heart, that is )  So I will report my findings on alcohol for me later!

 

Green--your suggestion that my pain in the back of my thighs is just one version of the nerve pain everybody talks about makes sense.  This started when I first began tapering off of my Oxycodone, though, so I've always associated it with that.  Funny thing--another of the first withdrawal symptoms from that was aching lower teeth.  I haven't had much of that in a long time but now it revisits me.  So I think I'm having two years after withdrawal from opioid symptoms and really, the things I've associated with the Xanax have dwindled to very little in comparison to what the rest of you describe.  So maybe I'm kind of the step-sister here!

 

HH, I am so sorry for you.  If you "could just cry," I recommend going ahead with it.  I had a good cry of anger and frustration and discouragement yesterday, and I think I felt a little better afterward.  Don't know if you saw where I posted about this in another forum awhile back and some people wrote in saying nurses had told them that crying helps rid the body of stress hormones.  So let the tears fly!