12-18 month support

[[Mi...]]

Susan ... the vibrations ... haven't heard the "nerve regeneration" thingie ... for the little it's worth, I would say I have my doubts ...

 

For me, they only come round when I am relaxed and falling asleep ... so ... I would vote "chemical" ... one of the falling asleep pathways ... and "mentally" the process gets attached to fear of falling asleep .. the "I will never wake up" sort of thing ...

 

Weird stuff ... and I have never had the "vibrations" at any other time ... get lots of the "dreadies", but they are a different "flavour" ...

 

And oftentimes ... profundity and running in circles share the same moment ...

 

Tried Tylenol Cold remedy ... knocked out my symptoms and I think the antihistamine part made my loopy for half hour or so ... needed some relief ... vitamin c sends me over the moon ... knocking out the nasal and throat stuff showed me there is some wavey stuff going on in the background ... oh well ... walk and chew gum at the same time ...

 

Be well ...

 

Michael

 

Yeah, vibrations only come at night, me, too.

 

I'm not surprised you're still wavy, whenever vibrations are around, something's going on.

 

Hope that cold runs its course soon.

 

sue

 

I rarely get the vibrations anymore TG, 3 times a month it seems.  I will say this, I ONLY get them when I lay down at night, or first thing after getting up in the morning.  They always point to a wave coming in the morning, or a wavy day ahead of me. 

[[Wi...]]

Wise Woman-- I am so sorry to hear you are feeling so bad.  To be honest, I can't say I'm afraid.  At almost 16 months out I actually feel quite calm and feel like my brain is coming back better than before I took Xanax.  BUT....I was really taking a very small amount of Xanax...like 1.5 mg PER WEEK.  Your dose of Ativan seems like much much more, right?  It doesn't seem strange that you'd be feeling worse longer.

 

It really seems to me that if you were a funny, charming person before, there's no reason you shouldn't be her again!  It must be withdrawal.  What else would just be coming on concurrently?  Plus, having just read an eye opening book called Anatomy of an Epidemic, the last thing you'd want to do is see if more psych meds might fix you.  They are clearly NOT the answer.

 

This book is an indictment of Psychiatry in general and I have never liked honest to goodness shrinks.  The few times in my life I've actually sat in the office of one, they've never done anything but try to make me cough up deep dark stories of childhood abuse or maternal dissatisfaction when there was nothing to tell.

 

Regular old counsellors or therapists are a different story for me.  Have you tried one?  I love the woman I see now and credit her with helping me hang onto myself.  I started seeing her when I was about 7 months off of Oxycodone and all my nearest relationships seemed in dire danger.  I just seriously needed help dealing with this.  She had no experience with clients going off of opioids and when I cold turkeyed Xanax shortly after our first visit, I remember her saying, "Jesus!  Sometimes you scare me!"  She has actually been learning what benzo withdrawal looks like from me.  The very fact that she BELIEVES what I tell her and roots for me is so affirming.  After seeing her for four months I stopped because I felt like I was getting well.  My husband now understood what was going on with me and we weren't fighting anymore.  After another five months, though, I went back to her, because new stresses had come up in my life.  Now I intend to keep seeing her until I'm absolutely well and this is in my rear view mirror.

 

I have not been as lucky in my doctors and envy the few people who have docs who know and are sympathetic about benzo withdrawal.  I wish I could send everybody to my counsellor because now she knows what this is all about and she's watched me struggle and get better without chasing down all the physical symptoms and trying other meds.

 

So, I'd suggest trying to find a counsellor.  Also, about the fear thing, have you seen the books by Dr. Burns, FEELING GOOD and, earlier, THE FEELING GOOD HANDBOOK?  He's kind of the king of cognitive behavioural therapy and has exercises you can do to kind of psych yourself out, check out where you're falling into the trap of erroneous thinking and making yourself afraid when you don't need to be.  A couple of people I've recommended this book to have reported they found it very helpful.  Burns is not  totally anti-meds and has a long chapter listing all the psych meds and what you can expect from them.  But he's very big on getting well WITHOUT these things.

 

Read ANATOMY OF AN EPIDEMIC and you will not want to be party to further fattening the wallets of the boys in Big Pharma!

 

Hope this helps.  Even though I haven't experienced this as fear, I definitely understand about feeling that I've outworn the compassion of my friends and family.

 

:smitten:FJ

Finally,

 

Thank you for such an indepth response.  I have read Anatomy of an Epidemic. Quite a book. I also have the Feeling Good handbook.  It's big on CBT and dealing with depression.  Also a good book.  I'm really glad your therapist listens to you and that you don't experience fear.  Sounds like you are on your way.

 

WWWI

[[Wi...]]

WWWI ... I hear two questions in your post ... what is or is not withdrawal and the issue of fear ... and ... they may be tangled up together ...

 

I have done "fear" all my life ... and I often feel I was born afraid ..

 

As far as I can tell ... for me ... the fear is attached to stress ... the stress response ... which I understand to be the "opposite" of the relaxation response ...

 

And the "anger" and "agitation" can follow from the stress ... as well as withdrawing for the environment around me ...

 

And ... for some of us ... no matter our past history ... and/or additional medical issues ... this process of using the drug, withdrawing from the drug, and recovering/healing from the drug ... has placed huge amounts of stress on our bodies and minds and spirits ...

 

So .... I believe ... the pervasive sense of fear that may be present is "understandable" ...

 

For me, the challenge is becoming aware of the "reason" the fear is present ... developing a "story" of "why" it is around ... for me, challenging the fear, confronting the fear, dismissing the fear, have all been of no value ... I have needed to find its fertile ground, where it grows, what it is attached to ... and then let it be there ...

 

As I gradually change the "ground" the fear will dissipate ... and the "change" seems to occur only through my awareness, my discovering the "geography" of myself ... I do not "do" the change" ... the change "blooms" through my "acceptance" ...

 

If one is involved in what for better or worse may be labeled as PTSD ... I believe the only path is to change the "geography" ... and then the "responses" change, or more aptly, fade away ...

 

I believe I have "learned" these "responses" and I am now in the process of "letting them go" ...

 

For me, this is a "large" undertaking ... and unfortunately poorly understood within the "therapeutic" community ... my two key resources are Herbert Benson (The Relaxation Response) and Jon Kabat-Zinn (Mindfulness) ...

 

Hope this helps a bit ... PM me if you wish ...

 

You are not alone on this path ...

 

Michael

Michael,

 

What a lovely response.  And yes, you are very insightful, it is both issues and yes they intermingle pretty good.  I also agree that this process has put an extraordinary amount of stress on our bodies. In fact, they suggest that traumatic stress can initiate Graves' disease, which occurred during my taper.  The good news is that the stress must be lessening to some degree because I'm now a few months into remission. I'm very lucky with that as I was very close to having to remove my thyroid.

 

What is concerning to me is that while I believe whole heartedly that the extreme nature of this I attribute to w/d.  But having watched people come and go for a long time here, I've been aware of some differences between me and many here. As a result of this observing I'm beginning to believe, for me, that this is just me.  My expectation is that the level of distress will improve slowly over time, but that in fact, this is not all w/d.  Again, this is just me.  I genuinely believe most people get back to their baseline just fine. I've seen so many. 

 

My life was complicated with severe hormone issues that haunted me since I was a kid.  That was only resolved in 2008.  In 2008, I began w/ding from the host of meds I had been on for years based on a misdiagnosis of said hormone issues.  I am only now coming out from under this.  So in reality, this is the very first time in my life, since the age of 13, that I am actually me. I'm now 51, trying to see what's what...

 

Oh see, now I'm rambling.  My point is that while I am with you with regards to mind over matter, I'm beginning to think that between the residual physiological changes of the different meds, mostly benzos, the coping skills I need to learn and like so many here, an exceedingly challenging child hood, my CNS, no matter how much time I spend listening to Pema Chodron and Yes, and practicing Jon Kabat-Zinn mindfulness, Clair Weeks, and so many wonderful people, things are never going to be OK enough to just be.  sorry for the run on...

 

I greatly respect your endeavor.  I think it is possible to let go, ulitimately.  Truth is I'm just out of steam at the moment. 

 

I really, really appreciate your response.

 

Andrea

 

 

[[Wi...]]

WW...I understand the issue of fear.  I am close to 18 months now and lately been dealing with fear, anxiety and depression.  Very self absorbed in my thoughts and feelings.  Feel distant from wife, kids and other activities.  I've been through this before while on and off of these drugs.  I just don't know anymore what to expect...so very frustrated at the moment.  Lack of sleep is making this all the worse.

 

I have seen a counselor as needed through the process.  It allows me to discuss with someone the issues I am dealing with.  Kind of in the same way I do when posting on this board.  It helps to have someone that wants to help you feel better.  I wouldn't completely give up on counseling.  There are times where I just want to throw in the towel and give up...like this morning.  Just so many stressors now combined with sleep deprivation.  I am caught in the gerbil wheel...looping thoughts and can't get out of my own way.  I feel like crawling in a hole and disappearing.  The thoughts of going to a psychiatrist and going through that process makes me sick to my stomach just to think about.  I don't think they have any other answer than drugs...we know what that does.

 

I guess all we can do is tough it out the best we can.  I wish I could offer more optimism.  I think Nova, Coop and Green along with other here are good at that.  They offer great ideas and encouragement.  Support from others is so important.  I am not getting it from my wife at the moment as she has become frustrated with my mindset and has other things in her life to deal with.  Again, I reiterate, that I am so thankful for those on this board.

 

Try staying in the moment the best you can.  Counter the negative thinking by writing down some realities and gratitudes in your life.  This is advice that has been past on to me.

 

Hey Garton,

 

I remember you from way back   Thanks for responding.  I really empathize with where you are.  Lack of sleep is so costly to us who are so limited to begin with.

 

I have fairly recently tried another counselor and that just didn't work.  So I'm going to give that a break for the moment, but am really glad you found someone that works well with you.

 

Great advice.  Thanks 

 

WWWI

[[No...]]

Andrea ... thank you for your kind words ...

 

Couple of things ... "being out of steam" is okay ... many of us are "out of steam" ... and ... we are all unique ... I need to remind myself of that several times a day ... and many of us are going through a "large" chemical housecleaning ... and ... our bodies know how to do this ...

 

And ... Time is our ally ...

 

Good news about the Graves disease ... of which I know nothing ... only what I have stumbled across in other readings ... I believe so much of this chemical housecleaning engages the inflammatory process ... and ... the common wisdom is that this too will settle down ...

 

And ... I am coming to understand that I am not going to have to "re-configure" my life ... and for me this is a real tough one ... I have this "idea" that I have to go back and fix my "history" ... and very slowly, I am coming to the point where I can "see" that may very well be another "lie" ... not "convinced" yet ... but getting there ...

 

I am a "tinkerer" ... I feel I can "fix" anything ... and if I am not "tinkering", I start feeling "lazy" ... feeling I am not doing what needs to be done ... the "aha" that is gradually emerging is that "I ain't broke" ... and that is a really hard pill for me to swallow ...

 

For me, the letting go of the "image" of me as "broken" may well be the final piece of this work ... and that is really tough stuff for me ... been holding that "image", that "story", for a very long time ...

 

And ... in the meantime ... still doing the rock and roll with the waves ... with the endgame of this healing process ...

 

So ... my "remedy" for myself is to stay out of my own way as much as I can ... the same "remedy" I have used all through this drug stuff ... it may well be that I do not have to get anything "fixed" ... rather ... just ride out the "endgame" of the drug stuff and be accepting and curious about what lies ahead for me ...

 

I am not the same fella' who went into this process over three years ago ... and I am starting to feel that I like what I am seeing emerge ... and this turns out to be a complete surprise for me ... I thought I had another "list" of a bunch of residual stuff that I was going to have to take care of ... seems I may have been misleading myself ...

 

Sorry for getting long winded ... the gist of all this is that it seems more got "fixed" for me than just the drug stuff ... maybe that is so for others ... nice to receive these additional blessings ...

 

Be well ...

 

Michael

[[Wi...]]

Michael,

 

You have such a way with words.  Just reading your last post. Made me stop, take a breath and simply slow down.  I don't have to answer this today. I really like how you talk about tinkering.  I see  parts of me in your writing and I like those parts.  Your post made me feel gentle and soft.  Thank you.

 

Time really is our ally isn't it?

 

Andrea

[[Fi...]]

Wise Woman--Andrea?  Glad you've seen the books I mentioned and I hope I'm not being boring, but when you talked about your "challenging childhood," it reminded me of the new book called Total Recovery by Dr. Gary Kapalan.  He specializes in cases where people have complicated tangles of symtoms and histories of baffling various doctors, being on different meds etc.  He is all about everything being related and quite often going back to childhood assaults to the brain (not literal) that set the brain up to have trouble healing.  You won't find your own exact story in there, but it's comforting to read of others who've struggled for so long to be well and finally got it figured out.  There might be a clue in there for you.  Meantime, hang in there.

[[He...]]

Green, Mrs, FJ, and Jenny,

Thank you so much for your words of support! 

Love you ladies!

[[He...]]

Hi Friends,

OH, how I am done with this!!  :'(  I am still being slammed with this wave.  This feels unlike any other patterns I've had.  I just want to scream and cry!!  I have the anxiety where I just shake, feel all tremory, and just have to keep jiggling my foot and moving around.  I feel like everything is being squeezed.  I feel like I need to burst into tears.  I feel afraid.  I feel sick.  My body hurts in weird places.  I have the chills.  I have weird vision issues, almost like I'm wearing my contacts in the wrong eyes. UGH!! Seriously, does this ever END???

 

I slept good last night and woke up feeling calm, but then my anxiety started building and just kept going up and up.  I actually thought that I was going to have to leave school for a while, but then it went away until about 5:00 tonight and it's still here.  This is NOT my normal anxiety and it doesn't even seem situational, due to my house.  It feels like I am sick and this is very physical and chemical. 

 

I feel like I'm getting worse.  How can that be? 

 

I'm sorry about the downer post, AGAIN.  :'(  I have to get it out before going to a basketball game....all I want to do is run and hide. I haven't had a complete day of no symptoms for over a week now. 

 

I just reread my post and have to make an edit.  It DOES feel like patterns I've had before.  It feels like days from months 5, 6, and 7 all over again.  Seriously??  I have went BACKWARDS?   Is hibernation an option???

[[mr...]]

HH,

 

Just REMEMBER -- tough waves precede a HUGE jump in baseline. All this is indicative of is a major push in healing.

 

I'm feeling ya, girl. You're gonna get past this.

 

Mrs.

[[Wi...]]

Wise Woman--Andrea?  Glad you've seen the books I mentioned and I hope I'm not being boring, but when you talked about your "challenging childhood," it reminded me of the new book called Total Recovery by Dr. Gary Kapalan.  He specializes in cases where people have complicated tangles of symtoms and histories of baffling various doctors, being on different meds etc.  He is all about everything being related and quite often going back to childhood assaults to the brain (not literal) that set the brain up to have trouble healing.  You won't find your own exact story in there, but it's comforting to read of others who've struggled for so long to be well and finally got it figured out.  There might be a clue in there for you.  Meantime, hang in there.

Thank you Finally!  I will definitely check that out.  The reason I mention childhood is that I believe there is a correlation between a stressful early life and a hypersensitive CNS. From what I'm reading, if a child has a predisposition, for example is shy and reserved to begin with, which can mean that they already have a heightened CNS, combine it with stress or trauma there is a greater than average chance that tolerance to stress is compromised.  I think it sounds like the book you are referring to may not be too far from that theory.  I really appreciate you taking your time for me  Andrea

[[He...]]

HH,

 

Just REMEMBER -- tough waves precede a HUGE jump in baseline. All this is indicative of is a major push in healing.

 

I'm feeling ya, girl. You're gonna get past this.

 

Mrs.

 

Oh, Mrs, that is what I needed to hear right now.  I so hope you are right! 

[[be...]]

Hi Friends,

OH, how I am done with this!!  :'(  I am still being slammed with this wave.  This feels unlike any other patterns I've had.  I just want to scream and cry!!  I have the anxiety where I just shake, feel all tremory, and just have to keep jiggling my foot and moving around.  I feel like everything is being squeezed.  I feel like I need to burst into tears.  I feel afraid.  I feel sick.  My body hurts in weird places.  I have the chills.  I have weird vision issues, almost like I'm wearing my contacts in the wrong eyes. UGH!! Seriously, does this ever END???

 

I slept good last night and woke up feeling calm, but then my anxiety started building and just kept going up and up.  I actually thought that I was going to have to leave school for a while, but then it went away until about 5:00 tonight and it's still here.  This is NOT my normal anxiety and it doesn't even seem situational, due to my house.  It feels like I am sick and this is very physical and chemical. 

 

I feel like I'm getting worse.  How can that be? 

 

I'm sorry about the downer post, AGAIN.  :'(  I have to get it out before going to a basketball game....all I want to do is run and hide. I haven't had a complete day of no symptoms for over a week now. 

 

I just reread my post and have to make an edit.  It DOES feel like patterns I've had before.  It feels like days from months 5, 6, and 7 all over again.  Seriously??  I have went BACKWARDS?   Is hibernation an option???

 

 

Healing- It sounds just like my wave that started yesterday afternoon. I woke up this morning feeling like it was gone but after a few hours the beast was back.Everything you said and I also have the nausea and dizziness. It gets really discouraging this far out but we  have to remember waves bring healing. 

I hate these chemical storms!!!!

[[He...]]

Hi Friends,

OH, how I am done with this!!  :'(  I am still being slammed with this wave.  This feels unlike any other patterns I've had.  I just want to scream and cry!!  I have the anxiety where I just shake, feel all tremory, and just have to keep jiggling my foot and moving around.  I feel like everything is being squeezed.  I feel like I need to burst into tears.  I feel afraid.  I feel sick.  My body hurts in weird places.  I have the chills.  I have weird vision issues, almost like I'm wearing my contacts in the wrong eyes. UGH!! Seriously, does this ever END???

 

I slept good last night and woke up feeling calm, but then my anxiety started building and just kept going up and up.  I actually thought that I was going to have to leave school for a while, but then it went away until about 5:00 tonight and it's still here.  This is NOT my normal anxiety and it doesn't even seem situational, due to my house.  It feels like I am sick and this is very physical and chemical. 

 

I feel like I'm getting worse.  How can that be? 

 

I'm sorry about the downer post, AGAIN.  :'(  I have to get it out before going to a basketball game....all I want to do is run and hide. I haven't had a complete day of no symptoms for over a week now. 

 

I just reread my post and have to make an edit.  It DOES feel like patterns I've had before.  It feels like days from months 5, 6, and 7 all over again.  Seriously??  I have went BACKWARDS?   Is hibernation an option???

 

 

Healing- It sounds just like my wave that started yesterday afternoon. I woke up this morning feeling like it was gone but after a few hours the beast was back.Everything you said and I also have the nausea and dizziness. It gets really discouraging this far out but we  have to remember waves bring healing. 

I hate these chemical storms!!!!

 

Beulah, I'm sorry you are in this place, too!  Discouraging is right.  I'm trying to remember/believe that waves bring healing, I'm just so discouraged now that it doesn't feel true.  I hope that I'll be able to post of tremendous improvement soon!

I hope you have a better day tomorrow, my friend. 

[[je...]]

HH-- iam so sorry you are dealing with this right now... So hard to believe this far out, but yes it does happen. Mrs is so right-- big waves always precede a big jump in baseline.

Beulah-- so sorry you are having a rough time too. I pray you both start to feel better soon.

 

Hugs, jenny 

[[be...]]

Healing and Jenny- Thank you. Hugs

[[Fi...]]

Andrea--yes that's this guy's theory or really, he'd say, his discovery.  His and other docs, that is.  It's all about brain inflammation.  Stuff gets fired up by stress and stays inflamed and can't do its job of healing.

 

Okay everybody, I haven't really posted on here with a big rant before and feel a little bad doing it because it sounds like several of you are in a much worse state than I am at the moment.  Like you, HH.  So sorry it's so intense.

 

But may I whine?  I'M SO SICK OF THIS !!! I'm so sick and tired of being sick and tired.  I had to go see my regular doc today just to keep my thyroid meds coming.  Hadn't seen her in over a year because she had pretty much written me off as somebody she couldn't do anything for.  The details are too much t go into, but I so wish I could have come away with a sense of just some medical professional actually CARING about me.  Instead I have this feeling I am just this naughty little girl to her.

 

Tonight I just feel so tired.  I've been trying to do my exercises at home, but I'm just disgusted at being fatter than ever.  I'm sick of living like this, unable to make plans or engage in anything because I can have no confidence in being able to follow through.

 

My mother gave me a trial membership at a Barre 3 place that's gone up here in town and says she'll buy me a three month membership for Christmas.  Yeah, super well intentioned but she just doesn't get it---I CAN'T MAKE PLANS!  And the difference in me going or not doesn't depend on her paying for it.  To me this just feels like one more time of her saying if I would just perk up and get my act together and think positive I could get well.  I think it's controlling.  I don't believe in giving people memberships to things YOU think they ought to do.  (Actually the Barre 3 thing does sound interesting--for a person who can do things. --anybody familiar with the exercise franchise?)

 

The other day I wrote that I don't feel fear.  I take that back.  I feel very fearful that this is how I'm going to be for the rest of my miserable life.

 

I'm posting this and hoping that very soon I'll be able to say, "All better!  See, you can feel bad, but then feel good."

[[ga...]]

Finally63....I feel so much like you are describing.  Not feeling like making any plans to get out and do much of anything.  I still work, get to the gym now and then and play some golf.  At the moment it take a herculean effort to do this stuff.  As far as vacations and getaways with the wife or kids...forget about it.  That really upsets the you know what out of me.  When I am doing okay...getting some sleep and in a better mental frame I can do some of what I just described.  Still not where I would like to be...it should be effortless and bring enjoyment rather than the stress I place on myself in trying to get through these events.

 

 

I'm hoping, like you, that one day we can say this is better.  Patience is being tested to the extreme at the moment.  Just sitting watching TV now trying to distract.  Just don't feel much positive.  Sorry to be a downer also.

[[je...]]

Hi fj-- I'm feeling exactly the same way tonight. While I do feel a lot better and I'm very grateful for that, I too am just freaking tired of feeling like crap everyday and waiting to start my life. I want to stop always thinking things through in my head about what I can or can't do. I just want to get this chapter over with already! Sorry for the rant..... Luckily my mom is very supportive and I whined on the phone with her today about how tired iam of all of this.. She just kept telling me that damage to the CNS can take a loonnng time, no fun..once again all we can do is give it more time. I gained a small amount of weight too, not really noticeable to any one else but me about 7 pounds. I've been thin my whole life and I'm very tall (5"10) so weight has never been an issue until w/d. Its like the weight would not budge at all. Recently I lost the 7 lbs and it literally fell off I did nothing different, so I know it is possible to lose it but it like the body is in control and will lose it when it wants to. I think you will lose the weight when your body chooses to let go of it, so try not to stress about it too much-- it will happen, but I know how discouraging it can feel. I have heard of that gym and from what I know its very pricey, but good so maybe you will like it.. Love, jenny 

[[Gr...]]

Thanks, Green, but I'm worried that your reply at this hour must mean you're awake when you'd rather be asleep!   Sorry about that.

 

Well, I guess we were both awake!  Although I am east coast, 3 hours later.

[[Gr...]]

I need some input from my buddies.  I am looking for help to try to  identify what may be w/d and what may not be w/d for me.  At almost 18 months out after an especially hard, drawn out taper, while things have certainly improved, there are things that have not.  My biggest challenge is that I'm constantly afraid.  There are moments of reprieve but mostly I am afraid.  It is affecting my relationships and my life. Stress makes it worse and when I get really stressed which doesn't take as much as one would think, I get scared which often leads me to be angry and agitated. 

 

I also find I withdraw from people.  I no longer am the funny, charming smart woman I was and seem to be just a scared, frightened woman.  I don't really know what to do about this.  I'm not very trusting of the psychology/psychiatry world as a result of my experiences over the last several years.  But I'm afraid I'm going to wear out my welcome with the people in my life now, simply because instead of being warm, loving, charming, funny I'm just a frightened woman.

 

So I'm looking to hear if either others experience any of this OR if you have any suggestions on how to deal with this.  I have been practicing meditation and present thinking for some time.  I also do a lot of breathing exercises. I'm trying to journal more.  I've tried to get therapy a couple of times, but have not found that helpful at all.

 

Any thoughts? Your input is hugely appreciated!

 

WWWI

 

I think when we're still struggling with symptoms we're not funny, charming and smart.  I'm doing a lot better than I was, but I don't have the sense of humor I used to have -- my God, I could really laugh, belly laughs with tears running down my face.  I haven't laughed like that in years.  I have to say I think it's the benzos. I also think it will come back.  And when I'm wavy I get afraid, I think I'm going to be mugged, that it's dangerous to walk in certain places -- and it's not, not really, in broad daylight.  I also get unprovoked, unexplained fear.  So I'm inclined to say this is withdrawal, it's not you.  And I think when you start feeling better, you're going to be funny, charming and smart again.  Hope that helps a little.

[[Gr...]]

Susan ... the vibrations ... haven't heard the "nerve regeneration" thingie ... for the little it's worth, I would say I have my doubts ...

 

For me, they only come round when I am relaxed and falling asleep ... so ... I would vote "chemical" ... one of the falling asleep pathways ... and "mentally" the process gets attached to fear of falling asleep .. the "I will never wake up" sort of thing ...

 

Weird stuff ... and I have never had the "vibrations" at any other time ... get lots of the "dreadies", but they are a different "flavour" ...

 

And oftentimes ... profundity and running in circles share the same moment ...

 

Tried Tylenol Cold remedy ... knocked out my symptoms and I think the antihistamine part made my loopy for half hour or so ... needed some relief ... vitamin c sends me over the moon ... knocking out the nasal and throat stuff showed me there is some wavey stuff going on in the background ... oh well ... walk and chew gum at the same time ...

 

Be well ...

 

Michael

 

Yeah, vibrations only come at night, me, too.

 

I'm not surprised you're still wavy, whenever vibrations are around, something's going on.

 

Hope that cold runs its course soon.

 

sue

 

I rarely get the vibrations anymore TG, 3 times a month it seems.  I will say this, I ONLY get them when I lay down at night, or first thing after getting up in the morning.  They always point to a wave coming in the morning, or a wavy day ahead of me.

 

Yes, Mike, they come with a wave.  They're the most awful symptom.  They make me feel like I need to run down the block in the middle of the night in my nightgown screaming.  Now, really, who else could I share this with, in my real life?

 

How have you been feeling?

[[Gr...]]

Hi Friends,

OH, how I am done with this!!  :'(  I am still being slammed with this wave.  This feels unlike any other patterns I've had.  I just want to scream and cry!!  I have the anxiety where I just shake, feel all tremory, and just have to keep jiggling my foot and moving around.  I feel like everything is being squeezed.  I feel like I need to burst into tears.  I feel afraid.  I feel sick.  My body hurts in weird places.  I have the chills.  I have weird vision issues, almost like I'm wearing my contacts in the wrong eyes. UGH!! Seriously, does this ever END???

 

I slept good last night and woke up feeling calm, but then my anxiety started building and just kept going up and up.  I actually thought that I was going to have to leave school for a while, but then it went away until about 5:00 tonight and it's still here.  This is NOT my normal anxiety and it doesn't even seem situational, due to my house.  It feels like I am sick and this is very physical and chemical. 

 

I feel like I'm getting worse.  How can that be? 

 

I'm sorry about the downer post, AGAIN.  :'(  I have to get it out before going to a basketball game....all I want to do is run and hide. I haven't had a complete day of no symptoms for over a week now. 

 

I just reread my post and have to make an edit.  It DOES feel like patterns I've had before.  It feels like days from months 5, 6, and 7 all over again.  Seriously??  I have went BACKWARDS?   Is hibernation an option???

 

Amy,

 

The house thing is a major stressor.  Most people would be in bed with the covers over the head.  This is a lot, very taxing.  I would guess if you're having symptoms, it's at least in part situational.  I think anyone, even not in withdrawal, would be feeling awful.  Remember Life had something going on in his life?  And he had a hard time with it?

 

I frequently say a little prayer of gratitude that nothing eventful happened in my first year, I mean stuff like you have with the house, that Peace has with her dad.  So just go slow. 

Meditation.  I can't do it, but I have practiced clearing my mind of thoughts for as long as I can, while breathing deeply.  It helps a little. :smitten:

[[Gr...]]

Andrea--yes that's this guy's theory or really, he'd say, his discovery.  His and other docs, that is.  It's all about brain inflammation.  Stuff gets fired up by stress and stays inflamed and can't do its job of healing.

 

Okay everybody, I haven't really posted on here with a big rant before and feel a little bad doing it because it sounds like several of you are in a much worse state than I am at the moment.  Like you, HH.  So sorry it's so intense.

 

But may I whine?  I'M SO SICK OF THIS !!! I'm so sick and tired of being sick and tired.  I had to go see my regular doc today just to keep my thyroid meds coming.  Hadn't seen her in over a year because she had pretty much written me off as somebody she couldn't do anything for.  The details are too much t go into, but I so wish I could have come away with a sense of just some medical professional actually CARING about me.  Instead I have this feeling I am just this naughty little girl to her.

 

Tonight I just feel so tired.  I've been trying to do my exercises at home, but I'm just disgusted at being fatter than ever.  I'm sick of living like this, unable to make plans or engage in anything because I can have no confidence in being able to follow through.

 

My mother gave me a trial membership at a Barre 3 place that's gone up here in town and says she'll buy me a three month membership for Christmas.  Yeah, super well intentioned but she just doesn't get it---I CAN'T MAKE PLANS!  And the difference in me going or not doesn't depend on her paying for it.  To me this just feels like one more time of her saying if I would just perk up and get my act together and think positive I could get well.  I think it's controlling.  I don't believe in giving people memberships to things YOU think they ought to do.  (Actually the Barre 3 thing does sound interesting--for a person who can do things. --anybody familiar with the exercise franchise?)

 

The other day I wrote that I don't feel fear.  I take that back.  I feel very fearful that this is how I'm going to be for the rest of my miserable life.

 

I'm posting this and hoping that very soon I'll be able to say, "All better!  See, you can feel bad, but then feel good."

 

Sorry, FJ, I'm smiling, because I think we're all feeling better if we're a little pissed off.  And I wouldn't say she's controlling.  I think the words you're looking for are passive aggressive.  I know, I have a sister, lol...

[[He...]]

Andrea--yes that's this guy's theory or really, he'd say, his discovery.  His and other docs, that is.  It's all about brain inflammation.  Stuff gets fired up by stress and stays inflamed and can't do its job of healing.

 

Okay everybody, I haven't really posted on here with a big rant before and feel a little bad doing it because it sounds like several of you are in a much worse state than I am at the moment.  Like you, HH.  So sorry it's so intense.

 

But may I whine?  I'M SO SICK OF THIS !!! I'm so sick and tired of being sick and tired.  I had to go see my regular doc today just to keep my thyroid meds coming.  Hadn't seen her in over a year because she had pretty much written me off as somebody she couldn't do anything for.  The details are too much t go into, but I so wish I could have come away with a sense of just some medical professional actually CARING about me.  Instead I have this feeling I am just this naughty little girl to her.

 

Tonight I just feel so tired.  I've been trying to do my exercises at home, but I'm just disgusted at being fatter than ever.  I'm sick of living like this, unable to make plans or engage in anything because I can have no confidence in being able to follow through.

 

My mother gave me a trial membership at a Barre 3 place that's gone up here in town and says she'll buy me a three month membership for Christmas.  Yeah, super well intentioned but she just doesn't get it---I CAN'T MAKE PLANS!  And the difference in me going or not doesn't depend on her paying for it.  To me this just feels like one more time of her saying if I would just perk up and get my act together and think positive I could get well.  I think it's controlling.  I don't believe in giving people memberships to things YOU think they ought to do.  (Actually the Barre 3 thing does sound interesting--for a person who can do things. --anybody familiar with the exercise franchise?)

 

The other day I wrote that I don't feel fear.  I take that back.  I feel very fearful that this is how I'm going to be for the rest of my miserable life.

 

I'm posting this and hoping that very soon I'll be able to say, "All better!  See, you can feel bad, but then feel good."

 

This is me right now.  My wave left, just like that.  I felt really good, just maybe a little tired, during the whole game, and I came home and actually felt like eating!  ZERO anxiety, ZERO weirdness all over my body.  Isn't this healing process the most bizarre thing ever??  But, one thing I know for sure is that you can feel bad, but then feel good.

 

FinallyJ, I think that you would surprise yourself in what you can do now, but I completely understand the fear.  You will NOT be like this for the rest of your life.  This is just a season of recovery...and the one constant in life is that seasons change. 

 

Whine away, I think it's good to get it out at times.