12-18 month support

[[dr...]]

Yup....I sit at work and in meetings trying to act normal while I'm dizzy, my head feels weird, and I'm dizzy. So much fun!  My "tell" is that I lift my glasses up on down from my nose to forehead every minute or so cause my eyes bother me. Then the very next day I'm fine. Ugh! 

 

I'm so yucky feeling I see I typed dizzy twice...I meant to say crawling out of my skin. 

[[He...]]

Coop and Sky,

You've passed the 18 month mark??? That is GREAT news!!!  :yippee:

I truly believe that this next 6 months is going to be incredible as far as your healing goes!

[[je...]]

HH-- so great to hear from you! I'm in month 19 and I would say my anxiety has been debilitating since month 15 - I'm going on 5 months of this. I sure hope I follow your healing pattern and month 20 will be better for me. I had a pool party to go to today, was sick all day-- nervous, anxious, wanting to just crawl out of my skin.. I got through it somehow, we were there for 5 hours. I've been nauseous all day today too, everyone was offering me food and I would take two bites and pass it to my husband-- just couldnt eat, too nervous. The odd part is, I'm fine around people i mean I look/act calm and normal but I'm crazy anxious on the inside.

 

Hi Jenny,

What you wrote is SO familiar!  I was the same way....I looked/acted calm and normal, but inside was jumping out of my skin.  The only visual cue that there may have been as to the extreme level of my anxiety was when I would shake my foot or be fidgety in other ways.  It was very subtle though.  Always amazed me that I could feel inches from dying from anxiety, ready to unzip my skin and go screaming down the road (to use one of the earlier terms, but I forgot who originally said it ), and yet no one knew! 

I'm sorry that you are dealing with such anxiety now, but know that it CAN and WILL go away.  It's NOT you, it's simply the stage of withdrawal that you are current passing through.

 

 

Thank you so much for this reply!! You just made my night. Crazy how we can be so good at hiding it from other people. I talked with my mom today about how sick, and nervous I was yesterday ( she was at the party too). She said I looked like a perfectly normal girl, she had no clue I was that bad even though she knows how I can get-- she thought I was having a good day because I looked fine.

[[Co...]]

HH.  Thank you for checking in.  Your encouragement is so huge to us right now.  I hope I have 6 months left in me. 

....I am just so happy for you....coop

[[dr...]]

Coop-too funny.  I just saw a sign our healing is soon. I was watching the Giants baseball game and they showed a popcorn machine with the kernels all popping. They spoke about popcorn for over a minute. 

[[Co...]]

I will take that as a sign.  Popcorn is my favorite snack food. I pop it in olive oil and sprinkle it with garlic salt...so good.

[[No...]]

Hi Coop ... I woke up startled ... feels like I am back in it again ... shaky, nervous, nauseous ... felt it coming on before I went to sleep ... got that I want to curl up in a ball and just disappear feeling ...

 

And all the damn health fears running through my head ...

 

I so want this to be over ... 

[[No...]]

This is weird ... sat around for a couple of hours and all the yuk has passed ... suppose I should not look a gift horse in the mouth ...

 

I will never figure this stuff out ... suppose I should quit trying ... 

[[Co...]]

Oh, Nova...I am so sorry...this is just the worse crap.  I want this to be over for all of us too. When I got waves of it lying still and quiet was the only thing I could so. 

.....I am thinking of you Nova.  Love to you..  coop

[[No...]]

Coop ... yep ... started feeling very sorry for myself there for a while ... and sort of angry that we are all going through this ...

 

That didn't help a bit ...

[[Co...]]

Nova, that's how mine is/was too.. just rolling waves of it. Very glad to hear that you are getting a chance to catch your breath.  ...coop.. 

[[No...]]

Yep ... just sitting here waiting for Drew's machine to "pop" me over to the other side ... hope we all get "popped" soon ... 

[[Sk...]]

hi.  I'm lurking, kind of.  sorry. too tired, too lacking in motivation to think of anything to say.

 

to everyone suffering, feel better. 

 

Coop, glad the anxiety is letting up.

 

Me too !

[[Sk...]]

SKY AND COOP

 

[move]Happy Month 18! :yippee: :yippee: :balloon: [/move]

 

Coop, I thought you were behind me, and, Sky, I thought you were ahead.  I can't even figure out how to past some anniversary flowers, so I'm not going to try to figure out the timelines.  Enough to say HAPPY ANNIVERSARY to two of my favorite people here! Love you both!

 

Thanks Green ! Never mind the flowers, this is fine.

[[be...]]

Morning all,

I think the crazy wavy roller coaster ran out of gas...for now. Yesterday I felt so weak and thought for sure I would feel that way today. I woke up with a clear head and no weakness...some body pain but not bad.

My mornings are changing for the better...for now. I don't feel any fear in mornings like I did just a few weeks ago....I didn't know how bad it was until it either left or got better.

 

Not pushing through anything today...just doing what the commander of this ship leads me to to.

 

Better days ahead!! Hugs.

 

[[Co...]]

Beulah, happy to hear that today is looking better for you. The fatigue thing is scary...it's all scary. I hope your day opens into a window again for you. Those moments and days of normal just keep us going. ...Remember that day last week where you just felt like getting up and going somewhere..more of those are coming your way....coop

[[No...]]

Hi Beulah ... good news ... keep the well days coming ... 

[[No...]]

Hi Coop .. hope you got a good sleep ...

 

I went out this morning and got tangled up in sensory overload again ... 

 

Oh well ... came home and things calmed down ... so ... another hanging out day ...

 

Just have to wait until this sensory/stress stuff settles out some more ... noise and motion seem to be the culprits ...

[[Sk...]]

Morning all,

I think the crazy wavy roller coaster ran out of gas...for now. Yesterday I felt so weak and thought for sure I would feel that way today. I woke up with a clear head and no weakness...some body pain but not bad.

My mornings are changing for the better...for now. I don't feel any fear in mornings like I did just a few weeks ago....I didn't know how bad it was until it either left or got better.

 

Not pushing through anything today...just doing what the commander of this ship leads me to to.

 

Better days ahead!! Hugs.

 

Lack of fear is a huge improvement. Let us know how it goes with letting the commander of the ship lead, that has to be the hardest part !! 

 

Happy to hear this update Beulah !

[[ON...]]

Hey everyone, I'm so sorry I keep posting then not following up with people's responses, my attention span is worse than a two year old. Why have I been in absolutely hell for the last two months? I'm so frightened every day, the sensations, anxiety, fear, weight loss, dark depression, agoraphobia, muscle pain, twitches, headaches, etc etc at 15 months off? It seems to be no letting up at all and idk what's wrong with me. I've never had this long of an intense wave except maybe acute. I was leaving town, exercising, able to socialize a lot of last year, it was hell but a hell I was able to cope with, this is just becoming unbearable at times. So sorry for the negativity, I'm desperate. I'll try to respond back to people promptly. Thanks guys

[[Fi...]]

Oneday--you don't have to worry about responding to me.  I just want to say that I identify with your shock at taking a turn for the worse so far out.  It was the same for me, and it's really hard to keep the faith that you're actually healing when you look back and see all the stuff you managed to do at some point earlier in your withdrawal that you can't do now.  That's been the best thing about this board for me, just to see that this is how it goes for people.  And it doesn't mean you're not healing.  It just means that you have to throw that old idea of getting a bit better every day out the window.  Okay, maybe your brain IS actually getting better each day, but your perception of your own degree of healing is not that of being on an improving track. 

 

One of the hardest aspects of this is that the outside world won't get it.  People will remember seeing you out and about and feel mystified that now you are claiming you are still sick.  I had to long ago quit giving a rip what other people thought.  I know what I'm trying to do here and I just have to be left to do it.

 

Hope you take a turn for the better soon.  As long as you don't reinstate, I believe it's inevitable that you will!

[[ON...]]

Thank you so much for your response Finally! So you've been off for about 20 months now, correct? Were you in hell from the 14-16 months and then since then feeling any better or how has your timeline been? Have you had the acute waves this late in the game? It's hard to see healing through this but like you said I have to lean on people in this forum.

[[Gr...]]

Green, yep.  Me too.  Done by noon...body feels fatigued and heavy.  Also no interest and detached.  A true blob. Ok...we are on the same track... again.. We are healing.  I just wonder where my spirit went.  Probably to inhabit a body with some start up power.  Rest well.  It is what it is and it will pass.  coop

 

Coop, such a perfect description,  true blob.  it's not just the physical, there's some mental stuff, too, that I'm at a loss to describe right now but true blob works, oh, yeah.  I've got to start trying to shake myself out of this.  it's time.

 

Coop, if we had to itemize our signature month by month like Jenny and HH, what would that look like?  LOL  months 17 and 18?  how do you want to describe that, lol.

 

BTW, I've been lurking and reading, and I think, absolutely, that rescue dose cost you, I think it threw you into some major symptoms.  you've had a very tough month, my friend.

[[Co...]]

OneDay.  Yep.. I could have written your post myself . A few of us on this thread could have as well

I am 18 months ( beginning of 18 months) and am a mirror of each one of the sx you listed.  Did you mention boaty and trembly? ..I was also doing more a few months ago.

....I do think it is all w/d ...in spite of raging health fears. I do believe that it is all w/d and will improve. ...I am mystified as well. Nova has a very fitting mantra.  It is what it is until it isnt.. so true I think. ..Try to go with it as much as you can...do what you can and try not to worry about the rest. This will not be your life forever...I know it seems that it will be ...but I believe it gets better.

. . Don't worry about posting when you don't feel well. We all take breaks from the forum, lurk, post every 5 minutes, post twice a year... whatever serves your need for support and your ability to give support.

.....I am so sorry that you , or any of us have to endure this. Wishing you some sunbreaks and relief...coop

[[Co...]]

Hi Greenie, ...Yep.. no motivation what so ever...pushing myself mentally and physically to make the bed and take the dog out...absolutely no interest in puttering around and fussing with my house...that's the Canary in the mine for me. All the way through ....except in acute fussing around my apartment has gotten me through. This month I don't give a fig.

...Yes...that article that Drew cut and pasted about w/d syndrome mirrored every single thing that my doctor told me....uugghhh....no real I formation on how long it lasts.  I think I read somewhere 30-90 days.  Yipeee. ...

....I know your feeling of enough is enough..I have to do something. It was a major push to go out with my grandson on Sunday, but I am so glad I did..Yesterday I was on the couch by 4 and in bed at 8.. The thing that hasn't gone to hell is my sleep. I am getting about 6 hours consistently....which I did in acute...This is acute all over for me. I am just hoping it's not another year of healing added on to my benzo sentence

.....Don't push too hard Green...Hoping we get the cement out of our arms and legs..

...If I had to characterize months 16/17 ....dead center acute all over due to rescue dose...never ever again.....coop