12-18 month support

[[be...]]

Morning all,

 

Yesterday was just a weird day all around. It started good...no anxiety,not much nerve pain..my head was clear and it was pain free, around noon it all changed...a wave smacked me around for a few hours...then I was left with faux asthma and chemical burning all over my body...then it calmed down by bedtime and I was able to sleep.

I'm feeling better this morning...just worn out. I think today should be a couch day with some good chicken soup.

I have to keep reminding myself that I've had all of this before....it's nothing new. I also have to keep reminding myself that many smaller symptoms have left. A couple of months ago I couldn't come on here to read and post without pain in my head...it was to much for me...now I can.

It is what it is...till it ain't no more.

 

Many hugs and sun breaks to all. 

 

 

[[Sk...]]

Morning all,

 

Yesterday was just a weird day all around. It started good...no anxiety,not much nerve pain..my head was clear and it was pain free, around noon it all changed...a wave smacked me around for a few hours...then I was left with faux asthma and chemical burning all over my body...then it calmed down by bedtime and I was able to sleep.

I'm feeling better this morning...just worn out. I think today should be a couch day with some good chicken soup.

I have to keep reminding myself that I've had all of this before....it's nothing new. I also have to keep reminding myself that many smaller symptoms have left. A couple of months ago I couldn't come on here to read and post without pain in my head...it was to much for me...now I can.

It is what it is...till it ain't no more.

 

Many hugs and sun breaks to all. 

 

 

The exhaustion after a wave is always shocking. The worst the wave the higher the exhaustion. Not only have you had a bad wave to deal with and then you also have to feel to tired too even think ?

But you are right, we have to take the time to recognize the healing that there has been, in your case, that you can read and post without head pain.

 

Some times, I start to not be able to read the thread anymore, my eyesight gets worse and worse. But that just means we are tired, I think.

 

Hope you get some relief today.

 

I am feeling already a little tired, after getting some respite this morning. So, i will try to squeeze in a quick nap before starting my lessons in almost an hour.

 

Speak later, heal on. 

 

o

[[Co...]]

Nova...so sorry.  This is a bad wave....and contagious ...just to add a layer of misery. I haven't been up yet. I am afraid to get out of bed....nut my poor dog wants out so I have to .  no matter what. ...Just go easy Nova, rest as much as you can. I have found nothing that eases the anxiety and shaking . Distract as you can. Movement helped me a little.  If I was moving I didn't feel the shaking quite as much

..  This stuff is relentless...We are all in the same soup..I hope this gives away for some breaks for you Nova. Mine sometimes gets better in the afternoon .  Love to you Nova.  coop

[[Co...]]

Beulah.  I am so sorry your day changed. ...It is such a cruel twist when things unravel in the middle of a decent day. You are moving forward Beulah, its so clear in your posts. Yep, those couch days give our poor bodies a break while we get through this. I am thinking of you Beulah and hoping the day opens up to feeling better again. I am ok.. but I am not up yet.  so anything could happen.. holding my breath...taking the dog out but will be checking in later.  coop

[[Co...]]

Sky, I am so happy to hear that you got a little break this morning...I hope it keeps going for you. Me too...the eye thing. sometimes it's just wonky and then it straightens out agsin..  rest well before your lesson.  coop

[[je...]]

Coop, just woke up.... Anxiety is already brewing.. I'm thinking of you today. Man, this is tough day after day. Love to you, jenny

 

 

[[Co...]]

Sas, I got a break from this yesterday afternoon...I am passing it along to you. How people work with sx such as this is beyond me. My heart is with all of those on the thread, but parents and those who have to go to work every day have my huge awe...I just don't think I could do it.. and I feel guilty complaining about anything while others are getting out to endure work and taking care of little children before doing what they need to do for themselves to endure.

...We are thinking of you Sas .  Go easy ....coop

[[Co...]]

Jenny...I will be thinking about you.  I am awake but not up. My anxiety hits just as I get up so I am procrastinating but the dog is not happy. . So here I go.  Pm me anytime throughout the day....I have a feeling that I will be right there with you...Take care Jenny...Wishing you some huge relief from this torture... love to you....coop

[[No...]]

Hi ... got out and meandered around for a couple of hours ... beautiful spring day here ...

 

Went up over the hill to the library and back ... it is fascinating how easy it is to move and when I stop the yuk is there ... the toxic stuff seems to be taking a rest ... just the bloated stuff and the breathing ...

 

The cheerfulness is there when I am out and about ... oh well ... we just keep doing what we can, as we can ...

 

Sending good vibes out to everyone ... myself included ...  :smitten:

[[dr...]]

morning all....I slept terrible with all the wake ups and surges. UGH...seems to be fading as morning progresses.  If anyone ever doubts they are still experiencing withdrawal there is nothing like all the surges in the early am to remind you. 

 

On a very interesting note...I was reviewing my CBD notes and in late march I wrote "had pain in head during meeting"...the same exact thing occurred to me!!!  The first time I didn't even react with panic as my anxiety level was listed as a 30 and on Friday it was 100 with an ER visit.  The takeaway form this is I need to review my tracking more often. Crazy how I panicked this time although he client telling me scary stories of what happened to him and not wanting to continue the meeting cause he was worried about me didn't help.   

[[Co...]]

Nova. .yes!.  If I  moving my dizzineess/nausea is mu h better. The minute I am still a wave hits me. So glad you posted that. Take heart, if your sx follow my pattern, the shaking anxiety is better today after 4 weeks of some level every single day... I have a little more stamina and the stirring of appetite today.  Maybe this thing is going to die out...what a wild wave. It's beautiful here today too.. ..Carry on Nova, we are going to ditch this.. coop

[[No...]]

Hi Coop ... I seem to be missing the "toxic" stuff today ... hmmm ... maybe I will have to look for it in one of the closets ... 

 

Sure hope this stuff is breaking up for us ... that would be just fine ... 

[[Co...]]

Drew, ..good news about the CBT helping so much.  And yes, for goodness sakes a scary health story will set us off 0-60 in less than a second. A single word will do it for me. Health fears are a very tough sx to live with. I am so glad the CBT is working for you. The belly breathing helps me at least to reduce the impact of a panic if I can catch it in time...but like you say, if it overwhelms me I am off to the races

.....You are really moving forward ..  coop

[[Co...]]

Well, I hit month 18 on Sat.  Month 17 was brutal and I feel that I lost a lot of ground. ...I am hoping for better in month 18. Taking huge encouragement from those on this thread who are healed and healing....

....only way to go is forward.  coop..

[[Sk...]]

Well, I hit month 18 on Sat.  Month 17 was brutal and I feel that I lost a lot of ground. ...I am hoping for better in month 18. Taking huge encouragement from those on this thread who are healed and healing....

....only way to go is forward.  coop..

 

Coop, I turned 18 as well. I know I am  healing even with all of this going on but there is part of my brain that forgets and thinks this is as good as it gets. My  rational side knows it's wrong, so wrong but when I am not thinking, most of the time for me  that's what I sort of think.

 

I fight  with this every day. I fight a lot with this.

 

My subconscious is not completely off you know, after 18 months it's not farfetched to get used to whatever it is that you are living.

 

The bad thing is that I can write this on  a day when most of my symptoms are tranquil, even if the writing is very off. But the thing is, my brain and thoughts are still sick and this is the proof of it.

 

Anyway, happy 18th to you ! Congrats, you know this is huge, we're getting closer to healing.

 

[[dr...]]

coop-you know you are healing.  I did read somewhere that taking any rescue dose within the first two years post benzo for someone who was in tolerance can give acute like symptoms.  It was actually listed on benzo withdrawal syndrome on wiki.  It doesn't mean you are set back but you can be uncomfortable for about a month with the long half life of V.  You are going to heal and it will be sooner than you think.

 

I have high anxiety brain and just passing the time.  My mind is jumping from one sensation to the other and focusing on it.  It is very silly.  I will be able to meditate at lunch and I am just distracting as we all have to do.     

[[Co...]]

SKY...HAPPY HAPPY MONTH 18.  What a cause for celebration.  You have traveled this very difficult road for 18 months and you have triumphed over staggering odds. Congratulations to you for never giving up...You are an unstoppable warrior. ...Slaying dragons we are..every day...sometimes every moment.

    I think your writing is very articulate. Yes, I think we are healing too, it's just such a long travel. Having friends along the way on the same trek has kept me putting one foot in front of the other....Thank you for being here Sky, and shining your undeniable spirit towards our true north...

....Yes, on less wavy days we feel the certainty of healing...difficult days erode our belief..In spite of it all we are all going to get our lives back.  As Green said long ago, " Nobody gets left behind".  became our mantra didn't it. 

...coop

[[Co...]]

Drew, thank you for that information. It really helps me get some kind of a grip on this horrible month . I haven't read the article but it has been close to a month I think since I had the rescue dose...maybe 3 weeks....and it has felt exactly like early acute. I was feeling 85% almost consistently before the eye exam.  It is good to know that I am not exactly starting over

......Yep, our worried worried minds need all the distraction and and taming that we can  conjure up. I have been swatting at intrusive health fears all morning....where the heck do they all come from.  Where is the w/d citranella. .  You really are giving it your all Drew, and it's going to pay off with healing.

    Thanks again for the very helpful information....so reassuring....coop

 

[[Te...]]

Hi Coop.......was reading that you took a resue dose awhile back.....can I ask did it help...or did you notice much of a difference.....just asking cause when I took a few pills last year which I didn't realize it was a benzo....it made my symptoms worse....

 

Hugs! TM

 

[[Co...]]

Texas, the rescue dose I took in my doctor's office was 2.5 v.  It helped for about 2 hours and from that point on I have had a return of early acute sx and some sx that I never experienced in my ativan w/d. I did a direct dry cut taper off of ativan. I have never had v until the rescue dose. It has been a miserable month. I haven't reviewed the information that Drew referenced, but I believe the 2. 5 v dose has triggered acute sx for the last 3 weeks. I was , at the end of month 16 at about a baseline of about 80%-85% almost consistently....now I am at maybe 60%. ...I expect that things will get better...but the rescue dose was a big mistake. ..I am hoping that after healing if I ever need a pre surgery medication for anything like dental treatment that I will be able to tolerate pre surgery medications without this misery.

....How are you doing Texas? ...This is only my experience. In reading through some of the success stories and other posts, some buddies have used a rescue dose from time to time without returning to acute sx...hope this helps....coop

[[dr...]]

Coop-here is the part of it.  I cut and pasted.

 

Benzodiazepines or cross tolerant drugs should be avoided after discontinuation, even occasionally. These include the nonbenzodiazepines Z-drugs, which have a similar mechanism of action. This is because tolerance to benzodiazepines has been demonstrated to be still present at four months to two years after withdrawal depending on personal biochemistry. Re-exposures to benzodiazepines typically resulted in a reactivation of the tolerance and benzodiazepine withdrawal syndrome.[102][103]

 

 

I just finished a 45 minute meditation.  It really helps immensly.  Now if my dmn right index finger would stop twitching and it feels like someone or something is always pulling a nerve in that arm and hand.  crazy stuff

[[Co...]]

Thanks Drew,...did it happen to mention how long the return of acute sx will continue? .. I appreciate the cut and paste so much. I Googled w/d syndrome and a gazillion journal papers  came up.....obviously I followed the wrong link..

  ..Sorry about the finger twitch. I still get eye lid ( bottom or upper ...either one) twitch and some body jerks. They are not constant, but definitely recurring. ...I think you are right to try to refocus off of it.. but kind of hard to do with ongoing sx. My guess is that after a while you will get used to the twitch and not notice it as much.. Drew, you are doing so much work on living with your sx.. .your posts,have encouraged me to keep working on breathing and overriding negative fears with positive internal statements. In this wave I have had such a constant feeling of doom...I know it's all w/d but for me it takes a little more than recognizing that it's w/d, I have to train my mind to counteract it with positive " future telling", as Nova would say. 

...thanks again Drew.  coop

[[dr...]]

Nova the link is under other medications during tapering if you type in  benzo withdrawal syndrome at wikipedia.  Nothing else was said about it so I wouldn't bother going down the rabbit hole as it is what it is.  If you have been dealing with this for clsoe to three weeks it will almost be done.  In addition, one pill will not set you back too far.  you have healed so much.

[[Co...]]

Thanks for that encouragement Drew...at least the shaking and trembling is absent today...a lot of mental anxiety but it is much more manageable without the toxic chemical anxiety 24/7......you are right...actually staying off Google all together is my best bet

....coop

[[Co...]]

Another healing alert...yay...More Chocolate just posted on the Dizzy support thread. .she  jumped in May of 2013 and is in a 3 week window of " calm, peaceful, sleeping like a baby, no dizziness or other sx".  She is just a few months ahead of us and crossing the finish.  Was so great to read that as I am slipping into that rabbit hole of, ' this is my life now'.  Not going there.  coop