12-18 month support

[[Co...]]

Beulah.  When you get the Benzo flu ( god, I wish you didnt...), is it like what Nova and I are describing?...I have had it 3x this month....

[[dr...]]

Hi all...thx for the well wishes.  As always my healing thoughts out to any of us getting hit.

 

Nova and coop and I find it truly amazing that you both posted about happiness. I was exercising today and I actually enjoyed it. After I felt happy. I thought to myself "when was the last time anything truly made me feel happy?"  It's been a long time. I mean I FELT it today. Not the artificial "I know this should make me happy so I am happy because I think I should be". 

 

We are seriously healing!

[[Co...]]

Drew...you are just going gangbusters buddy...so so glad for you. Isn't it the best?...To actually feel happy ....not just recognize cognitively that something 'happy' is happening around you....I felt that several weeks ago when my grandsons were over...I was a participant in the 'happy' not just an observer with a plastic smile on my face

....Enjoy it .. you deserve it so much...just so glad to hear this. .. .coop

[[dr...]]

Coop-your explanation is so much clearer than mine

[[be...]]

Beulah.  When you get the Benzo flu ( god, I wish you didnt...), is it like what Nova and I are describing?...I have had it 3x this month....

 

Yes coop it is...I just don't get the nausea with it. I get achy...so very achy, dizzy,low grade fever and an exhausted feeling....it lasts for a day or two...then it's onto something else.

The flu is still going around here because it's still going around in schools...the kids keep passing it back and fourth...hard to contain it.

 

I carry a bucket load of hand sanitizer everywhere I go...you can't be to careful.

 

I'm sure you will feel better tomm....pay attention and see if you get worse after going outside.

Climb under that warm blanket and stay there. Feel better..Hugs.

[[Co...]]

Thanks beulah...I am bundled up under the quilt...yep, hoping for a better day tomorrow. How did the rest of your day come along after your 'turn around' on the way to the grocery this morning.. I hope that was a momentary bump in your morning.. ..coop

[[be...]]

Thanks beulah...I am bundled up under the quilt...yep, hoping for a better day tomorrow. How did the rest of your day come along after your 'turn around' on the way to the grocery this morning.. I hope that was a momentary bump in your morning.. ..coop

 

It was a wave coming on ...it's still with me...I'm hoping it will be better or gone by morning.

[[Co...]]

Oh...Beulah...anxiety?...I am so sorry...you don't deserve that...I am thinking of you Beulah.  ...coop

[[be...]]

Not a lot of anxiety...more fear and body pain..this seems to be my new waves...forever changing.

[[Co...]]

Oh...Beulah...you seem so close...I hope this is a last wave for you...coop

[[Gr...]]

Nova, god bless you for posting that same here.  Exactly the same here.  Get up in the morning..take the mental check...no dizziness.  no nausea.  no d/r.  feel half decent.  take the dog out....the day looks promising.. lasts 3/4 hours and turns on a dime. Trembling, anxiety/panic, health fear...plain old fear...back on the bed with the Waltons scared to death of everything.  I did get the dog out 3x...When was my daily agenda reduced to taking the dog out. Really trying hard to concentrate on, " my job today is solely to heal" ...and not think about what my life was or what it will be.. just surviving the cycling anxiety...I know it will pass.  Just not soon enough.  Nova, I am so sorry you are going through this too...hope this gets better for both of us ...onward.....coop

 

Nova, Coop  I'm right there with ya.  it's not as bad as last year (nothing is) but I had to shift into survival mode -- Yes, who said something about sensory overload?  that's how it feels.  so i'm laying low, lurking.  I'm channeling MikeJee now, don't want to get too excited!  (not kidding)  ttyl

[[Gr...]]

Yes...the Healing Commune...hospitals actually used to be more like healing communes. My dad came back from WW2 with T.B... ( several years before I was born).. he had to be quarantined for treatment several times over my earliest years. The hospital where he went for treatment was like a 1950s spa.  The pts ( mostly military men) had to sit out in the sun, eat healthy prepared foods, rest rest rest...they had readings and crafts...et. etc...I remember seeing photos of the hospital and hearing my dad talk about it. He got well and lived to 93.

 

It's amazing that he lived at all!  TB was a killer (all my hours on genealogy!)  You come from very strong stock, ms. cooperten!

[[No...]]

Good Morning ... it is May Day ... hope everyone can turn their face to the sun and receive the healing warmth ... 

[[Sk...]]

Coop ... when the suffering wains I find myself cheerful ... which is really strange ... maybe I am "sicker" than I thought ... 

 

Its these "undertones" of cheerfulness and optimism that kind of lets me know that things are getting better ... even though right now I feel like I am being dragged through the knothole backwards ...

 

And I don't feel it is "false" ... it really is there ... up above all these "clouds" there is sunshine waiting to come through ...

 

And ... I am still pissed off ... 

 

Those undertones of cheerfulness are wind in my sails these days. I feel crappy, slightly depressed? Dr, cog fog, you know the drill. But then the random thoughts pop in throughout the day -"I love this granola." "I love the way my sheets feel when I crawl into bed." "I love the way this soap smells." And I think - when was the last time I loved anything?!? Little gratitudes feels like little healing. Still a ways to go. But little loves help.

 

Love you all 

Peace

 

That's so funny, I was thinking along these lines just a few days ago.

 

I was sniffing the liquid used to clean the stairs in my building, the cleaner team comes once a week, and that smell just feels so right, so full of promise. I find it soothing and it makes me happy, a small important brick of happiness. And my days are full of small moments like these, for which I am so grateful and that before I didn't have.

 

The countryside changing and blooming in spring, the smell of pollen in the air, are other things that come to mind. The smell of freshly cut grass, the list is long. Ironically, my obsessive side, another gift from wd, has pushed me too keep a small log of these things, collection of happy moments that , thankfully,  you can't facebook about.

It wil be nice to have it later on, to remind me that wd, was also this.

 

Who noticed these things before ? Who had eyes to see ? Who could feel anything at all ? just pretense, knowing I was supposed to be happy.

[[sa...]]

Bad start to June -- Vomiting all night. Super bad nausea still, shaking all over. I just have to get my son on the bus and then I'm going to curl up on the couch with a cup of ginger tea. I had my brother-in-law take my wife to the doc appointment. I just couldn't do it. I feel so bad about that. It stinks to keep letting people down.

[[Sk...]]

Drew...you are just going gangbusters buddy...so so glad for you. Isn't it the best?...To actually feel happy ....not just recognize cognitively that something 'happy' is happening around you....I felt that several weeks ago when my grandsons were over...I was a participant in the 'happy' not just an observer with a plastic smile on my face

....Enjoy it .. you deserve it so much...just so glad to hear this. .. .coop

 

Beautifully put Coop, as usual, I am reposting this. 

 

Have a nice day everybody.

 

Loving mother, thanks for posting your success story, we need so much more of those. And congrats for your achievement, no small feat. 

[[Sk...]]

Bad start to June -- Vomiting all night. Super bad nausea still, shaking all over. I just have to get my son on the bus and then I'm going to curl up on the couch with a cup of ginger tea. I had my brother-in-law take my wife to the doc appointment. I just couldn't do it. I feel so bad about that. It stinks to keep letting people down.

 

Sasquach, you are not letting people down, you are taking care of yourself so you can be there full time for your family again.

 

Sorry to hear you are so sick, your plan sounds good though. Hang in there and try not to be hard on yourself. I am very hard on myself, I know what it means, it's the hardest thing. you are trying very hard to do the most, you have been doing that through all of this. That is what I see from here.

[[sa...]]

Thanks Sky. I needed that today. I'm very hard on myself when I fail. Just a personality trait I guess. Anyway -- going to pick myself up today and try to do something positive, even if it just means taking a walk.

[[Sk...]]

But you are feeling a little better ? if you are up to walking that would  be  great, some times my legs are too stiff to walk, does that happen to you too ?

[[No...]]

Sasquach ... "fail" is a four letter word ... and I hear that is how you feel ... when I get in that place it is really lousy ...

 

And I hear your resilience ... we do the best we can, as we can ...

 

Enjoy your walk ...

 

Be Well ... 

[[No...]]

Hi Sky ... wishing you an "okay" day ... someday they will be really good days ...

 

I am taking the day "off" ... it is damp and chilly and windy outside anyway ...

 

Chopping veggies and will make a split pea soup today ...

 

[[sa...]]

Sky -- Feeling "off the bottom" after tea.  I'm hoping to feel up to a walk later. It's something I've always forced myself to do to avoid the pity party stuff.

 

Nova - thanks for the kind words. I have to stop thinking to this as failure, but it's hard to not feel that way on these crushing days. A window is coming in the days ahead to take this away, I'm sure. This is just such a long way. 18 days now. By far my longest of the entire w/d. Going to lay down for a while and recharge the brain. No work today.

[[No...]]

Sasquach ... all waves end ... hope you get a break today ... 

[[No...]]

Peace ... good to hear that you our experiencing some of the undertones of cheerfulness ... for me, they are a blessing that helps me to keep going during these long dull days of this process ...

 

It is good to know there is "space" for these to emerge ...

 

Be Well ... 

[[al...]]

PEACE.. i can't tell how long you took the drug??? is this the first time you felt the love since your w/d started??