12-18 month support

[[No...]]

LM and Drew ... be proud ... you are doing wonderfully ... congrats .... 

[[No...]]

Hi ... this makes three days in a row now ... decent sleep ... wake up feeling pretty good ... go out for a ramble ... and get hit with sensory overload and panic that lasts the rest of the day until I sleep again ...

 

Utterly exhausting and strange ... went four or five weeks without any panic and now this configuration ... doesn't make any sense to me ...

[[be...]]

Sorry Nova....it just sucks

 

I was on my way to the store with my husband...got about four miles down the road and had to come back....It gets very old.

[[No...]]

Beulah ... very freakin' old ... sorry you got hit like that ...

 

And ... I will keep going out until it stops ... I do not want to get bound up in these four walls again ...

[[Co...]]

Nova, god bless you for posting that same here.  Exactly the same here.  Get up in the morning..take the mental check...no dizziness.  no nausea.  no d/r.  feel half decent.  take the dog out....the day looks promising.. lasts 3/4 hours and turns on a dime. Trembling, anxiety/panic, health fear...plain old fear...back on the bed with the Waltons scared to death of everything.  I did get the dog out 3x...When was my daily agenda reduced to taking the dog out. Really trying hard to concentrate on, " my job today is solely to heal" ...and not think about what my life was or what it will be.. just surviving the cycling anxiety...I know it will pass.  Just not soon enough.  Nova, I am so sorry you are going through this too...hope this gets better for both of us ...onward.....coop

[[Co...]]

Beulah.  Man, so sorry to hear that.  Just a blip on the screen my friend...You are making huge progress.  Love to you dear friend...coop

[Guest [...]]

Hi Cooper!I was wondering if I could ask you a question.When you stopped the benzos,did you get the adrenaline anxiety that lasted all day?And as time goes by did you find it stopped lasting all day,but comes and goes?This adrenaline anxiety is so awful!It makes the dizziness worse,and then again the dizziness triggers the anxiety!I so hate this. >:(Thanks Cooper!

[[No...]]

Coop ... damn, so sorry to hear you are in this as well ... sitting here tonight ... letting the waves roll in and roll out ... listening to an audiobook ... not much else to do right now ...

 

Not feeling too "accepting" tonight ... and we will see this through ... 

[[Co...]]

2200...yes, exactly as you describe. It got much better after month 7.  I still had waves of it, but for short periods of the day. Yes, the dizzy/anxiety/anxiety/fear loop...mine often ended up in panics. That got better to ...until I had a bad panic or benzo flu or an eye exam with numbing /dilating agent ....something triggered a 2 day panic and nausea/dizziness.  I went to the doctor and took a 2.5 rescue of v.. .I am still paying for it with all the sx you describe....back to acute in month 17.. I think things could have been better maybe if I hadn't taken the rescue...or maybe not...who knows... I do know we will get past it...we just have to live through it....and we will...

.....Wishing you...much much better days...coop

 

[[Co...]]

Nova...stinks doesn't it...I have no zen what so ever today...yesterday it was depression and d/r..at least it insulated me from the anxiety..  My eyes feel like they have weights attached to my eyeballs...muscle pain moving my eyes....Hasn't this gone on long enough ?...This is not what I signed up for...but here I am...here we are...in the soup...there better be some very big healing involved in this miserable wave...I am thinking of you Nova.  coop

[[Co...]]

2200...I withdrew from ativan (lorazapam) too...awful drug...really sorry you are getting beat up by this...coop

[[No...]]

Coop ... well ... getting hit with diarrhea now ... suppose I will be up for a while tonight ...

 

We just hang on and get through this stuff ... there is healing always going on ...

[[Co...]]

Man ...Nova...that sounds just like how this wave of misery started for me 3 weeks ago...dizzy ( do you have dizzy?)  Nausea/diarrhea. .felt sick sick.  Going on 3 weeks with a few days of better...So sorry Nova...it's like acute ...I am going to be up tonight too...this anxiety just keeps coming back...circles around and then lands ...circles around and then lands.  ..thinking of you Nova...will be so glad for all of us when this is over...coop

[[No...]]

Coop ... yep ... cycles on and off ... a few minutes of release then back at it ... all day ... don't know where all its energy comes from ...

[[Co...]]

Nova...you are really brave to say there is healing g going on under this...feels like death.  I know you are right ...just feels like the worst flu...are you dizzy?...

[[No...]]

Coop ... yep, dizzy and nauseous ... very flu like ... and some aches and pains ... I sound like a broken record ...

[[Co...]]

Yep...exactly...well, at least we know it's probably benzo flu...or real flu? ...since we both have it.. unfortunately. ...I don't know of anything that helps. I don't even want soda crackers..  This just has to end..

[[No...]]

Coop ... when the suffering wains I find myself cheerful ... which is really strange ... maybe I am "sicker" than I thought ... 

 

Its these "undertones" of cheerfulness and optimism that kind of lets me know that things are getting better ... even though right now I feel like I am being dragged through the knothole backwards ...

 

And I don't feel it is "false" ... it really is there ... up above all these "clouds" there is sunshine waiting to come through ...

 

And ... I am still pissed off ... 

[[Co...]]

Nova, I felt like that earlier..now I just feel sick.  I am pissed off too...Hard to rest...it will pass..

[[No...]]

Coop ... my tummy turmoil seems to have passed ... gone 10 PM here ... gonna see if I can settle down for the night ... hope you have a quieter evening ... 

[[be...]]

Coop, Nova....you guys are getting beat up with nasty flu symptoms.

Could be benzo flu..I still get it this far out. Also the doc told me allergies can mock the flu.

I couldn't wait till spring got here ...now that it's here...I'm sicker....every time I go outside I seem to worsen. I don't know if it's allergies, cool air, or what. Can't stand to sit inside day after day.

 

Healing island ..here we come!!!!

 

[[Co...]]

Nova.. goodnight...feel better buddy...

Beulah.  so glad you are here...you have been through it all...wish you hadnt.  You are a comfort. All of my health fears are engaged, but I don't even care...coop

[[pe...]]

Coop ... when the suffering wains I find myself cheerful ... which is really strange ... maybe I am "sicker" than I thought ... 

 

Its these "undertones" of cheerfulness and optimism that kind of lets me know that things are getting better ... even though right now I feel like I am being dragged through the knothole backwards ...

 

And I don't feel it is "false" ... it really is there ... up above all these "clouds" there is sunshine waiting to come through ...

 

And ... I am still pissed off ... 

 

Those undertones of cheerfulness are wind in my sails these days. I feel crappy, slightly depressed? Dr, cog fog, you know the drill. But then the random thoughts pop in throughout the day -"I love this granola." "I love the way my sheets feel when I crawl into bed." "I love the way this soap smells." And I think - when was the last time I loved anything?!? Little gratitudes feels like little healing. Still a ways to go. But little loves help.

 

Love you all 

Peace

[[Co...]]

Yes...the Healing Commune...hospitals actually used to be more like healing communes. My dad came back from WW2 with T.B... ( several years before I was born).. he had to be quarantined for treatment several times over my earliest years. The hospital where he went for treatment was like a 1950s spa.  The pts ( mostly military men) had to sit out in the sun, eat healthy prepared foods, rest rest rest...they had readings and crafts...et. etc...I remember seeing photos of the hospital and hearing my dad talk about it. He got well and lived to 93. 

[[Co...]]

Peace...MightyGirl....you are on your way back to your life as you knew it. I am doing a happy dance for you dear friend. I feel like that in windows.  I just haven't seen a window in 6 weeks .  I know they will come back if I live through this wave .....so happy to hear that Peace.