12-18 month support

[[Co...]]

Green,...so glad you got a break...enjoy  it...love to you...coop

[[No...]]

Hi ... had a hellish evening last night ... did not get to sleep until after 3 AM ... woke up okay ... seems the storm has passed ... some breathing issues and only a few other nibbles ... pretty good ...

 

Sky ... so sorry ... I know this is hard for you ... hang on ...

 

Green ... 

 

Drewmatic ... carry on, my friend ...

 

Coop ... it will run out of steam eventually ... until then ... hell, I don't know ... do what you need to do when you can ...

 

Hi Beulah and Korbe ...

 

[[Co...]]

Nova...so glad you are feeling better....Glad to see you back on...thank you for the encouragement. Knowing that you are feeling better after misery helps me believe this might 0ass in time...I hate being in bed...but feel truly awful when up...

....enjoy your better day...love to you Nova....coop

[[je...]]

nova--So glad to hear the storm has passed 

sky--Im right there with ya! Every month Im thrown into hell because of these damn periods. All you men out there are lucky you don't have to deal with this!! Every month pure torture.... So sick of this.

[[be...]]

Coop...sorry you are feeling so bad. Some people believe the further out we get the better we feel..this is true to an extent...healing comes in stages.

Last month was a lot easier than this month...I think because I've had more healing this month and it feels like I'm going backwards..when in fact I'm going forward...my brain is working very hard to heal me and it feels like suffering.

Have you ever forgot that you were in withdrawal? I've been doing this lately. I was logging on to here this morning and my brain froze me with the thought of "why" what do you have in common with the people there....it was the weirdest feeling...like I'm between two worlds...withdrawal and healed.

I know we are all getting closer to a huge breakthrough...but it doesn't make it any easier for us to live in the now.

 

Look how strong we are...we're fighting a battle like no other.

 

 

[[Mi...]]

Nova and Green, glad today is working out pretty well for you.  Green, your brain unlocked....I love that you said that!  That's exactly what it feels like to me too. 

 

COOP, sorry you are in a mostly bad 6 week stew.  I'm not sure what state you live in, but is there any possibility you can spend more time outside sitting in the warm sun?  The fresh air and warmth on your shoulders can be pretty relaxing if you focus on it. Wishing you mental and physical comfort the rest of the day.

 

Not going to say too much about myself except that my really bad streak seems to have let up a bit.  On Saturday night, (day 22), I finally felt my brain "unlock" a bit as well.  Since Sat it's been up and down.  Half the day I feel decent, half the day fatigued, revved, or spacey.  Certainly the decent parts of the last few days have not felt like windows.  I have not felt like a golden god with superpowers.  I have not hugged a tree or whispered to any forest creatures how beautiful they are.  Hopefully soon.

 

Let's see what else.... Today the wife and I brought home a bunch of lumber for my next project around here.  I really loathe home depot by the way.  So much so I won't even capitalize home depot out of spite.  So much so we walked out, drove further down the road, paid MORE at a mom and pop lumber yard, and actually found quality supplies that weren't damaged. 

 

Shopping amped me up, since then been feeling pretty "meh", and "zzzzz", with a dash of "grrrr".  You know how it is.  See ya around.

[[Co...]]

Hi Beulah...I am just so happy for you that you are feeling so healed...you deserve it in every way. In a strange way I am so glad that you feel like you are outgrowing the thread. I hope your success story is not far away. I was just telling Green that I think you are right on HH's heels...Having said all of that...please don't leave us too soon...your story and daily improvement is keeping us ( me) hopeful.

....Yes, I really do believe that healing is not only not linear...it is circular...I was feeling so stabe 6 weeks ago. I have a feeling this is a very rotten meniers bout set off by a virus or the eye exams....and the 2.5 v certainly messed things up..so a set back for sure however I look at it....all I can do is get from one day to the next and let it unwind itself.

.....Thank you Beulah for all the support and encouragement you are here... love love to you....coop

[[Gr...]]

My allergies got way better after stopping pain killers 3 years ago....since quitting xanax no allergies at all.  This is the second spring with zero problems (so far) and I used to have to take Claritin all spring and summer in years past.  Just my .02

 

I too had awful allerigies with benzos and I thought I was saddled with them for life. But, as soon as I Ctd they all got better. I have something now and then but nothing compared to the debilitating allergies  I had before, so at least that is a plus.

 

Yesterday my day got worse and worse. Started having head pain, it was like something was being put  through my brain and it was awful and kept me from distracting. Then,  I started getting passing pains in what felt like my ovaries and private parts.

 

I was screaming in pain.

 

I was so bad and I could not even drag myself to the computer and complain, the pain was too strong. I had sweats, and they stink so much and then, my light sensitivity was back.

 

The worst day in over a year.

 

Yesterday i could not help thinking that I can't go through this again next month, it's related to my period. Every period is getting worse, much worse. But yesterday was unbearable and there is no way out.

 

I just took my Baylisssa book and started doing some of the relief techniques to at least stop the fear.

 

Sky, I'm so sorry you're suffering.  We've been doing this so long it feels ridiculous to say hope you feel better, spring is coming, we'll surely feel better by then.  As you pointed out, I said that last year!  And this year I said it again!  and now spring is here, and here we are.  All I can say is we're all in the same boat, and hopefully we all can take comfort in knowing we're not alone.  Feel better.

 

And what is it about the weird-smelling sweat?  Sometimes I think my hear smells bad, or that my sweat is weird, maybe like a wet dog?

 

OMG, I'm starting to LMAO as I'm writing this, thinking, once again, you couldn't make this stuff up if you wanted to.

[[Gr...]]

Korbe, ...I am 65 ...like you I feel that it is outright depressing the years that benzos have gobbled up . I can only think that I will never have tolerance or w/d again and things will get better from here...This is what I know...10 days ago I was given 2.5 v in my doctor's office for panic and elevated b/p...except for a 2 hour moderate relief from my panic sx ,I have felt acute sx since.. I can only go through to to move forward... I hope you start feeling better...I hope we all feel better....I thought I would be much better by now.. Hoping for all of us....coop

 

The time we're spending is the killer, that we just can't get back.  but three years is three years, whether we're 30 or 70.  it's a chunk out of our lives.

 

When I have a good moment, a sunbreak, I think that, once we're healed, of course, this experience won't have been 'for nothing.'  I think we will have an appreciation for life we never would have had otherwise, I think our brains will work better, our thinking will have more clarity, and we will truly appreciate and be grateful for living, and be happier for it.  Just a thought.  I really think once we get better, we will live with gusto and appreciation and never look back.

[[dr...]]

I get the sweat that smells like ammonia...apparently it only smells weird to us with our supernoses.  Everyone else jsut smells body odor

[[Sk...]]

I get the sweat that smells like ammonia...apparently it only smells weird to us with our supernoses.  Everyone else jsut smells body odor

 

Well, around here normal noses smell my sweat, I am so lucky ! 

[[Sk...]]

nova--So glad to hear the storm has passed 

sky--Im right there with ya! Every month Im thrown into hell because of these damn periods. All you men out there are lucky you don't have to deal with this!! Every month pure torture.... So sick of this.

 

I can't handle the though of having to face this next month again. And if what is happening now keeps it up, that is the further out we get the more painful the period, I am concerned.

 

I am telling you, yesterday was scary and awful.

[[be...]]

Hi Beulah...I am just so happy for you that you are feeling so healed...you deserve it in every way. In a strange way I am so glad that you feel like you are outgrowing the thread. I hope your success story is not far away. I was just telling Green that I think you are right on HH's heels...Having said all of that...please don't leave us too soon...your story and daily improvement is keeping us ( me) hopeful.

....Yes, I really do believe that healing is not only not linear...it is circular...I was feeling so stabe 6 weeks ago. I have a feeling this is a very rotten meniers bout set off by a virus or the eye exams....and the 2.5 v certainly messed things up..so a set back for sure however I look at it....all I can do is get from one day to the next and let it unwind itself.

.....Thank you Beulah for all the support and encouragement you are here... love love to you....coop

 

I'm going nowhere till everyone on this thread is healed!!!!!!  I still need plenty of support myself!!!

 

I remember my first withdrawal I was on BI and when they announced they were closing I was already healed. A  friend of mine now... was on there and still needed support...I gave her my phone number and we continued support by phone...she was really ill and I could not leave her hanging in withdrawal. She healed and flew from AZ to meet me..we still keep in touch....ten yrs later.

 

The moral of this story is...we need each other...all for one and one for all.

[[Gr...]]

Well, Beulah told me that v can hit you with sx 10 days after a single rescue dose...yesterday was day 10...I belive her. I don't know why I am feeling so bad this past 6 weeks. I have 2 or 2 decent days or half days. I am in bed again with dizziness, mild nausea and tinnitus. I haven't had tinnitus since early acute. I just know that today I feel like I have bad flu..  It could be my Meniers which I think was triggered by the eye exams..  I am seeing my doctor again on Friday to r/o stuff....Who knows...I am just sick ...I can get the dog out a few times a day and then I am back in bed...Sat. was good.. had some hours of feeling normal...and that was that.. crap since then....This is no way to live.

.....Sorry for the whine...I can't find my positive today.. except for being so grateful for everyone on this thread.  coop

 

Coop, yes, the valium has a very long half life.  but I think it's where we are.  You and I, we've always been a wave team.  I have a lot of nausea, the boatiness, when I scroll on the computer I have to turn my head away because it makes me dizzy and nauseous -- I haven't had that in a long time --  I don't get ringing in the ears, but lately I've got the hissing and it sounds like water is running.  I get that more in the morning or evening.  I think it's because it's quiet then and I'm more aware of it when I wake up or go to sleep.  I spent two solid days in the house, up and down from the couch all day.  I don't have the energy to ride a bike or take a walk.  I think we're dealing with a lot of the same stuff??  But I don't have the anxiety or cortisol.  I feel like I don't feel well, I'm saying like a malaise, queasy, headachy, and just lousy.  And, Jenny, my calves hurt! 

 

And, Coop, you said it yesterday, I'm depressed!  I didn't realize it until it lifted a little today.  it's depression, benzo depression!  Just wondering how long?

[[Gr...]]

I get the sweat that smells like ammonia...apparently it only smells weird to us with our supernoses.  Everyone else jsut smells body odor

 

Okay, I'm so glad to know only my own supernose knows I smell like a wet dog?  I will try to remember that in a crowded elevator

[[Gr...]]

I get the sweat that smells like ammonia...apparently it only smells weird to us with our supernoses.  Everyone else jsut smells body odor

 

Well, around here normal noses smell my sweat, I am so lucky ! 

 

Sky, I'm with you!  I think the emperor may really smell!

[[je...]]

Green-- yes, the depression.. Its a milder version, but nonetheless its depression. Sometimes I don't even realize I'm depressed until I'm out of it.. The fatigue has been bad for me lately, I've been on the couch a lot.. And then I can't workout right now because of all this muscle pain which just adds to my depression. I am feeling very similar to you, the mailase, yes all of it. This late stage healing is tough..

[[Gr...]]

Hi Beulah...I am just so happy for you that you are feeling so healed...you deserve it in every way. In a strange way I am so glad that you feel like you are outgrowing the thread. I hope your success story is not far away. I was just telling Green that I think you are right on HH's heels...Having said all of that...please don't leave us too soon...your story and daily improvement is keeping us ( me) hopeful.

....Yes, I really do believe that healing is not only not linear...it is circular...I was feeling so stabe 6 weeks ago. I have a feeling this is a very rotten meniers bout set off by a virus or the eye exams....and the 2.5 v certainly messed things up..so a set back for sure however I look at it....all I can do is get from one day to the next and let it unwind itself.

.....Thank you Beulah for all the support and encouragement you are here... love love to you....coop

 

I'm going nowhere till everyone on this thread is healed!!!!!!  I still need plenty of support myself!!!

 

I remember my first withdrawal I was on BI and when they announced they were closing I was already healed. A  friend of mine now... was on there and still needed support...I gave her my phone number and we continued support by phone...she was really ill and I could not leave her hanging in withdrawal. She healed and flew from AZ to meet me..we still keep in touch....ten yrs later.

 

The moral of this story is...we need each other...all for one and one for all.

 

B, that is a beautiful story, truly.  Yes, we do need each other.  I thought more so the first year, but as it turns out, right to the bloody end!

[[Gr...]]

Green-- yes, the depression.. Its a milder version, but nonetheless its depression. Sometimes I don't even realize I'm depressed until I'm out of it.. The fatigue has been bad for me lately, I've been on the couch a lot.. And then I can't workout right now because of all this muscle pain which just adds to my depression. I am feeling very similar to you, the mailase, yes all of it. This late stage healing is tough..

 

Jenny, yes, this is very, very hard. 

 

But I also get flashes of clarity, feeling more like myself than I have in a long time, pre-benzo, I think.  Are you getting any of that?  I know this is healing, there's just no way to know how long. 

 

I try to not let it be a waiting game, I try as much as I can to live as best I'm able, make the best of it no matter what, but it's really hard with the depression, and, as you say, not being able to exercise, really at all.  I'm shocked at how little I can do.  It's unbelievable.  I took the bike out today, I managed four miles.  but that's a flat surface, no wind, and I used to be a very strong bike rider, this is not something I find challenging.  to me it's stunning that I can't take ride the bike such a little distance.  that I'm so tired from that little distance, no feel good endorphins going on. And I had 2-3 days where I couldn't go out at all, stayed on the couch.

 

You said you didn't have Baylissa's book?  Maybe you want to invest in it.  I thought it was good for this late stage healing, what we're dealing with.  Hopeful.  Focuses a lot on the mental symptoms, which I didn't even realize I had, that half my thoughts were mental symptoms

 

No, I know this is healing, I know it, but I didn't expect to be spending whole days laying on the couch.  Actually, I could probably deal with it better if I didn't have the depression and the fear.  the fear now is that I'm going to heal, but that it's going to take three years.  I guess that's fear of being protracted?  And I know that's not true.  But in a depressed mood, that's where my mind goes. 

 

 

 

 

[[je...]]

Yep, my mind goes there too.. Honestly 3 years keeps popping into my mind, and I have to push those thoughts away because I get overwhelmed. Clarity, yes much better. I was just saying earlier that my windows are so good now, better than I can remember feeling. It feels like I'm fully healed and I can't remember what w/d feels like, all the suffering is forgotten. On good days, I feel like I'm so close to healed, only to fall back in the rabbit hole.

[[Gr...]]

Yep, my mind goes there too.. Honestly 3 years keeps popping into my mind, and I have to push those thoughts away because I get overwhelmed. Clarity, yes much better. I was just saying earlier that my windows are so good now, better than I can remember feeling. It feels like I'm fully healed and I can't remember what w/d feels like, all the suffering is forgotten. On good days, I feel like I'm so close to healed, only to fall back in the rabbit hole.

 

Yes, that's it exactly, good days are really good.  That just started happening for me.  It seemed to happen all at once, one day I was "me" again, really clear.  But I don't have the physical strength, stamina.  That may take longer.

 

I was just reading protracted success stories.  I think we're going to be okay, Jenny, it's not going to take us three years.  A lot of the protracted people were still very sick when where we're at.  when we're not in waves, we're doing pretty good.  I think that's a good sign??  Projecting into the future, and when I'm going to heal, that's a sure fire way for me to be absolutely miserable.  I've got to try to kick this depression and be more positive.  which I could do if I could exercise!  hello?  has to lift soon. 

[[al...]]

i was ok on sunday and mon and tues and  wed back to bed..wow this stuff is bad. i think i might have PTSD from this w/d i know i have d/p and it won't go away because i think i'm still so scared from this ordeal..

[[...]]

AllbymyS

 

This misfortune does keep most of us continuously riding the edge . It really is a mater of time,unknown time. It's just doing it every day no mater what those days,moments bring until it winds down to a place we can easily manage until we are done.

 

Hang on

 

 

[[be...]]

i was ok on sunday and mon and tues and  wed back to bed..wow this stuff is bad. i think i might have PTSD from this w/d i know i have d/p and it won't go away because i think i'm still so scared from this ordeal..

 

Yes...this can be quite the roller coaster ride.

[[Gr...]]

AllbymyS

 

This misfortune does keep most of us continuously riding the edge . It really is a mater of time,unknown time. It's just doing it every day no mater what those days,moments bring until it winds down to a place we can easily manage until we are done.

 

Hang on

 

Joe, how are you doing these days?