12-18 month support

[[ga...]]

Thanks so much Jrod...your post mean a lot to me.  I really hope in time it will improve.  THis just happens to be one of the most difficult periods I have experienced since using these drugs.  Very disheartening to say the least.  Something will eventually click and sleep will come.  Those who have experienced this night after night of no sleep understand how tough this is to accept and deal with.  My mind is all over the place looking for clues and answers that will change things for the better.

[[Co...]]

Hi Garton...nice to see you ...Yep, that circles ular question...is this just me? ...How could all this misery arise from a medication? How could it last so long?....We all go around and around with those hounding questions

We all do whatever we think will serve us best. There is no right or wrong direction. I love to see you when you drop by and totally understand your decision to spend less time on the forum.....I am sorry that your insomnia is such  bear...I am puzzling too as my anxiety is back full force like in acute. I check out things with my physician when things seem to be going wrong....mostly for reassurance as I obssess a out physical sx....while refusing any meds that don't support w/d...my physician while not exactly benzo wise is very supportive of my w/d and agrees that it can take 2 years.

.....Wishing you big sunbreaks...coop

[[Co...]]

Hey JRod....you and I are about in the same time frame. I am a week into month 17 and have the same issues as you describe, in fact my anxiety seems especially vicious right now ...when it hits it's terrible and relentless...but I am getting some breaks from it somewhere along the day...

    I  also getting my mind open to the 2 year space...10 months, 18 months or 24 months...it's all just healing...we will all get there ...at least we have come a good deal more than half way....hope you get a few more windows to keep you encouraged....coop

[[ga...]]

Coop...You know I couldn't stay away indefinitely.  I always like being here to cheer those on when they are in the midst of w/d.  Lately, it seems I am here looking for support from others.  Folks are so compassionate and understanding. Afterall, we've all been through more or less the same benzo hell.  I just wish I had a clue as to what is really going on with me.  I know my wife and counselor initially supported me venturing on to these boards.  Now it seems, they think I could be doing a disservice to myself by staying here too long.  They want me to take control of my life and not continue to blame it on the meds,,,I do understand, to a point where they are coming from.  It is very easy to place blame on these meds,,,but for how long?  That is what I am grappling with at this point....along with the lack of sleep.  Hard to believe I Have slept just a few hours in the last 10 days.  Lots of rest though....good to go.

[[pe...]]

Just bumping in to say hi and I'm thinking of you all. In some ways I am better. Without a doubt and my mind still goes to dark and awful places. Thank goodness for Bliss's book and seeing my symptoms printed on the page. Time is what it takes and a whole lot of acceptance and bravery. We are brave everyday. My therapist said,"if you didn't have a survivor's view before, you will after this." And she also talked about being in shock from this experience. Said it'll take some time to get through that too.  I am putting all my energy, the thimble full I have, into my sweet sons who've been missing me far too long. But I read and follow and always send up little prayers and wish there was more I could do. I think of Sky and her toe! And Coop with the terrible panics. And then I think of Sky with her little dog and Coop with her little dog. Thank goodness! I'm so glad for all the love and support we find. I'm glad for all of you. A little further.

 

Peace2

[[No...]]

Peace ... 

 

You have a mighty big thimble ... and a magical one ... we are all becoming more than we have ever imagined ...

 

Be Well ...

[[Co...]]

Hi Peace...what a wonderful voice you are. You are son ding good in spite of bouts of darkness. Somebody described w/d depression as being logged in dog years...I think it was Green...I agree an hour of depression is a week of torture. Peace, you have had such a hard travel with this. I am so glad to hear that at least is improving overall. ....Peace I know your boys feel your love every day. We are hard on ourselves in w/d as we look at all the holes in our lives.. places that we used to fill with our love and attention...and you put a lot on yourself. Did you feel like you caught a break over spring break?......We love you tons here Peace and think of you every day...It's wonderful to see you when you drop in and we understand completely when you are busy having a life...We are so close Peace... Wishing you a string of wide open windows....love to you....coop

[[dr...]]

Garton-did you have this level of sleep issues prebenzo?  If not, then a portion of it can be due to benzos.

[[ga...]]

Hate to say it Drew, but the reason I first went on ambien and eventually some SSRI's and benzos was due to anxiety associated with sleep.  I tried for years to just muddle through using benydryl and unisom.  Finally a doc said it's time to try something with some more strength.  This has been my journey all these years and here I am 20 years later right back to the original issue.

[[dr...]]

Point taken Garton but remember benzo withdrawal will multiply our weakest link by 10x.  So it will probably always be an issue just not at this level.  As long as your counselor is helping you try to rest using healthy methods I'm all for it.  Sorry my friend you are suffering.

[[Co...]]

Drew, thanks for that reminder, my initial issue was extreme anxiety originating from an inner ear condition causing vertigo and panic....In this wave ...my worst since month 6 ...and hopefully my last this bad, my anxiety is as you described...at least at the original intensity if not 10x more intense. ....How are you doing today with anxiety....your bumps really do sound like bites or a contact allergy....hope your day is bumping along with sunbreaks....coop

 

[[Co...]]

Garton, so sorry that you have been battling insomnia for such a long time...,...that's a long time to be sleepless...Wishing you some decent sleep...coop

[[Sk...]]

Hi friends,

 

I haven't been on the boards the last couple of weeks at the advice of my counselor and my wife.  Things have not been going well at all lately.  Little to no sleep and doing everything in my power to get through the day.  The reason I was told to stay off the boards was because I am placing to much hope on the fact this is all do to using the benzos.  I can't keep using this as an excuse according to them as it does me no good.  Well,  here I am in month 21 suffering worse than I can remember since using these darn things.  Again,  many of us ask the question is this the new us or still the affects of the drugs.  I certainly have done this the last couple of years and still don't know the answer to that one.  It drives me crazy and makes me feel like this is just who I am at this point.  I do not have many of the physical symptoms that others here experience.  Just the sleep and associated "blues" that come when it gets bad like it is now.

 

Sorry for being a downer but I am really having a difficult times at this point and can't relax my mind enough to allow sleep to come.  If I could do that I am certain I would be in a far better place.

 

Hey Garton

 

Sorry you continue to suffer from sleep issues. Your 4-5 months ahead of me and although I am getting an average of 4-6 hrs of sleep I certainly knw how devastating just occasional sleepless night in our cond  can be yet alone dealing with it consecutively.

 

As most of us knw after researching the crap out of our plight, sleep suffers for many of us and can be a problem for quite some time. I recall you were doing better in that dept few months ago. I think it will eventually resolve but we have to cont to be patient. I know how difficult that it is.

 

I'm just completing 16 months out and starting month 17 I've had so few short windows. Mainly still  mood , anx then depression fear, all that continuously  cycling . Then theres constant thought when in the soup of "this will never end".

 

I took these sleep aids for a long time as well as drink and enjoy wine which was my passion  and I have to constantly remind myself it's going to take me most likely two years to be at a much better place than I am today. We are all different and we knw of those who break free sooner and those that take longer. You've been through the ringer but you will prevail.

 

Hang tight friend

 

Jrod, short windows here too. I know how frustrating it can be. My windows are nothing compared to what I hear from other buddies. Someone told me it's connected to the fact that I took Xanax. Only the worst for me !

I started taking them, for sleep issues . Luckily, sleep seems to be the one issue I have solved. I could not imagine facing wd without a lot of sleep.

 

I went on my walk with Jaime, my mom's dog. I took her to the beach, it was really nice. Unfortunately, on the way back, I had tons of memory flashes, they were very    violent.

 

I am going to eat dinner now, speak later. 

[[dr...]]

Coop-so far off to a good morning. I slept almost 7.5 hours with regular warps but it was still the best night in a while(sorry garton ).  I then immediately did a 3.5 mile trail hike before I felt bad.  Got home made me and the girl breakfast.  Just finished making a gourmet Chix salad and slow cooking ribs.  Cram it all in case I crash.  Next up a bath for soreness and maybe test drive another car or maybe do nothing.

While hiking I usually get an adrenaline rush at the top of the hill but today I just spoke positive mantras the whole way out loud to block out anxious thoughts.  It worked.  I'm not always able to do it and other peeps prob thought I was crazy but at this point I don't care.  I have to overcome the "conditioned" anxiety from all these years which is different than the benzo chemical anxiety. 

I'm doing okay

[[Co...]]

Drew,...you are such a ray of hope...you are doing so good. And your approach is so positive and determined. Did you have anxiety before benzos?...I try to get all my stuff in during the morning too....although my anxiety is trying to trip me up by showing up in the morning again instead of afternoon. I love your strategy of blocking the anxious thoughts before they take hold.....and still no migraines...that is so great!...Boy, your dinner sounds so good....Test driving cars ...perfect distractio...hope you find a car that you really like...

....enjoy your day ...and thanks for that encouraging upbeat post....coop

[[ga...]]

Thanks Coop....as always I appreciate your kind, supportive words.  I really am on the edge lately...just hanging on.

[[dr...]]

Panic disorder and GAD is why I went on them.  I was getting so many panic attacks in my late teens and early twenties it was really interfering w my life. I also had trouble driving on freeways prebenzo.  I don't think I will be as bad as twenty five years ago as I can drive on freeways no problem now and I know what panic attacks are and don't fear them. I'm also in a much different place than twenty five years ago. Now I lead a clean, healthy lifestyle and I'm established in life. Except for my chemical anxiety days I have much less anxiety/panic than while on benzos. 

[[Co...]]

Wow Drew, ...you have really triumphed on the anxiety issue. That is just huge. I never had a panic until 4 years ago when I developed the ear condition. It set the stage and my panics took off like a huge snowball racing down a mountain. I developed all the characteristics of panic, including anticipatory fear...fear of the possibility of panics ....that morphed into agoraphobia...I can't imagine being a teen and young adult enduring that torture. ...Drew, you so have this w/d thing....you have already climbed Mt. Everest..  I am just so sorry that you had to go through all of that as a young person....Amazing people on this thread. I am so lucky to have support and inspiration from you and everyone else here. ....grateful for your presence here....coop

[[ga...]]

Drew...I was told I had GAD by my psyc/doc. and that was responsible for my insomnia.  He was the one who loaded me up on high doses of ssris and benzos.  Many were shocked by the doses of these meds I was on.  Funny thing,  those high doses made me feel miserable and did not remedy the sleep all that often.  It certainly led to more frequent anxiety in situations where I never had experienced anxiety.  I never had true depression just normal down times like most have.  Today my depression is definitely related to lack of sleep and just not being able to enjoy life the way I would like to.  At age 59..not what I would have expected.  These are suppose to be the best years of your life.

[[Co...]]

Drew and Garton....I also had more anxiety and panic while on ativan. It worked like a miracle drug for about 3/4 months...and I have to admit that I begged my physician to continue to prescribe it....which she very willingly did....without a word of warning. When my sx increased she insisted on upping the dose. I finally researched and stocked my meds for a taper because I was afraid if I told her I wanted off she would insist on a 6 week taper.....

.....I am sure that had I not been given ativan beyond the initial vertigo trip to er my life would be so different today.

.....well...onward we go....with and without anxiety....coop

[[dr...]]

Yes coop...all my stuff snowballed from the panics just like you.  Garton, you'll make it to the other side. We all will.    :smitten:

[[Sk...]]

Drew and Garton....I also had more anxiety and panic while on ativan. It worked like a miracle drug for about 3/4 months...and I have to admit that I begged my physician to continue to prescribe it....which she very willingly did....without a word of warning. When my sx increased she insisted on upping the dose. I finally researched and stocked my meds for a taper because I was afraid if I told her I wanted off she would insist on a 6 week taper.....

.....I am sure that had I not been given ativan beyond the initial vertigo trip to er my life would be so different today.

.....well...onward we go....with and without anxiety....coop

 

Drew, Garton, so sorry to hear you guys have been through so much because of benzos. I must say, in my case too, the benzos started making my insomnia so much worse. And I kept thinking, nitwit that I was, that it would have been so much worse if I were not taking them !!

 

Coop, you were able to understand what was causing your problems. I never, ever made the connection, even as it was clearly wrecking every aspect of my life.

 

I am going to bed now, have a nice evening everybody.

[[Co...]]

Sky., it was only by accident that I thought to Google ativan. On an off shoot I was wondering if it was causing me nausea...lol...the very least of the problems I didn't know I had. I believed as my physician told me...my anxiety was progressing to a " full blown anxiety disorder"...I was shocked beyond belief to find all of my sx listed as side effects...plus 20 some others. Google referenced BBS and Ashton...so that was that...and here I am 2 years later...

......Rest well Sky...coop

[[No...]]

Good Evening from sunny, balmy, the bloody snow mountains are melting, Nova Scotia ... made it to 50 F today ... it has been almost six months since we have seen that temperature ... unusual for us ...

 

I too "accidently" came to realize that the source of my issues was the drug ... yes, I have/had some pre-existing issues ... however, I now believe the use of the drug became a process independent of any existing issues ... and ... once the drug process is over, I can sit back and have a look at what, if anything, may still be going on ...

 

So it goes, live and learn ...

[[Gr...]]

We cannot lie around d and give in to it...  keep your chins up and keep going, time time time will heal us all... I know of we knew this none of us would have taken one benzo!!

 

Happy, I totally agree!  We go, go, go when we can.  and when we have waves, when we can't, we can come here for soothing and refueling.  That's what I do, have been doing.