12-18 month support

[[je...]]

Hi coop,

A second opinion might help.. All the stories I read last night were positive about the surgery, but the recovery can be quite painful. My son takes after me unfortunately and I can already see signs of anxiety in him-- he was crying last night about not wanting to do the surgery and very nervous. As a mother it just hurts, this would be bothering me even if I wasn't in w/d. Coop thank you so much for the reply, and I pray we all get some big breaks tomorrow 

[[dr...]]

I was buzzing with all that adrenaline so I just walked a slow 1 1/2 miles. I could feel it in my legs as they were jerking and twitching. It seems to have lessened along with the racing heart a bit.  Now I'm on the couch and not moving. 

 

May we all get a really good sundress day tomorrow!  

[[dr...]]

Coop-ain't that the truth. We feel ok and We try to cram in a weeks worth of experiences into one day. 

[[Co...]]

Drew, lol...I am all in with the sundresses.....Yes, I have learned through sad experience not to attack my good days like a starving woman at an all you can eat buffet.  It's so hard not to because who knows when another good day is coming along.  ..Rest up Drew...coop

[[So...]]

Hi troops, I really appreciated the posts in here today.  Had a really rough one today. This wave started about a week ago. That damn depression voice really yelling today.

 

Glad I'm with peeps that understand.

[[dr...]]

So cal-love having you around just wish I knew everyone for a better reason.

 

Coop-my big day was deciding to eat sushi out and have a sip of sake.  I'm such a crazy man...party animal...  how far we've fallen :'(

[[Gr...]]

Hiya gang, just dropping by with an update

 

The past few weeks, the "fear" has morphed and blobbied along, and I am just awaiting its descent. It has taken more of the form of "irrational fears", which its been a while since I've been "here". We've got some storms coming through our way, & my brain was trying to convince me that I was "afraid" of them -- mind you, I've NEVER been afraid of storms -- so needless to say, it is annoying! I've had some "intenser" feeling panics than I've experienced for a while this afternoon, which are not a ton of fun of course, but I can weather them ~ they are not harmful, Amen! I dunno why, but the "benzo voice" has bee particularly snotty in trying to tell me the "I Can'ts" and the "Don'ts" recently as well; with God's grace I am strong. After 1-2 particularly challenging panic feelings today, I felt proud of myself. The voices scream "fear", but here we choose NOPE, I won't run with that voice. How awesome! Anyways, I'm unsure of why the recent "ride" I've had, but I am very much looking forward to its demise - it is coming! Bring the storms, I can do all things! Amen

 

I will see the day where I enjoy the storms again - Amen, it will happen

 

Hope y'all are doing well Thinking of you

 

Mrs.

 

Mrs., the storms in the Midwest?  possible tornados, did I hear?  that's a rough ride, wd or no wd.  Please be safe and hang on.

[[Co...]]

SoCal....yep, you are in the right place for getting in with friends trekking through hell.

..The depression days are so hard.  It just seems like time stops.  If you are in a week , hopefully you are on the down side of this one. Eleven months out is gonna get you there...I love your blog...coop

[[mr...]]

Hi all, just checking back in

 

Doing better now, much better. My "cortisol blip" occurs in the afternoon more so than mornings, so occasionally it can be a bit of a "bump" in that timeframe for me No worries, all good. This afternoon characterized what Coop said: somewhat more "intense" feeling blips, alongside somewhat more "intense"/higher windows ~ I am ending the evening grateful for today, and grateful for each and every experience I had today. I was proud of myself as I sat there this afternoon, weathering my experiences and thoughts. I am grateful for the person I am becoming through this I often need to remind myself of that fact, too!

 

Jenny, I feel for you and will pray for your decision. I will tell you that Mr and I were faced with the decision of surgery for me back in early September if last year, which happened to be 10-14 days after my "acute" phase. Mr said a few things that really stuck with me; one was that it is rarely any one particular decision that is "right" or "wrong" ~ it is what you choose to do with that decision after you make it, that makes it right or wrong. This took a lot of the pressure off of me in making the actual decision of surgery, when I realized that it was up to me to either "make" or "break" the decision after I'd made it. Once I decided, I owned it ~ taking any and all the "good" or "challenging" consequences that may follow it. Which was also freeing Lol, I'm kinda rambling here, sorry Hopefully it helps a bit for you somehow All this to say, whatever decision you land upon, I'm sure it'll be the right decision for you & your kiddo

 

Okie dokes gang - Mrs is tired here! Time for bed Thanks for hanging with me today when I needed it Love to you all,

 

Mrs.

[[Co...]]

Drew,...I hear ya...I feel like celebrating because I am able to follow along on the Daily Show...therfore can risk laughing without triggering anxiety. Only another BB would remotely understand that statement...

...Better party days are on the way....coop

[[Gr...]]

Green ... good to hear you rant ...

 

And yes, we have a damn good reason to "BE" exhausted and depressed ... I feel my acknowledging that has been helpful ... there isn't some mysterious exhaustion or depression gremlin running around ... I AM exhausted and I know why ... and I don't need a damn pill for it ...

 

I just need a little time to get better ... 

 

That's it, Nova, time.  And I know it's not depression, because when the symptoms stop, I get ecstatic, as do we all.  That's not how depression works.

 

But there are long stretches when we're blah, miserable, kind of in a holding pattern, waiting for a break.

[[dr...]]

Another one for us!  Nova....she's in your age bracket which is even better news

 

http://www.benzobuddies.org/forum/index.php?topic=131285.msg1751255#msg1751255

[[mr...]]

Green, it was all good I live along the Mississippi River Valley, so we are surrounded by hills ~ thankfully, this is a wonderful "buffer" against tornadoes & such We're used to it here...lol, they don't say "April showers bring May flowers" for nothing! All good Thanks for thinking of me today, it means a lot!

 

Coop - like a starving woman at an all you can eat buffet you had me giggling! A couple of my favs? Sweating like Brittany Spears at a child custody hearing...sweating like Mike Tyson taking an SAT test...off like a prom dress...out like a chubby kid in dodge ball...I'm out.

 

G'night, all!!

 

Mrs.

[[Gr...]]

Well 12-18 month buddies.. .sounds like we are, once again, about in the same place.  Healing...with sx.. crap.

. ...I am having acute level anxiety...shakes, near panic, sense of something bad is going to happen in the next moment, raging health fear and chemical surges. Where the hell did this come from so late?..Head pressure, dizziness and off balance.  d/r.  Depression and intrusive exestential thoughts come and go at a lesser intensity and frequency. .  And a whacky 'bad news - good news' pattern.  I get up and feel pretty much ok.  Within 2 hours all the sx of acute show up for brunch.  They stay well beyond thier welcome....and just as suddenly as they showed up they leave around 1 or 2.  I feel ungrateful complaining because for the most part they lift to at least a 70-75%  baseline, but the mornings are all the hell that acute was. I am sort of catching on to the pattern and get through the mornings with busy busy distraction...anything physically busy ,and reminding myself that most likely it is going to let up in the afternoon. I think I had a similar pattern somewhere towards the end of year one. ..This has been a really tough month for all of us.  .Better times are coming.. thank god for you you, my friends and support here....Wishing everyone some damn windows now.  coop

 

Coop, hang on.  Baylissa's book, before she healed she had a lot of crazy symptoms, hard waves, and then it just ended.  I'm groaning b/c I'm right behind you.  I don't want to do acute level anxiety, even part of the day!

 

Also, you said you had a similar pattern, end of year one.  I was thinking tonight, the painful roots of my hair -- I mean touching my hair, brushing, really hurts, I've had this before, year one.  And I was trying to remember when, figure out a pattern, trying to see if I'm at the end?  Lol.

 

Coop, I'm in the same place, the symptoms are pretty intense. Let's hope we're almost at the end.

[[Gr...]]

Hi everyone,

Just caught up on the posts and sounds like a lot of you are having a rough day. I can't really gauge if my feeling today are w/d related or just life stress related. I couldnt sleep last night, I was scouring the internet for info on tonsil/adenoid surgery. So I just laid in bed all night thinking, and doing the whole "what if" type of thinking. Being put in the position of having to decide the health care of my son is not a place I want to be right now. I got up today and felt okay, took my boys on a field trip, did okay and now I'm sitting here tired, sad, and depressed. I feel very frustrated that I constantly just have a feeling of being unwell. Sick of being sick I think is the theme for all of us today. Thank you all for your posts, they always help me. I don't know where I'd be without all the beautiful people on this thread 

 

Jenny, it's a tough decision.  We never want to give our kids medication or medical procedures, unless in an emergency, without thinking it over carefully. Don't worry, you'll do the right thing, and you're going to be finished with this very soon.

[[Gr...]]

I was buzzing with all that adrenaline so I just walked a slow 1 1/2 miles. I could feel it in my legs as they were jerking and twitching. It seems to have lessened along with the racing heart a bit.  Now I'm on the couch and not moving. 

 

May we all get a really good sundress day tomorrow!  

 

Your lips to God's ears!

 

 

[[Co...]]

Green.  I never thought of it like that...but you are so right...."depression does not work like that". .How is your fatigue? ...I hope we all just wake up tomorrow healed.  Never to have to do any of this again...

....Drew...that is a great success stort.  Thanks for the link.  Boy, month 18 ( give or take) keeps popping up over and over...so glad I am not at the beginning...although this wave feels like acute..

    coop

[[Gr...]]

Green.  I never thought of it like that...but you are so right...."depression does not work like that". .How is your fatigue? ...I hope we all just wake up tomorrow healed.  Never to have to do any of this again...

....Drew...that is a great success stort.  Thanks for the link.  Boy, month 18 ( give or take) keeps popping up over and over...so glad I am not at the beginning...although this wave feels like acute..

    coop

 

No, Coop, real depression is intense and it doesn't evaporate when you have a window.

 

My fatigue lightened up, less tired (and CFS and adrenal fatigue don't work like that, either, lol!)  Like I said, the head and facial pain, and my skin, face and head, is extremely sensitive, hurts to touch it.

 

Who the hell else could we tell this?  sometimes I wish one of my naysayers could step into my head and body for  -- how long do we want to give them?  Depends on whether it's a wave, lol.  Any one of them would run screaming for the ER. 

 

Feel better, friends.  I'm going to backtrack and read Drew's posted success stories.

[[dr...]]

Luckily I don't get the depression but I get the fatigue. All gone in a window too. We are all only suffering from benzo stuff.  All of us have had every test and we live clean lives at this point.  Anxiety gone right now just leg pain.

[[Gr...]]

Luckily I don't get the depression but I get the fatigue. All gone in a window too. We are all only suffering from benzo stuff.  All of us have had every test and we live clean lives at this point.  Anxiety gone right now just leg pain.

 

Drew, thanks for those success stories.  I just read them, and I was encouraged.  And you are a party animal!  you're our party animal!

[[Sk...]]

Hi, I know everybody is still asleep but I just wanted to post a small update to get some support.

 

Today, my mother has to go to the hospital for her checkup on her arm. Because of her earache, she really can't hear, so I have to go with her to be her ears.

 

Unfortunately, we are going to the hospital where I was operated  and I had my Ct, where did such a callous and dangerous job of it. Most of my hallucinations took place there and i was always trying to run away from the hospital, at night, even though I was so weak from the operation.

 

So, as you can tell, a lot of unpleasant memories.

 

I also worry about how my mom's bone will have healed, such a sloppy job has been done until now.

 

And, last but not least, I have vibrations going on.

 

Speak later, hope things go for the best.  Wish you a day of healing to all of you. 

[[So...]]

Hey Sky, I'll be thinking of you today.  Memories are a tricky thing for me too.

 

You got this.

[[Sk...]]

Thanks SoCaler.

 

I just got back, so tired but I feel better.

 

It was hard, my mother can't hear, I can't understand what people are saying, my brain is still not up to face the unplanned, so we were the blind leading the blind !

 

My thoughts were so negative, can't help it , that place brings back memories, it's where it all started. So, I had cognitive issues, brought on by my emotions, whatever. It would be odd if I didn't have a reaction to the place.

 

Mr Sky helped us figure out everything and midway, things started getting better for me, my vibrations stopped and my brain still did not work, but things were better, less doom in my thoughts.

 

I still can't do very simple things, like asking for information. It will come back.

 

You could tell, looking at my mom's face, that she wished she could hear and did not have to depend on me  ! This was hard for her too, in many ways.

 

Now, I will take a shower and take my puppy for a walk. 

 

Just knowing I can come here and talk about it, makes the fear lighter and helps me feel protected. Thanks guys for being there.

[[Co...]]

Sky, what a very difficult thing to do. So glad Mr. Sky was with you. The compassion you have for your mother is beautiful...We are always here for you. Have a wonderful bike hike with your pup... Is your mother improving?....Wishing you sunbreaks..  and a day with no palps and vibrations...coop

[[Sk...]]

Coop, she is getting better but with her earache, and her elbow,  it will take time to heal.

 

It must be awful not to hear like that.