12-18 month support

[[Gr...]]

Depressed and exhausted and trying to keep my head above water.  Do others get the depression? I feel like it's mentioned a bit here and there but not something we talk a lot about on this thread, or at least not by many? Or maybe my brain is just not letting me see/grasp that this is part of the deal.

 

Hope you're all better today than yesterday……

Peace2

 

Yes, Peace, I do get it.  more this year than the first, though.  I think I was so busy juggling the physical symptoms in the first year I didn't have time to be depressed -- I mean I had so much anxiety.

 

I do get it.  It's more like an apathy, feeling dead and lifeless inside, can't drum up interest or energy.  And feel defeated.  It does lift, though.  I had depression many years ago, and it was nothing like this.  and I've had anxiety pre benzo, again, nothing like this.

 

Hang on, there's light at the end, we're all almost on the other side.

[[Gr...]]

Peace-- yes I still get the depression, its hormone related but still it can get pretty bad. I hope you get a break from it soon, love ya jenny

 

 

I just got back from my sons Dr appt. I did pretty good, I was a little anxious waiting in the room but I decided to distract by asking my son a bunch of questions-- just to keep both of us occupied, and it worked. My son needs to have surgery, his adnoids and tonsils removed... While the Dr was telling me all the risks involved I got a little scared, I just don't like the idea of surgery for my 7 year old. Its up to us, but I think its probably a good idea considering how he has a lot of issues breathing. Anyhow, I just wanted to let you guys know my anxiety was in check and I feel pretty calm right now. Hope your all doing well! Love, jenny

 

Glad to hear you got through the appointment in one piece.  And the very best of luck on the procedure, whatever you decide.  I would struggle with that even pre benzo.  but they've been taking out tonsils for years, it used to be almost routine when I was a kid -- not so much anymore -- and my little brothers got through in one piece. 

[[Gr...]]

Hi Folks ... well ... back in the soup after a couple of days off ... just back to feeling lousy again ... ugh ...

 

Jenny ... glad your son's appointment went okay ... sorry you are feeling lousy today ...

 

Sky ... sorry you are in hormone hell ... hang on ... it will shift again ...

 

Peace ... moving through that depression stuff is lousy ... hope it lifts for you soon ..

 

I seem to have a severe case of the blahs ... today ... just so freakin' bored with this stuff ... oh well, another day in the books ...

 

Be Well ...

 

Yes, Nova, we're struggling with symptoms, or just feeling blah, bored and waiting for it to be over.

[[Gr...]]

Hi all....I'm okay. Very manageable day. Eyes seem to be the latest symptom.  Just going with it. I had a very interesting realization chatting w my therapist.  This last week I've been telling my friends and family all things I'm going to do when well in a year or so.  The interesting thing about it was it's the first time I noticed myself talking and envisioning the future w me not as a sick person.  It was shocking to hear myself say it like that.  Hmmm....

 

It looks like my friends are suffering here.  Hope you get another sundress soon.

 

Drew

 

Drew, that's very positive, planning a future, it's a good sign in healing.  What are you going to do?  Baylissa says it's a good, fun thing to visualize yourself doing something you love doing and can't do now, or something you would like to do.  She says get specific, how it smells, texture, what you're wearing.

 

So what's your visual?

 

Mine is hiking.  and I want to take an active trip to India, and maybe China.  and a multisport to Croatia

[[Gr...]]

Yesterday was better than today.  today I was so tired, I wanted to curl up and sleep all day long.  I made it out the door to a show and felt better while I was there.  Now I'm back on the couch, with a pretty nasty headache.  It feels like cluster pain, deep inside the forehead, and it moves.  I've had headaches in wd before and never needed to complain.  This one hurts.  if I have DR at all, it's light.  mainly very tired, no energy, and a lot of head pain.  this has been a challenging month -- for everyone, I think, judging by the posts.

 

So I guess I have a ways to go. I guess getting through this as best we can is the name of the game.  feel better, all 

[[Co...]]

Green,.. try putting an ice pack at the back of your neck and a hot pack across your forhead covering both ears as well. ...So sorry you have a bad headache...this is hard stuff. year 2.  a few more months...hope you get some sleep tonight.  ..coop

[[dr...]]

I didn't have a specific visual. I just was talking about how I'm going to come out of this as a stronger, more appreciative of life, be in the best shape of my life mentally and physically, and not take anything for granted. The difference being up until now I've not been able to believe I'd be on the other side.  Now I truly believe it.  Before it was self talk with lots of underlying doubt.  Not anymore.  I think I may have turned a corner.

[[mr...]]

I didn't have a specific visual. I just was talking about how I'm going to come out of this as a stronger, more appreciative of life, be in the best shape of my life mentally and physically, and not take anything for granted. The difference being up until now I've not been able to believe I'd be on the other side.  Now I truly believe it.  Before it was self talk with lots of underlying doubt.  Not anymore.  I think I may have turned a corner.

 

Wow Drew, that's great! I'm looking forward to this day as well So happy for you!

 

Mrs.

[[No...]]

Drew ... good news ... as doubt falls away the ground gets firmer ...

[[No...]]

Good Morning ... still got a big case of the blahs ... mostly feels like I am going through the motions ... another day of treading water ... bobbing in the wave ... now that does sound depressing ... and I suppose it is ...

 

Oh well, better than wrestling alligators ...

 

Looks like winter may be giving up the ghost around here this weekend ... that would be encouraging ...

 

Have a good Thursday ... Be Well ... 

[[No...]]

Hi ... something I have been noticing the last few days ... "stress" is not "automatically" sending me over the moon ... seems I am being offered a "choice" when I feel "irritated" ... and "choice" is much better than "auto-pilot" ...

 

And it is quite simple ... nothing complicated at all ... something pushes my stress button ... I recognize  it ... and ignore it ... smile and move on ... and this seems to be pre-hormone response ... seems like some space/time has been created ...

 

Previously, the hormone response would already be firing before I even recognized a "stress moment" ... somebody has put the horse back before the cart ...

 

Matches up with my sense that the physical panic stuff seems to be moving off ...

 

Be Well ...

[[Sk...]]

Hi ... something I have been noticing the last few days ... "stress" is not "automatically" sending me over the moon ... seems I am being offered a "choice" when I feel "irritated" ... and "choice" is much better than "auto-pilot" ...

 

And it is quite simple ... nothing complicated at all ... something pushes my stress button ... I recognize  it ... and ignore it ... smile and move on ... and this seems to be pre-hormone response ... seems like some space/time has been created ...

 

Previously, the hormone response would already be firing before I even recognized a "stress moment" ... somebody has put the horse back before the cart ...

 

Matches up with my sense that the physical panic stuff seems to be moving off ...

 

Be Well ...

 

NOva, that is great, autopilot is awful. I think I am doing better too in that sense, but I rather be cautious.

 

Today is a wavy day, my heart is pounding a lot, I am vibrating too ,  so tired of writing always the same things.  Now, I am going to take my puppy Jaime out for a short walk. Speak later !

[[Gr...]]

Green,.. try putting an ice pack at the back of your neck and a hot pack across your forhead covering both ears as well. ...So sorry you have a bad headache...this is hard stuff. year 2.  a few more months...hope you get some sleep tonight.  ..coop

 

Thank you, Coop.  I remember this from tolerance, which apparently I've had on and off over a decade, and at one point I was rolling Icy Cool all over my forehead and face.  That actually worked.  Now I'm cautious b/c I remember it had a strong menthol odor.  Crazy, right?   Hope you're skimming the waves

[[Gr...]]

I didn't have a specific visual. I just was talking about how I'm going to come out of this as a stronger, more appreciative of life, be in the best shape of my life mentally and physically, and not take anything for granted. The difference being up until now I've not been able to believe I'd be on the other side.  Now I truly believe it.  Before it was self talk with lots of underlying doubt.  Not anymore.  I think I may have turned a corner.

 

Hang onto that corner, and that belief!  Yes, that is turning a corner.  That's when I went from pure panic, completely illogical, mentally spinning, to having my logical mind, really understanding it was okay, it was going to take time, but that I would probably heal.

 

I'm so glad to hear you are where you are.

[[Gr...]]

Hi ... something I have been noticing the last few days ... "stress" is not "automatically" sending me over the moon ... seems I am being offered a "choice" when I feel "irritated" ... and "choice" is much better than "auto-pilot" ...

And it is quite simple ... nothing complicated at all ... something pushes my stress button ... I recognize  it ... and ignore it ... smile and move on ... and this seems to be pre-hormone response ... seems like some space/time has been created ...

 

Previously, the hormone response would already be firing before I even recognized a "stress moment" ... somebody has put the horse back before the cart ...

 

Matches up with my sense that the physical panic stuff seems to be moving off ...

 

Be Well ...

 

M, I'm so happy to hear you're losing a symptom!  That's so positive.  When I lose a symptom, even if it comes back for a little while, I know it's temporary, and not me.  So glad to hear you lost something for a little while.  We carry such a big bag of symptoms, it's lovely to lose a few, lighten our bags.

[[Gr...]]

Hi, everyone.  I'm in the phase of unrelenting symptoms -- where it's taking a lot of energy to compensate and stay distracted.  No heart stuff (sorry you're getting that, Sky!  I dread the palps and vibrations)  just extreme fatigue, yesterday really bad headaches.  I slept really late today and feel hungover, as Nova has described here a few days ago.  And now this very sensitive skin, pain under the surface of everything.  My eye hurts in the socket, like there's a sty, my ear, as though there's an earache, my teeth, but I know it's probably not dental.

 

I usually try not to post symptoms, or even think about them, because I believed if I didn't focus on them they would go away faster.  But the fact other people post all the crazy, you-can't-make-this-stuff-up symptoms has helped me enormously when I have them myself, so that I am able to say, oh, ignore that, it's just withdrawal, so-and-so had the same thing.

 

so that's it for today.  fighting this feeling of being a blob on the couch.  very, very hard to get up, get dressed, and move! 

[[Sk...]]

Sue, thanks for updating us. I really hate to say this, but I am so tired today, so tired of always having something to fight,s ome symptom to deal with.

 

I don't have depression, I am so lucky with that. Even though, it's hard to believe I am not depressed, given the messages my brain is se nding me round the clock.

 

I have so many things I dream of doing, some small projects, I am not talking about the forbidden foods list. I just can't wait to get on with it. I keep holding to HH's story, or preview of a story. It gives me hope.

 

Have to go to dinner, speak later. 

[[dr...]]

Good 18 month success story just posted

 

http://www.benzobuddies.org/forum/index.php?topic=131282.msg1751171#msg1751171

[[No...]]

Green ... I know the "blob" and the "move" place ... some days I just stay there ... some days I can get out of it ... we just do what we can, when we can ...

 

Rule Number One for Benzo Land Travel ... There aren't any rules ...

 

Rule Number Two ... Always refer to rule Number One ...

 

Have not found Rule Number Three yet ... 

[[No...]]

Sky ... I know your tiredness ... always being "in a symptom" ... this is the exhaustion that plagues many of us ...

 

And ... we just keep plugging along ... and holding on to our dreams ... they will come to us ... and we will live them ... 

[[Sk...]]

Green ... I know the "blob" and the "move" place ... some days I just stay there ... some days I can get out of it ... we just do what we can, when we can ...

 

Rule Number One for Benzo Land Travel ... There aren't any rules ...

 

Rule Number Two ... Always refer to rule Number One ...

 

Have not found Rule Number Three yet ... 

 

Don't worry about Rule Number 3, the first two are far more than I can handle, as it is. 

[[dr...]]

Sue, thanks for updating us. I really hate to say this, but I am so tired today, so tired of always having something to fight,s ome symptom to deal with.

 

I don't have depression, I am so lucky with that. Even though, it's hard to believe I am not depressed, given the messages my brain is se nding me round the clock.

 

I have so many things I dream of doing, some small projects, I am not talking about the forbidden foods list. I just can't wait to get on with it. I keep holding to HH's story, or preview of a story. It gives me hope.

 

Have to go to dinner, speak later. 

 

Sky...please try and just be with the symptom.  Don't fight it.  It will be there regardless and the less we pay attention to it the easier it is.  Easier being a relative word.  Be okay with blobbing on couch.

 

I am having a high anxiety day and even got a flash of panic on way in to work.  It was very similar to my morning yucks...must have been delayed today.  I am just moving through the day.  Although i am uncomfortable in my own skin it will pass and I am not dwelling on it.   

[[Sk...]]

Sue, thanks for updating us. I really hate to say this, but I am so tired today, so tired of always having something to fight,s ome symptom to deal with.

 

I don't have depression, I am so lucky with that. Even though, it's hard to believe I am not depressed, given the messages my brain is se nding me round the clock.

 

I have so many things I dream of doing, some small projects, I am not talking about the forbidden foods list. I just can't wait to get on with it. I keep holding to HH's story, or preview of a story. It gives me hope.

 

Have to go to dinner, speak later. 

 

Sky...please try and just be with the symptom.  Don't fight it.  It will be there regardless and the less we pay attention to it the easier it is.  Easier being a relative word.  Be okay with blobbing on couch.

 

I am having a high anxiety day and even got a flash of panic on way in to work.  It was very similar to my morning yucks...must have been delayed today.  I am just moving through the day.  Although i am uncomfortable in my own skin it will pass and I am not dwelling on it. 

 

Drew, when my heart is pounding like this and the heartbeat is loud and irregular, blobbing on the couch is not an option, it actually makes things worse. Distracting and possibly, moving and walking are the only way to handle it.

 

My second name is acceptance, not to worry.

 

I also feel so cold today, I am more sensitive to temperatures nowadays.

 

 

 

[[No...]]

Drew ... it is encouraging to hear that you have a found a "place" within the turmoil of the symptoms ... when I am able to reside there it is helpful for me in terms of "stress" ...

 

When I can remember ... things are going to be whatever they are today ... I might as well be as "comfortable" as possible and not add to my own discomfort ...

 

Be Well ...

[[dr...]]

Sue, thanks for updating us. I really hate to say this, but I am so tired today, so tired of always having something to fight,s ome symptom to deal with.

 

I don't have depression, I am so lucky with that. Even though, it's hard to believe I am not depressed, given the messages my brain is se nding me round the clock.

 

I have so many things I dream of doing, some small projects, I am not talking about the forbidden foods list. I just can't wait to get on with it. I keep holding to HH's story, or preview of a story. It gives me hope.

 

Have to go to dinner, speak later. 

 

Sky...please try and just be with the symptom.  Don't fight it.  It will be there regardless and the less we pay attention to it the easier it is.  Easier being a relative word.  Be okay with blobbing on couch.

 

I am having a high anxiety day and even got a flash of panic on way in to work.  It was very similar to my morning yucks...must have been delayed today.  I am just moving through the day.  Although i am uncomfortable in my own skin it will pass and I am not dwelling on it. 

 

Drew, when my heart is pounding like this and the heartbeat is loud and irregular, blobbing on the couch is not an option, it actually makes things worse. Distracting and possibly, moving and walking are the only way to handle it.

 

My second name is acceptance, not to worry.

 

I also feel so cold today, I am more sensitive to temperatures nowadays.

 

i meant my unsolicted advice to do anything that moves your day along