12-18 month support

[[He...]]

Hi Everyone!

I have a few minutes and I want to touch bases real quick.    I am really believing that I am done....healed good enough to just about declare it with a success story.  I lay in bed this morning and marveled that I felt absolutely at peace.  I was actually wishing I could STAY in bed and I would have easily fallen back to sleep, and then it amazed me that I wasn't exploding out of bed because of a horrible cortisol rush as I did for so very long.  Last year at this time I was waking up in a panic all the time.  It was wonderful to struggle to get OUT of bed, not struggle to stay laying down! 

 

I feel like my life isn't dictated by withdrawal symptoms anymore.  I go much of every day not even thinking about it!  I think about YOU guys, wondering how you are doing...but I don't think about how I'm feeling.  Amazing!   

 

I can stay up late.  I can even pull an all-nighter without having w/d consequences.  I can eat what I want.  I can travel.  I can absolutely push my limits.  I can get sick.  I can take antibiotics.  All WITHOUT causing w/d consequences.

 

My anxiety is low to non-existent.

 

I have a superstition thing about writing an official success story too early, so I will probably hold off for a few more months.....but I am doing really, really good.  I am 21 months, 7 days off. 

 

Love to you all!  Keep going forward.  You will be here soon!   

[[pe...]]

HH-

I saw that the most recent post on the thread was from you. I thought, "HH, tell me that it's over. Tell me that it ends." And you did. Prayers answered. I am so happy for your healing. So happy you are once again fully alive and free. Thank you for keeping us posted. It means so much.

 

Oodles of hugs,

Peace2

[[He...]]

HH-

I saw that the most recent post on the thread was from you. I thought, "HH, tell me that it's over. Tell me that it ends." And you did. Prayers answered. I am so happy for your healing. So happy you are once again fully alive and free. Thank you for keeping us posted. It means so much.

 

Oodles of hugs,

Peace2

 

Oh Peace  ,

 

I felt a strong pull to post tonight and I'm glad I did.  It really DOES end!  I wouldn't have even believed it a few months ago, but it truly does.  It's going to be OK...all you have to do is get through it, one day at a time. 

 

You've got this.  It may not feel like it, but it is true! 

HH

[[Co...]]

Just a little scap of encouragement.. I know as soon as I post this things will go to hell again...but ..my wave from hell had some good sunbreaks today...22 days of misery and today in the afternoon it all changed in an eye blink. It's not exactly a window and I feel the monkeys circling my ankles...but I got clarity and my rational mind returned. The health fear torture lifted completely...completely. Anxiety.  minimal. d/r in and out but not thick.  Dizziness minimal.  I will take it.  I am trying to enjoy it and not worry about it disappearing. I really don't think I can take another dash on the rocks.

I read a book today with absolute clarity without reading the previous 4 sentences every 5 minutes in order to follow the theme. I roasted a chicken ..paid some bills. talked with my daughter without dread and fog. . Had enough energy to keep going all day.  And took my dog out in the evening which I haven't done in months and months. . All small things but they made me so happy. If this misery has done one goid thing it is to make me aware of how joyous every small thing is when you have your mind and spirit.. I don't think I will ever want more than that after this craziness.

  .Wishing evert single one of you windows and sunbreaks and healing.  ..thank you for being on this thread.. .coop

[[Co...]]

HH..!!...I was typing as you were posting...I am crying big happy happy tears for you. I am thrilled....thrilled for you. I can not wait to read your success story.  I am so happy for you I don't even know what to say!.  You have given me so much hope .  I have been full of doubt and fear.. I have thought of how you went to NYC at month 20 and felt ok.  I thought about that all the way through this wave.

....HH...I totally understand the vodoo of not wanting to write a success story too soon.  But you just sound wonderful.. and I am just jumping up and down for you.  You deserve this.Thank you so much for posting tonight.  Love to you HH. .coop

[[pe...]]

HH-

I saw that the most recent post on the thread was from you. I thought, "HH, tell me that it's over. Tell me that it ends." And you did. Prayers answered. I am so happy for your healing. So happy you are once again fully alive and free. Thank you for keeping us posted. It means so much.

 

Oodles of hugs,

Peace2

 

Oh Peace  ,

 

I felt a strong pull to post tonight and I'm glad I did.  It really DOES end!  I wouldn't have even believed it a few months ago, but it truly does.  It's going to be OK...all you have to do is get through it, one day at a time.

 

You've got this.  It may not feel like it, but it is true! 

HH

 

Thank you, HH. I'm tattooing this on my heart.

[[je...]]

HH- thank you so much for posting. I was just thinking about you the other day, and thinking you must be doing really well because its been a while since we heard from you. I'm so thrilled for you! You sound great, and I'm holding on to hope that I'll be much better in a few months too. 

[[dr...]]

Two great poss before I'm off to bed!  HH healed and coop feeling betterer

[[No...]]

Tuesday was a Good News Day ...

 

Good to hear HH ... means so very, very much ... the reassurance that this really does end ...

 

Coop ... and Green ... surfacing ...

 

And I spent most of the day ... happy ...

 

And ... we are all getting through this ... no matter where we are in the moment ...

 

Blessings for us all ... 

[[Sk...]]

SOrrry to be a downer, especially after such nice and encouraging posts from HH and Nova, but  I am curled up in pain.

 

I have my period, I feel quite good, no vibrations and palps, I mean, but my period is killliing me.

 

It's as if, the further out we go, the harder we must suffer. My periods are getting worse the farther out I go, it's crazy.

 

I am even considering cancelling a lesson, I have it in half an hour.

 

Never a dull moment in wd. 

 

HH, thanks for posting such a nice post. I was thinking about you and I just felt it was about time for you. It is really great and it gives us a lot of hope.

 

Consider you did many hard things in the last month, you were exposed  to a lot of stress, moving, the trip to NY, so many things in your life.

 

YOu should really be proud of yourself.

[[Gr...]]

Just a little scap of encouragement.. I know as soon as I post this things will go to hell again...but ..my wave from hell had some good sunbreaks today...22 days of misery and today in the afternoon it all changed in an eye blink. It's not exactly a window and I feel the monkeys circling my ankles...but I got clarity and my rational mind returned. The health fear torture lifted completely...completely. Anxiety.  minimal. d/r in and out but not thick.  Dizziness minimal.  I will take it.  I am trying to enjoy it and not worry about it disappearing. I really don't think I can take another dash on the rocks.

I read a book today with absolute clarity without reading the previous 4 sentences every 5 minutes in order to follow the theme. I roasted a chicken ..paid some bills. talked with my daughter without dread and fog. . Had enough energy to keep going all day.  And took my dog out in the evening which I haven't done in months and months. . All small things but they made me so happy. If this misery has done one goid thing it is to make me aware of how joyous every small thing is when you have your mind and spirit.. I don't think I will ever want more than that after this craziness.

  .Wishing evert single one of you windows and sunbreaks and healing.  ..thank you for being on this thread.. .coop

 

Coop, all small things... the small details are the threads of the thing we call our life.  I am so happy you have this break and are able to enjoy living.

[[Gr...]]

Hi Everyone!

I have a few minutes and I want to touch bases real quick.    I am really believing that I am done....healed good enough to just about declare it with a success story.  I lay in bed this morning and marveled that I felt absolutely at peace.  I was actually wishing I could STAY in bed and I would have easily fallen back to sleep, and then it amazed me that I wasn't exploding out of bed because of a horrible cortisol rush as I did for so very long.  Last year at this time I was waking up in a panic all the time.  It was wonderful to struggle to get OUT of bed, not struggle to stay laying down! 

 

I feel like my life isn't dictated by withdrawal symptoms anymore.  I go much of every day not even thinking about it!  I think about YOU guys, wondering how you are doing...but I don't think about how I'm feeling.  Amazing!   

 

I can stay up late.  I can even pull an all-nighter without having w/d consequences.  I can eat what I want.  I can travel.  I can absolutely push my limits.  I can get sick.  I can take antibiotics.  All WITHOUT causing w/d consequences.

 

My anxiety is low to non-existent.

 

I have a superstition thing about writing an official success story too early, so I will probably hold off for a few more months.....but I am doing really, really good.  I am 21 months, 7 days off. 

 

Love to you all!  Keep going forward.  You will be here soon! 

 

HH, I suspected when we didn't hear from you, that it was good news.  I am so, so happy for you!  And, like Peace, happy for me!   to know there is an end in sight, and that people do get better.  I was reading Recovery and Renewal, and B. said that at some point she just said the hell with it and did something she was putting off until she got better, and that was the beginning of the end, she wrote her success story.  I had a feeling, no matter how scary and stressful, that going on the trip was going to be a good thing for you.  Again, I am very, very happy for you

[[Gr...]]

Hi, everyone.  Two success stories, Life and HH (almost HH, I guess that's a pre-success story, lol.)  I used to be very threatened by success stories.  I was happy for the person, but I was too insecure and in too much physical and existential pain, and too worried about being left behind, to really feel sincerely happy for people.  Today I can say I'm truly happy for HH,  and I think that's because I know the rest of us are not far behind.  It's really hopeful to hear someone actually heal.  It's so hopeless to go months on end and no one is getting better. 

 

Coop and Nova, glad to hear you are feeling better.

 

Sky, I'm sorry you're not.

 

Drew, Jenny, Peace, hoping it's a good day for you

 

Me, I guess I'm okay?  I'm not sure.  (which means I probably have DR, lol) 

 

Have the best day you can have, everyone.

[[pe...]]

Depressed and exhausted and trying to keep my head above water.  Do others get the depression? I feel like it's mentioned a bit here and there but not something we talk a lot about on this thread, or at least not by many? Or maybe my brain is just not letting me see/grasp that this is part of the deal.

 

Hope you're all better today than yesterday……

Peace2

[[Co...]]

Peace, I get deep black bouts of depresxion full of intrusive existential intrusive thoughts and fears. It can last 1-3 days and is unbearable. Distraction does not help....nothing helps. Just getting through it is the best I can do. I had a bad stint of in month 13.. since then not as much...maybe one day waves of it once or twice a month . I have more waves of anxiety and fear than depression but I get depressed about on going waves. This is kind of a ' normal' depression due to the real situation of months and months of w/d. The sx of w//d depression is very different than that.

    I am sorry you are getting hit with this, it is so debilitating. I know this has been a persistent sx for you MightyGirl.  I hope the depression waves are getting shorter and more spaced out. I have posted about it in my journal but I try not to post too much about it on the thread because I don't want to depress everyone else with gloom and doom. Also when I am in that hole of hopelessness I can't find the mental clarity and energy to post.. How long do your depression waves last? .  When I have a day of depression it feels like I have been in the depths of hell for weeks.

    Peace, I hope this lifts for you soon...thinking of you dear Peace.....coop

[[je...]]

SOrrry to be a downer, especially after such nice and encouraging posts from HH and Nova, but  I am curled up in pain.

 

I have my period, I feel quite good, no vibrations and palps, I mean, but my period is killliing me.

 

It's as if, the further out we go, the harder we must suffer. My periods are getting worse the farther out I go, it's crazy.

 

I am even considering cancelling a lesson, I have it in half an hour.

 

Never a dull moment in wd. 

 

HH, thanks for posting such a nice post. I was thinking about you and I just felt it was about time for you. It is really great and it gives us a lot of hope.

 

Consider you did many hard things in the last month, you were exposed  to a lot of stress, moving, the trip to NY, so many things in your life.

 

YOu should really be proud of yourself.

 

 

Sky-- mine has been getting worse too. This last one I had was probably the worst I've ever had as far as mood swings and just feeling like I wanted to crawl out of my skin. Its horrible. My hormones are just so off from this w/d, feels like it's getting worse. Big hugs, jenny

[[je...]]

Peace-- yes I still get the depression, its hormone related but still it can get pretty bad. I hope you get a break from it soon, love ya jenny

 

 

I just got back from my sons Dr appt. I did pretty good, I was a little anxious waiting in the room but I decided to distract by asking my son a bunch of questions-- just to keep both of us occupied, and it worked. My son needs to have surgery, his adnoids and tonsils removed... While the Dr was telling me all the risks involved I got a little scared, I just don't like the idea of surgery for my 7 year old. Its up to us, but I think its probably a good idea considering how he has a lot of issues breathing. Anyhow, I just wanted to let you guys know my anxiety was in check and I feel pretty calm right now. Hope your all doing well! Love, jenny

[[No...]]

Hi Folks ... well ... back in the soup after a couple of days off ... just back to feeling lousy again ... ugh ...

 

Jenny ... glad your son's appointment went okay ... sorry you are feeling lousy today ...

 

Sky ... sorry you are in hormone hell ... hang on ... it will shift again ...

 

Peace ... moving through that depression stuff is lousy ... hope it lifts for you soon ..

 

I seem to have a severe case of the blahs ... today ... just so freakin' bored with this stuff ... oh well, another day in the books ...

 

Be Well ...

[[Co...]]

Sorry to hear it Nova.  Yep, me too...a wonderful one day reprieve and now back to acute number 120. ...Holding onto HH's last post...nothing to do but keep moving forward.  Whoever took my life needs to return it to me now.. I have been at this long enough..

...hope you are feeling better this evening Nova....you have been at it long enough too.  coop

[[dr...]]

Hi all....I'm okay. Very manageable day. Eyes seem to be the latest symptom.  Just going with it. I had a very interesting realization chatting w my therapist.  This last week I've been telling my friends and family all things I'm going to do when well in a year or so.  The interesting thing about it was it's the first time I noticed myself talking and envisioning the future w me not as a sick person.  It was shocking to hear myself say it like that.  Hmmm....

 

It looks like my friends are suffering here.  Hope you get another sundress soon.

 

Drew

[[pe...]]

I adore you all. So greatly appreciate the support when I show up. I'm so relieved that depression is a feature for others and also so very sad that it's so.

 

Jenny, for me it's also been mostly tied to my hormones. It usually doesn't last for more than a few days but like Coop says those days feel like a lifetime.

My cycle is wrapping up, so surprised for the dip now but hopefully I'll level out in the next few days.

Jenny, I also took one of my sons to a specialist today. Tough stuff. My guy has been sensitive since birth and turns out has some sensory integration things we can work on. I very much would benefit from the program he'll be on. It's really not surprising. We are wired the same way. I hope reaching him early will help get him grounded in his body.

 

But my oldest son who is also seven has had surgery twice. The first time was to put in tubes. The second time was to put in a second set of tubes and remove adenoids. (Turned out he never needed tubes since his hearing loss has always been structural - just a little mistake by the doc.) But he was a rock star through the procedures. The adenoid recovery was a bit tough because it's a weird feeling, lots of trying to clear his throat and difficulty sleeping for about a week. In your son's case it sounds like the short discomfort of surgery could mean an improvement in breathing long term. It's always hard to know what to do, harder I think because of what we've been through with doctors.

 

Nova, Coop, Sky

I'm sorry you're getting messed about. We surely have put in our time. It's time for all of us to join HH on the other side. I can't wait to see who's next. I hope it's you!

 

Peace2

[[Co...]]

Drew, ...you are sounding so great. Hasn't it been 2 weeks since your last wave with all the anxiety?..  It is such a good thing that you can envision your future as a happy well person.  and you will be.

..And yes, I could use a "sundress" or 2...would definitely brighten up my outlook...and make me feel young again...like the hippie girl I used to be...now I just wear dun hats...

....keep the good coming Drew.  You are so getting there..  coop

[[dr...]]

Sundress!  Lol. I'm as bad if not worse than you with autocorrect. 

It's been a week I think but something changed in my outlook. Obviously can't explain but now I'm sure I'll be okay and im optimistic. I know part of its the wave ending, I've been through all of it before, the recent success by our buddies here, my complete surrender, no supplements or anything, no migraines for two weeks....it's all going to be okay!  Not tomorrow but soon enough for all of us. 

[[Co...]]

We adore you too Peace...I also can not wait to start seeing friends come across the finish...we are all in the last stretch...we are all so tired...

....I am glad to hear that your depression seems to be winding down. I don't know which is worse...anxiety or depression...they both suck the life out of our very souls.

.....Happy tomorrow to you....coop

[[Co...]]

Drew, I think complete surrender releases us from so much energy consuming worrying and constantly searching and analyzing for reasons and answers and what ifs. I have much better endurance when I can just let go of all of that...some days I can do that pretty consistently...on really bad days it takes on a momentum of its own....I love it that you have not had a migraine and are free of supplements etc. I don't have anything against supplements , but if I am taking one I am constantly obsessing if my sx...or let up of a certain  sx is or is not because of that supplement...one more thing to get for used on....have a great evening Drew....coop