12-18 month support

[[Gr...]]

Great thread, I didn't know it was here. I have a question. I'm 15 months out and at the 14.5 month mark I got hit by the worst wave I have ever had! Worse than acute. I'll spare the details but I was bedridden for the last 2 weeks and am finally starting to see some easing up in sx. I was ready to reinstate it was so bad or end it all. I've seen a few other people that have had this happen this far out but not many. Anyone else? Could it have been the peppermint tea? The tea is the only thing I did different. I was drinking 3 to 4 cups a day 2 to 3 weeks before this happened. Thanks y'all.

 

Cool,

 

Look at healinghope's signature.  she got smashed at 14.5.    I was also ready to reinstate, with psych meds, ADs, after my 12 month, in a bad wave.  People here talked me down from the ledge.  No, this is normal, and it's dangerous, because this is where ppl get very scared, think there's something wrong with them, and make the mistake of going back on the benzo, or taking other psych meds.  Hang in there, you're in the right place.  Check out some of Healinghope's posts.  She had a very tough time where you are and she's better now. 

 

Susan

[[mr...]]

Great thread, I didn't know it was here. I have a question. I'm 15 months out and at the 14.5 month mark I got hit by the worst wave I have ever had! Worse than acute. I'll spare the details but I was bedridden for the last 2 weeks and am finally starting to see some easing up in sx. I was ready to reinstate it was so bad or end it all. I've seen a few other people that have had this happen this far out but not many. Anyone else? Could it have been the peppermint tea? The tea is the only thing I did different. I was drinking 3 to 4 cups a day 2 to 3 weeks before this happened. Thanks y'all.

 

Cool,

 

Look at healinghope's signature.  she got smashed at 14.5.    I was also ready to reinstate, with psych meds, ADs, after my 12 month, in a bad wave.  People here talked me down from the ledge.  No, this is normal, and it's dangerous, because this is where ppl get very scared, think there's something wrong with them, and make the mistake of going back on the benzo, or taking other psych meds.  Hang in there, you're in the right place.  Check out some of Healinghope's posts.  She had a very tough time where you are and she's better now. 

 

Susan

 

Cool -- so did "Sir William". Check out his last few posts, he was at 14-18 months off. Aand I'll post a PM response he sent me recently, a little later on today (when I'm off work). He basically said that he doesn't even think about benzos or withdrawal anymore, that's how far gone his symptoms are

 

Mrs.

[[Fi...]]

Cool--I've responded to some of your posts on other threads.  I, too, got slammed at 14 months--just a long unbroken string of bad days when before I had been bouncing back and forth between windows and waves.  But I seem to be coming out of it now with returning energy, good thoughts, and a few days I'm calling GOOD.  This seems to be the pattern for many at this point, so hang in there!

 

Green--I guess I have a hard time calling the rapid heart rate anxiety.  I KNOW it's a symptom of it, but it's just physical, it's not that I'm upset about anything. I guess I'm able to keep it separate at this point.  In a way, I can almost be optimistic about it, because if I'm still getting this physical symptom occasionally, that means I'm not entirely well yet but can look forward to a better level of functioning when I am.

 

Mrs.--I've decided what I like about Gilmore girls and why I find it suitable at this point is the sheer predictability.  I don't want to find myself watching something that doesn't feel healing.  We got Life of Brian by Monty Python and I had to quit watching.  It's supposed to be funny, this guy chained in a dungeon, but I told my husband it's way too close to the way I've been feeling!  I like looking at pleasant images of this fake New England town.

 

Michael--lovely post.  Thank you.

 

Optimistic about this day!  I will just see what happens.

 

Love,

FJ

[[No...]]

Susan ... I have the solution to the cell phone company ... I have a seven year old clunker that I only use for calling taxis and checking for buses at the bus stop ... I call it my Me-Phone ... don't need an I-Phone ... one of me on this planet is enough ... and, I so enjoy the looks I get when folks ask me for my number ... when I tell them I never turn it on ... and they ask "how do you talk to people?" ... and I usually respond with "smoke signals, I like to keep my distance" ...

 

And ... I believe this "process" is quite simple ... the drug(s) changed us ... we stopped taking the drug(s) ... we are changing again ...

 

I don't feel much else is really happening, physically (and, please, I am not downplaying or polyanna-ing the chaos and turmoil many of us have been through and many are still in) ... and ... we now have a new opportunity to "engage" this change ... after the "turmoil" of all the physical and mental stuff some of us have been through ... we are not recovered, yet ... and we are being offered the opportunity to "participate" in our lives ... the "re-entry" theme many speak about ...

 

Sorry for this "fractured" post ... too much here to put in a couple of sentences ...

 

Michael

 

 

 

 

[[mr...]]

Great thread, I didn't know it was here. I have a question. I'm 15 months out and at the 14.5 month mark I got hit by the worst wave I have ever had! Worse than acute. I'll spare the details but I was bedridden for the last 2 weeks and am finally starting to see some easing up in sx. I was ready to reinstate it was so bad or end it all. I've seen a few other people that have had this happen this far out but not many. Anyone else? Could it have been the peppermint tea? The tea is the only thing I did different. I was drinking 3 to 4 cups a day 2 to 3 weeks before this happened. Thanks y'all.

 

Cool,

 

Look at healinghope's signature.  she got smashed at 14.5.    I was also ready to reinstate, with psych meds, ADs, after my 12 month, in a bad wave.  People here talked me down from the ledge.  No, this is normal, and it's dangerous, because this is where ppl get very scared, think there's something wrong with them, and make the mistake of going back on the benzo, or taking other psych meds.  Hang in there, you're in the right place.  Check out some of Healinghope's posts.  She had a very tough time where you are and she's better now. 

 

Susan

 

Cool -- so did "Sir William". Check out his last few posts, he was at 14-18 months off. Aand I'll post a PM response he sent me recently, a little later on today (when I'm off work). He basically said that he doesn't even think about benzos or withdrawal anymore, that's how far gone his symptoms are

 

Mrs.

 

Back, as promised

 

Some past posts by Sir William:

 

Archived Board: Withdrawal & Recovery Support /Re: Strength fades; Despair approaches

 

« on: January 08, 2012, 12:36:27 am »

 

Thanks for the help guys; I do appreciate it. Unfortunately, I feel like I'm at my wits end here. Yes, I've come a long way in many respects but the intensity of the weak and faint feelings, the lightheaded and dizziness, the palpitations and the mental struggle and suffering is almost too much to bear anymore.  I know that when I size up my options, there are only a few: (1) get back on benzos or some other med--no, that is not an option (2) suicide--but that is not an option because I would never want to kill myself--I want to LIVE NOT DIE! (3) Keep on keeping on--which I guess is my only real option.

 

Blessings to you all for your kindness and support; I'm thankful.

 

Sir William

 

 

2

 

Archived Board: Withdrawal & Recovery Support /Strength fades; Despair approaches

 

« on: January 07, 2012, 12:59:31 am »

 

"What's wrong with me? Is it from the benzos? I don't know if I am going to make it through this; I mean, I'm 15 months out!!!!! I'm going to die from this! It cannot be the benzos!  I have no options!"  These are the thoughts that plague my mind day in and day out.  I feel like my sanity is slipping away; my strength is failing and despair is fast approaching to drag me across its threshold. In all honesty (and I am ashamed of this), I wonder if God is going to bring me through all of this or is this my deserving punishment for my sins. How much more can I take?

 

I try to explain the way I feel to my wife (who has been so faithful in her care for me), but I get tired of sounding weak and needy and so preoccupied with my health.  I wake up and feel fine for the first 45-60 minutes; I think to myself, "this is going to be a great day! A day of progress; a day of victory! I WILL NOT succumb to remaining a prisoner any longer!"  It is short-lived, however; my hope are dashed! My spirit is nearly crushed! My heart bleeds, longing for someone with the compassion and the ability to step into my shoes and remove my suffering.  The mental agony is pure hell on earth; draining, always draining, the life and hopes from me!

 

Anxiety, anxiety, anxiety! Weakness, lightheadedness, heart-palpitations, difficulty in getting a good breath, dizziness, headaches, and those awful, negative, heart-rending thoughts of despair, and other symptoms or side effects.  "No!  This is my life!  It will not get any better!  This is the way I will have to live for the rest of my life!"  

 

I could go back to the doctor, but I've been so many times before and had tests run; all are good; there is no apparent answer to the physical problems I'm having.  I don't want to die. I want to be me again. I want to be normal again.  How many times can one stand up against an overwhelming, other-world challenge only to be thrown to the ground in unyielding defiance? I can no longer pull myself up; nothing short of the hand of the Almighty Sovereign God can reach me!  I pray for mercy.

 

Sir William (Psalm 33:18-21; Psalm 71:20, 21)

 

 

3

 

Anxiety / Re: fear of death need help!

 

« on: January 04, 2012, 04:39:02 pm »

 

Hi Bando,

 

Oh my!  This is one of the worst symptoms of coming off benzos; somewhere around month 4 (I believe it was) I had this feeling constantly, every hour of the day for a full month!  The thoughts I had were so bad (i.e. God is mad at me; God is against me; God is going to kill me; I deserve this, etc, etc, etc)--enough to make you go "crazy" (which is the another awful obsessive thought that felt like it would never give up).  Hang in there, hang in there; it does get better.

 

I'm a little over 15 months benzo free and am much better than I was. I been having another round of lots of anxiety though for the past month but not like before. 

 

Blessings!

 

Sir William

 

ReplyQuoteNotify

 

 

4

 

Archived Board: Withdrawal & Recovery Support /Re: 22 months off klonopin and the fight is still strong!!!!!!

 

« on: December 18, 2011, 07:12:18 pm »

 

Hey Jeff,

 

Man, your posts are always encouraging; every time I read them I say, "I'm NOT the only one that feels this way!"  I'm 15 months off (Dec 31st) and am having awful headaches, chest pressure and a feeling like my heart is racing--when it's not!  I have terrible thoughts that I have cancer, brain tumor, or some rare life-threatening disease!  How many times have I thought, "I'm going to get back on xanax just to see if I feel normal again!"  If I did and I do, I know I would be majorly screwed a few years down the road (probably in a much worse situation--I was on this stuff for 13+yrs--stupid doctor!).  However, this country boy ain't going down that easy; no sir!  By the grace of God in heaven, I am going to whip this thing and come out on top! 

 

Endure! Endure!

 

Sir William

 

 

5

 

Archived Board: Withdrawal & Recovery Support /Re: Blood Pressure lowering!!??

 

« on: December 18, 2011, 06:53:18 pm »

 

Hello Satashasatasha,

 

My BP went from one extreme to another; mainly up at the beginning and then down after a few months. My BP was always within the proverbial perfect reading of 120/80 prior to withdrawal and the post side-effects of the meds. When my BP gets low, I feel like I am dying (I mean the physical, not psychological, effect just makes me feel awful!). I have found that drinking water and moving around, exercising, etc helps out. 

 

Best wishes!

 

Sir William

 

 

6

 

Archived Board: Withdrawal & Recovery Support /15 months off; the good and the bad

 

« on: December 16, 2011, 07:28:29 pm »

 

Hello all,

 

Here is an update on where I'm at in this journey. 15 months off; praise God!  I'll give you the good and the bad:

THE GOOD:

1) I rarely have any heart palpitations 

2) I can drive and go to work alone most of the time; occasionally, I feel dizzy and will take someone with me to work. The dizziness is primarily from an inner ear problem that I have (an ENT is who started me on this dark journey in the first place--ugh!) 

3) mental fog is gone--95% of the time 

4) I can walk and exercise; running up to 5 miles in 55 minutes! Wahoo! 

5) I can control the anxiety attacks and the morning anxiety isn't as bad as it used to be.

 

THE BAD:

1) I have frequent episodes of a "I feel like I'm dying" feeling!  Blood pressure can drop during these episodes making it worse. It is an awful, inexplicable feeling. These can last anywhere from 15 minutes to an hour or two. Very fatigued after this and it creates tremendous mental anxiety of a near hopelessness that I will ever recover from the damage the pill from hell has created.

2) I have some powerful headaches.

 

Blessings to you all and hope you have a Merry Christmas!

 

Sir William

 

Most recent PM (I asked his permission to post it publicly, of course!):

 

Hey there! Thank you for dropping a line. I have very few issues these days from benzos. I was in great doubt about my future health but by God's good grace and mercy and my proactive steps (eating healthy, exercise, etc) I have overcome. Occasionally, I do have some "fogginess" but it mainly happens when I have a lot of stress. I haven't had any panic or anxiety attacks for a cpl yrs now! Praise the Lord!  All the best to you in your journey; don't turn back to these medicines; stay focused and positive--AND, you must be consistently proactive in the recovery of your health. Be blessed!

Sir William

 

Hoorah!! The end of our story is WE WIN!!!! YESSSSS!!! :yippee:

 

Mrs.

[[Wi...]]

Hitching to your post.  Hope you don't mind 

[[Fi...]]

Welcome, WWWI--I've been on other threads with you.  I think this is a good one just for everybody being about the same time out and comparing notes.

 

Mrs--Thanks for the re-postings of Sir William's journey.  Such a comfort.

 

FJ

[[Gr...]]

Hitching to your post.  Hope you don't mind 

 

Welcome, Wise Woman.

 

This is a good place to hitch, everybody's been to hell and still alive and kicking

[[be...]]

Cool ...

 

Welcome ... and, you will find some encouraging and wise folks here ...

 

Perhaps what you went through recently was "just" the wave from hell ... as a wise buddy once reminded me "sometimes it is just a cigar" ...

 

And ... when I start looking for reasons, or looking for a mistake I may have made, it usually only adds to the stress I am accumulating in the moment ...

 

Many folks hit a wall this far out, a wall that usually is described as "worse than acute" ... and it challenges "everything" ... and ... all the fear, all the doubt, all the "everything" is on the table ... and given that we may be exhausted from the many months we have already endured this process, the recipe for "giving up" is front and centre ...

 

And everyone I have met that hits this wall has gotten past it ... and once again it is a time thing ... eventually we find release and move on, just like all the other times ...

 

Go "slow" ... trying not to add more stress in the moment ... distracting ... getting out of my own way ... letting what ever is there just be there until it is time for it to move on ... all the old, too familiar, adages ... and ... it works every time ...

 

As I believe, our only true remedy is time ... we may use some "adjunct" remedies from time to time, sometimes useful, sometimes not ... and at the end of each day, it seems the only thing I have done that is helpful is to accumulate another 24 hours along this path to recovery ... and for me, that is not "depressing" ... sometimes it is cause for a little celebration, "I got through another day" ... now I am a little closer to my full recovery ...

 

Be well ... hope this helps a bit ...

 

Michael

 

 

Exactly!!!!

[[Wi...]]

Thanks for being so welcoming

 

One of the challenges I have is that I've never been a wave/window kinda gal.  Symptoms are are either bad or not as bad and typically directly related to how much stress I have and how much sleep I've had.  It boggles my mind when people have very specific waves periods.  Like if someone says "yup at 9.5 months, that was a really bad wave".  I just don't have that experience. 

 

I'm grateful that things are improving from where they were, but I still suffer from horrible mornings, every morning.  But progress has been made in that they used to be sheer terror for several hours and now I wake up with serious depression, but it doesn't last half the night and half the day. It lasts about 3 hours or so.  I also still have the insecurities and lack of confidence but which improves those days or parts of days when I've slept really well and I've had time to just be me, without stress.

 

I'm better than I've been since this whole mess started, but it seems with some good distance still to go.  I'm hopeful based on the improvement I've seen thus far, but have your basic benzo fear that this is as far as it goes.

 

Anyway, just thinking out loud. Thanks for letting me join.  Continued healing to all.

 

WWWI

[[Co...]]

Thanks for welcoming me everyone. Thanks for the support and older posts as well. It really helps. It's still pretty rough but better than a week ago.

[[pe...]]

Thanks for being so welcoming

 

One of the challenges I have is that I've never been a wave/window kinda gal.  Symptoms are are either bad or not as bad and typically directly related to how much stress I have and how much sleep I've had.  It boggles my mind when people have very specific waves periods.  Like if someone says "yup at 9.5 months, that was a really bad wave".  I just don't have that experience. 

 

I'm grateful that things are improving from where they were, but I still suffer from horrible mornings, every morning.  But progress has been made in that they used to be sheer terror for several hours and now I wake up with serious depression, but it doesn't last half the night and half the day. It lasts about 3 hours or so.  I also still have the insecurities and lack of confidence but which improves those days or parts of days when I've slept really well and I've had time to just be me, without stress.

 

I'm better than I've been since this whole mess started, but it seems with some good distance still to go.  I'm hopeful based on the improvement I've seen thus far, but have your basic benzo fear that this is as far as it goes.

 

Anyway, just thinking out loud. Thanks for letting me join.  Continued healing to all.

 

WWWI

 

Hi WWWI,

I could have written your post, so many similarities to my own experience. It's either bad or a little bit better, and I have a difficult time seeing clear windows and waves. With so many of us having the same experience it leads me to believe this really is from the benzos and really will resolve as we're told it will. It's hard to see it many days, but I just keep going with the help of all the good people here.

 

Peace2

[[Co...]]

I spoke to soon, I'm back in hell! 

[[Fi...]]

Wow, Cool, does that ever sound familiar!  "I spoke too soon."  I think I've finally gotten past the inclination to beat myself up for being temporarily optimistic and you should too.  You didn't speak too soon.  For awhile you truly were better than a week ago and that's worth noting.  If you could feel better once, you can feel better again.  And you will. 

 

Right now I'm doing pretty well but I've gone back and forth enough times that I know to just enjoy it and not waste good energy worrying that I'll fall off the cliff again.  Maybe just allowing our brains to be free of worry when we ARE in the good space lets us heal better?

 

Actually, bottom line, what I think is that it just takes a certain amount of time for each person to heal and all of our trying to sort it out makes no difference, except in terms of coming up with ways to help the time pass less stressfully.

 

Anyway, I'm really sorry you're back in hell again.  Hang in there.

 

[[Co...]]

Finally,

I know you're right, I just can't handle this much longer.

[[Fi...]]

Yes, you can, and you will.  I've said this same thing over and over to my husband for months.  "I can't take this. I just can't do this anymore."  But I keep doing it.  What's the choice?  No way through but through.  I think we want to use this phrase because it seems to expressed to those around us just how desperate we're feeling, right?  It just seems appalling that we could be asked to suffer like this.  It seems as if all those doctors who got us into this situation must not know how desperately ill we are or they'd be doing something dramatic to try to help.  Like maybe pick up the phone and check on us?    But they don't.  And even our loved ones can't understand exactly how bad we feel.  I think our best bet is right here, reading the posts of the people further down the line who've recovered.  From all evidence, they felt as bad as we do now and yet they're healed.  Hang tight.

[[Co...]]

What sucks about it us there is nothing we can do for relief. At least for me, nothing helps when it's this bad and I've tried everything.

 

When I look at my leg it seems like it isn't part of me. Wtf! Is that dr or dp? Or something else?

[[Fi...]]

Actually, Cool, I have yet to figure out what dr and dp stand for!  Maybe somebody can clue me in.

 

I'm sitting here with a resting pulse of 99 feeling like it might be hard to go to sleep like this.  I don't feel emotionally anxious about this and figure it's just a sign things are still righting themselves in my brain and body, but I wonder--is there anything you can do about this?  I can't think what if I'm already calm and not jumping around or anything.  Probably just another wait it out sort of thing, huh?

[[Co...]]

Ya its just a wait it out thing. You can take a beta blocker to slow your heart down. I don't take them cause my heart will pound for an hour or 2 then slow down for a few hours. Keeps doing that.

 

Dp and dr are dpersonalization and derealization.

[[Sk...]]

Hi everybody,

 

I have a lot of catching up to do here !! I have a hard day today, many difficult lessons and my symptoms are up and about.

 

I am  a little fed up of living in fear of my symptoms and constantly checking up on them. Green, some time ago talked about being Wd's b**ch and I definitely am just that.

Yes, I work and pull through but, my thoughts and fears, what has me cowering, is the thought of my symptoms even though I have plenty of evidence to the fact that, besides the discomfort and anguish, I am clearly able to do my things. But the quality of my life is still iffy. I am sick of sick thoughts and my mind rambling. 

 

So,here I am at 13 months(YAY! ), feeling a little blah. I did not even update my log, the thought of the struggle with the keyboard, the writing problem I have, just discouraged me.

 

A little worried about the coming festivities, but you know, when you feel blah, thoughts have a hard time being positive !!

 

Wish you all a lot of healing today !

 

 

[[He...]]

Hi everyone,

I hope everyone is doing OK today.  I had a rough night last night, woke up at 2:30 with another heart pounding panic attack.  It was similar to what I had a week ago, but it was less intense and didn't last as long.  I adopted the thought process of "this has happened before and I can get through it again".  My pounding heart went away after a few minutes, but I was very revved and jittery afterwards.  I still am.  I could fall back asleep, but would wake up with cortisol rushes continually.  Right now I am very tired with lots of physical anxiety coursing through me.  UGH!  It will be a long day. 

 

I had some emotional stuff go on yesterday evening, including a confrontation with someone who hurt a member of my family, and I was pretty upset by it until I finally fell asleep about midnight.  I'm still having to deal with it today, and I'm very anxious about it.  I have never liked confrontation and I know that my CNS is still so hyper-sensitive.  Not a good combination.

 

I forgot to mention that I hit the 17th month mark on December 1. 

 

Sending you all healing thoughts and prayers,

HH

[[Fi...]]

Good morning, buddies!  Cool, thanks for the definitions of dr and dp.  I am fortunate that this has never been one of my symptoms.  Maybe this is part of the reason it took me so long to officially sign up for Benzobuddies.  I would read your stories early on and just feel like I didn't have it nearly so bad and didn't have anything encouraging to say.  Now there is so much in the stories of others that I DO relate to, that I think what I've got going on is from both benzo withdrawal (15 months) and opioid withdrawal (23 months.)

 

Yeah, I'll bet propranolol would still my rapid heartbeat.  Thing is, I'd been on that for 25 years as a migraine preventative and went off of it right after I got off the Oxycodone because I always thought it was making me fat!  How could I lose weight if I couldn't get my heartrate over a hundred no matter what I did?  Ha!  Be careful what you wish for.    But now, even though I know that's something people can take to help, I'm happier with the idea that my body is adjusting to getting off just about EVERYTHING.

 

Sky--sorry you're having a hard time.  At some time after I'd put myself on my No Plans Plan, I decided I needed to be on the No Fear Plan, which means trying not to worry ahead to the next round of bad symptoms.  At first when I'd have some good times, I'd feel the need to remind myself and everybody else, 'It's probably not going to last!"  It's easier since I've given myself permission to stop explaining myself to people anyway.

 

HH sorry about the waking up with panic attacks.  And also that you have some stressful thing that would definitely rev up your CNS.  One of the lines in the Belleruth Naparstek CD about Anger and Forgiveness that I'm always recommending is something like this:  "More and more I know how to protect myself from being in situations that I know will not be healing for me."  It sort of gives you permission to kind of cocoon yourself a little bit emotionally while you heal.  I think as women we tend to expect ourselves to always be emotionally engaged with the problems of those around us and feel like it's an undeserved luxury to just back off.  One of my friends has a great saying that I've taken to heart:  NOT MY CIRCUS, NOT MY MONKEYS!!!

[[pe...]]

I'm really in the loop with all this and wanting to crawl into bed and put the covers over my head. Instead, I'm at work and I welcome the blessings in that too. I'm going from revved up to exhausted and dazed with a touch of dr, and word recall is off again. I asked the children in my class to wash their hair before lunch… I mean hands!

 

I am having a "really?" kind of day. Is this really still going on? Is there really nothing I can do about it? Does this really get better with time. And the answers seem to be yes, yes and I really hope so!

 

I just want to emerge from this cave, from feeling trapped inside this weird experience. Free, free, free.

 

So many people are moving into the next month or year. I think this is Coop's jump date, wherever she is. 

And HH, 17 months! That's amazing. just keep on moving further and further towards your health. I hope you can allow some distance from the confrontations - ask someone else to do that where you can. You are certainly in our fragile boat and we need to save our strength for getting safely to the shore.

 

And Sky! 13 months, another awesome feat. "But the quality of my life is still iffy. I am sick of sick thoughts and my mind rambling." This describes me also. I wish you get through the blahs enough to enjoy the joys of this time of year. I know it's so hard to break through, but I hope you do in moments. You mentioned preparing lessons before and I have to say it is almost always an exhausting process for me too, with a few exceptions each month.

 

This is long and this is hard and we are amazing. 

If you find the magic potion, pill, dance - let me know. I am exhausted from this daily fight to keep working, caring for my own children and get through this recovery.

 

Bless us all!

Peace2

[[li...]]

Hi everyone,

 

I see so much improvement with this group. :thumbsup: :thumbsup: Wow 12 plus months is the time of true ultimate healing. I just wanted to let everyone know that I am reading the post from time to time and just wanted to thank all of you for helping me out through what was really the most hardest thing I have ever done -- getting off of benzos. I am so happy to see this group as a cohesive group and still writing. I am doing great lately and just wanted to say that at 14 +months I am getting close to thinking that I am almost there -- a success story!!!!! I will not write one until after my trial in January but i am truly feeling sooooo much better. You all are truly awesome!!!!

 

We must all do something with this knowledge one day so that others will not suffer like we did.

 

Love to all and rapid healing!!!

 

Life

[[li...]]

I'm really in the loop with all this and wanting to crawl into bed and put the covers over my head. Instead, I'm at work and I welcome the blessings in that too. I'm going from revved up to exhausted and dazed with a touch of dr, and word recall is off again. I asked the children in my class to wash their hair before lunch… I mean hands!

 

I am having a "really?" kind of day. Is this really still going on? Is there really nothing I can do about it? Does this really get better with time. And the answers seem to be yes, yes and I really hope so!

 

I just want to emerge from this cave, from feeling trapped inside this weird experience. Free, free, free.

 

So many people are moving into the next month or year. I think this is Coop's jump date, wherever she is. 

And HH, 17 months! That's amazing. just keep on moving further and further towards your health. I hope you can allow some distance from the confrontations - ask someone else to do that where you can. You are certainly in our fragile boat and we need to save our strength for getting safely to the shore.

 

And Sky! 13 months, another awesome feat. "But the quality of my life is still iffy. I am sick of sick thoughts and my mind rambling." This describes me also. I wish you get through the blahs enough to enjoy the joys of this time of year. I know it's so hard to break through, but I hope you do in moments. You mentioned preparing lessons before and I have to say it is almost always an exhausting process for me too, with a few exceptions each month.

 

This is long and this is hard and we are amazing. 

If you find the magic potion, pill, dance - let me know. I am exhausted from this daily fight to keep working, caring for my own children and get through this recovery.

 

Bless us all!

Peace2

 

Peace,

 

I can assure you that you will regain your head back!!!! I have and it is awesome. It kind of just happens and then you look back and realize that you thought it was going to maybe never happen -- but it does. I am as sharp and witty and productive as ever. I was really concerned because I was a high powered business person that was used to doing many things at one time and I thought I could never even do anything... Guess what? I am as sharp and productive as ever.

 

Here is the quiker -- once you get your "head "back your deression goes away as you start feeling better about yourself and everything. I firmly believe that the depression we suffer is not so much the w/d but from the realization that we are suffering from cog fog, anxiety etc etc....  No depression is a big relief! No depression! Wow! I never thought that would happen. What a cave we are emeging from?

 

Love life!