12-18 month support

[[No...]]

Coop ... would be nice to have some days off ... it was curious, my mood went very flat ... not my doing ... and nothing seemed to bother me ... and I did not care about anything for a while ...

 

The only bummer was the more I relaxed the more intense things got ... felt like a lousy case of the "flu" ...

 

Wife got home ... we had a bit of dinner ... things seem to be calming down ... or at least flattening out ...

 

You know you are messed up when it takes an hour to dice a bit of onion, pepper and ham to make a frittata ... oh well ...

 

Hey ... two days ... no snow ... things are looking up ...

 

How you doing today? ...

[[No...]]

Hi Jenny ... hope you are feeling a bit better ... hell, I hope you are feeling a whole lot better ... 

[[Co...]]

Nova, I get those total space out episodes too, especially after an anxiety bout. I think we get to a place where we just can't engage with it anymore. Dinner sounds very good though.

.....I think I am doing better...who knows, it could all change in an eye blink.. in and out of d/r/p mostly. ...hope you are settling in for a low key restful evening....coop

[[No...]]

Coop ... yep ... that describes how I felt for several hours today ... just could not "engage" anything ... thanks for that ... 

[[Co...]]

Yep, I get to a point of, " fine, scare me, rattle me, scramble me...do me in....whatever I just can't play right now...because I don't care where this is going in this minute".  Our poor brain and CNS can only remain in the 'on' position for so long before they take a break without our permission...rest easy Nova.  .coop

[[No...]]

Well ... 7 PM here already ... time flies when you are having "fun" ... gonna shut down and listen to some audiobook ...

 

Have a good evening everyone ...

[[Co...]]

Goodnight Nova....enjoy the book... rest easy . Wishing you better things for tomorrow...coop

[[mr...]]

Hiya gang, just stopping by to say a brief hello. 

 

I haven't been keeping up with all the posts, but I have been thinking about you often.  Just really focusing on "reentry" and working on shifting back into "normal" people mode/world   One day, one step at a time.

 

Jenny, just go, and "be" and "allow" ~ whatever you experience at the doctor's appointment, just look at it from an "outsider's" perspective and "observe".  Like, "oh that's nice over there..." and "oh, okay, that's whats going on over here..." ~ but taking that stance inside your brain, if that makes sense   Northofhere once told me that you/me/we can go ANYWHERE and do ANYTHING, and just "bring" panic along for the "ride"...it doesn't have to stop any sort of life from occurring.  That's stuck with me ~ life doesn't have to stop because of fear/panic/anxiety.  You can do ANYTHING.  Just 'set your mind, and keep it set'.

 

I'm still working my way through the benzo "fear" and a few lingering "irrationals", with weird thoughts & such.  They WILL completely fade out with time, but are just annoying for the time being.  I'm at 4 1/2 months free, from a 2 year super slow taper from that low 0.25mg dose, so I'm realistically probably somewhere between 1-2 years "free", if we're talking about symptoms.  It's tough to tell for sure, since our journeys are all so individual.  Anyways,...I'm ready for the junk to go away FOREVER.  For SURE.  It's coming

 

On a goofier note , I was feeling a bit "blah" today - tummy stuff, head stuff, etc.  Hadn't had the tummy stuff for a while, so I was a bit curious but was like - whatev, life goes on.  I was then cleaning out my purse from the evening before, and noticed that I'd accidentally missed my antidepressant dose last night!  Oops!   Anyways, oh well   All is good, it made me laugh!

 

Anyways, off to rest and relax for tonight   I have tomorrow off work, and will be spending the day with family and cooking   Happy Easter to you all, in case I miss you this weekend!  Love to you gang.

 

Mrs.

[[je...]]

Mrs. Thank you for the really great advice! You are sounding really good, hope you enjoy your weekend 

[[Gr...]]

Green-

I sure hope it's winding down for you and I'm encouraged by your hope and feelings of healing. 

 

I'm loath to admit my hope is in short supply despite so many improvements from a year ago. I have two precious days to myself this week and I spent ALL morning in the Internet looking for the magic cure. Every time, I do this, every time I have time off I go back to this desperate seeking behavior. Now it's related to the genetic testing I did (be careful Jenny!). Here's why: it's good information. There's lots you can do but mixed with benzo symptoms it's a muddle for sure. I'm just not up for more trial and error. I want the sure thing and guess what we all already know?!? There isn't one!!!

Oh, we'll except for time.

 

I could have napped, walked, yoga. I did not do a damn thing that made me feel better. Scratch that. I checked in with you all, good thing. Now, I'm gonna go get my hair cut and I might let them talk me into dying the last two years worth of gray out of it.

 

I don't know how we do it...

Peace2

 

Peace,

 

it is very normal to want to feel better, especially when you have to function in a life, work, be a wife, a mother.  it's normal.  I've gone searching for things, but when push comes to shove, I don't dare swallow a medication (unless medically nec.)  Not right now.  not after all we've been through.  this is home stretch time.

 

and stop beating yourself up for stuff.  I've spent a gazillion hours on ancestry.com, doing a family tree that I don't think is even mine anymore.   However we get through withdrawal, that's it. it's hard enough without being even more critical of yourself.

 

get your hair colored.  I remember my son tactfully suggesting I might feel better if I did.  and he was right!

 

p.s.  you're right about the DNA, it's interesting, I think it's the future in medicine, but I would view my results, taken in w/d, with a jaundiced eye!

[[Gr...]]

Green, we should all just rent a big hotel somewhere and set up a sick bay. It just angers me that totally lovely people suffer months and months . I am with you with the " ton of bricks"...That's 4 of us in the soup today..you, me, Peace and Nova....God bless you Green for having a shred of faith left.. I am combing through the shreds of what used to be a positive  self to find some scraps of ' this will end'

    I am holding on to Ashton, Ian and the Canadian guy...all of who are adamant that " everyone heals"...Waiting for those words to show up. ...

....I am depressed and eating Reeses Peanut Butter Cup...so much for meticulous nutrition....this is "I don't give a damn" nutrition. Someone should have told us that we would descend back into acute cyclicly over 18-24 months. 

.....Thinking of you my friends...I am on the thread today ...doing my endless repetitive mindless housework. ...if anyone needs to rant...I am hosting the rant circle today.  Thinking of everyone....coop

 

Coop, I'm feeling much better since midday.  not out of the woods yet, but I needed the break! even if it's temporary.  I know we're going to be okay, I know it, because I have my rational mind!  I'm still fatigued, a little achy, but my thinking is sound.  yay.  it was so bad last week I couldn't come on the thread.  depression pops in and out so fast if I don't pay attention it's almost like it didn't happen.

 

I had a giant Goldberg Chews.  They are delicious.  A big movie package.  don't care.  for me, this crap is unprovoked.  I may as well have my candy.

 

We are going to heal!  I'm going to heal, if nothing else, to tell my therapist, and all of the naysayers, I told you so.

 

have a little headache, but it's probably from all that chocolate.  Feel better.

[[Co...]]

Hey, hi Green, I just sent you a pm..lol...

...Peace, I have wiled away an entire year watching Friends, Frasier, hours and hours of MSNBC, Downton Abbey and whatever other drivel is on at 3am....I have been cutting my own hair ..and it looks like it. Green is right, we are in the home stretch. Did the threatening vapors of depression fade into nothing? ...I hope so. Did you get your hair cut? ..

.....Wishing us all a better day tomorrow....coop

[[Co...]]

Green, you are sounding so good!.  Happy happy for you. Gave me a boost to read it. I don't know what Goldbergs are but if they are chocolate...that would do it.

....how can your family tree not belong to you any more..lol

..so glad you have your rational back....coop

[[Gr...]]

Green, you are sounding so good!.  Happy happy for you. Gave me a boost to read it. I don't know what Goldbergs are but if they are chocolate...that would do it.

....how can your family tree not belong to you any more..lol

..so glad you have your rational back....coop

 

Goldberg's chocolate chews.  yes, delicious.  sounding good.  yes, minute to minute.  I was not good for a while.  I sure do hope it gets easier, no more major stuff like what we just went through.  Coop, for you to even think of reinstating, that's a bad wave!  And I was right there with ya, I couldn't believe how awful it was. hopefully the worst is over. I was just reading eastcoast62's last posts, she's gone now, and she's very upbeat and positive, so I'm reassured.  She was a terrible cold turkey after 30 years' use, and she healed 100%.  She took the full two years.  Jaso took less.  lostdog was 22 months? and so was Eli1111.  I believe we'll heal, too, it's just the waiting game.  It's not smart for me to speculate about when this is going to be over.  that always gets me into trouble.  but I allowed myself a giant movie candy bar, extra time on BB reading success stories, and speculation time, when am I going to be healed?  sometimes we need to indulge ourselves.

Nova, Peace, Coop, everybody, feel better.

[[No...]]

Hi Coop ... I mellowed out last evening and got two or three hours of sleep ... woke up all sinus congested and draining ... ugh ...

 

I am still amazed how this stuff keeps going back and forth ... oh well ... hope you get some rest ...

 

 

[[No...]]

Green ... good to hear you are getting a break ... I am with you on the chocolate ... whatever soothes in the moment ...

[[Co...]]

Hi Nova.  Glad to hear that things mellowed down. Is it morning now at your house? ...Making tea are you?...does it help the congestion? ...you sound better Nova.. Are you able to sleep again before your day starts.. .Wishing you some sunbreaks....coop

[[No...]]

Coop ... it is my 230 AM ... just hanging out while the sinus/congestion stuff does its thing ... will try to sleep again in a while ...

 

Listening to an audiobook ... Larry Dossey's "One Mind" ... I wanted to listen to it during the day yesterday but could not even stand hearing someone else for several hours .... that frustrates me ...

 

And weighing the pros and cons of hot cross buns or drippy cinnamon rolls this weekend ... since I am not getting a "clear message" maybe I will do both ... 

 

Hope you are having a quiet evening ...

[[dr...]]

Hi all....hot cross buns....mmm...I can't have them on this new gluten free way of eating.  Today for the first time in two weeks I think I ate some by accident and oh my. Justice was served swiftly. 

 

Had a manageable day. Not good or overly bad which is an improvement over hell wave.  Coop and nova...hope you both get a break.

[[Co...]]

Nova, I think you should do both. Why limit yourself? ...I subscribe to Parabola and Sounds True. I have read some of Dossey's work, but it has been a long time ago.

.....you sound settled...carry on....coop

[[No...]]

Hi Drew ... good to hear you are feeling "middle of the road" ... and ... I am enjoying a break right now ...

 

For years my wife and I move back and forth between gluten free and not gluten free ... I am in a gluten place for the last several months ...

 

And many folks certainly find the gluten free path very helpful ... finding what we need right now and just being there is best I believe ...

[[No...]]

Coop ... I love your "carry on" ... always brings a smile to these droopy jowls ...

 

Acknowledgement and encouragement ... for me, that is the wonder and the blessing of our group ... 

[[Co...]]

We do have such a wonderful group.  Enjoy your break Nova...you more than deserve it... 

[[Sk...]]

Coop, Nova, you are still awake ? Should I worry ? 

[[No...]]

Sky ... no worries ... just hanging out ... seems some of us having a little break right now ... a little calm ...

 

How are you doing? ...