12-18 month support

[[Co...]]

Jenny....girlie...don't google...Tell yourself how really healthy you are.. you are young...you are nutrition conscience.  you exercise. I read an article that said exercise ...and loving relationships trump no smoking and less than perfect diets. You seem to have it in the corner with exercise and a lovely family....Aren't we lucky to have Nova too.....love to you Jenny....keep posting if it helps

[[je...]]

Thank you Coop and Nova coop, no I have not had my heart checked or been to a Dr since my tolerance days. I still have too much fear. Last time I was there they said my heart rate was too fast and I had a EKG done- everything was normal. She did listen to my heart and said I might have a heart murmur, but wasn't sure.. I'm hoping all of that was w/d related as I was in heavy tolerance at the time. I just keep thinking there must be something else wrong with me, but in a window I feel all of my sx are 100% w/d.

[[No...]]

Jenny ... that happens to me almost every time ... in a deep wave I can lose connection ... what I call "not keeping my stick on the ice" ... there just has to be something "wrong" with me ... well there is something "wrong" ... I used a drug for a very long time and now I am recovering from it ... this just ain't normal, everyday, easy stuff ...

 

And we know how to do this ... shoot me later for having said that for the 8,721st time ...

[[Co...]]

Jenny...if your ekg was good that is reassuring. A fast hr is 'normal for some people My doctor told me he doesn't get too concerned unless it is consistently over 85...he also said it's just like your b/p when you go to the doctor if you have white coat fear your b/p and hr will jump right up there. She shouldn't have said she didn't know about the possibility of a heart murmur if she didn't hear a clear murmer....and they are common during pregnancy and after the birth of a child. I had one for about a year after the birth of my son and then it went away.

.....Yep, all of my health fear goes away in a window too.

..well, writing to you and Nova has brought things down to an 8.  Thank you so much for listening and writing ...what would I ever do without BBS .....coop

[[Mi...]]

Just wanted to say hi to 12-18 buddies My name is Michael I'm 25 and my life is ruin. I'm little over one year off.

[[Co...]]

Nova....love that metaphor...the stick lost contact with the ice.. describes it perfectly.. ..keep on sayin' it...we know how to do this...I just keep forgetting...I can get through most of it now after months of taper and w/d ....except panic....in a panic I am 100% convinced that I am dying.  I used to pop an ativan.  Now I have BBs. ...hope you write a book someday Nova.....coop

[[je...]]

Nova and coop, thank you so much my dear friends. 

 

Hi Michael, welcome!

[[je...]]

Nova....love that metaphor...the stick lost contact with the ice.. describes it perfectly.. ..keep on sayin' it...we know how to do this...I just keep forgetting...I can get through most of it now after months of taper and w/d ....except panic....in a panic I am 100% convinced that I am dying.  I used to pop an ativan.  Now I have BBs. ...hope you write a book someday Nova.....coop

 

 

Yes coop, I was the same way-- any anxiety and I would pop a Valium. Any social commitments that stressed me out, I'd pop a pill, insomnia another pill. Now I just have to suck it up and deal with it, but it doesn't make it any easier.

[[Co...]]

Welcome Michael. Don't let the panic post scare you.. most BBs are over having panics somewhere after the first year.

....This is a great group..lovely caring smart people. ..We all feel like our lives are ruined but we are all going to get our lives back. It just takes a lot of time .....a lot of distraction and support. ...and some strategies up your sleeve. ...It's hard...You will find great support here....coop

[[No...]]

Hi Michael ... "If You're Going Through Hell, Keep Going" ... good advice ... every time I sit down I get my buns toasted ...

 

Welcome ...

[[No...]]

Coop ... I think we should all get together and publish a benzo comic type book ... that would be a lot of fun ... and it may even help a few folks ...

[[Co...]]

Perfect idea Nova...illustrations convey what words can not...and really, some of this is pretty funny.....

[[No...]]

Geez ... wish I had recorded that consultation this morning ... a lot of information was exchanged ...

 

At one point we were talking about breathing ... and the disruption of the autonomic breathing process ... sometimes to do with the drug because of its effects on the muscles and nerves ... sometimes to do with our self-regulating processes misfiring ... sometimes to do with normal pathways from the fight or flight response ...

 

The gist was all this will settle out in time ... in the meantime in can get really chaotic and disturbing ... and all we can do is move through it ...

 

And ... we are not to blame ... we are just riding a wild beast that forgets its manners sometimes ...

[[je...]]

Geez ... wish I had recorded that consultation this morning ... a lot of information was exchanged ...

 

At one point we were talking about breathing ... and the disruption of the autonomic breathing process ... sometimes to do with the drug because of its effects on the muscles and nerves ... sometimes to do with our self-regulating processes misfiring ... sometimes to do with normal pathways from the fight or flight response ...

 

The gist was all this will settle out in time ... in the meantime in can get really chaotic and disturbing ... and all we can do is move through it ...

 

And ... we are not to blame ... we are just riding a wild beast that forgets its manners sometimes ...

 

 

So thankful you posted this Nova.. When my anxiety shot up today, I was having a very hard time catching my breath.. So, all this breathing stuff is normal?  Yes, I wish I could hear a recording Nova!

[[Co...]]

Nova...keep telling us all the bits that come to mind....it's so reassuring. There is a thread for ' Reassuring information from  medical professionals...or something close to that. Is it possible to paste your post over there..it's so great ...coop

 

[[No...]]

Jenny ... it is my suspicion ... from my reading and listening ... that most, if not all, of the autonomic responses can misfire ... breathing, heart rate, blood pressure, visual stuff, the immune system, the entire endocrine/hormone process, the whole ball of wax ... the folks running my asylum as I call them ...

 

Why ... probably because they operate from a place of homeostasis ... they operate from a place of maintaining life ... and when these processes get "disturbed" their self perceived task is to restore balance ... and they are very good at it ...

 

And when I kept feeding myself the drug they probably just said "okay ... we can live with this" ... then when I took the drug away they probably said something not so polite ... and then got down to the task of restoring some harmony to the mess the drug created ... in regards to the autonomic processes, we are probably just along for the ride ...

 

We have other responsibilities ... take our bodies out for some exercise ... feed our bodies as best we can ... enjoy ourselves ... be in community ... all the easy, fun stuff ... I don't have to do the hard work ... I just have to make sure the popcorn doesn't burn ...

[[No...]]

Well ... the old guy is out of steam ... hope we all have a good evening ... see you all tomorrow ... 

[[Co...]]

Thank you for your much needed support Nova...I am winding down into exhaustion now.. the panic has passed ...

...Have a peaceful rest Nova...thank you....coop

[[Fi...]]

Nova--guess you won't see this until morning.  I'm not understanding why, in your post about going to the doc's, you kept referring to yourself as a "wimp" for agreeing to check out the sleep apnea business.  You SHOULD get it checked out.  This is not something you have to argue with the docs about and resist meds.  The tests show very clearly whether you are stopping breathing all night long.  If you are, you stress your heart every time you shock yourself awake into breathing again.  My husband has a-fib so we got to hear all about how bad this is for your body to be running this way long term.  I suppose it's possible that your withdrawal effects could be contributing to spells of sleep apnea, but even if that's the case, it's important to get it corrected now.  It's probably not impossible that when you're well and could lose weight etc., it might correct and you wouldn't need the mask, but it's just a bad situation to allow to continue for the sake of your long term health.

 

I realize for you the importance of being validated in this doctor visit was the headline and yes, that's so important.  But the sleep apnea thing is something concrete that can be addressed without meds and might help you. 

 

I'm aware I seem to have little cred on this thread in terms of helpful suggestions (the potential helpfulness of therapists, the dangers of OTC pain meds etc.)  but I can't NOT give somebody a heads up if they seem to need it and it might help.

[[Co...]]

FJ...we have posted many positive comments regarding therapists and physicians ...and you were the person who shared very important information regarding the re-bound side effects of NSAIDS and tylenol. ...You have 0lenty of cred on the thread. Everyone's opinions are respected as are everyone's decisions that they make . ..I am glad that your husband improved with the C-pap...but I have to agree with Nova's physician supported decision to do the sleep test if she thought it was worthwhile It's difficult to compare one situation to the other as they are so individual. Being who I am I also would choose to move carefully with medical intervention...I would at least want to know all the facts regarding my own situation ...before using an intervention. Others are more likely to take advantage of intervention as soon as possible. Both approaches are appropriate and worthy of respect. ...I understand that Nova and the physician who he trusts are on it...I completely hear that and support it.

....You always have such good and interesting  information to share and that is always appreciated here...it's not a out cred...it's about open ended support ...how is your ankle now? ...hope it's better enough to let you out in the garden now....coop

[[Fi...]]

The point I'm trying to make is that a sleep study and use of a cpap mask is really not what we usually worry about as "intervention" on this site.  It could lead to a drug free fix for an ongoing problem.  For starters, without a full-blown study, the patient can just sleep at home one night with a little thing clipped to his finger.  This measures the blood oxygen levels.  Only when my husband's numbers were alarming was an overnight study ordered.

 

If you look back at the times I've posted here--and I seriously do not think you should bother to do so!--I think you'll see a pattern of my suggestions being dismissed, at least initially.  Your responding posts in particular, Coop, usually seem to be carefully explaining what's wrong with what I've said and why Nova or whoever won't want to take me up on the idea, everybody has their own ideas of course, even if yes, later you may look into it, as with the nSaids.

 

I think your group works very well for you the way you support each other, and as I said early on when I figured this out, I'm too late arriving at the party to get in on that.  I think I've found other places where I can be more helpful.  As I've written on another thread on BB, (Don't you want to yell at people using benzos?)  I feel going forward I'll be wanting to give people the heads up about opioids and benzos I wish I'd gotten, but I will have to try to keep my mouth shut after that.  And that goes with every other suggestion too.  There is no point in my arguing about anything with anybody here.

 

That said, I just couldn't keep to myself what I know about sleep apnea and its effects, in case sharing that would be the heads up I feel obligated to give.

 

Thanks for asking about my ankle.  Unfortunately, although it healed on schedule, I'm still limping around with a fair bit of pain.  It doesn't matter, though, because the rest of me's not completely healed yet either, so it's not like that is holding me back.  I just had a five day window which was a new recent record, but then fell into a wave again today.  The only thing good I have to say is that at least this time I didn't let myself get tricked into putting things on the calendar!  I just tried to move my life forward as I could without involving other people.  Now I don't have to beat myself for cancelling anything.

 

Sorry you have been having such a rough time lately. 

[[Co...]]

FJ....If I offended you ...I really am sorry. I was probably out of place speaking for Nova in a round about way..  he is more than capable of speaking for himself ....and does. ...I think my real issue is that sometimes I feel like suggestions get pushed beyond being a suggestion. And sometimes it feels as though feelings are not validated and honored.

....FJ , you are so welcome here...I value your opinions and your knowledge...most of all I value you and your long travel through w/d. ....wishing you a restful night....coop

 

 

[[Co...]]

FJ...you are definitely not " too late coming to the party"  to give and receive support here. This is not a closed group....many of us have jumped on at different times. We have developed good and trusting friendships because sensitivity and respect just blooms here...don't know how we did it , but we ended up with people who are pretty much egoless and have endless compassion.....no body is too late for dinner here....and Nova is a spectacular cook....coop

[[je...]]

Fj - I think the problem is the tone of your suggestions sounds a bit condescending. If your suggestions are being dismissed then it is our right to do so. I give suggestions to people all the time, but I'm not offended if they don't take them --everyone has to do what's right for them. Honestly I think everyone on this thread has been very welcoming to you, and has enjoyed your suggestions/comments, so I'm very confused as to what the problem is.

[[Gr...]]

Nova....that is so spot on..I book marked it...Thank you thank you....

.....This is what I love about this thread. Whatever you are feeling....whatever you need to say, celebrate or rant against or grieve for....it is ALL good. There is so much trust and acceptance here. The entire time I have been here there has not been one conflict or rejection of any person

The peeps here are full of understanding patience and huge validation and acceptance. W/d is such an individual unpredictable process. Each one of us experiences w/d so differently...day to day...even hour to hour and minute to minute.

.....For me, I need to freely express what is happening in the moment. Green defined it perfectly....validation....simply acceptance and validation

I need to express how awful it is for me ...not anyone else just me, to be 16.5 months out and having panics...because this is the one place where I can come and rant and cry and want to give up. ....Not positive...not pretty but utterly true and utterly in need of support. In those moments any number of loving friends come to my side. On my many positive days I try to pass it around without discounting anybody's suffering. When I am suffering I need to suffer in the non judgemental community of those who are also suffering. I am very thankful for every day...I am a cancer survivor and w/d , for me has been so much worse and I need to be able to say that....In a window I want to share it and spread it around as a statement of hope for others and because I know every person on here will be happy for me. . Sharing of sx has helped me so much because if 3 other people say they are having panics and d/r it helps me ( and everyone else reading the post) know once again that it is indeed only w/d ...not a heart attack. It is just as important to share the down and scary times as it is to share the windows and healings.

    This thread is my one true north. Nova had sat up with me several nights listening to my suffering and litany of sx...I know when I share my good news when it comes along he knows how sacred a good day can be...because he has seen my worst. When I express my doubts Green provides a mantra to light the long dark way, " no body gets left behind"...Peace assures me that my presence here, though I am so imperfect and have screwed up my w/d more than once, is helpful. Sky shows us vulnerability and bravery so we can accept our own vulnerability and find our own lost courage. Drew holds every single one of us up no matter how down we are...

....There is so much more but this is getting long

...Put simply ...this is my Abbey...where I can come in whatever state I am in and find compassion.

.....I love and deeply thank every single person here . ...love coop

 

Coop, what a beautiful post.  Yes, this is a safe place to come when we're crazy from the mental symptoms, the anxiety, the spirit-crushing waves, the fatigue, the body aches, nerve pain, and floaters, yes, floaters.  When the whole world thinks we're crazy, no one believes us, when we don't even believe ourselves anymore, we come here, we plug into the positive energy, and we get restored with enough strength to keep on.  Thank God for each and every one of you.