6-12 month thread....

[[so...]]

PugLover,

 

It's amazing how we keep lowering our standards, huh?  We would give anything to feel just shitty again.

 

Love, Sofa

[[Pu...]]

PugLover,

 

It's amazing how we keep lowering our standards, huh?  We would give anything to feel just shitty again.

 

Love, Sofa

 

Absolutely! I hate laying in bed all day!

[[MT...]]

Sofa and Pug, I'm sorry to hear about the wave bitch-slap. It can feel like the waves are slamming you into the ground.

 

I've actually been seeing some improvement. I say this not to rub anything in but rather so folks on this thread can see that symptoms can shift. After being almost relentlessly sick and exhausted from months 9-11.5, in the past week or so I've started to have some days of decreased symptoms and bits of energy. I've been hiking and exercising more (a month ago I was doing very little exercise and only by white knuckling it then) and feeling like I can connect more easily with the normals. My sleep is still s$%& but it's a bit easier to roll with. In another 6 days I hit one year. Maybe this nightmare does end?

[[so...]]

MT,

 

I'm so happy for you.  It's wonderful when I hear posts from Buddies who start to feel better.  Maybe I will feel better soon too.  We will all heal eventually.

 

Enjoy your feel good days.  May this be a turning point for you, MT.

 

Love, Sofa

[[MT...]]

MT,

 

I'm so happy for you.  It's wonderful when I hear posts from Buddies who start to feel better.  Maybe I will feel better soon too.  We will all heal eventually.

 

Enjoy your feel good days.  May this be a turning point for you, MT.

 

Love, Sofa

 

Thanks, Sofa. I hope your time comes very, very soon. Love,

 

MT

[[Sa...]]

Sofa, MT, Pug

 

Count me in, we all seem to be having the same issues. 

MTfan, your time line of 9-11.5 months seems exactly the same as mine and i am so happy you are getting some relief from it.

Its a darn long time when going through it.  I am at 10 months and 2 weeks and have been sick for a month which feels like a year.  It feels longer than the first 9 months as you well know.

Your one year will be a great accomplishment & you know what they say about 14 months off ? Major turning point

 

Sofa, Wishing you a big huge window around the corner.

 

 

[[so...]]

Saraa,

 

Thanks so much for the encouragement.  I finished month 13 today, now starting month 14, so I really hope it's the magic month for me. 

 

I hope you'll all let me stick around the rest of the way.

 

Love, Sofa

[[...]]

Saraa  please explain your left side weakness  I have a hard time moving my left arm my leg limps.  just curious if its the same kind as I have

[[Sa...]]

All sensations  or lack of , i had on my left side.

 

Total numbness back of the neck-on the left side

Heavy calf and tingling on the left

Even perspired more on the left.

Blurry vision-left eye

Sinus pain-left

back Knot- left

 

This changed for me and some symptoms have now jumped to the right side which i take it as sign of the body finding its equilibrium

 

[[...]]

All sensations  or lack of , i had on my left side.

 

Total numbness back of the neck-on the left side

Heavy calf and tingling on the left.  pain has been more tolerable for 2 days now now mostly getting muscle pain and stiffness nerve pain not so much I'm hoping because my symptoms are switching around that is a good sign that they're going to start dropping off

Even perspired more on the left.

Blurry vision-left eye

Sinus pain-left

back Knot- left

 

This changed for me and some symptoms have now jumped to the right side which i take it as sign of the body finding its equilibrium

 

thank you for replying Saraa .  my pain awesome Movess to the right side some but not much. used to have it on both sides but now it's pretty much predominant on the left.  when I was intolerance  I was getting tremors in my left hand and shaking and then one day I started limping with my left foot I think this is why my love side is more effective in the right.  its funny I can't use my left hand to wash my hair but if you throw a ball I can catch it with my left hand and I'm right handed.  thank for a lot of us this drug affects the right side of the brain more than the Left

[[MT...]]

Saraa, Sofa and Ddd, I'm sorry you're all having a hard time. Those neuro symptoms sound very disturbing. You're troopers for staying in this battle like this.

 

After an awful night I feel back in the abyss. Sometimes it seems harder to me to hit these dark patches after some relief than when it was all cruddy all of the time. I try not to let my hopes go up but they do and then I get smacked by reality. 

[[re...]]

It's starting again ,the same old mental frustration wave bullshit.

[[Sa...]]

MTfan,

 

So sorry the rug has been pulled yet again from under your feet. It's mind bending getting hit with a wave after being ok, for many reasons but one being the inability to accept that we have no control over when how or why it happens.  Not to be able to plan and count on the healing process.  Its tough in those aspects not being to explain to anyone how they won't be able to count us in as we can't count on ourselves. 

Yet its a fight we are in and the nature of the beast so we will become friends with it until its tired of a partner that is refusing to runaway hence taking the fun out of the chase.

 

[[so...]]

I just hate feeling sick everyday, coupled with doubts that I will ever heal.  Grrrr.  Mental crapola is brutal, red.  My Christmas tree stand is leaking on the carpeting.  I didn't need this.

 

Love, Sofa

[[Sa...]]

Hi Sofa,

 

Just wanted to say hi and remind you that you are so close to that turning point of 14 months, don't loose hope, yes it sucks.

Also i saw someone recommended a movie called 'Strictly Ballroom', you might want to give it a try as i will.

Wish good thoughts your way

 

 

[[re...]]

I just hate feeling sick everyday, coupled with doubts that I will ever heal.  Grrrr.  Mental crapola is brutal, red.  My Christmas tree stand is leaking on the carpeting.  I didn't need this.

 

Love, Sofa

 

 

Oh ya, Christmas,that spirit just isn't there

 

Mabye ,Christmas day will bring us all some windows to feel some joy again.

[[so...]]

Thank you Saraa.  I pray you se right about the 14h month.  I pray for all of us.

 

Love, Sofa

[[MT...]]

MTfan,

 

So sorry the rug has been pulled yet again from under your feet. It's mind bending getting hit with a wave after being ok, for many reasons but one being the inability to accept that we have no control over when how or why it happens.  Not to be able to plan and count on the healing process.  Its tough in those aspects not being to explain to anyone how they won't be able to count us in as we can't count on ourselves. 

Yet its a fight we are in and the nature of the beast so we will become friends with it until its tired of a partner that is refusing to runaway hence taking the fun out of the chase.

 

Thanks, Saraa. I managed to get several stretches of an hour's sleep at a time last night so today was better. I went on a hike. There was some nausea and shakiness at times but it was oddly hot in VA. I've been trying to do some normal things with "normal" people. I worry about committing to anything, like most of  you feel, because I never know if I'll be up for something.

 

It's so hard to believe in the healing process, especially when in waves or stuck in long runs of feeling sick every day, but our brains are miraculous things with amazing powers of healing. It just takes that %$&# time. Too much.

[[Bu...]]

Hello everyone,

 

December 11th was my 11 month anniversary of being benzo free. I'm definitely healing, but I still feel like crap. The place I'm in right now is really scary because it's so ambiguous. To be more specific, I guess I feel like I'm stuck in the "Purgatory" of recovery. I don't feel like I'm going to die every day, but I don't feel good either. I'm right in that "in between" place where I keep asking myself, "is this just how I am now? Am I just emotionally numb? Will I be like this forever?" But then some other symptom pops up, and it's reassuring, because I know I'm not done healing. I still have some physical symptoms, but the only one that truly drives me crazy is the emotional numbness. It makes me feel insane. I feel like I'm behind a glass wall, and humanity is on the other side. And "pretending" to have emotions (with my partner, or co-workers or family) only emphasizes the numbness.

 

I've had a few windows, and when the ability to feel comes back, even for a few hours, it feels truly miraculous! I can't believe that one day, this will be the normal state of things. I still don't really believe it.  But I'll keep fighting, because I've had a few glimpses of "feeling," and it was absolute heaven.

 

I'm keeping each and every one of you in my prayers, and sending you all thoughts of love.

 

Very sincerely,

Bubbles

[[Lo...]]

Hi everyone! ,

 

Just about to hit the big 6 months off, so thought i would stick my head in early and say hello . Like everyone else i thought i would be further along the healing process but no such luck. The last 6 months have been horrible but many of my symptoms have gone . Im sleeping and eating well and only really have 4 major ones left - Anxiey, fatigue, soreness/stiffness and DR. Only problem is the ones left are brutal . Still couchbound alot of the time and had a few days semi functional  but are few and far between.

 

Looking forward to getting to know you all! 

[[Sa...]]

Lockie,

 

Hopefully functional days will increase and the couch will be used less and less.

I hope you are having a semi decent sunday!

Hugs

Saraa

[[so...]]

Bubbles,

 

I could have written you post myself.  It's exactly how I feel.  I'm 13.25 months out and really wish the chemical cal anxiety would leave.  If not for that, and the drugged feeling, I'd be done with this.

 

Healing and prayers for all my buddies.

 

Live, Sofa

[[...]]

I'm at 10 months off cold turkey in the worst symptoms are the pain physical pain and sole physical when did any of your physical stuff start to go away what month it's better but still excruciating nerve pain seems to Have left  but the muscle tightness in the dystonia walking forward is excruciating

[[Bu...]]

Ddd,

 

I had severe joint and muscle stiffness, and it started to lift around the 9 month mark. I still get muscle weakness sometimes, and sometimes I feel like my muscles seize up, but this is all slowly improving. I see that you quit cold turkey, and I can't imagine what a shock that would be to the system. I took 500mg magnesium at night to help with sleep and muscle stiffness. I also took hot baths with epsom salt. It must be so hard dealing with pain on top of everything else. Keeping you in my thoughts Ddd.

 

Bubbles

[[Bu...]]

Sofa,

 

I hope the 14 month marker brings more healing for you. I just completed month 11, and intuitively, I feel like in another 3 or 4 months, I'll be nearly healed (knock on wood. I don't want to jinx myself). I've followed your posts over the past few months, and you've had to go through a lot. I'll keep following. I hope you feel better soon.

 

Bubbles