6-12 month thread....

[[Fr...]]

Hi Everyone,  so happy for those of you doing better.  Congratulations MRS.

 

Green, I just read your log and feel bad that you're not feeling well.  I'm not either.  Nova, good to hear you're feeling a bit better

 

I don't say much here because I'm in such bad shape.  The waves used to give me more breaks but lately they are longer and harder to simply live through.  I fear I am one of the worst cases here and will never heal from this misery.  I just get despondent.  The pain get so bad that all I can do is lay down and suffer until it lifts a bit.

 

Prayers would be appreciated.

 

Lisa

[[No...]]

WORD FOR THE DAY

 

Friday, Nov. 14

 

We cannot hold a torch to light another person's path without brightening our own.

 

Ben Sweetland

 

[[No...]]

Lisa ... sorry to hear you are in a hard, relentless wave ... and you will recover ... these are just hard days for you right now ... this is the place where my "doubt" always creeps in ...

 

Thinking of you and wishing things let up for you ... for all of us ...

 

[[Fr...]]

Thanks Nova, I have so much doubt.  This is so hard.

 

 

[[Gr...]]

Green ... there may be something to be said about the revving and fatigue ... when I go into the revving place for several hours, and sometimes days, I feel "exhausted" afterwards ... and depending on the length of the revving, during it as well ... maybe kind of similar to the "inflammation response" ... and the sweats as well ...

 

And I think most of us have our "fear scenario" ... whether it be heart stuff, or fatigue, or depression ... whatever ...

 

 

Hey, Nova, if we're right about that, then today I'm crashing, after some pretty intense revving.  When these waves get intense, it's very hard on the body.  My fear factor burns out pretty quick, today my feeling is "Kill me already and be quick about it." 

 

I was reading an addiction paw site, and it said waves tend to occur, without provocation (no shit), in "moon" cycles, 30, 60, 90, 120, 180, 1 year.  That makes sense.  I didn't keep good journals, but I remember thinking the big bad waves seemed to hit the last week of the month, for me.  As did this one, it looks like 10/25.

 

I'm sorry you're still dealing with this.  Feel better.

[[Gr...]]

Hi Everyone,  so happy for those of you doing better.  Congratulations MRS.

 

Green, I just read your log and feel bad that you're not feeling well.  I'm not either.  Nova, good to hear you're feeling a bit better

 

I don't say much here because I'm in such bad shape.  The waves used to give me more breaks but lately they are longer and harder to simply live through.  I fear I am one of the worst cases here and will never heal from this misery.  I just get despondent.  The pain get so bad that all I can do is lay down and suffer until it lifts a bit.

 

Prayers would be appreciated.

 

Lisa

 

Hi, Lisa, yes, the waves seem longer and harder to live through.  I pray for you, I pray for me, I pray for all of us.  I'm so sorry you have the pain.  That's a particularly hard symptom.  Hoping you get some relief.

[[...]]

Lisa, I see we jumped at the same time! I think we feel like it's worse because it's gone on so long! Not to mention I got windows more often a couple of months ago.

 

This relentless negative feeling doesn't want to let go! Today is not as bad as it has been, but not as good as I pray it will be!!

 

Be well!

 

[[No...]]

GMIT ... it will get better ... or I want my money back ... this process comes with a guarantee ... I read the back of the box ... says it right there ...

 

Have a good weekend ...

[[Sk...]]

Ok, let me put a small complaint in, even though today was bearable.

 

I am tired and repulsed by the fact that I still get to have crazy, crazy thoughts pop in my head. It is hard to believe that the crazy thoughts haven't  always been with me especially since many people don' t seem to notice the difference between me before and after.

 

I feel better already, but you know, it is that time of the day with me, in the evening my own personal cloud  comes over my head and my thoughts start spinning out of control.

 

So, good night everybody. All of you that are suffering so much hang in there.

 

Lisa, Green, we are getting there. Slowly. 

 

Mrs, nice bonfire, that's the spirit !

[[je...]]

Where is Coop? Jenny?

 

 

Hi Peace,

There is a Buddy on here that has repeadidly 'ignored" my posts and I feel like is snubbing me. She even posted a thankyou to all the 6-12 buddies and purposely left me out. Maybe I'm being overly sensitive I've always been that way and w/d seems to make it worse. I thought I would just ignore it and post on the 12-18 month thread, but no luck she decided to go over there too. So I feel like I just need to not post, so I won't feel ignored.  I will send u a pm since I just read you are having a tough time. Thanks for always thinking of me Peace. Love ya, Jenny

 

 

P.s. all of you that have been on here with me since the beginning you know I love all of you too.

[[...]]

Jenny, please post! Sometimes I  inadvertently leave someone out, or I read posts and notice that someone will point out a lot of people and not me. I try not to take it to personal, cause I know that I forget people...I would never do that on purpose, cause everyone is so supportive!

 

Please post openly and happily! I appreciate what you have to say! 

 

:smitten:

[[...]]

GMIT ... it will get better ... or I want my money back ... this process comes with a guarantee ... I read the back of the box ... says it right there ...

 

Have a good weekend ...

 

Nova, after all we've been through I think we should all get our money back!! 

 

[[je...]]

Jenny, please post! Sometimes I  inadvertently leave someone out, or I read posts and notice that someone will point out a lot of people and not me. I try not to take it to personal, cause I know that I forget people...I would never do that on purpose, cause everyone is so supportive!

 

Please post openly and happily! I appreciate what you have to say! 

 

:smitten:

 

 

 

Aww thank you gmit!

You are always so kind to everyone on here. No, this person has ignored every post I've even made to them personally . it feels like a big snub. I'm trying to just get over it... Thanks again, Jenny

[[Fr...]]

Hi Jenny and GMIT,

 

I hope you aren't referring to me.  I surely don't intend on snubbing anyone.  When I come here lately, I'm in so much pain that I'm not thinking properly, just surviving the moments.  The pain is so intense lately with few breaks that I'm really scared about what to do.  I'm seeing a neurologist again soon which won't be fun and a pain specialist to see what they say.  In not such good shape here.

 

Looking into the stellate ganglion block procedure.  On Beyond Meds, Monica Cassani tried it twice to little avail.  I'm thinking that it may help quiet the ANS and stop the pain.

 

I'm sorry if I hurt anyone.

 

Lisa

[[...]]

Lisa, I am not, and I don't think anyone is doing this purposefully! I think you're great! 

 

[[je...]]

Lisa,

No its not you. You are a dear friend and I know you are going through a lot, please don't feel like you hurt anyone-- you didnt. The Buddie has contacted me, and the misunderstanding has been resolved so no one on here need to be concerned. Hugs Lisa, feel better, Jenny

[[dr...]]

I came here to check up on everyone and all the suffering you are going through distresses me  .  When I'm feeling it bad it's so helpful to commiserate with you all.  In a window I just feel helpless.  Wishing you all some relief. 

[[pe...]]

Jenny- I'm glad you're back and that the issue has been resolved. You are important to this thread and to me.

 

Green, Lisa, GMIT, Nova- I believe in nonviolence, I really do. But if this benzo was a guy and he was picking on my friends I'd have no choice but to  and all over him.

 

It's frustrating not to be able to do more for myself, for my friends. But I have immense gratitude that we can 'fight' this thing together. Loving you all, praying for peace.

 

Peace2

[[Fr...]]

Peace have you read about the stellate ganglion block for depression and war vets. I've been reading a ton about it lately and for some it works after only one or two injections. I only mention this because you've talked about really scary stuff like ect. You can read about it on a site about the Chicago doc who does it most. For some it's a miracle.

[[Co...]]

Jenny I hope it wasn't me. My cog fog is so bad sometimes that when I am thanking everyone by name I inevitably forget half of the names. I hope you know how much I love your posts and feel that we have so much in common with s/x,  progress and time line. I hope you will keep posting here, you are one of the original 6-12 month gang. If it was me I am so sorry it was completely not intentional. This is a tight group and I hope we all walk through this next year together...coop

[[He...]]

I think it's really important for all of us to remember that this is a long process, and we have to let it run its course.  The specialist in Canada said it could be 2 years for total healing.  That DOESN'T mean that it will be 2 years of hell, but I believe that it means that we just have to try and not be thrown for a loop when waves continue to hit us during this second year, nor to judge where we happen to be during this year with too critical of an eye.  It is NOT the "real" us, it is our bodies continuing to be in the healing process from this damaging drug.  Some of us may luck out and get out of this crap quicker than 2 years, but we ALL will get out of it.  We are strong resilient people.  We are going to come out this better than ever, no matter what stuff we have in our past, BECAUSE of this process.  Look how strong we have been to have made it this far!! 

 

Nova had an excellent point when he pointed out that we all have our "fear scenario".  I think this is simply a form of benzo lie, differently manifested in each of us, but essentially the same thing....and probably the last big hurdle to overcome.

 

I'm sorry to hear that many of you are feeling badly this week!  Mine has turned around and I'm feeling pretty good again.  I have more aches and pains than I've ever had, but I guess I'm healing there too.  My health anxiety (my personal fear scenario of having a heart attack) has quieted down to the point that I can watch a medical drama with my daughters and not start panicking with the ER scenes. 

 

Hugs and prayers for you all. 

[[pe...]]

Lisa-

I haven't looked into it yet. I really feel like this is 70% healing and 30% me. I think much will be different if I can weather through this time. There are times when it feels impossible and desperation creeps in. My husband is my 'guardian' and he thinks I'm going to make it without any major intervention. I try to believe and keep trudging.

 

But I'm glad there are options. Unfortunately, I've yet to read about any that are foolproof. After thinking about ect I looked it up and read about many people it doesn't work for. I'm not doing something like that without either a guarantee or absolutely no alternative. There was a time when I had ct'd after four weeks of Xanax that I seriously considered ect because I was absolutely suicidal and didn't know why. It's why I was put on klonopin. I've not been quite that bad since. But I do feel desperate as this drags on and symptoms flare. It's hard. That's all there is to it.

 

I wish relief for you, for all of us.

[[Co...]]

Hi buddies....I have been off for a few days. At first it was because I was feeling good and I was busy having a life. Then my window dimmed..then it closed and then I got hit with some straight days of bleak depression which is not one of my usual s/x in this last half of my first year. Boy,  it hot me good...that lifted and I got hit with headaches and noe nausea is knocking on the door...so I have just been too miserable and disgusted with the whole thing to post.

....I have been lurking from time to time but dont have a hope of catching up..I can see that we are all having the usual ups and downs and all arounds. Trying to focus on the ups.

.....I had such s nice 5/6 straight days of feeling normal..sort of revolving through 100% effortless and 85%-95%....I was feeling so much hope ....and certainty about healing...now a 7 day wave. I know it is what it is until it isn't...but this was a hard wave...

.......I hope everyone is on the upswing....coop

[[mr...]]

Lisa,

No its not you. You are a dear friend and I know you are going through a lot, please don't feel like you hurt anyone-- you didnt. The Buddie has contacted me, and the misunderstanding has been resolved so no one on here need to be concerned. Hugs Lisa, feel better, Jenny

 

So good to hear  :smitten:

 

Mrs.

[[pe...]]

Really good to see you, Coop. Your post and HH's are a good pair to come back to back. Your 5-6 sunny days followed by a wave. It's just like HH says, 2 years and we get caught off guard. I'm sorry for the depression that came over you and so glad it lifted. I love you, Coop. I love when you're off enjoying life and I love it when you come back to check in.

 

Just a 'little' more and lots of good company to pass the time-

Peace2