Knackered ‘Shows Up’ with Benzos

Hey there.  Knackered here.  Woody Allen is famous for his take on life.  Probably his most appropriate quote for our purposes here is, “The most important thing in life is just showing up”.  Sounds easy until you really attempt it.  Of course, this implies that you’re out of  bed (not the easiest thing to accomplish for a lot of us).  But, it’s also quite likely that you’re already nowhere near the bedroom, having had another sleepless night.

Participating in the house can be fairly easy, no matter what shape you’ve shown up in today.  The sweats you’ve worn for the last three days will probably work just fine again today.  Showers and ablutions in the powder room?  If you’re still lucky enough to be able to work, you’d  better get it done.  For the rest of us, best not even look in the mirror.

Life can still be lived out of the computer:  Dr appts., banking, BB, and so on don’t even require a footstep on the porch.  At some point you may have to venture out, but even groceries and pharmacies deliver nowadays.

More importantly, showing up is often about what others expect of you.  If the family wants you along for the yearly outing, you may be in trouble.  It’s wise if you tell the kids right up front what’s going on with you and what you’re capable of (do not  say what you feel like doing) and thicken your skin for how they’re likely to react. 

If you’re going to be participating out of the house, make sure you know what the time frame is and how long you’re expected to stay vertical.  If the outing is with Mary and Bob to an art museum, beware.  You’ll need to know about any hidden agendas.  If the venue is larger than a football field, is there any place to sit and rehab along the way.  Do they plan to shop and go out to eat downtown after?  And, given that your mood swing is probably on a bell curve, will you be able to make it over the hump?

Heaven forbid that what everyone is proposing requires long distance travels or an overnight stay.  Extended air travel or a road trip through the desert to Vegas can be nasty at any stage of your taper.  Special plans will necessitate shaving and weighing out pills ahead of time and finding clothes that are comfortable and can we worn in varying venues and times of the day.  No, sweats are not going to make it.  They’re too hot for Vegas and any restaurant other than the golden arches carries a dress code these days.  Don’t even think about those ‘day pajamas’ that folks are trying to pass off as pants.  Who are we kidding anyway?

Eating is likely going to  be a problem.  Restaurants don’t carry oatmeal on the dinner menu and unless your overnight accommodations have a kitchenette, you’re going to be in trouble.  I doubt if there’s room in your suitcase or carry on for a pantry for whatever ails you.

If there’s any chance that you and your luggage may be separated, take a separate bag for your meds.  Your flight may go sideways and your bags could wind in Costa Rica while you’ve just landed in Hawaii. It’s tough to find a pharmacy or psych that going to take care of you while your party tours the ruins on the bus.

Of course showing up anywhere or at all should be up to you at this point in your life.  For that to happen, you’re going to have to take the advocacy pills and speak strongly for yourself.  If you can hack it, stepping out offers a huge distraction in this whole process.  But you will need to do it on your own terms lest anxiety turn to vitriol in the backseat at Yellowstone.  If you decide to go for it, safe travels, whether it be a day trip, or just a ride to the park.  Taper on while you ‘show up’.  We’ll “leave the light on for ya.”