XANAX Support Blog: If you're tapering Xanax/alprazolam, join in the discussion!

[[Ra...]]

Hang in there Synaps.  This is apparently going to be a long road, but we can get through it,

 

Hugs,

 

Rabbit

[[je...]]

No, no heart palps or anything. Just mild anxiety and a little dizzyness but it passes. I do not want to ever go back to Xanax! I am not sure if it is withdraw or true anxiety. If anyone could chime in??

[[je...]]

Sorry, I missed the sleep part. The first couple nights I woke up alot, but I took Melatonin and that worked.

[[Ju...]]

jennlynn, my last cut to zero was just another taper cut.  The only thing that happened to me new was some sleeplessness.  This lasted about 3 months.  I would not chalk up any anxiety that happens during the time period from now to around 3 months or even longer,  as some kind of underlying anxiety.  I'd consider it all a part of withdrawal.  It takes time for our bodies GABA receptors to heal after a benzo taper and removing the benzo is just the first step in getting on the road to recovery.  You're doing great. 

[[je...]]

Thanks Juliea, I was just discussing that with my husband. I told him I really dont think I have anxiety anymore. I think its just the drug. I shall wait it out, because it beats being on Xanax! 

[[Tr...]]

I didn't know what anxiety or panic attacks were... until post jump. My first month off was very rough at times, but settled down and the anxiety disappeared after two months.

 

Today I sleep a completely drug free deep, and honest sleep. It's amazing. Give yourself some time.

 

I learned a longtime ago to never say never, but I know beyond all doubt that I'll never take Xanax again.

[[mr...]]

I'll interject my experiences here as well, as they are different than most that have commented thus far (just in case there is a reader more similar to me out there!)

 

My experiences in taper, especially the lower doses, have been more symptomatic. I have experienced a lot of fear, anxiety, weird fears, panic, digestive symptoms, etc, especially in the lower doses. I am learning so much through it all. How to walk on total faith. How to do the thing my brain says "can't" be done (even in the midst of all the physical symptoms it produces). How to overcome fears (even though they are not "of" me). And its been tough, gang -- really tough. I don't know if I've ever felt so miserable physically before in my life (and I hope I never do again). I've even felt like I was dying. But you know what? I'm still here. I'm still alive. And I'm getting there. I'm doing it. I pray for the strength to overcome, and the grace to cover my shortcomings & preserveness of my life while I'm in the process. So. I don't know what today or tomorrow will bring, or if I'll be here or not. But that's okay -- I'm going to do my best with what I've got, and leave/trust the rest with God. Facing the biggest fears and surviving them when your thoughts told you otherwise -- there is no greater feat, in my opinion (I'm sure there is, lol, but this is where my focus is right now ).

 

I'm not perfect at this, folks. I'm still traveling this journey with the best of them. I still faulter. I'm still working very much on this, daily. But its a process, and I'm on the road Hope this helps to encourage you a little, if your situation is more like mine You can and will beat this. So can I. Yes, Lord

 

Take care for now,

 

Mrs.

[[ho...]]

I'll interject my experiences here as well, as they are different than most that have commented thus far (just in case there is a reader more similar to me out there!)

 

My experiences in taper, especially the lower doses, have been more symptomatic. I have experienced a lot of fear, anxiety, weird fears, panic, digestive symptoms, etc, especially in the lower doses. I am learning so much through it all. How to walk on total faith. How to do the thing my brain says "can't" be done (even in the midst of all the physical symptoms it produces). How to overcome fears (even though they are not "of" me). And its been tough, gang -- really tough. I don't know if I've ever felt so miserable physically before in my life (and I hope I never do again). I've even felt like I was dying. But you know what? I'm still here. I'm still alive. And I'm getting there. I'm doing it. I pray for the strength to overcome, and the grace to cover my shortcomings & preserveness of my life while I'm in the process. So. I don't know what today or tomorrow will bring, or if I'll be here or not. But that's okay -- I'm going to do my best with what I've got, and leave/trust the rest with God. Facing the biggest fears and surviving them when your thoughts told you otherwise -- there is no greater feat, in my opinion (I'm sure there is, lol, but this is where my focus is right now ).

 

I'm not perfect at this, folks. I'm still traveling this journey with the best of them. I still faulter. I'm still working very much on this, daily. But its a process, and I'm on the road Hope this helps to encourage you a little, if your situation is more like mine You can and will beat this. So can I. Yes, Lord

 

Take care for now,

 

Mrs.

 

Hi All,

 

To my friends, I have been missing you and I pray for you daily. To those who are new here since I was last on, hello!

 

I have been working hard at my next taper off of gabapentin while working 12+ hours per day and still very much in the throes of recovery. Guess what? I'm doing it! I am getting better even though I still have a lot of symptoms. I am 8 1/2 months off and my baseline is very slowly but surely improving. I'm not going to lie. It is still hard but from being housebound and bedridden last year at this time to working and growing my business is a radical change!

 

I just wanted to echo what Mrs. said. For me, the smaller doses were simply brutal. I am still shocked at times that I did make it through. I get tears in my eyes when I even think about how much pain and suffering I endured. BUT the point is, I did make it! I am benzo free and you will be too! Yes, Mrs, you will live through this and beat this! I still feel rattled to my core but I do get stronger every day. I still get scared that my healing has stopped but that is just silliness! I am scared as I have another taper to complete and I am in the "easy" high doses now. I am so afraid to have to relive this through the low doses. But, I will and I will heal again. I remind myself a lot that courage is not the absence of fear, it is feeling the fear and doing it anyway. One day at a time. 

 

My heart is full of gratitude and love for all of us walking this journey!

 

Love,

 

Hopeful Girl 

 

I just wanted

[[je...]]

Feeling better this morning. Have any of you tried any herbal remedies or vitamins?

[[th...]]

Hopefulgirl,

 

You work 12 hrs a day.....what are your syx still then? Just wondering bc i can't work, I can hardly get up to brush my teeth so I wonder what "syx" people have who say they still have syx but are able to work 12 hr days??? I hope one day I can work thru whatever syx you still say you have too...

[[je...]]

Hey Grinch,

Although I was only on 1mg per day, I worked through my entire taper. It was not easy some days. There were times when I had to go take breathers because I was having symptoms that were bad. There were days that I prayed. God please help me make it through this day! I wish that I hadnt had to work, but I did. You will get there! :-)

[[Ra...]]

Jenn, thank you for your supportive words.  How are you feeling today.  Is it day 3?  Hoping you're feeling OK.

 

Hugs,

 

Rabbit

[[je...]]

Hi Rabbit, Day 4, and much better than yesterday. It was so nice out today and I spent most of it outside. Got my car all cleaned up nice. I felt normal today! How are you doing?

[[Ra...]]

Hi Jenn,

 

I'm really happy to hear that.  I'm feeling OK, just no motivation.  I'm scared to speed up my taper, but the length of it scares me too.  I'm just so happy that you are feeling so well. Funny you should mention the car.  That was one thing I was supposed to do today too. Maybe tomorrow.

 

PLEASE keep us posted how you are doing.  So many of us Xanax tapers are interested how your post jump goes.

 

Hugs,

 

Rabbit

[[je...]]

Thank you! I learned the hard way not to go to fast. Listen to your body, and cut when you feel adjusted. You dont want to add to the misery. I hope you feel better tomorrow.

[[ho...]]

Hopefulgirl,

 

You work 12 hrs a day.....what are your syx still then? Just wondering bc i can't work, I can hardly get up to brush my teeth so I wonder what "syx" people have who say they still have syx but are able to work 12 hr days??? I hope one day I can work thru whatever syx you still say you have too...

 

Hi Grinch,

 

Yes, I am still symptomatic but I was housebound for over a year and financially devastated. I own my own business so I am working like crazy to keep from losing everything. The main symptoms I still have are:

 

1. Intense nerve pain in lower back

2. Joint pain in knees and ankles

3. Tinnitus

4. Stomach pain

5. Head pressure and constant headache - headache has not left for almost 2 years but intensity is less

6. Occasional nausea (down from all the time to about 5 times weekly)

7. Lowered confidence

8. Visual disturbances (I still cannot drive due to this)

9. Dizziness and lack of balance (I have so many bruises people ask me about them because I am constantly bumping into things)

 

These are all still very uncomfortable with my head pressure and pain being by far my worst symptom. However, I had over 40 symptoms during my taper and acute withdrawal so this is so much better. I feel if I had to put a percent on it, I am 50% better even on my worst days.

 

I will say, never in a million years did I believe that I would be able to work with these current symptoms. They are awful but I am able to push through. I take breaks and naps and work from home sometimes. I couldn't even walk some days, could hardly shower, so I get the not being able to even "brush your teeth." It does get better and I have been amazed at my ability to push through in spite of my current symptoms...however, if I did not have to work right now, I would be taking it much easier. I believe and so does my doctor that some of my big waves are from working so much before my body is healed.

 

Hope this helps!

 

Hopeful Girl

[[Ca...]]

Hello dear friends on the Xanax thread,

  It has been a long while since I posted here. Today while skimming BB I saw some familiar names...friends who were here with me over a year ago as we were in the midst of Xanax tapering. My connection with you is heart felt...you were my confidants, my pals...I am grateful.

  In two weeks I will be one year Xanax free. My time spent on this thread while tapering was very helpful. I am so happy to read your Post Hopeful Girl. I am deeply inspired by your perseverance. I remember your first few posts and staying up late one evening to write to you...look how much healing has happened since then! Mrsalw, Truesouth, Juliea and Rabbit plus many others ...it always warms my heart to see your posts. We are healing!

  I have made progress. After Xanax I had two mg of Valium to taper and continue to inch my way down. I am now at .68 mg day. It has been more challenging than I imagined. Mrs, your recent post was very similar to my experience. My body is healing but not without a struggle to let go of the final last bits.

  I AM better...the changes are slow but are adding up to a more active life. The mental health symptoms are my biggest challenge. The 3 D's are nearly constant. I do have some blocks of time I feel 60%...a huge gift and I expect more of them as I heal.

  I am grateful for the many responses from all of you on this thread over the past two years. Friends I will never meet....how sweet you've been in my life. Welcome to the new members. As Truesouth says,  If I can do this, you can do this!

Warmly,

Carita

[[Tr...]]

I'm always delighted to see you here sweet Carita! I'm still amazed that most of us feel the small benzo cuts so deeply during our taper, but we do. No one outside of our community would believe our horror stories, but being benzo free is a new chapter of my life. I'm still healing with leg pain and tinnitus being my biggest hurdles, but the mental health issues are completely gone. At seven months post jump, I feel better than I have for at least the last five years and probably longer. I honestly didn't know how bad I'd become. I was one hot mess!

 

I feel much like you Caritia, but I do have fantasies of a benzo survivors reunion one day and I'm not letting that go just yet. People like you made this process possible and I'm not sure I'd have had the strength to do this with out the support I received from complete strangers who supported me unconditionally without judging. It's nothing short of a miracle that I've gained so much of my life back and that's why I say...

 

If I can do this, anyone can!

[[je...]]

How is everyone on this beautiful holiday? I am doing great! 6 days post jump and I have only had one bad day! Today, I am doing something I havent been able to do for a long time. Going rafting and fishing! I finally feel like I can live a normal life instead of watching everyone else have fun. I hope that you all can enjoy your day! :-)

[[Ra...]]

TrueSouth - always good to hear from you and I'm so happy that you're feeling so well.  It's amazing what support can do and like you said, from total strangers you met on the internet!  Hugs!

 

Dearest Carita - you are always so sweet and encouraging in your posts. I LOVE reading them, they make me feel so uplifted.  You are such a dear 

 

Jenn, SO glad to hear you are still doing well on day 6!  Wow, sounds like you have some big plans, good for you.  Please do let us know how you get on.  Us fellow Xanax tapers are watching to see how you do very closely.

 

Hi Mrs, I hope you are well 

 

Hugs,

 

Rabbit

[[Tr...]]

Thanks Rabbit11. You've certainly been around long enough to see how generous and caring the members are. Best of luck on your taper as you move forward. Keep it going girl! 

 

 

[[Fl...]]

Hi,

(I also posted this in the "Slow Taper Thread" as I'm unsure where to post anything at this point).

 

I usually stick to the "Let's Chat Thread"; however, right now, I'm not sure where I should/need to be posting.

 

I am on 2.5mg Xanax, and as of yesterday I have only reduced by 4mL.  Can I go much slower than that.

 

I don't even think I have the words to describe how I'm feeling.  I have been up all night!  It is now 5a.m. in Texas.  I have been laying on the couch trying to think about how I feel, and the thought came into my head "BENZO ABYSS".  How far down is this going to take me?

 

I think I can handle the physical stuff.  Although some of it is very painful to the body.  This mental stuff that seems to have me in it's grip is freaking me out.  I don't really know how to describe it.  Not sure I'm depressed?  I feel a great sense of NOTHINGNESS!!!!!!

 

It feels, as I have just stepped out of life.  I'm doing good to get out of bed, eat (right now I'm extremely nauseated), my brain is telling me "You know if you take a dose of your Xanax....these feelings will quiet themselves".  I have resisted this for the last couple days, and it has been a fight.

 

I'm obsessing about how I'm feeling. It's as if I can't just accept this and roll with the punches. The easy (not smart) thing to do...would be to take that extra dose as I'm certainly closer to re*instating than getting off this poison.

 

I hope I have posted this in the right place.  I feel like I'm a blink of an eye from loosing it.

 

Fluter

 

P.S. I feel like I'm trying to control something (mental/physical) that is 100% out of my control, and that is freaking me out.  Right now, I'm dizzy, nauseated, brain burning, mental, surging, want to dose, muscle burn/weak, back of neck and head hurt, feel like I want to pace, but can't get up (on and on). 

 

Am I loosing it?

 

[[Fl...]]

As I'm reading what Carita, Hopeful, TS have posted...it is bringing me to major tears.

 

WILL I BE ONE OF THE LUCKY ONE'S WHO CAN FIGHT THIS DEMON, THIS BATTLE, AND WIN IT?  I AM TRULY QUESTIONING THIS AND MY INNER STRENGTH!!!!

 

You ALL have my UTMOST RESPECT & ADMIRATION!

 

I feel SO WEAK!  This is truly proving to be the HARDEST thing I have ever tried to do!!!!

 

How naïve am I to think that just because I am tapering at a snails pace that it may actually have made this more doable?  WoW, was I ever wrong!

 

Fluter

 

 

[[mr...]]

Hang in there, FB.

 

I know what you mean, sister, and I can tell you that NO, you're not losing it. Its the drug. Its very convincing at times, but YOU are still very much intact. This process takes plenty of time and patience. Acceptance of where I'm at in the healing process has been very helpful for me. Dissociating myself, the real Me, from the mental and physical symptom ms -- observing them as from an outsider's perspective. These symptoms as not easy, dear sister, but you're going to make it. One foot in front of the other, each day. I've been reading success stories almost obsessively recently. So helpful to keep in front of me that this IS temporary. We ARE healing, everyday in every way. Despite how I feel about it in that particular moment.

 

You're doing great. And I don't know what the future holds exactly, but if its any consolation it seems that many who have perhaps a goofier time at the beginning seem to feel better on the lower end of their taper -- and many who have it easier at the beginning may perhaps experience a little goofier run-in at the back end of their taper Not a perfect science, I realize, but it seems fairly common Seems we all need to walk through a time period where we cross that "line" of the brain's dependency on the drug -- that point where it really needs to start letting go & healing properly. The dosage where this happens varies from person to person of course, which may be why we all vary in symptoms & how fast/slow we can taper.

 

Take care, you You're going to make it So am I. Come what may

 

Mrs.

[[Ca...]]

Dear Fluterbyee,

  Your post is admirably honest. You somehow put this indescribable experience into words. I felt every one of your sentences. The Benzo Abyss....a perfect description.

 

    I hear you...this is by far the hardest thing I have ever done. I have cared for dying parents, survived cancer, raised children, watched my oldest son suffer from a severe auto immune disease,  managed a successful career, cultivated a 39 year marriage....yet this tops the charts as the most challenging physical and mental challenge I have ever faced. I am right with you...the mental anguish this presents is worse than any physical pain. I sometimes wonder if one could feel any worse and survive.

 

    I have often said to my hubby..."tell me I can do this one more day". He kindly responds..."you are doing this...one step at a time". That's what I say to you dear FB...one step at a time. As miserable as you feel, as impossible as this seems....it is completely possible.

 

    Mrs is right...it is the drug that makes us feel so ill....your true essence is fully alive and will carry you through this challenge. If you believe in a divine presence count on them to hold you as you move forward. There is a way out FB...it is simply one stubborn foot in front of the other.

 

    On my darkest days I write, pray, meditate, do gentle yoga, walk....distract anyway I can. I have read others say this in their success stories. Like Mrs, I read success stories often. I have my favorites bookmarked for easy access. FB, they felt just like you do at the height of their withdrawal and now they are living full lives. It is within our reach dear friend...it is the drugs that make it feel so far away. The drugs alter our anatomy and physiology and create this darkness and our bodies know exactly how to heal from the damage...it just takes time.

 

    You are so smart to write and ask for support....we are here for you. You are not alone. Imagine us walking with you...we can do this...we ARE doing this. Every minute of the day and night our bodies are healing.

    Sending you love and friendship,

Carita