XANAX Support Blog: If you're tapering Xanax/alprazolam, join in the discussion!

[[ba...]]

Hi all,

 

Just a little "Mrs" update

 

This month marks my 16th month of water micro tapering from my starting dose of 0.25mg/day. As a background, I had used 0.25mg of alprazolam "PRN" (or, 'as needed') from June 2010 until Oct 2012 before I realized that all of my strange symptoms were due to tolerance. I developed symptoms very, very quickly from the start -- after about my second week of usage.

 

After observation of myself and of other buddies who'd used it PRN, I have a personal belief that PRN acts like a multitude of mini cold-turkey withdrawals, followed by a multitude of mini reinstatements. I also personally believe that this can result in sensitizing the CNS (central nervous system) on a grander scale than taking a regular daily dose might. Of course, this is not a perfect science, and each individual case is different, but I believe this to be generally true, and true for me. This, alongside the fact that I wanted to continue working full-time and have as minimal symptoms as possible, are the main reasons why I'd personally chosen to micro taper at such a slow rate.

 

Most of my taper has been wonderfully manageable. Although there have been many days where I've felt subpar during my taper, most of my symptoms have been quite tolerable and very low-grade versions of what many others experience in faster tapers.

 

In the month of December, I crossed over to 76% free from my original dose (or, 0.06mg/day). This is the equivalent of 1.4mg valium. This is the point where I began to become more symptomatic. As many buddies have assured me, this is a very common happening to many withdrawalers in the low doses, especially doses below 2mg valium equivalence. I was relieved to hear this, as it had surprised me some that I was experiencing this. And none of these symptoms are things I'd ever experienced pre-benzos.

 

So from the end of December until the middle of February, I held my dose to restabilize and reset. There are some buddies in this same situation who "micro-updose" until they regain stability again, but I chose not to do this and just hold and tough it out. Either method is just fine, and I believe there is no "right" or "wrong" way; moreso a personal decision based on what you believe is best for you "Mr" and I have a personal decision/agreement between us that I can move as slowly as necessary for my comfort, but we both agreed that I never go backwards (i.e. updose or rescue dose) So, my decision was to hold and wait.

 

In mid February, I had reached the sixth week of holding. At this point I had not regained my pre-December "baseline" of symptoms, but I felt as though I was as stable as I was going to get, so I moved forward. I slowed my taper rate by half, in order to help prevent rough symptoms. This helped my first cut, but with my second cut I experienced a rougher bout of symptoms again. Because of this, I have decided to move to a "symptoms-based taper". This will mean that I will follow my body's natural ebbs and flows, and do more microcutting during my 'windows' and hold through my 'waves'. I am aware that, since I am at such a low dose, I have the option of doing more of a rapid taper and just getting done and off in order to begin the real healing. However, since I want to continue working and to avoid traumatic withdrawal experiences, and since thus far in my taper I've been more symptomatic in the lower doses, I've decided that a rapid taper would be too risky of a game to play, considering my personal goals of continuing to work and suffer as minimally as possible. Again, this may not be how everyone would choose to proceed, but this is what I believe is best for what I'm trying to accomplish long term.

 

All this being said, while we have Plan A in place, I am open and at peace with adjusting as needed over the next few months to get med-free. And if I'm being honest and realistic, the Plan A I reference above is more like Plan O or Plan P by now We've adjusted many times on my way down to where I'm at currently, which is OK with me -- I believe in being committed to the goal (med-free), and being flexible with the gameplan. My med-freedom date has been changed so many times, that one could get frustrated if they were thinking about it improperly. But the truth is, for me: I don't care when it happens, just so long as I'm continually moving towards it, and that it does eventually happen And, just like every other thing I've ever worked long term to accomplish, when ur finally happens, I wouldn't change when and how it happened for anything, as I realize then that it was the right and perfect time for it

 

Okay, long story short, right? That is the update on Mrs! Just wanted to give y'all the lowdown, as I know I've been quiet and "lurking" moreso than posting these past few months, as I tend to recluse when symptomatic -- my grandma always said, "if you don't have anything nice to say, then don't say anything at all" Although I may be silent sometimes, know that I am here and reading, so don't hesitate to say hey if you need me And of course -- THANK YOU all for being here with me Words cannot express how much I appreciate this forum Sleep well and God bless

 

Mrs.

 

Mrs,

 

You know how I worry.  Just take your time and trust your healing body.  You are a hero!  I know you have suffered while working a full-time job.  Carita slowed it WAY  down on the lower dosages to keep her game on.  Damn girl,  you are amazing! 

 

Hugs

 

[[ba...]]

Baby,

 

I'm not sure why you keep trivialising what I've been going through, as if WD'ing from benzo's after 10 months is some kind of picnic.  It honestly doesn't sound like you have any idea what I've been going through. 

 

And I honestly have no idea why you seem so upset about me posting how my Dr's appointment went.  That is part of this forum.  Is it that bad for 1 Dr that takes people off benzo's to have a different opinion than another Dr doing the same thing?  It's not even like my Dr has that different of an opinion than Ashton.

 

Lacey,

 

I've already apologized.  I'm sorry you are having a difficult time and I wish you the best.

[[Ca...]]

Hi friends,

  I have not posted much of late...but often skim the thread to see how everyone is doing. Welcome to the new folks. It never ceases to amaze me how brave we are. This has been the hardest thing I have ever done. Knowing you are here helps me move forward. I have some thoughts about a few posts and would like to share.

 

Lacey, YES to the lack of motivation. All throughout my xanax taper most everything was an effort. Simply reaching for my phone could feel impossible.  I believe this is very common. I am 9 months off of xanax  ( still inching off valium) and am finally seeing windows of motivation and desire. These drugs truly stripped me of the personal characteristics that brought me the most joy...but it's coming back! Good luck to you.

 

VCharis...my A fib buddy! Sleep was and can still be a real challenge for me. A supplement called Cortisol Manager helped a bit. Also a strict sleep hygiene routine with no TV or computer near bedtime, restorative yoga, warm Epsom salt with lavender oil baths, to bed by 10 with sleep CD's and sleepy time tea. Nothing has helped me sleep like a baby but I did relax a bit with the sleep rituals and found I slept longer. Best to you.

 

Rabbit, I had the pill cutter Juliea mentioned and it worked fine when I was dry cutting. Good luck.

 

Hopeful, so glad you are recovering from the stomach virus. I sure like your doc. Thank you for the UK site...it is very well done.

 

Baby....always sending you love.

 

Mrs, we are getting closer! Your new plan sounds great. My ND calls it an intuitive taper.

 

Flutter...dizziness and shortness of breath are both common. And that belly too. Hope you feel better.

 

A little update: I am nearing 10 months off xanax and am currently at .76 mg valium/ day. This last bit of V is a huge stinker and I find it necessary to go very slow. I am having more brief windows of wellness (this evening, hence the post). During these times I am able to grocery shop without white knuckling the cart. I can drive locally. I eat well. I have the desire to briefly socialize. The parts I cherish the most are glimpses of motivation and desire. These periods are brief...but they are there! All signs of healing!

I have a long list of symptoms...you all know them well. I hope they grow fewer as I taper the rest of the v. It is important for me to journal my good moments because when I am in a wave it is impossible for me to recall feeling better. Just this morning I was so unwell I could not sit up to drink tea....then earlier this evening I took a long walk with my dog. Such a contrast!

Those of you who know me may remember I had to leave my job as an RN due to withdrawal. In the past few months an opportunity to develop and co facilitate a support group for benzodiazepine clients has come to me. I am working with an counselor and together we are developing this new service. I am far from being fully functional but am able to work a few hours a week on this project. My naturopath is supporting us and we will hold the groups at her office. I am relieved to see my professional capabilities beginning to return! Signs of healing! I happy the need for this was recognized. People are listening to this crisis...I believe changes will happen in the wake of our suffering.

I am violating my no computer before bed rule! Good night brave friends...we are another day closer.

Warmly,

Carita

 

   

[[ba...]]

Carita,

 

This is the post I've been waiting for.  True hope from a sweet friend...

 

[[ba...]]

I've been really short of breath (all day) I keep having to take really deep breaths.  (Is this a normal part of Benzo WD)?

 

Also, experiencing dizziness.....

 

I am also having (what I guess is) Benzo Belly.  I'm barely eating and feel like I have stuffed myself.  I look about 4 months  pregnant, and I am nauseated and rather miserable.

 

Man, Benzo's are the drug that just keep on giving....

 

FluterByee

 

Hi FB,

 

Yes.  Everything you are experiencing is normal.  Be kind to yourself and know it will end. 

 

Hugs,

 

[[ho...]]

I've been really short of breath (all day) I keep having to take really deep breaths.  (Is this a normal part of Benzo WD)?

 

Also, experiencing dizziness.....

 

I am also having (what I guess is) Benzo Belly.  I'm barely eating and feel like I have stuffed myself.  I look about 4 months  pregnant, and I am nauseated and rather miserable.

 

Man, Benzo's are the drug that just keep on giving....

 

FluterByee

 

Hi FB,

 

Yes.  Everything you are experiencing is normal.  Be kind to yourself and know it will end. 

 

Hugs,

 

 

Yes, FB. These are all part of the gift of benzos! So sorry for your suffering. Do what Baby said! Be gentle with yourself and know that it is temporary.

 

Love,

 

HG

[[la...]]

 

Lacey, YES to the lack of motivation. All throughout my xanax taper most everything was an effort. Simply reaching for my phone could feel impossible.  I believe this is very common. I am 9 months off of xanax  ( still inching off valium) and am finally seeing windows of motivation and desire. These drugs truly stripped me of the personal characteristics that brought me the most joy...but it's coming back! Good luck to you.

 

Thanks Carita, appreciate the good news that you've experienced, and hope I can get back some motivation back as well.

[[la...]]

I've already apologized.  I'm sorry you are having a difficult time and I wish you the best.

 

Your "apology", (and I'm using that word loosely) involved asking the moderators to move me to another thread, trivialising what I've been going through, and asking me to filter what I say as it relates to my benzo WD. 

 

Regardless, I'm willing to move on.

[[ho...]]

Hi MRS.

 

I love your plan! If you remember, that is how I got through the end of my taper. I just cut when I could and held when I couldn't. I still got to zero and you will too! The last part can be the toughest but you can do it and as you get closer you might find you can go even a bit faster! 

 

Love,

 

Hopeful Girl

[[ho...]]

Carita,

 

Your post is just wonderful to read! I'm so happy for these signs of healing. I sure wish I could be in your group! What a gift you will be to others walking this journey. I continue to send you light, love, and healing! Thank you for sharing this beautiful update!

 

Love,

 

Hopeful Girl

[[Ca...]]

 

Lacey, YES to the lack of motivation. All throughout my xanax taper most everything was an effort. Simply reaching for my phone could feel impossible.  I believe this is very common. I am 9 months off of xanax  ( still inching off valium) and am finally seeing windows of motivation and desire. These drugs truly stripped me of the personal characteristics that brought me the most joy...but it's coming back! Good luck to you.

 

Thanks Carita, appreciate the good news that you've experienced, and hope I can get back some motivation back as well.

 

Lacey,

This morning I was thinking about motivation and how essential it is to us as human beings. So much of who we are is linked with motivation...the desire to connect with other beings, the desire to root  within our community...all deep human needs. These drugs numb this and leave us feeling a degree of indescribable loneliness. I have felt so lost throughout this process...but I am coming back! We have to believe that these changes in us are drug related and they will resolve as we heal.

Lack of motivation...I remember laying in bed last summer so thirsty I couldn't bear it...there was a water glass on the bedside table and I couldn't bring myself to reach for it!

We will all heal Lacey...it just takes time. Know you are not alone.

Warmly,

Carita

[[Ca...]]

Carita,

 

Your post is just wonderful to read! I'm so happy for these signs of healing. I sure wish I could be in your group! What a gift you will be to others walking this journey. I continue to send you light, love, and healing! Thank you for sharing this beautiful update!

 

Love,

 

Hopeful Girl

 

I thank you Hopeful Girl. These moments of wellness are a gift...a reminder I am still here! I also wish you could join us at the clinic. Both my work partner and I are passionate about this service. She has no personal experience with the drugs but has tremendous respect for mine. She is a compassionate experienced counselor and together we make a great team. You will all be with me in spirit as I start this work as you have been my teachers every step of the way. Truly, I don't think I could have done this without you.

Sending love,

Carita

[[la...]]

Lacey,

This morning I was thinking about motivation and how essential it is to us as human beings. So much of who we are is linked with motivation...the desire to connect with other beings, the desire to root  within our community...all deep human needs. These drugs numb this and leave us feeling a degree of indescribable loneliness. I have felt so lost throughout this process...but I am coming back! We have to believe that these changes in us are drug related and they will resolve as we heal.

Lack of motivation...I remember laying in bed last summer so thirsty I couldn't bear it...there was a water glass on the bedside table and I couldn't bring myself to reach for it!

We will all heal Lacey...it just takes time. Know you are not alone.

Warmly,

Carita

 

I appreciate the kind words Carita.

 

What you said reminded me of some of what Karl Marx said on estranged labor (not that I agree with Marx overall, but he does have some good points).  Human nature is to turn your labour and creativity into goods/services.  Much of who we are as people is tied up in our careers.  You see it all the time, even at a party someone will introduce you and say "this is Carita, she works in ______".  But, benzo withdrawal seems to take that motivation away.  It rips out a piece of our human nature -motivation to work (job, school, stay at home mother)-.  As you said, it can leave you with an incredible loneliness, and feeling lost as a person.  I really want to get that part of me back. Without it you lose who you are.

 

I guess that's why I want so much to go back to school this summer, even if it's just 1 class.  At least then I can say "I'm lacey, and am a student".  I feel like it will give a piece of myself back. 

[[Mo...]]

I actually had to drop my dose to 2mg because I was getting drowsy throughout the day with 3. I'm not sure whether to continue my goal of stopping benzos for good or to stay here, and use when needed. I didn't think my body would adjust this fast (I originally needed 8mg a day just to keep withdrawal symptoms at bay!)

[[Ra...]]

So you've been dropping1 mg of Xanax per month?! How are you feeling?  Are you able to function. That is a REALLY fast taper!

[[ho...]]

Just saying hi to everyone. Thinking about all of you.

 

MRS-you've been on my mind in particular today. How are you doing?

 

 

Hopeful Girl

[[Fl...]]

Can anyone answer why (all of a sudden) I may have begun to have shortness of breath along with anxiety?

 

I'm imagining it's just part of the annoying TOLERANCE of Benzo's as well as inter*dose WD?  Would this be correct?

 

It is so uncomfortable.  Its at the top of my stomach and in order to get a good breath I have to lean back.  I was doing really good and than (BAM) onset of the above listed symptoms.

 

THIS SUCKS!!!!!!!! ME NO LIKIE

 

FB 

 

 

 

[[ho...]]

Can anyone answer why (all of a sudden) I may have begun to have shortness of breath along with anxiety?

 

I'm imagining it's just part of the annoying TOLERANCE of Benzo's as well as inter*dose WD?  Would this be correct?

 

It is so uncomfortable.  Its at the top of my stomach and in order to get a good breath I have to lean back.  I was doing really good and than (BAM) onset of the above listed symptoms.

 

THIS SUCKS!!!!!!!! ME NO LIKIE

 

FB 

 

Oh, FB. I'm so sorry. I hate this symptom. I had this exact same thing in tolerance w/d and in my taper. It would come and go out of the blue. Hang in there! You'll get through this. I wish I could tell you a solution. How is your taper coming?

 

Love,

 

Hopeful Girl

[[ba...]]

FB,

 

Shortness of breath is common in BWS.  Benzodiazepines affect the major nervous systems in our bodies:

 

Autonomic Nervous System

 

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Autonomic_nervous_system

   

Central Nervous System

 

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Central_nervous_system

 

For me, it helped to learn the science behind our symptoms.  Because most of us get little to no validation from the medical community,  it's best to understand the fundamentals behind the damage of benzo use. 

 

I have had this symptom many times.  And it can get quite scary.  But you will find many of your symptoms will disappear during your taper, only to reemerge later with less troublesome intensity. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[[mr...]]

Thanks for checking in on me, Hopeful.

 

I won't sugar coat; mentally, its been a battle.  My first year on alprazolam was very much like this...so it is my hope that this is the drug (or lack thereof).

 

Today has been tough, HG. I am hoping for a better tomorrow. I have to remember that it was only three days ago (Saturday) that I had a nice window. Another has to be coming soon.

 

Thank you all for being here with me through this all. Sleep well

 

Mrs.

[[ho...]]

Thanks for checking in on me, Hopeful.

 

I won't sugar coat; mentally, its been a battle.  My first year on alprazolam was very much like this...so it is my hope that this is the drug (or lack thereof).

 

Today has been tough, HG. I am hoping for a better tomorrow. I have to remember that it was only three days ago (Saturday) that I had a nice window. Another has to be coming soon.

 

Thank you all for being here with me through this all. Sleep well

 

Mrs.

 

Hi There, Sweet Friend. So sorry you are having to go through this. I know how brutal it can be at the end. I believe it is 100% the drug. It does wacky things to us! The mental stuff can really give us a beating. I know about it all too well. There is another window coming. In church we always used to say, "It may be Friday, but Sunday is on the way!" Referencing Christ's death and resurrection. I said this to myself many times during the worst of it...It was a LONG Friday but Sunday does come! Hang in there. I'm proud of you!

 

Love,

 

Hopeful Girl 

[[Mo...]]

Just saying hi to everyone. Thinking about all of you.

 

MRS-you've been on my mind in particular today. How are you doing?

 

 

Hopeful Girl

Sorry for the late response. Yeah I'm perfectly fine, I feel absolutely great to be honest.

 

I couldn't sleep a lot during the beginning/middle of my taper, so I just used that time to work out often.

 

Its so weird having a clear mind when I've had what seemed like a permanent tension headache for the past few years.

[[VC...]]

FluterByee, that SOB can feel scary. I've had it, too.

 

The only thing I found that helps me is Dr. Lam's adrenal restorative breathing exercises. I downloaded his MPG for $4.99 a couple months ago. Might sound useless, but it's really helped lower anxiety, reduce those adrenaline 'surges' when my adrenals are firing too much, and bring my BP down again. I'm so sorry you're experiencing this discomfort. (It felt like a panic attack to me some days).

 

These adrenal breathing exercises aren't DEEP breathing - as deep breathing can trigger more sympathetic (stress mode) response in people with weak adrenals. I think in benzo w/d, we've all got some element of adrenal fatigue - mine is pretty serious. But the belly breathing (not breathing from the chest/diaphragm) helps us revert back to parasympathetic (calm state) which our body welcomes, given the chance.

 

This might not be helpful at all, but it's all I got today. Other than supporting adrenals with good quality sea salt (maybe look into "adrenal cocktail" if you think it might help) and vit. C from real whole food C, not ascorbic acid. Let me know how you are. I care.

 

 

Mrs, I'm thinking of you, too, and hope you have more and more windows. You don't ever have to sugar-coat,  I sure don't. You do sound on the verge of a window! Praying it's soon!!

 

Love,

VC

[[Ri...]]

Just curious,

 

Has anyone that has already stopped Xanax had troubles with motivation during taper?  And, if so, when did it get better post-taper?

 

It's like I currently don't get enjoyment from anything.  Listening to music, going for a walk, hanging out with friends... ect.... I'd rather just stay at home.  It really sucks, because I've normally been pretty active.

 

This is an effect of a Xanax taper - you could feel this way even after you jump. It takes a while for your brain to grow back.

 

When I was in school, they taught us that all the cells of the body will regrow except for nerve cells.

 

Now, they have modified that to acknowledge that nerve cells in fact to regrow, but it takes time.

 

 

 

River

[[je...]]

Hi all, just looking for some dosing advice. I have tapered from 1mg of Xanax down to .25 and it is getting tough. Any advice on a good dosing schedule? I am still working full time, so trying to hold it all together. Thank you!