XANAX Support Blog: If you're tapering Xanax/alprazolam, join in the discussion!

[[Tr...]]

Actually I don't find it remarkable at all. Even with the extended sxs, I felt better immediately after my jump than at any time for many years.

 

I can relate to many of the things you felt Chazin. My first cut was 50% and I felt it, but there was no turning back for me once I made up my mind. I understand being able to feel again, and I accepted the sometimes painful side effects were part of my healing process. No one likes pain, but I didn't ever want to forget the sacrifice I made to become benzo free. In a weird sort of way, I was almost happy to feel *anything* again, and I could feel the pain of withdrawal and be happy knowing where I was going.

 

I also understand not wanting to engage in a prolonged taper. I felt if I took six month to a year to taper, that was that much more time I'd have to take this poison and I wanted off! I pushed a little faster than suggested with no zero regrets.

 

All of us here are driving towards the same destination. Some of us are in a sports car racing towards that freedom while others are cruising slowly content to arrive at their own pace. Just as we're all different, there's no wrong or right way to taper.

 

Thanks for you input.

[[la...]]

Actually I don't find it remarkable at all. Even with the extended sxs, I felt better immediately after my jump than at any time for many years.

 

I can relate to many of the things you felt Chazin. My first cut was 50% and I felt it, but there was no turning back for me once I made up my mind. I understand being able to feel again, and I accepted the sometimes painful side effects were part of my healing process. No one likes pain, but I didn't ever want to forget the sacrifice I made to become benzo free. In a weird sort of way, I was almost happy to feel *anything* again, and I could feel the pain of withdrawal and be happy knowing where I was going.

 

I also understand not wanting to engage in a prolonged taper. I felt if I took six month to a year to taper, that was that much more time I'd have to take this poison and I wanted off! I pushed a little faster than suggested with no zero regrets.

 

All of us here are driving towards the same destination. Some of us are in a sports car racing towards that freedom while others are cruising slowly content to arrive at their own pace. Just as we're all different, there's no wrong or right way to taper.

 

Thanks for you input.

 

Hey TS, I have a question for you, as you seem to of been in a similar situation to me.

 

You cut from .5mg to .25mg, and then seem to of felt a lot of WD symptoms based on your sig, and then held for a bit.

 

I'm starting to feel pretty crappy after my last big cut as well.  Do you remember if your WD symptoms after your first cut seemed to of leesened at a point in time?  I'm currently 4 days after my last cut and wondering if I should hold for a certain period of time, or what.  Thanks

 

 

[[Tr...]]

Day four is generally accepted as the time when you'll feel a cut. Some people feel it on day three, some on day five or six, but day four seems to be the most common. By day ten I felt good and was ready to push forward. Men are always in a hurry, so I think its normal for us to want to move so quickly, but...

 

There's no prize when you finish this race, but the reward is huge. You're doing great Lacey23!

 

Edited to add; Yes my first cut may have been ill-advised, but today I'm not sorry at all. I know about withdrawal symptoms and I may not have experienced all of them if my cut had been tiny. It

This may not be right for everyone, but it worked for me, and I think larger cuts at the top of your taper may be better tolerated than towards the bottom.

[[la...]]

Day four is generally accepted as the time when you'll feel a cut. Some people feel it on day three, some on day five or six, but day four seems to be the most common. By day ten I felt good and was ready to push forward. Men are always in a hurry, so I think its normal for us to want to move so quickly, but...

 

There's no prize when you finish this race, but the reward is huge. You're doing great Lacey23!

 

Thanks TS.  Maybe I'll give it a bit longer this time before cutting again.  I've cut ~.45 mg in the last 10 days, so probably need to slow down a touch.

 

I think I'll wait till I feel decent again, and then just do smaller 0.0625mg cuts the rest of the way.  If it takes 10 days to feel decent again, so-be-it.

 

I think you may be on to something that men seem to be more prone to want to get off quick, where women seem to be more patient with a longer taper.

[[Ch...]]

"I understand being able to feel again, and I accepted the sometimes painful side effects were part of my healing process....In a weird sort of way, I was almost happy to feel *anything* again...I also understand not wanting to engage in a prolonged taper. I felt if I took six month to a year to taper, that was that much more time I'd have to take this poison and I wanted off!...."

 

I only reprinted part of your comment, TrueSouth, but your whole post captured how I feel better than anything I have written.

 

Thank you.

[[Tr...]]

Good plan! 

Your last cut was big, so listen to your body and you won't go wrong. 

 

In general, I think men are more result oriented and we're impatient to get that result. Our planning sometimes goes right out the window and gets us in trouble. 

 

You really are doing very well Lacey23! Just remember to be good to yourself.

[[Tr...]]

No Chazin, thank YOU!

 

I couldn't feel much of anything anymore. I looked in the mirror and there wasn't much behind those eyes, just emptiness. Again, and I know it sounds crazy, but the pain I felt was a welcome reminder that I had made a decision to regain my life and it was something tangible if unpleasant.

[[Ra...]]

Thanks TS for hanging around to help us newbies.

 

Tonight I joined the ranks of the taperers.  I made my first cut of .0625 tonight and hope to be able to stick to that every 14 days all the way down.  2 years of my life wasted tapering. Oh well, get on with it!

[[Tr...]]

The journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step. Congratulations, you just began your journey to benzo freedom. Yea!

 

You'll likely not feel anything the first cut or three. Even if you do, you can handle it and you're not alone.

[[Ca...]]

Rabbit,

  I read your post and want to send some encouragement. This week I am 9 months off Xanax. I tapered for over a year. It felt like it would never end and here I am nearly a year off. Time passes quickly. Every day you will be closer to your goal. Feel empowered with your brave step...you will be fine.

  Best to you,

Carita 

[[la...]]

Congrats Rabbit!!

 

We're all here for you if you need support.

[[Tr...]]

Sweet Carita. So good to see you here!

You were a huge help during my taper and jump.

May your days be filled with joy and windows. 

[[Ra...]]

Thank you so much TS, Carita, and Lacey for those words of encouragement.  I'm nervous, but I have to do this so let's get this party started   

[[VC...]]

Thanks TS for hanging around to help us newbies.

 

Tonight I joined the ranks of the taperers.  I made my first cut of .0625 tonight and hope to be able to stick to that every 14 days all the way down.  2 years of my life wasted tapering. Oh well, get on with it!

 

Wow,Rabbit - good for you! I'm cheering you on, praying, and here to support you. We all are! 

 

[[VC...]]

Carita, TS, Hopeful Girl, everyone - I need encouragement. I guess I'm having HPA axis dysregulation, and I'm so worn out from it. Found a new doctor but she focused on leaky gut and gave me no help whatsoever about how to go about healing from all this. Thought she was benzo-wise, but she hardly talked about that. Put me on betaine for stomach acid because I'm not absorbing my nutrient (B12 deficiency, iron, etc) but the first day I took it I didn't feel right so I stopped it. Is BETAINE contraindicated in benzo w/d for any reason? Someone told me it can detox you quickly. After a day of betaine with meals, I had a huge panic/anxiety attack that had me crawling out of my skin. Then it passed in a few minutes. I thought maybe some copper was dislodged since I have some toxicities discovered thru testing. Everyone blames benzos for physical issues but I guess there's other things at play sometimes, too.

 

Mainly, I want to taper but can't begin because I just don't feel stable with my BP again. I started a mushroom herb for adrenals a few weeks ago but stopped it when I learned it hits the GABA receptors. It put me into something like w/d...and even though my days start out okay, the afternoon or evenings are back to high BP and surges again. I'm a wreck worrying about all this. I don't hear any of you talking much about HPA axis dysregulation. Am I the only one sitting around checking my BP? The least upset causes BP to shoot up with irregular heartbeats. It's the HEART stuff that scares me, nothing else. Taking extra beta blocker doesn't help. Cardiologist never got back with me. New doctor just said my BP was too high, and suggested a different BP med but didn't give me one. Told me to stay where I am on the alprazolam, and take GABA so I dont have a seizure. WTH?? Apparently she doesn't realize the nuances of benzo w/d. I thought we weren't supposed to take GABA so I haven't. As to seizures, I came off Xanax a whole month last year and did fine, just went back on it PRN. Now I'm taking it consistently but not sure if I'm taking enough. My mind goes in 5 directions every day over what to do. Please help me. New doc is is willing to help supervise the taper yet can't prescribe controlled substances so I'm still stuck as far as getting a script for smaller tabs (0.25mg). I'm so upset because that's why I went to her - hoping she'd give me a script for smaller tablets and reassure me about HPA axis stuff.

 

Anyway, there's a lot of stress at home and I stay in bed trying to see if that'll help the BP..sometimes it does, but I can get up to the bathroom lately, and it just jumps again. I wake up too early and don't get enough sleep. Dont know how anyone heals the  HPA axis without consistent sleep. I'm about ready to go back on Seroquel, even though it's contraindicated with my heart pill.

 

So, yada, yada, yada. I think my nerves are fried. I don't know what to do anymore, who to trust, who to believe - been on supplements for hypothalamus, adrenals, heart but stopped them when doc mocked them. My nutritional coach is gonna be ticked. I just dont know what to do anymore. Not much support from family or spouse. Friends have no clue what's really going on...it's too much to explain.

 

Sorry I'm not more upbeat today. Sometimes I think I'd be doing better had I taken larger doses but consistently. Not sure if the PRN dosing wrecked my system, or just the ton of stress and lack of sleep I had for years. Don't know if I need an endocrinologist again or just give up.

[[ma...]]

Hi V,

 

I'm so sorry you are suffering so.  It is so hard I know from my experience what to do.  I hope someone will be along soon to offer you some suggestions.

 

Hang tight , my friend.

 

Hugs,

 

Mama

 

 

[[VC...]]

THanks,  Mama. I'm at my wits end.

[[Ra...]]

Well, darn it VC!  I was so hoping your doc appt would go well.  Yes having the .25 tabs I think is important.  Even those I found hard to get an even cut.  They are football shaped.  Why not make the tablets round, I just don't get that!

 

I don't know anything about the HPA Axis thing.  You might want to PM Parker and see if she's around, she may know something about that.

 

So are you only on 1 heart medication for your high BP?

 

I pray for you every day sweetie, I just wish I had some helpful advice, but I think you are smart not to start your taper until you feel stable.

 

Love you sweetie!

 

Rabbit

[[mr...]]

Hi friends

 

I posted this in our fun-loving-for-support-chatty thread (http://www.benzobuddies.org/forum/index.php?topic=96848.0) as an update to my buddies over there, but I thought I'd post it here as well to let you all know too

 

"Well buddies, as of yesterday, I am officially 80% free and at 1mg Valium equivalent! I feel like it is a "banner" point to be at; for a long time now, I've had a feeling that between 40-80% would be the toughest part of my taper, with the remaining 20% being downhill from there. And OYE, that has been true thus far ('Specially between 75-80%!). My hope and prayer is that it will start to get easier and easier. I've estimated my remaining tapering schedule and, moving at my current rate, I'd be off in October this year sometime. My hope and prayer (and belief) is that, at some point soon here, it'll either get easier or I won't feel the cuts anymore, and I'll just be able to move right off with no further issues. I'm okay with doing what's best for me and moving slow, of course! I'm just hoping to be able to get off sooner

 

My freedom date has been set and reset so many times, one could easily get discouraged by it. But I've realized something: the exact date it happens is not as important as the fact that it actually DOES happen, you know? And when it does, it'll be a glorious day, no matter the date it happens So, I'm just looking forward to the future and being drug free soon "

 

So as I'm rounding down to the end of my taper, I can relate very well to a buddy on here called LaserJet -- he said that, at the bottom end of his taper, he'd cycle between really good days, and really not-so-good days.  The past couple weeks have been similar.  The emotions and feelings and thoughts that cycle through make me go LOL!  There are physical symptoms as well, of course, and although things can feel quite unpleasant, I must remind myself that they are TEMPORARY.  I am healthy, and on my way to full recovery.  On Thursday, I saw my psychiatrist who is overseeing my taper.  I discussed my past few months with him, and he was very reassuring about the things I was experiencing being a part of withdrawals.  It's incredible to me that, when you're in the thick of it, the feeling of belief in that truth can evade you for a time.  Once the wave subsides, perspective returns once again and you are able to see clearly again.  I'm sure most of you can relate   I've been blessed with an overall uneventful taper, operating at an average of 80% healed the entire time.  That doesn't mean it's been easy by any means, and that I didn't have days that were less than 80%, but overall it has been a very manageable taper.  The remainder of my benzo taper story is to be written soon, and, whatever it is, I believe I can do it   Sometimes, I am operating on only pure faith in that truth, but that is okay -- I am happy that my faith muscle is growing through all this, even if it doesn't feel good   I heard somewhere along the way that if the dream is big enough, the facts don't count because if the dream is big enough, the facts will CHANGE   One day at a time, one foot in front of the other.  Just plant one more seed today towards my health & wellbeing, and where I want to be one year from now   We're getting there, buddies

 

Thanks for being here with me through this all!  I'm so grateful for all the good things in my life   Enjoy your weekend, all

 

Mrs.

[[Ra...]]

Mrs. Congratulations!!!!  I'm so happy for you 

[[ho...]]

Thanks TS for hanging around to help us newbies.

 

Tonight I joined the ranks of the taperers.  I made my first cut of .0625 tonight and hope to be able to stick to that every 14 days all the way down.  2 years of my life wasted tapering. Oh well, get on with it!

 

Congrats, Rabbit! I'll share with you something a wonderful doctor I found during w/d shared with me. She said, "Life is about breadth and depth, it is about seasons, it is about living to the fullest-whatever that means-whatever season you are in. It has long, sunny days and dark, seemingly never ending nights. This time in withdrawal is a dark night and it's a long one. However, there will be beauty in it, there will be lessons, and you will lessen someone else's suffering because you are pushing through it. Ask yourself each day what can I learn from this? What can I take away and you will find answers. This is not wasted time. This is your life and you should be so proud of it." I hold those words dear...maybe they will help you during this part of your journey!

 

HG

[[ho...]]

Rabbit,

  I read your post and want to send some encouragement. This week I am 9 months off Xanax. I tapered for over a year. It felt like it would never end and here I am nearly a year off. Time passes quickly. Every day you will be closer to your goal. Feel empowered with your brave step...you will be fine.

  Best to you,

Carita

 

Hi Sweet Carita,

 

I have been holding you in light and love. I hope you are healing well.

 

Love,

 

Hopeful Girl

[[Ra...]]

Thank you Hopeful Girl.  I hope to learn the lesson at least to never take another benzo.  I know you mean more than that and I hope to 'not waste' this time, but my life is so changed and I have never been keen on change.  Maybe that is why I needed benzo's in the first place? 

 

Thank you for your encouragement, I really appreciate it!

 

Hugs,

 

Rabbit

[[Ca...]]

 

Congrats, Rabbit! I'll share with you something a wonderful doctor I found during w/d shared with me. She said, "Life is about breadth and depth, it is about seasons, it is about living to the fullest-whatever that means-whatever season you are in. It has long, sunny days and dark, seemingly never ending nights. This time in withdrawal is a dark night and it's a long one. However, there will be beauty in it, there will be lessons, and you will lessen someone else's suffering because you are pushing through it. Ask yourself each day what can I learn from this? What can I take away and you will find answers. This is not wasted time. This is your life and you should be so proud of it." I hold those words dear...maybe they will help you during this part of your journey!

 

HG

 

Dear Hopeful Girl....thank you for this beautiful quote from one of your physicians. Encouraging hope and empowerment is the gift of a true healer. I am glad you found this person to be part of your healing team.

 

And thank you for the sweet wellness wish...I am healing! It is slow and tough but I see signs of wellness more often now. Today I went to an art store with a friend to shop for supplies. I'm feeling creative again! That has been a great loss. Everything about me was diminished by these drugs. Now that I am starting to awaken I see how sick I've been. Oh dear...it will only get better. I am deeply grateful. I must remember ups and downs are normal. Mrs wrote a post earlier describing how easy it is to loose hope when in a wave...so true.

 

I am happy to read your business is growing. That certainly requires creaivity and focus from you...signs of healing!! Sorry the wave is here...it will pass dear Hopeful. You are well on your way!

 

Love to you...we are another day closer,

Carita

[[Ca...]]

Sweet Carita. So good to see you here!

You were a huge help during my taper and jump.

May your days be filled with joy and windows. 

 

Hi dear friend...good to see you! You are guiding others after your courageous trek through tapering and recovery. Your kindness is much appreciated. Thank you for the sweet blessing. I am seeing more glimpses of wellness and it encourages me to keep on moving forward. We are doing this!

 

Warmly,

Carita