I'm starting to lose faith in ever healing...

[[Ga...]]

???tex

We all feel like this whenever a bad wave hits...not that this makes it any easier.  I'm going though the same thing.  I think it is especially hard when you get a nice window and whether you want to or not, you believe it may be over or at least, on the way.  This is what I do all the time it makes me worse for the next wave, which always seems to hit.  It's the w/d, it's healing...we are healing, Tex, we really are.  It's just a long long long road that we are all traveling, arm in arm, holding each other up.  Giving each other support, love and courage to keep on keeping on.  God bless and hang in there, we are all going to make it.

[[Te...]]

Galea,

I was reading your signature and you were on for five months. You should have a relatively (relatively, mind you) easy time coming off, and a relatively (there's that word again) short time in which you'll feel anything adverse.

 

Your 5 months made me wonder how many months I took, so I got out the old calculator: 189 months! Yikes! I guess when I see it that way, being off for just 6.5 months isn't really all that long at all...

 

Wow, 189 freaking months! Man, that's a long time. And I was at 2-4 mg. Xanax the first 20 of those months and 20-30 mg. the following 169 months...until jumping off c/t from 5 mg. Valium on May 26.

 

 

[[Ga...]]

Tex

I know we all want to have some idea of when this suffering will end, but we just can't.  You could be healed next week...who knows.  We are all different.  I had a DNA genetic blood test done that showed out of the 9 enzymes that metabolize drugs in our bodies, 5 of mine are abnormal.  That means they aren't doing their job and I should have never been given benzos.  Plus my age enters into it.  So, although I also thought I would be well on my way to healing by now, I'm not.  I just try my best to not think about time to heal.  When this awful anxiety hits like today, it's hard to cope.

But what else can we do?  We have to wait it out.  Not easy.  I get very down, you bet.  Why me?  You bet.  All those bad drag you down thoughts.  But I just have to hang on.  We all do.  Take good care, Tex.  We are healing.

[[Di...]]

I'm sorry, Tex.

 

It seemed like you were making some good progress there for awhile.

 

BTW, I don't think you are whining. 

 

 

[[Co...]]

Tex,

Reading your post about Jim Beam made me think of my 2 ex best friends Bud Ice and Jack Daniels! Made my mouth water! I haven't invited them over in several years and I can't start now lol. I'd probably be divorce in a weeks time! Hope you get better soon.

 

[[Te...]]

It seemed like you were making some good progress there for awhile.

 

Thanks, Disney Girl. I am making progress. Looking back over 6.5 months, I can see a slow (too slow!) upward trend.

 

However, I've pretty much come to the conclusion that with benzo recovery the way it works is that every time I make two steps forward, after that I end up taking one step backwards. So, I think I'm in a wave (aka backwards step) which I've learned WILL eventually pass, and then I'll move ahead a bit, only to back up again, and so forth, into the future -- until one day I find I haven't had to take a step backwards in a while...

 

Until then, I just hang on for dear life...

[[ci...]]

It is simple but I keep a print out calendar under my keyboard and divide the day into 3 parts - morning, afternoon, evening.  I then just go back and fill in whether each time was good or crappy with some little comments.  The ones that are relatively good I highlight.  It makes it easy to go back and see that the bad times weren't nearly as numerous as the good or to see a progression from bad to good.  It is easy to let the waves feel like they have been there the whole time when they haven't.

[[Te...]]

I initiated this thread on day 195. It's now day 199 and things are still really bad.

 

I've finally figured out that the "brain buzz" that causes so much of my grief is actually tinnitus, which, according to an article I read, can manifest itself as a buzzing or high-pitched squealing sound inside the head. That's what I have. It's located right in the center of my brain and just buzzes/squeals for hours and hours and hours, almost making me crazy.

 

I feel a bit better now that I know it's tinnitus and not some sort of brain damage. I always associated tinnitus with the ears, but it can also be a sound that originates in the brain, which I didn't know.

 

So, I know a bit more about what's going on with me. Unfortunately, I still feel just totally hopeless...

 

[[ci...]]

My doc told me that sinus issues can intensify tinnitus.  Mine seems better now that my sinuses are open.  Not sure it would help with a sound right in your brain, but....

 

Keep hanging in there Tex.  I am still struggling through it as well.  Yes I am 4 months off, but I also spent a year tapering.  I have read that a few folks have the opinion that we all suffer an equal amount of time (on average) whether we cold turkey or taper its just that the cold turkey may have a longer withdrawal period, whereas the taper folks suffer some throughout the whole ordeal. 

[[Sv...]]

Tex, I'd be curious to know if the vestibular exercises may help you out?  Have you tried them?  Perhaps nothing to lose by giving it a try at this stage.

 

I found doing created a lot of snaps and crackles in the right centre of my head, and right ear.

 

Maybe give it a shot?

[[Te...]]

Well, today is my 200th day off of benzos and I wish I could say I was doing better. I was, for a while, then things got worse. I've been up, down and all around, flung from wave to too-brief windows and back to waves. Right now, I think it's day 11 (I've lost count!) of my current wave. My longest one was three weeks, so I've still got 10 days or so to go before I hit my "record."

 

I just don't know what to do but hang in there. Tinnitus is flat-out kicking my butt...

[[be...]]

Hang in there Tex67, we all luv ya here at BB!

[[Ca...]]

Tex,

  Congratulations on day 200...that is an amazing accomplishment. Your strength and determination to do this is inspirational. I've had many " minute to minute" days lately and I call on the experience of you and others to get through this mess. Thanks for posting...we will make it to full wellness....it just takes time.

Wishing you well,

Carita