Isolation: friend or foe? im so lost..

[[De...]]

Over the past 7 months since my last C/T off Clonazepam (6mg daily), Ive become increasingly more isolated as time drags on. Its as if i get next to no gratification from social interaction, except for once the exchange is over and I no longer have to deal with it. That feeling of complete and total disconnect is unnerving, yet it's all I can do to plan to go out or call one of the few people I haven't completely alienated (yet) so that once I'm home safe watching t.v. I can gain some kind of gratification that I did something 'normal'. As if I have to prove to myself that I'm still a 'normal' human being, when in reality I know I'm not. The worst part of it is that I know in the back of my head that Clonazepam would instantly fix this and not only make social situations way less awkward, but drive me into them because it's what I want to do; not something I'm afraid not to do. I keep telling myself that once these symptoms go away I'll be able to resume a life worth living again and no longer be a shadow to those who know me.. but I see myself slipping farther and farther into complete isolation every day and fear that by the time I get 'better', no one will even know who I am. 

 

Anyone relate? Let's hear your stories on this topic.

[[...]]

I'm at five months, and am very similar to this. I don't even talk to people close to me. I eat dinner with my parents, totally silent. Chemically, endogenously, there is just nothing there, no spark of interest in speaking. The benzos really have changed my brain.

 

People say it gets better. All I can really say is to be patient.

 

As for me, I'm reaching a tipping point. I'm planning to take Zoloft soon.

[[Be...]]

I'm sorry you're struggling with all these thoughts.  It's very easy for me to go there too.  But I refuse today to allow that to happen. 

 

I learned in early withdrawal that there was real, healing value for me in working.  I wasn't just going in to make a living.  I was going in to avoid or overcome all the feelings you speak of, amongst all the others we talk about here.

 

It was very important to me that I had the structure of work to go back to after withdrawal. 

 

Do you work?  If not, is there some type of activity you can get involved in where other people are involved?

 

I found out over this past holiday weekend that if I sit around and isolate, even today at 2 years off I can take myself to some pretty ugly places.

 

I was very happy to go back to work this morning.

 

Don't get me wrong, I'm very glad to get home at the end of the day.  But spending all my time isolating does me no good. 

 

 

[[Te...]]

My only regular human contact is with my wife. I felt that I was becoming more and more isolated, and that it was bad for me. I am OK going grocery shopping, to the post office, and the small talk that ensues with clerks, but long conversations and social situations are tough for me.

 

I read here that one person goes to AA and NA meetings, just to be around people. I don't recall if it was a "he" or a "she," but the person said that he/she usually does not talk, but that just being around other people is therapeutic. Now that Thanksgiving is over and done with, I'm going to try this. I went to NA a few times when I was about 2 months out from my c/t, but when I spoke and talked about being in a daze after 2 months, no one seemed to get what I was talking about. That was discouraging.

 

So now, I'm not going to feel compelled to talk. I'm just going to go and be there. I've also contacted the local NAMI (National Association for the Mentally Ill) about being a part-time volunteer there for two 4-hour shifts per week. They will make accommodations for my "social anxiety," and I will be doing something besides watching TV all day.

 

I've also joined The American Legion and I'm waiting to hear back from my local Post about orientation for new members, as well as a volunteer program the V.A. has for American Legion members so they can volunteer 24 hours in each quarter (every three months, so 8 hours a month).

 

I think all of those activities, which I'll take on one at a time until I get used to them, will help me get more comfortable back out in society. I'm at 6 months, 1 week and I'm doing fairly well, and my goal is for these activities to help me feel comfortable enough to find a part-time job sometime this spring and maybe move to a full-time job next fall. I'm OK on money for a couple of years, but I don't want to go through all my savings. Plus, work is important to my self-esteem. I just need to ease into things so I don't get a "benzo backlash."

 

I also go for a 45-60 minute walk every morning and that has really helped reduce my anxiety about being out in "the world."

 

I believe we have to push ourselves when we feel up to it. Isolation just leads to an obsessive self-absorption that, in my opinion, is only going to reinforce the notion that the only way I can cope is with benzos. I've learned I can do some basic things without benzos. Now, it's time to being expanding my experiences and abilities.

 

I don't want to end up an agoraphobic, which is where I think excessive isolation leads...

 

[[Fl...]]

I learned in early withdrawal that there was real, healing value for me in working.  I wasn't just going in to make a living.  I was going in to avoid or overcome all the feelings you speak of, amongst all the others we talk about here.

 

It was very important to me that I had the structure of work to go back to after withdrawal. 

 

I agree. I think everyone should try to work if they are able to. I was working last summer and fall and the busier I got the better I did. Having a routine that was laid out for me was key. All I had to do was show up and use my muscles. Nothing better than getting exercise while you make money. I'm sure that working outdoors in a nice climate had something to do with it as well.

 

Now I need to get off my ass and practice what I preach. Since the job ended last year I have been waiting around hoping I would have healed and I have made progress in some ways but my cognitive issues are still pretty bad and I just can't see any option other than starting to live my life as if this is the way things are going to be for awhile. I don't look forward to the job search and training and such but once I make it past that I will be fine doing a manual labor gig and I think it will really help me to begin to pick up the pieces of my life as I continue to heal.

[[De...]]

I really need a job myself. Only have about 5 months left and my savings will be gone with me out on the street.. Worst part is interviewing. I've had a few in the past 7 months and each one ended miserably. I'm sure I could have done worse, but I know for a fact that there was probably other people who did much better.  I just hate how every single job 'requires' a person to be 'positive'  and 'outgoing' even if it's only for a fucking fast food position. Seems like a little much to me.. wish an employer would just say "I don't give a shit how positive your attitude is, just do the work and don't complain and you'll be fine". But this is not the way of the world.. apparently it's not enough to flip a burger but now you have to be happy go lucky while doing so.

[[Ri...]]

I really need a job myself.

 

apparently it's not enough to flip a burger but now you have to be happy go lucky while doing so.

 

 

 

. . . I've been reading some of your posts -

 

 

and I see how hard you are struggling. I'm sorry bud. 

 

 

 

 

River

 

 

 

[[Be...]]

I think there are alot of "normal" people out there who are actually paranoid.  If they don't see a smile on your face or some pleasant gesture they feel threatened like you and get mad at you then.  It's like they can't see you are just maybe in a bad mood or not into being smiley and happy go lucky or just being yourself and feeling introverted.  I don't care if people around me are gloomy, I was never threatened by it.  I prefer someone to be themselves.  Some of the happiest acting people are really some of the nastiest when they show their other side, I've worked with them.  Watch out for the real gregarious types they often are bipolar or something and have tempers or are bullies when people don't perform the way they want them to.

[[Be...]]

Same exact thing here.  I'm on the autism spectrum as is, so this side effect isn't helping my social life. 

 

I can't seem to sleep at the right hours.  If I do, it feels like a huge burden to get ready to go out.  Then I get anxiety about stupid random things (germs, etc) when I'm out. 

 

Then again, I'm not totally content sitting at home either.  I feel lonely and left out of my friend group but can't get it together to be social.  Was not a problem at the 1-month mark but just crept up on me recently.  Big party this weekend I'm not looking forward to, but I feel obligated.  Bleh. 

[[Te...]]

Bennzodiazepunk:

 

Your signature lists your current drug use to include "methamphetamine." I would suspect that meth would make one paranoid and reduce one's ability to get off of benzos.

 

It's not a drug I'd use while in benzo w/d...

[[...]]

Bennzodiazepunk:

 

Your signature lists your current drug use to include "methamphetamine." I would suspect that meth would make one paranoid and reduce one's ability to get off of benzos.

 

It's not a drug I'd use while in benzo w/d...

 

actually it says 'amphetamine'. he may be taking concerta or something.

[[hu...]]

Isolation has been a terrible foe to me throughout this withdrawal. I often compare myself to prisoners in solitary confinement and can now to a great extent understand what drives them crazy enough to hurt themselves.

All of a sudden I get this urge to hug somebody or have light small talk or to discuss my withdrawal. I wish for a way to distract myself from the physical and mental misery of w/d. I've been invited to a few social events, birthdays, weddings etc by family and friends, in the 6-12 months post w/d I forced myself to be present at some events, could not cope with the stress and anxiety on top of the severe DR, dizziness I've had, since then have stopped going to most events to avoid embarrassing myself and others with my weird behaviour, because nobody really understands and hardly anybody cares. I feel guilty for missing these events, so that depresses me even more. I've also tried a few telephonic and personal interviews but every time I strain myself physically or mentally I want to find the nearest safe spot and crash. So no job yet means no social contact.

Only over the past few weeks I have met a few old friends and have started to force myself to hang out with them and play some sport for a little while, I've explained my condition to them so I don't feel much pressure to act normal. One of them is a student doctor so that adds a bit of spice.

 

I have severe debilitating brain fog, some DR, some anxiety which spikes with any physical activity or social interaction, especially if it is formal and I have to act normal and not be my own benzo damaged weird self.

The fact that I am running out of money and have lost so much time with no idea about how much longer I have to suffer in isolation causes more depression and anxiety, but I am trying to accept and adapt.

I believe things won't be the same in a few months, I hope to see improvements, look back and feel some satisfaction that some thing has improved at least.

 

So you are not alone, I mean you may be alone physically but not alone in this feeling and suffering  .

 

[[De...]]

 

 

 

. . . I've been reading some of your posts -

 

 

and I see how hard you are struggling. I'm sorry bud. 

 

 

 

 

River

 

Thanks for the encouragement. I managed to get a job yesterday as an 'inventory associate'. Basically I'd be going to different retail chains and inventorying all of the stock with a team of people using a little handheld device. Hours are mostly very early morning (starting at around 1-4 am). Stoked on it, but I need a car to get to the stores. So basically either my folks help me out and throw down on the rest of the money I have saved up so I can get a car and work the job or I'm back at square 1. Really nervous.. all I've wanted for the past 8 months since my car got impounded is another one.. I'd be a lot more social again. Luckily, I didn't even have to interview.. imagine that.

[[er...]]

Over the past 7 months since my last C/T off Clonazepam (6mg daily), Ive become increasingly more isolated as time drags on. Its as if i get next to no gratification from social interaction, except for once the exchange is over and I no longer have to deal with it. That feeling of complete and total disconnect is unnerving, yet it's all I can do to plan to go out or call one of the few people I haven't completely alienated (yet) so that once I'm home safe watching t.v. I can gain some kind of gratification that I did something 'normal'. As if I have to prove to myself that I'm still a 'normal' human being, when in reality I know I'm not. The worst part of it is that I know in the back of my head that Clonazepam would instantly fix this and not only make social situations way less awkward, but drive me into them because it's what I want to do; not something I'm afraid not to do. I keep telling myself that once these symptoms go away I'll be able to resume a life worth living again and no longer be a shadow to those who know me.. but I see myself slipping farther and farther into complete isolation every day and fear that by the time I get 'better', no one will even know who I am. 

 

Anyone relate? Let's hear your stories on this topic.

 

 

 

Don't feel bad , I am 28 months off now , and  when I look back I lost all my friends . Only  maybe two  stays ..

  Will get better , take car your self , don't worry about friends now .

Happened  almost everybody in w/d  we fell isolated . is normal , will get better .

Your honest friend stay and face will go .

From this benzo experience  I learn lots about people , very sad .

But will get better .

Good luck  Erika

[[De...]]

 

 

 

Don't feel bad , I am 28 months off now , and  when I look back I lost all my friends . Only  maybe two  stays ..

  Will get better , take car your self , don't worry about friends now .

Happened  almost everybody in w/d  we fell isolated . is normal , will get better .

Your honest friend stay and face will go .

From this benzo experience  I learn lots about people , very sad .

But will get better .

Good luck  Erika

 

 

Thanks for posting. What has gotten better for you in those 28 months, if you don't mind me asking?

[[er...]]

 

 

 

Don't feel bad , I am 28 months off now , and  when I look back I lost all my friends . Only  maybe two  stays ..

  Will get better , take car your self , don't worry about friends now .

Happened  almost everybody in w/d  we fell isolated . is normal , will get better .

Your honest friend stay and face will go .

From this benzo experience  I learn lots about people , very sad .

But will get better .

Good luck  Erika

 

 

Thanks for posting. What has gotten better for you in those 28 months, if you don't mind me asking?

 

 

 

Hi End

everything get better .

I don't have DP , panics , anxiety , shakes , seizures , brain fog ,  horrible electrical shots tru all body , horrible abdom. pain and lots more .

All is gone , all .

Now I am very sensitive all meds , herbs , food , stress .

No coffe or tee  , no restaurants , no Japanese , no Chinese food is the worst . full of MSG and burn oil .

I have to be very careful what eat , void stress .

Example  ..I  had sour troath , and I took Lozenge for two days 6 all together 3 times for day .

I stop and went in to w/d . Back to head pressure , no memory , brain  fog , shakes , was horrible .

After two days was gone .

So I can see how sensitive I am still .

If need antibiotics I will be back in acute w/d .

VERY SENSITIVE , HAVE TO BE VERY CAREFUL .

Also I sleep 7 hours , very deep , great sleep .

Is much , much better , yet still not 100% . Must be careful what eat , drink , no stress , no chemicals in food .

Erika

[[Be...]]

Tex7:  I'd imagine it would! 

 

I take amphetamine (not meth) medicinally in small doses for ADD/depression.  Doesn't have much effect on my anxiety unless I take too much (or combine it with caffeine).