3 1/2 years and doing well

[[Su...]]

I always come back to your success story for comfort. I feel I am going through what you went through and that if you got through it I just might too. Thank you L123, thank you xx

[[Sp...]]

I have a sister who has been on Restoril for years as well as Lexapro. I have tried talking to her about the anxiety she experiences and she doesn't want to hear it is caused by her "sleep" medication. She's an RN and has witnessed what benzos did to my mother, myself and another sister but she doesn't consider what she is on a benzo. I know Restoril is and she is in denial and I can't do anything to help her. Her sleep issues have gotten worse as well as her anxiety. I am so happy that you were able to free yourself from this. Wishing you a wonderful life after benzos! Cindy

[[...]]

I always come back to your success story for comfort. I feel I am going through what you went through and that if you got through it I just might too. Thank you L123, thank you xx

 

It is possible to get through benzo wd but for many people it is not easy.  In my case it was extremely difficult.  I relied on God because I know I wasn't strong enough to endure it in my own strength.  No way.  Best wishes for a complete and speedy recovery for you. 

[[...]]

I have a sister who has been on Restoril for years as well as Lexapro. I have tried talking to her about the anxiety she experiences and she doesn't want to hear it is caused by her "sleep" medication. She's an RN and has witnessed what benzos did to my mother, myself and another sister but she doesn't consider what she is on a benzo. I know Restoril is and she is in denial and I can't do anything to help her. Her sleep issues have gotten worse as well as her anxiety. I am so happy that you were able to free yourself from this. Wishing you a wonderful life after benzos! Cindy

 

I hope soon she is able to see that Restoril can indeed cause anxiety and sleep problems.  I didn't realize I was in tolerance withdrawal until after I had left detox.  It wasn't until I read up on the drug that I realized it has a relatively short-medium half life.  When they put me on Klonopin (much longer half-life) in detox,  I found relief I hadn't experience in years. 

 

Looking back, I can see the anxiety I experienced was absolutely related to tolerance withdrawal.  First of all, I didn't have any anxiety problems prior to taking benzos.  I was not an anxious person.  What I noticed, in hindsight, was that the anxiety would shoot through the roof during early afternoon sessions with my clients.  Now I realize this makes sense considering the approximate 14 hour half life (I took it at night around 11pm). 

 

Also, your sister may have such cog fog that she can't see what's happening to her.  Dr. Brennan gave it a name and I've since forgotten but it happens when people have been taking benzos for awhile.  I didn't have lucid thoughts and have zero awareness that the sleeping pill I was taking would have any effect on my the next day into the afternoon.  You may want to ask her to see how she feels the next afternoon and see if she makes any connections.

 

Thank you for your kind thoughts and congratulations on your recovery, too. 

[[...]]

I guess it's time to update my progress since I posted this success story.  I am now 4 years and 2 months off benzos.  I feel great.  I would say I am 99% healed.  I still have tinnitus but it doesn't really bother me.  I only notice it at night for the most part and the volume has decreased over the years.

 

The stomach issues were still a concern when I posted my success story although the problems were very infrequent.  Since then, I have cut back on sugar and consume no more than 25g per day (from all food sources).  This has helped significantly and I haven't had any stomach issues whatsoever in the past 6 months. 

 

There really aren't any other issues still remaining from benzo wd.  I sleep great (8 hours a night), fall asleep within minutes, have energy, the weirdo thoughts are all gone, migraines are gone (left when I cut out sugar), depression is gone.  There are times when I still have some mild anxiety but I think that is residual from the whole benzo wd experience (it traumatized me in many ways).  It has improved and isn't really an issue, but for someone who was not an anxious person to begin with, I'd still like to see this totally disappear, too.

 

For those of you that are between 2-3 years off and are still feeling like you're making no progress, there is hope.  I didn't start feeling any real difference until about 30 months and then it was up and down for the next 6 months.  Since 3 years off I have been feeling 90% or better consistently.  Since 4 years off, I have consistently felt 99% healed.  It's awesome.  It really is and I never thought I'd feel this good.  You will feel good again.

 

The mental symptoms were some of my worst symptoms.  It was years on end (2 1/2-3 years) that I felt like crap.  I was unmotivated, depressed, anxious, lacked confidence, worried, irrational, weak, angry at everything and everyone and pretty hopeless. 

 

At 3 years off, I finally sold my condo and skipped town   I moved to a much warmer part of the country and I love where I live now.  I would've never been able to sell my condo and move during withdrawal.  So I'd say by 3 years off I was pretty much recovered even though I had some mild stuff lingering. 

 

It not only gets better...it gets WAY better in the end!

[[Er...]]

That update just lifted me higher than you can imagine.  I believe that I CAN beat this!

[[ho...]]

That update just lifted me higher than you can imagine.  I believe that I CAN beat this!

 

Me Too!!!!  Thank you for this post...  at 31 months I needed to read this today!!

[[Mo...]]

thanks L123, i needed this today , thanks for being here.

[[Ma...]]

Thanks so much for posting!  I've followed your story for some time because I felt it was so similar to my own. This is encouraging. I'm three years three months and feel like the cog fog, DP and my brain's very slow reaction time to what Im seeing would be gone by now. I've kept pushing forward, not letting anything stop me, but a stomach virus this week brought back pronounced disorientation and I got very discouraged. I know my brain is working hard and healing and I will get better, mostly because of success stories like yours. Thanks!!!

[[pr...]]

Wonderful post, thank you. This is an absolute must-read to all those who are 12 months plus out and thinking that the damage must be permanent.

[[Bo...]]

Thanks for posting your success story and update.  I'm soooo happy that you got your life back. You so deserve it after such a lengthy recovery.

 

I have just one question to ask.  Did you experience waves and windows?  I suffer from all of the mental symptoms you described. I have had a few windows along the way but haven't in awhile. Im 12 .5 months out.

 

Thanks

[[Lo...]]

 

For those of you in acute withdrawal (first few weeks to months) the level of intense symptoms does not last,  you will get some relief soon.  For those of you in protracted withdrawal, you have been through hell and back and are warriors.  No one but another protracted buddy will ever be able to sympathize with your arduous journey.  It is yours alone.  When the day comes and you are able to look back down that mountain you climbed, the sense of strength and accomplishment will be yours alone, too.  And it is now, finally, after 3 1/2 years free of benzodiazepines that I can say with confidence that I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.

 

May God give you His courage and strength to endure this pain which is temporary so that you might know the peace that is waiting for you on the other side. 

 

Thank you for this post and amen!!!!! I'm in acute W/D and it is not cute at all. Praying for a good long window to come soon! Much love and many blessings.

[[...]]

Thanks for posting your success story and update.  I'm soooo happy that you got your life back. You so deserve it after such a lengthy recovery.

 

I have just one question to ask.  Did you experience waves and windows?  I suffer from all of the mental symptoms you described. I have had a few windows along the way but haven't in awhile. Im 12 .5 months out.

 

Thanks

 

I didn't seem to have the waves and windows that others describe.  I did think I was healed at 17 months out but then realized shortly after it was just my first window.  I started experiencing what I think were true windows and waves from month 30-36. 

 

Some people just don't seem to have the windows/waves type healing.  I didn't.  Best wishes to you on your recovery. 

[[...]]

 

For those of you in acute withdrawal (first few weeks to months) the level of intense symptoms does not last,  you will get some relief soon.  For those of you in protracted withdrawal, you have been through hell and back and are warriors.  No one but another protracted buddy will ever be able to sympathize with your arduous journey.  It is yours alone.  When the day comes and you are able to look back down that mountain you climbed, the sense of strength and accomplishment will be yours alone, too.  And it is now, finally, after 3 1/2 years free of benzodiazepines that I can say with confidence that I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.

 

May God give you His courage and strength to endure this pain which is temporary so that you might know the peace that is waiting for you on the other side. 

 

Thank you for this post and amen!!!!! I'm in acute W/D and it is not cute at all. Praying for a good long window to come soon! Much love and many blessings.

 

Acute wd was torture.  Mine lasted about 6 1/2 weeks and it wasn't fully over until a full 8 weeks.  Looks like you're right at 2 months now.  Hopefully acute symptoms will be fading out for you soon.  I do know someone from BB who had acute last for 3 months though so don't worry if it doesn't stop soon.  Easy for me to say, right? 

 

Best wishes to you. 

[[ma...]]

Thank you L123,

I printed out your Sucess Story & read it every day.

It gives me hope that I too- will eventually heal.

Thank you for taking the time & care to come & give encouragement & so much support -to others here.

It means so much.

Many blessings

 

margaretisabel

 

[[Bo...]]

L123

 

I read your story a lot.  It gives me great hope. 

 

I have a question I want to ask you. What did you do during your 28month period in limbo.?  That's where I feel I'm at with anxiety and depression constantly there.  I think about giving up each and every day but I so want to believe this will end one day. 

 

I did have windows which use to give me great hope but I haven't in a while.

 

Please help me cope.  Thanks

[[...]]

L123

 

I read your story a lot.  It gives me great hope. 

 

I have a question I want to ask you. What did you do during your 28month period in limbo.?  That's where I feel I'm at with anxiety and depression constantly there.  I think about giving up each and every day but I so want to believe this will end one day. 

 

I did have windows which use to give me great hope but I haven't in a while.

 

Please help me cope.  Thanks

 

I had to quit my job at 26th months off because I became so sick from the stress of trying to function as a normal person while in wd.  My body just gave out.  Month 26 was the pinnacle of my protracted withdrawal symptoms.  That entire summer I simply stayed in bed and rested.  I couldn't work.  It took about 4 months until I started realizing I was actually going to pull out of this (2 1/2 year mark). 

 

So at month 28th I was unemployed and spending most of my time in bed online or watching TV.  I'll be honest, by that point, I had given up on all the positive affirmation stuff and was just simply letting time pass.  I was very depressed, hopeless, bleak outlook, angry, you name it.  I grew to hate the sound of anyone laughing outside my window.  It was a very dark time in my life.

 

The only advice I can give you is to just keep allowing the days to pass.  The time does seem to stand still during this period and it feels like you are wasting life and will never enjoy it again, but that is just a perception at one particular point in history.  It's like when it's cloudy out and it's hard to imagine a sunshine-filled day. 

 

It seems to me that 5 years is about the timeframe for full healing.  2 1/2 years is the halfway point but once you reach the halfway point everything is much more bearable because you're just going downhill now.  In some ways, month 24-30 were the hardest for me.  I was worn out. 

 

I hope you begin to see that light at the end of the tunnel soon.  My heart goes out to you and everyone else going through this. 

[[Bo...]]

Thanks for responding. I'm also acting like I'm normal but I don't work. I don't think I could. 

 

I'm having cycles again which I haven't in 3 years so I'm taking that as a sign of healing. I'm 54 so that's really odd.

 

Enjoy your life  You deserve it.  Thanks for coming back to encourage others going thru this hell.

[[Su...]]

Dear L123,

I just wanted to express how much your success story means to me.

I read it every couple of days.

Your struggle touches me deeply.

Your eventual triumph keeps me going down this impossibly difficult and soul-destroying road.

Thank you for sharing and, therefore, helping us through this.

SD

[[Ni...]]

~Bump~

 

[[...]]

Thanks for finding and bumping Niners 

[[...]]

Bump

[[Gi...]]

Since entering a detox facility in Malibu, CA in March of 2010, I have been struggling to recover from benzodiazepine use.  It was a fluke how I ended up on Restoril (a sleeping pill).  My doctor asked me how I was sleeping.  I've always had weird sleep cycles, preferring to be a night owl.  I had no trouble actually falling asleep.  So I mentioned that I preferred a bimodal kind of sleep pattern.  He prescribed Restoril.  I hesitated since I really didn't care to be on any pills.  He assured me they were "safe as candy".  I began taking them nightly as prescribed.  In fact, I took one every night even thought most of the time I didn't need it because the bottle said I could be at risk of a seizure if I suddenly stopped.  I had no idea I could become dependent on them.  So for the next three years, I was on Restoril.

 

The doctor continued to increase the dose because it had become less effective until I was taking the maximum 30 mg nightly.  At this time I was 37 years old, had just purchased my first home and had started working as a Licensed Professional Counselor (LPC) in private practice.  Externally life was very good yet I was feeling depressed and anxious.  The half life of Restoril is short and every day around 1pm I began to experience extreme anxiety making it difficult to work in session with my clients.  At this time, I had no idea the connection was actually tolerance withdrawal.  It became so severe I had to leave my private practice.

 

Fast forward almost 6 months later when it suddenly  occurred to me that it may be the pills that were making me ill.  I still had no idea what a benzodiazepine was or how to stop taking them so I just "tapered" from 30mg to the 15mg pills...in one day.  Oh my.  I ended up sick as a dog in the ER and left there back on 30 mg along with Ativan added to the mix.

 

After a few more attempts to stop on my own, I realized I was dependent and flew to a rehab facility in Malibu, CA.  It cost $40,000 out of pocket but I was desperate. I was put on Klonopin and gained some relief due to the longer half life. They took me off the Klonopin after less than 2 weeks and all hell broke loose five days later.  Side note: Rehab is not at all appropriate for people who become unwittingly dependent on benzos, taken as prescribed by their doctors.  I was not a drug addict and I resented being treated as such.  I knew I would not have cravings for these pills once I was off but all I kept hearing by former drug addicts was that I was in "denial".  It was extremely frustrating to say the least.

 

My last benzo was March 28, 2010.  I returned back home mid April 2010.  I had to live with my parents for the next couple of months because I could not care for myself.  The first two months were the worst.  During that time I had 3 ER visits because my BP and heart rate were dangerously high as well as my body temperature.  I was having continuous muscle spasms on the ER table and could not keep my body from twitching and moving.  I could not sleep for five days and began to hallucinate.  The level of sustained fear and terror I felt was immeasurable.  For two months I paced around the house, ran up and down stairs and was basically in fight or flight mode 24/7.  Everything scared me.  No matter what I did, I could not calm myself down.

 

After two months, the terror started to abate and I felt off and on relief.  I had no idea for the next 28 months I would live in perpetual limbo.  I had pretty much every withdrawal symptom but the mental symptoms were the worst.  Anxiety had not been a part of my life prior to benzos yet now I lived with it day in and day out.  The depression was chronic and severe.  I was seriously suicidal for about the first two years.  To make matters worse, I lived alone and could not work so I had financial stress on top of it.  By financial stress I mean I almost lost my home and had to use up all my retirement to stay afloat.  Several times I attempted to work and suffered tremendously every day all day.  No one knew what I was experiencing and, by that time,  I looked normal physically. 

 

For 2 1/2 years I spent about 90% of my life in bed.  Benzobuddies helped me realize what was going on when all the doctors kept urging me to try this drug or that.  I remained steadfast in my resolve to get through this without adding any psychotropics to the mix. By the grace of God, He gave me the ability to endure.

 

There were more days than I care to admit in which not committing suicide was considered a successful day...and it was, because today I am able to write my story of recovery in hopes that it will encourage someone else who needs to read this today just to get through another day.  Sadly,  one of my friends on this forum committed suicide.  This sent me into a tailspin as I became uncertain whether or not I would  make it. 

 

By 30 months, I began to get glimpses of normalcy.  At 3 years almost everything had faded away.  For the past 6 months I have been doing well but wanted to wait to submit a success story to be sure symptoms did not return.

 

Every time I think I am healed, I notice that I continue to feel better with time.  I can, at times, still be a bit sensitive to stress, exercise or certain foods.  About two months ago I drank a small amount of caffeine and spent the next few hours restless and uncomfortable so I just quit caffeine altogether.  I have not had any alcohol or any medications in the last 3 1/2 years so I have no idea what kind of affect they might have on me.  I have no interest in drinking alcohol anyway so this isn't a problem for me.  I eat whatever I want but notice that I don't feel so great after consuming fast food or too much sugar so I generally avoid it.  I'm a bit sensitive to strenuous exercise still so I keep it moderate.

 

Generally though, I can say with all honesty, I am now healed.  The depression, anxiety, panic, insomnia, lack of motivation or pleasure, irritability, rage, etc.  is all gone.  Not only are the symptoms of benzodiazepine withdrawal in the past, but I even feel happiness, joy, pleasure, motivation and my cognitive abilities have returned to normal.  I do still have mild tinnitus that I notice only at night and heart palpitations that come and go.  My confidence has returned and I've been back to working full time for a year now.  I have empathy for my clients who are depressed and anxious and a storehouse of techniques for battling both that I never learned in grad school. (Sometimes life experience is a better teacher than a book.)

 

For those of you in acute withdrawal (first few weeks to months) the level of intense symptoms does not last,  you will get some relief soon.  For those of you in protracted withdrawal, you have been through hell and back and are warriors.  No one but another protracted buddy will ever be able to sympathize with your arduous journey.  It is yours alone.  When the day comes and you are able to look back down that mountain you climbed, the sense of strength and accomplishment will be yours alone, too.  And it is now, finally, after 3 1/2 years free of benzodiazepines that I can say with confidence that I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.

 

May God give you His courage and strength to endure this pain which is temporary so that you might know the peace that is waiting for you on the other side. 

.

 

Amazing. Thanks for sharing

[[Vi...]]

Love this success story! Giving me some hope ... thank you for sharing 

[[Te...]]

Thank you so much!! You have given me hope. It must have been absolute hell. Only the people who have gone through similar stories would understand.

 

I am so glad you healed and have written a success story!!