The Xanax Club, Let Us Know How You Are Feeling Today

[[La...]]

Ok, so now I'll let you kall know that today has been a total 180 flip around. I, some how managed to get a full 6 hrs of uninterupted sleep lastnight ! It has made a world of difference in me. I'm a little high strung and have been all day, but I've been going, doing, accomplishing things that have done nothing but left me bewildered in the past days/weeks/months. My forgetfulness has been less today as well. No mood swings, no pissiness (is that a word ?). Just a showwhat speedy mind that was able to rationalise, comprehned and move forward throughout the day.

Now, was this just becuase of sleep ? Or, is it because my time is finally arriving for this benzo hell to let up ? Or, or, or...? One things for sure, time will tell.

[[va...]]

LS, I'm glad to hear you're feeling better and you finally got some sleep!  (yay you!)  I wish I would have a couple of days with a burst of energy like that.  I could sure use it!  btw, if you're interested in learning more about breathing techniques, just ask.  If not, that's cool too. 

 

I'm going into my 4th day since my last cut, and I'm so sleepy and tired.  The anxiety is gone, and the tinnitus only gets loud now before it's time to take one of my 2 doses.  I really think the meditation and yoga is helping me there.  But I need some energy!  I have things I need to do (like housecleaning) and I'm so tired, I just don't feel like doing them.  argh!  (Really, I feel bad even complaining about that, because I know some people are really suffering with horrible symptoms, so I count myself extremely fortunate so far.)

 

On a more positive note, I'm still exploring the symbology of the animals that came to me in my meditation a few days ago, and it's fascinating.  I'm learning a lot about myself, where I'm headed and what I need to be focusing on.  I have an amazing journey ahead of me. 

 

~K 

[[La...]]

Thanks K, it's been a rocky road, as we all know. Your wave will go out and then you will enjoy yourself and some sleep.

 

I've been back in the wallows of hell once again since my last post. I've even posted in a couple other threads, but there are times I find it difficult to fit in here and I'll admit that. I'll post and commment right along witht he topic and maybe it's me and my feelings. But my post isn't responded to, like it's ignored. Could be part of my extreme over sensitivity that I've experienced throughout this ordeal. I know I've been so over sensitive about things.

However, yesterday I awoke after getting pretty much a full night of sleep. It was just before 11:00 when I went to bed and then at 3 something I got up and took some buspar and went back to bed. Next thing I knew the phone was ringing and it was 8:00 ! Just a few days short of 25 months and finally a night of sleep. Now, lastnight was only one hour of sleep and I do feel tired. But I am not full of depression as it has been with so little sleep. Actually I'm more wired, but do feel lazy as I'll now call it. I did spend the morning finishing up at my moms house that I've sold and it's now ready for the new owner to move in.....finally.

Yes, I have some motivation that is returning now too ! Can I say yayyyyyyyyy to that ?!?! Oh my yes ! Even with as little sleep as lastnight, I've no cogfog today and what a sensational feeling it is to be free of that. I can think, I can do and best of all these past two days, I feel free ! That feeling of restraint, constraint and all withdrawn from life is not within me right now. I have not felt like this in a long, long time, even before the xanax began.

I know this could just be a window and most likely is, but I'm stikcing my head out through it,  looking for all the sunshine I can get. 

 

Hey Rocket, hope you're having a good one out there. You sure deserve it man !!

[[va...]]

Lakeside, I get what you're saying, about not fitting in and feeling unheard sometimes.  That happens to me as well, and I just try to chalk it up to my perception, rather than something else.

 

I'm sorry to hear you're going through hell again.  I don't know why, but my problems so far seem pale in comparison to many others, so I feel very fortunate.  I don't know if they'll kick in later, or if maybe I just experience them differently or what.  But I just hope everything continues the way it's been going so far.  If it does, I suppose I'll be very lucky.

 

I've been having trouble sleeping also, a lot, actually, but since I've had insomnia since I was a teenager, this is something I've always had to deal with.  But, it is much more irritating now that I'm older.  I've also had tinnitus for many, many years, way before the xanax, so I've been dealing with that for a long time also, so, I guess it doesn't bother me as much as some people.  It's much louder though, so it is annoying, very, but I just try to focus on something else.  If it gets to be too much I learned this thing to make it *temporarily* get lower.  Hold the palms of your hands over your ears and snap your fingers anywhere from 30-50 times.  It will get louder when you do it, but when you take your hands away, it's much, much lower.  Doesn't last very long, but it's something, and if I can distract myself during that time, I don't always notice when it kicks back up. 

 

I'm happy you got a window.  I hope it lasts for awhile. 

 

Let me know how you're doing.

 

Namaste.

 

~K   

[[La...]]

Hi K,

 

Thank you much and I do hope you don't have to go through what a lot of us experience. I'm doing considerably better now and am for the second day now. I managed to get some sleep lastnight and today I'm even pain free from my back. I have back problems that require a chiropractor and for the last few months, it hasn't been working. So, I just recently ordered an inversion table and used it today for the first time. My oh my does it ever work wonders for this fella's back. And what a time for it, as I'm pusing through this wave now. This is turning out to be a pretty good day and there haven't been many of those in the past two years.

 

As for the tinnitus. I've had that for years as well and I've noticed it's gotten louder, but nothing so bad that it interferred with anything. It has gotten louder as the anxiety seems to increase, but it's just something I've lived with for years now.

 

So appreciate your kindness K and I hope you have a wonderful day.

[[va...]]

LakeSide, I have an inversion table as well!  I LOVE mine!  It doesn't go completely upside down though (30 and 60 degrees, I think?), and honestly, with my back, I wouldn't want it to.  I've had 2 back surgeries and the 2nd one was a miserable failure. 

 

When I was younger (in my 20s) I was a bodybuilder and into martial arts.  I used to do inverted pushups hanging from a bar with these boots you put on your ankle and hang from.  I worked out with this one dude and we used to compete to see who could do the most.  It was intense.  I was a girl (still am, in case you wondered) but I always worked out with guys.  I was really, really strong for my size, stronger than most of the guys in the gym, and back then most women just didn't lift weights and weren't into bodybuilding or martial arts.    Anyway.  The inversion is great for your spine.  It decompresses the discs, and I actually think having the blood rush to your brain is good for you.  I used to hang for 30-40 minutes at a time, but I can't do that anymore.  Anyway.  Enjoy the table. 

 

Namaste.

 

~K 

[[va...]]

Has anyone seen or heard from Lakeside?

[[Ra...]]

Vango, Lakeside has posted recently in the Protracted area of the board.  You can see when folks have last been active and their posts if you click on their name.  Their profile will come up.  To the left, you can see 'see last posts' or something like that.  Click on that and you can follow where they've been.  I use that feature when I'm trying to find someone or see if they've been on the forum but just not posting 

[[La...]]

Hi K,  my bad and am sorry. I some how missed the update in this thread and didn't come back until now. Ummm duh....and my apology. I was wallowing in the depths for a while and then another flip and this time for the GOOD ! Yesterday was an awesome day for me and I took full advantage of it. Was hoping for the same today but sleep just wasn't inthe cards for two nights in a row. Perhaps tonight will be good t me and tomorrow even better. I've been trying to spread my cheer around...hope it makes it you. I have plenty to spare when it hits. This is different feeling than previous windows as before it was a total relief of everything for me. This isn't like that. This is where there's still weight upon my shoulders, but it isn't devastatiing, as we all know how that is. I can push past and deal with this. The severe lack of sleep lastnight kept me at bay today, but not in a cogfog way. It was a tired way and that's acceptable.

 

Thank you for checking and my message box is always open....

[[va...]]

Vango, Lakeside has posted recently in the Protracted area of the board.  You can see when folks have last been active and their posts if you click on their name.  Their profile will come up.  To the left, you can see 'see last posts' or something like that.  Click on that and you can follow where they've been.  I use that feature when I'm trying to find someone or see if they've been on the forum but just not posting 

 

Thanks Bunny.  Good to know for future reference. 

 

Namaste.

 

K   

[[va...]]

Hi K,  my bad and am sorry. I some how missed the update in this thread and didn't come back until now. Ummm duh....and my apology. I was wallowing in the depths for a while and then another flip and this time for the GOOD ! Yesterday was an awesome day for me and I took full advantage of it. Was hoping for the same today but sleep just wasn't inthe cards for two nights in a row. Perhaps tonight will be good t me and tomorrow even better. I've been trying to spread my cheer around...hope it makes it you. I have plenty to spare when it hits. This is different feeling than previous windows as before it was a total relief of everything for me. This isn't like that. This is where there's still weight upon my shoulders, but it isn't devastatiing, as we all know how that is. I can push past and deal with this. The severe lack of sleep lastnight kept me at bay today, but not in a cogfog way. It was a tired way and that's acceptable.

 

Thank you for checking and my message box is always open....

 

Hey Lakeside!  Good to hear from you.  I was a little worried.  I'm glad things are going OK.  I know all about the lack of sleep thing, as that has been an ongoing issue for me since I was a teenager, off an on.  It kind of runs in my family.

 

How is the inversion table working out?  Is it helping with the back pain?  I hope so.  I need to move mine to a more suitable location, and I've been procrastinating on that.  Anyway.  Good to hear you're OK.

 

Namaste.

 

~K 

[[La...]]

Good evening and thank you K. That lack of sleep sure can and does change a day for me right now. I get rather confused easily and if I'm not careful, that will lead to irritation, confusion and then the vicious circle begins.

 

The inversion table is a Godsend, thank you ! It's doing for me what my chiropractor wasn't able to in many visits. I'm actually experiencing full days of my back being in place and I've even laid out a care exercise routine now with the ball. It does take a little space, but I converted my sunroom into a work out room now. My inversion table has already paid for itself 10 times over or more. Am feeling better psychologically and physically. Gotta ways to go, but at least I'm looking at it in a positive way now. I'm so hoping gone are the dismal days of darkness.

 

Hope you're having a good day and thank you. Thank you for being you, a kindred soul. 

[[va...]]

Good evening and thank you K. That lack of sleep sure can and does change a day for me right now. I get rather confused easily and if I'm not careful, that will lead to irritation, confusion and then the vicious circle begins.

 

The inversion table is a Godsend, thank you ! It's doing for me what my chiropractor wasn't able to in many visits. I'm actually experiencing full days of my back being in place and I've even laid out a care exercise routine now with the ball. It does take a little space, but I converted my sunroom into a work out room now. My inversion table has already paid for itself 10 times over or more. Am feeling better psychologically and physically. Gotta ways to go, but at least I'm looking at it in a positive way now. I'm so hoping gone are the dismal days of darkness.

 

Hope you're having a good day and thank you. Thank you for being you, a kindred soul. 

 

:smitten:

 

~K

[[th...]]

For those of you that have jumped off Xanax already....did you feel a gradual shift towards the better in the first few months post jump. Not completely healed I am sure but some significant improvements at least???

 

Grinch

[[va...]]

I haven't jumped yet.  I'm only halfway down in my dose, and now I think I need to start making smaller cuts.  Well, maybe after my next cut.

[[La...]]

Hey Grinch, myself I c/t it man. It was hell from the get go for me. If I remember correctly, it was 3-4 months and I had my first window. I only had 2 windows throughout my duration thus far. First one lasted a few days and the next was only a couple days. The term "waves" fits it best. It intensifies and lessens, intensifies then lessens. I had times that the next wave came in considerably stronger than the previous wave was. Sometimes the waves will be weaker in succession. For me, in the beginning there were only intense waves of immense anxiety. I had to deep breathe to relieve a lot of those attacks. Had one where my sister was here and she told me she had to keep reminding me to breathe, as I had stopped and was holding my breath. As times goes on, we become accustomed to how it's going to be. If we learn to accept it, we can deal with it better.

 

But remember, I went c/t.

[[fr...]]

Not feeling to bad other than bummed about the weekend being over.  I've put my xanax taper on hold for now while I try to wean down off the propranolol.  I was originally put on propranolol for my migraines, but the fatigue it causes is just to much.  I've decided to stop throwing away money at co-pays to the neurologist and go back to how I use to manage my migraines YEARS ago...old fashinoned dark room, silence, ice packs, and rest and cutting out the triggers (certain foods).  I was hoping the propranolol would help ease some of the symptoms from the w/d of xanax, and it did.  Not sure a lower dose would help with the tremors of racing heart...but I will never know because my PCP won't continue to prescribe it to me for that purpose. 

 

Otherwise, I'm just tired...taking it day by day to come off the propranolol and then move on to the bigger battle of weaning the xanax. 

 

How is everyone else doing?

[[cr...]]

Today I'm feeling anxious and agitated.  Distracting myself by cleaning, doing laundry, fussing with chamomile tea in my teapot, a walk this morning.  Maybe I'll need another walk.  Think I'm ready to resume my taper.  But nervous.  This moment will pass.  I can do things I enjoy or need to do while waiting for the anxiety to go away.

 

Not everything has to be perfect.  Peace to you all. 

[[La...]]

Hi Everyone, am a bit foggy yet, like most mornings still. It tends to let up by early/mid afternoon to where I just feel tired. Right now I'm almost dizzy from so little sleep the last couple, well few nights. Been wide awake by 4:00 am and not going to bed until 1-2:00. Am hoping for a reprieve here soon. A friend from church gave me some lavender oil to put on my wrists and I've begun that. I guess it's suppose to have soothing effects, we'll see just how soothing it is for me. I am noticing that things aren't getting to me such as they were. I don't get frustrated, or at least haven't been so much and that's a nice thing. Even though I'm so tired, I'm more going with the flow instead of trying to make waves. I'm tired of fighting and guess my mind just needs a break. I'll push again in a day or two. Now that I've begun typing, my hands and arms have that electrical current feeling now. All the while when I blink my eyes, my eyelids don't want to open. That's how tired I am, almost teary eyed now.

 

The only good thing about this, is it will pass. It's all passed and comes back, usually in a lessor wave and that's something I leanred to accept and even graps ahold of. It may not be what I wanted, but it was better than what it had been. Better is posivite and positivity is what everyone needs while enduring this.

 

How you doin K ?

[[va...]]

Hi Everyone, am a bit foggy yet, like most mornings still. It tends to let up by early/mid afternoon to where I just feel tired. Right now I'm almost dizzy from so little sleep the last couple, well few nights. Been wide awake by 4:00 am and not going to bed until 1-2:00. Am hoping for a reprieve here soon. A friend from church gave me some lavender oil to put on my wrists and I've begun that. I guess it's suppose to have soothing effects, we'll see just how soothing it is for me. I am noticing that things aren't getting to me such as they were. I don't get frustrated, or at least haven't been so much and that's a nice thing. Even though I'm so tired, I'm more going with the flow instead of trying to make waves. I'm tired of fighting and guess my mind just needs a break. I'll push again in a day or two. Now that I've begun typing, my hands and arms have that electrical current feeling now. All the while when I blink my eyes, my eyelids don't want to open. That's how tired I am, almost teary eyed now.

 

The only good thing about this, is it will pass. It's all passed and comes back, usually in a lessor wave and that's something I leanred to accept and even graps ahold of. It may not be what I wanted, but it was better than what it had been. Better is posivite and positivity is what everyone needs while enduring this.

 

How you doin K ?

 

Hey LS!  Glad things are getting better, and I so totally understand about the sleep issues!  I went to the health food store today and talked to the herbalist.  I got most of the ingredients that come in the tea I like to drink at bedtime so I can try making my own blend, much cheaper.  He also recommended trying Glycine.  He said it helps if you wake up a lot, which I do.  It comes in a powder and he said it tastes sweet. 1 teaspoon 2x/day or 1/2t 4x/day.  I'm going to try it tonight.  He also gave me a couple of lavender oil pills to try, as he said they're very relaxing.  I LOVE the smell of lavender oil, it immediately gives me a feeling of calm and relaxation.    If you're interested in trying it, the tea I drink is Yogi Bedtime tea.  It seems to really help me, at least with falling asleep.  I also got some theanine to try.  I've heard some people say it's really good for relaxation and sleep.

 

 

I hope you get some relief soon.  <3

 

Namaste.

 

~K :smitten:

[[La...]]

Hi K and Everyone, it's off to the races this morning at 4:08 am ! Had painc, fear, was pacing floors. It's now 5:36 and I'm considerably better, bit still not grounded. My mind is racing and yet I'm yawning. Have the confusion going on, welcome cog fog. I also feel like "poor me" why again ? Not that I feel whiney, it's difficult to describe, but I'm feeling as if it's just not gonna end. I was doing pretty good, mabye I should call it a window. Because it was, compared to where my mind is at right now.

[[va...]]

Hi K and Everyone, it's off to the races this morning at 4:08 am ! Had painc, fear, was pacing floors. It's now 5:36 and I'm considerably better, bit still not grounded. My mind is racing and yet I'm yawning. Have the confusion going on, welcome cog fog. I also feel like "poor me" why again ? Not that I feel whiney, it's difficult to describe, but I'm feeling as if it's just not gonna end. I was doing pretty good, mabye I should call it a window. Because it was, compared to where my mind is at right now.

 

LS, man, I really feel for you.  I do hope you start getting more, longer, happier windows, and that soon the waves will end.  :smitten:   (Did you CT?)

[[La...]]

Well, it's another one off to the races promtly at 4:00 am once again ! Nothing new, my internal alram clock is set for 4:00 and I'm flying ! I don't have irrational amounts of fear, it's just my mind races so fast it's unbelievable. I have a mild electircal feeling in my arms right now.

 

Hi K and thank you. Every morning begins somewhat like this. This one is more intense than usual and it's now 11:00 am and I'm leveling off from the anxiety to going nearly into tears now.

 

I did such a short taper that it might as well have been total c/t. It was just a 4 weeks is all. But was only .5 mg that I was taking at night, but it was 10-12 yrs.

[[th...]]

Well, it's another one off to the races promtly at 4:00 am once again ! Nothing new, my internal alram clock is set for 4:00 and I'm flying ! I don't have irrational amounts of fear, it's just my mind races so fast it's unbelievable. I have a mild electircal feeling in my arms right now.

 

Hi K and thank you. Every morning begins somewhat like this. This one is more intense than usual and it's now 11:00 am and I'm leveling off from the anxiety to going nearly into tears now.

 

I did such a short taper that it might as well have been total c/t. It was just a 4 weeks is all. But was only .5 mg that I was taking at night, but it was 10-12 yrs.

 

This is my mornings too!! My mind is always going 150 mph and early like 4 am!! It's exhausting!

 

G

[[va...]]

{{{{{{{Grinch}}}}}}}

 

{{{{{{{Lakeside}}}}}}}

 

Sending loads of LOVE and GOOD VIBRATIONS your way!  :smitten: :smitten: :smitten: