The Xanax Club, Let Us Know How You Are Feeling Today

[[Ra...]]

Oh V, tinnitus, that is one symptom I've never had and I HOPE I never get.  It sounds just miserable.  Did you have it before when you tapered?

 

HUGS!

 

Rabbit

[[Ma...]]

Oh V, tinnitus, that is one symptom I've never had and I HOPE I never get.  It sounds just miserable.  Did you have it before when you tapered?

 

HUGS!

 

Rabbit

 

I have it terribly...just thought I'd chime in.  It's so freaking loud.  I had it before (I think from the antidepressants) but NOTHING like now.  It makes me dizzy.

 

Fortunately though, I can't smell a thing.  My nose is so congested I can hardly even breathe, let alone smell.

 

[[...]]

Hello BB, 

 

 

 

  Just checking out if everyone is doing okay today. If you need a little encouragement, just let us know, we will help you out.   

 

 

  Today my Tinnitus is still the same. No change at all. Still taking the Vitamins Plus from Amazon. Will take them another month and see the outcome. I do hope that they will work. If not, just going to stop them.

 

 

  Godspeed to you all.       

 

 

 

Rocket

[[VC...]]

I just feel "blah." Depressed. Like what's the use? Honestly thought I felt pretty good one day, then thought about the tapering and got antsy. Noise gets to me. And my hearing seems to be super-acute. I can lie in bed and hear cars off the main highway about 10 miles away. I never heard that before. Tinnitus is my constant companion. Kinda like an annoying mosquito!  ...sigh....

 

 

[[Ra...]]

Oh V, yes the depression, swinging from anxiety to depression and then toss in a healthy dose of fear!  Just not a fun time at all.  Your CNS is still revvd. 

 

I wonder, anyone, does the sensitivity to sounds, smells mean you're still not stable enough to taper?

 

V, I know how you feel about the taper.  My doc visit on 3/7 is like a countdown for me.  I'm trying to be calm, but I'm nervous.  I know I need to be thinking positive about the taper, but it's really hard.

 

Hugs and prayers sis,

 

Love,

 

Rabbit

[[VC...]]

Rocket, I hate that about the tinnitus...it's just really aggravating! Let me know how those vitamins work out for you. I'm switched from synthetic supplements to only food-based ones now. Easier for the body to assimilate.

 

Rabbit, that's a good question about sensitivity to sounds/smells. I wonder, too.

My big symptom has mostly been adrenaline surges, BP, irregular HB - but seem seem to be subsiding quite a bit. Yay for that! I'm still easily revved up. Hope your appt. goes GREAT. I see my doc on the 5th so waiting alongside you in anticipation. If we're well supported and take this really slow, we'll do okay, my friend. hugs....VC

[[...]]

Hello Vcharis,

 

    I certainly will let you know what the out come will be. Not 60 days yet, but keeping my fingers crossed. It seemed to work some, but nothing to brag about at all. So will take them for another 30 days and await for the happy moment 

 

 

  Godspeed to you and all the BB, 

 

 

 

 

Rocket

 

   

[[La...]]

Wow, it's comin and goin alright. My wake ups are between 2:00-2:30 every morning and it doesn't matter if it's 12:00-1:00 when I go to bed. Naps are not an option either, never really have been when the sun is up. Sleep makes such a huge difference for me with the depression and the over the top moodiness too. I don't even realize I'm that way until something happens and then my body is over flowing with adrenaline to fire up the sadness, which turns into major confusion and frustration. My mind races so fast it makes me unbelievably forgetful. Am back with that electrical current in my hands and feet now too. Anyone else get that ? I haven't seen anyone post about that ? Almost makes walking difficult. As for the tinitus, Ive had that since a Deaf Leppard concert in the 90's, although it has definitely incresed in volume and tone. Silence, what's that ?! I haven't had much of any odd odors, as I've had two sinus surgeries in my life due to polyps, so maybe that's relieved me of that symptom.

 

Hey Mama, I've spoken to my neice about some things that transpired before her birth, regarding my sister (her mom), thinking she was there...duh. Go to do something and will forget what I was going to do. Forget my words in a sentence while speaking. Go shopping and leave my wallet in the car. Have walked out the door multiple times w/o my keys and locked the door behind me. Only took once to get me to hide a spare set. The list goes on...the worst for me is the depersonalization. To think things I know are not right, but my mind cannot help it, or to speak out of character of myself. To actually force myself to think of something else to get it to stop thinking ill. Another thing is the distant feeling from myself, another form of the depseronalization for me. I feel out of place sometimes in my own home. Like I'm in a different dimension or looking from a video camera kind of. Like my own home is foreign.

 

Should have see me a couple days ago (not really), when I was on the phone and standing in front of my picture window when my foot became wet. Thought a cat did it's thing but soon realized it was to much and thought my pup went, but then soon saw it was my great room being flooded from the rain and massive snow melt. Instant anxiety attack and how I could even begin to think was absolutely amazing. I got into my truck and began plowing snow away from the house and did come close to the bay window but didn't connect. I then got a shovel and was lucky when the ground next to the house wasn't frozen. I dug trenches and got it to all run off. However, I then had to begin pulling carpet and pad up, for which is still drying out with fans going.

 

Like all of us...I just wanna break. My last actual window was way back in early fall where I had no symptoms for a day or two. As we all know, this is SO unrelenting it's beyond ridculous. Well, so am I !!

 

My very best to All !

[[he...]]

Need help trying to figure out a new symptom so it doesn't scare the crap out of me!  I'm waking up about 2-4 AM with a surge of adrenaline I guess and then heart palps.  It wakes me up out of sleep.  Never have I ever experienced this before.  What is it?  Have you had it? Did it go away?

[[rh...]]

Need help trying to figure out a new symptom so it doesn't scare the crap out of me!  I'm waking up about 2-4 AM with a surge of adrenaline I guess and then heart palps.  It wakes me up out of sleep.  Never have I ever experienced this before.  What is it?  Have you had it? Did it go away?

[/quote

 

Oh yeah. lots of times. When trying to sleep and sometimes during the day. Pretty scary stuff. Got better eventually. I'm at 14 months and it's been quite a while since I've had one. The timing with you could be different but it will get better.

[[...]]

Hello Healingslowly,

 

  You will be okay, honestly. Had it a few times when I started my C/T. It will go away slowly and you will get more sleep.    so please try not to panic, take a few deep breaths and try to relax. I am sure that there where many BB that had this symptom.

 

 

  Godspeed to you,   

 

 

 

Rocket

[[...]]

Hello BB,

 

  Just an update on the Lipo-Flavonoids that I have been taken for 60 days for my Tinnitus. Trying to keep a positive attitude about the Vitamins, but I just don't think that they are working at all. Maybe it is just a gimeck or a placebo.    in all, going to finish them off and will re-valuate when I'm finished with the bottle. That should be another 30 days. Don't want to give up hope on these things, but just don't want to give any Faust hope to any BB. Or maybe it just doesn't work on me.

 

  But in all will keep everyone posted on my progress.    Went threw a wave for about 2weeks, just crazy. And I'm coming up upon 2years off. Sometimes I just say WTF, lol, will this ever stop. But with my positive attitude that I keep, I know tat it shouldn't be much longer. 

 

 

  Stay Frosty, and,

 

  Godspeed to you all. 

 

 

 

Rocket

[[La...]]

Need help trying to figure out a new symptom so it doesn't scare the crap out of me!  I'm waking up about 2-4 AM with a surge of adrenaline I guess and then heart palps.  It wakes me up out of sleep.  Never have I ever experienced this before.  What is it?  Have you had it? Did it go away?

 

Yes and I still do after 18 months. I've also made an appt with an addiction specialist, as I cannot continue on these waves s they are. What's going on from all that I've read is the cortisol is waking you up. That and the anxiety related to this. I've found that vitamin C can help in large doses. There are threads on it here.

[[Ch...]]

While I am sleeping better, the vivid dreams I am having are disturbing. 

 

I awakened the night before last to my bed lamp on the floor after I pushed it off the night stand.  I had, in my dream, been pushing back a person who wanted to hurt me.

 

My wife has awakened me because I have been yelling in fear in my sleep.  On those occasions, a person with a knife and then a person with a gun were trying to hurt me.

 

I also have vivid dreams of loved ones who have died, and some who have not, in coffins. These are the most troubling. 

 

I am hoping this is not a symptom that hangs around long.

[[Tr...]]

I experienced vivid and what I call disturbing dreams for the first two months after I jumped. Not nightmares, but very disturbing. While I believe the melatonin I took absolutely helped me sleep, I stopped it completely thinking it contributed to the disturbing dreams.

 

I also discovered most of those dreams the first two months off Xanax were in color, and I was able to recall my dreams almost every night for those first couple of months. I know you don't want to hear this, but during that 2nd month, I was sometimes afraid to fall asleep. As you know, the dreams are that disturbing.

 

After those first two months the disturbing dreams diminished and I began waking up in a full blown panic attack. The dreams were benign enough, but I'd be, let's say walking down the street in my dream, and start to panic for no reason. I'd wake panicked, have a hard time catching my breath, and my heart would be racing like mad. Understand I was only taking Xanax for sleep and have never experienced a panic attack in my life until post jump. I understand what anxiety is.

 

Comimg up on five months free, I'm sleeping better than I ever imagined. Deep, sound sleep free of disturbing dreams or waking up in a full on panic. Yea!

 

Xanax, the drug that keeps on giving long after you've jumped!

 

[[La...]]

I would almost welcome a dream folks. Can't remember many but it could be a good thing from all that I've read.

 

But..........drum roll please.............

 

I woke up early once again, however this time without the disturbing high strung anxiety, nor the depression into the depths of hell. Relief is what I have been feeling all morning now. It's been a few weeks since psychologically being able to take my dogs for our routine morning walk. Today we did it, not once but twice ! It's snowin and chilly of course, but it couldn't stop me this morning. After the depths I've plunged into, unlike anything ever before, I am soooo going to enjoy each and every moment of this opposite reaction now. I haven't felt like this in soo long. Sure, Ive had a reprieve here n there, but never what I'd consider a real window for so long now. September or early October was my last break, but it wasn't even close to what I'm enjoying this morning.

 

I so hope each and every one of you get to share such a moment like this very, very soon.

 

You're All in my prayers.

[[Ra...]]

Lakeside, such wonderful news!  Enjoy every blessed moment of this great window you're having and may it continue indefinitely!!!

[[...]]

Hello Lakeside,

 

  My dreams are starting to come back to my brain,lol.    not every night, but I can remember about ever few nights. So maybe there is hope for all of us.    but after two years, you would think that I would be 100% healed, NOT. But I'm hopeful that I will get there  soon.  Just went threw a crazy, crazy 2weeks of symptoms that I hope that I don't see anymore. 2 freaking years off, and still having withdraw symptoms. Who would ever figure that, OPPS, well, how about the companies that make these crazy drugs. Can we say Profit, $$$$$$$$$. 

 

  Well enough of me, hope that you and everyone else is doing okay today. 

 

 

 

 

Godspeed to you all,   

 

 

 

 

  Rocket

[[La...]]

Hi you guys. Well......it was nice for that day, lol. I thank you both Rabbit and Rocket. Was cool having the window and it was much needed. I was nearing a point of frustration beyond anything I'd encountered before. But alas, I will be victorious.....one day.

So, even though the window is behind me now, the hell isn't kicking in such as it was. I haven't had the feeling of despair since last week and the depression has let up as well. The high strung anxiety is hanging in there, but it's not as bad as having the waaves of depression and or depersonalization. At least my thinking is cleaer and not full of confusion. My mind is just racing like crazy.

 

I hope your waves aren't to bad Rocket. Man, 2 yrs out and still having it hit. Hope those 2 weeks are well behind you now.

 

I'm 18 months and counting. I refuse to give up this summer though. I went and bought a used bass boat just before this all began and I've yet to use it. Could hardly even get out the door last summer. Wanna talk about spring fever and still 16" of snow on the ground ! See, I can at least talk about more than my fear, my confusion and my depression. It's a corner I'm rounding, I know it is. It's gotta be you guys.

 

[[...]]

Hang in there Lakeside,

 

  I have the same withdraw symptom as you and I'm off of the Benzos for 2 years. I just don't understand why, but I'm staying strong.    I have too, or I would have gone crazy or back on the crazy little pills.

 

  So keep it cool and keep moving forward. 

 

 

 

  Godspeed to you,   

 

 

  Rocket

[[Ra...]]

Rocket and Lakeside, my heart goes out to each of you.  Geez, still experiencing w/d symptoms at 18 and 24 months out?  OH MY WORD!  I don't mean to sound selfish, but I sure hope it doesn't take that long for me.  I'm not sure I could take it.  I guess we don't have a choice do we, endure and hang in there.  You both will be in my prayers.

 

 

Hugs,

 

Rabbit

[[La...]]

Hi Everyone, it's been back to the grindstone, but with a bit of less tension as I'll call it. It's taking less to be able to endure it and I'm actually getting motivated now to where it doesn't take such thought to accomplish the simplest of things. I did have a bit of anxiety attack while driving yesterday and forgot where I was for a couple of miles, but all was well. I deep breathed and set my cruise control and in a couple minutes I had a grip once again.

This morning found me high strung, but I pushed and got ready for church anyway. I began going to a different church last week as my regular one would have everyone coming up to me and showing their concern, but a crowd is something that's still beyond my comfortability if I'm at the center. Anyway, once I arrived in the church parking lot, I had to drive away for a few and returned. Went in and said hello, as this was my second time there. Took but just a few minutes and I was calmed down and feeling comfortable within myself to be able to begin to relax. The service was outstanding and the message was so fitting for me.

All in all, since my last window last weekend, I am considerably better. By that I mean I am tolerating it better. It isn't as intense as it was and I am having far less confusion and frustration. The vicious circle is beginning to straighten out I believe. Please don't think I am chanting any sort of victory here, but I am feeling better. At this point, anything positive as you know, is so very welcomed.

I am a firm believer in everything happens for a reason, but still trying to figure this one out though. But last week I had an appointment with a benzo specialist and his office called and cancelled on me. I was crushed at first, as I had gotten to a point of despair and needed help. I was reaching out and knew I was close to what felt like that edge. Hell, I was on it. But I got past those moments of helplessness after the call and turned it around and thanked God for instilling confidence in me. Since that day, it has been different and for the most part, all in a good way. Like I said, it's been tense, but I am determined and am moving forward and no longer sideways with this.

 

Rocket, yes sir we do have to remain strong and in my weakest moments I reach out to my inner self, the adult within and at those times he seems able to calm that terrified child. It's working and with each reprieve I do what I can to take advantage of the evil having down time and regenerate myself for the offensive, so to speak.

Rabbit, there are different ways to set the mind to beat this. At times it's quite overwhelming. I hope it doesn't take so long for you either. We are here if needbe....

Thank you both for your kind words.

[[...]]

Hello Rabbit,

 

  You will be just fine, keep moving forward and never give up. You will make it just like many of the BB have. All you need is time.    For me, I'm sure that the end is near. I try not to believe that this crazy crap will go on forever. Just waiting for the weather here to break, so I can get outside and do many things to keep my brain cells occupied. 

 

  I don't think that everyone will take this long to heal, maybe it is just that I C/T-ed off of Xanax and maybe, that has made my journey so much longer.    but keeping the faith here. Like they say, don't believe everything that you read, but I have read that it can take 3 years to heal for some of us. Maybe I might be one of those BB, or maybe it will turn for the best just around he corner for me. Well, in either way, keeping positive and will never give up. 

 

 

  I just keep push on with a big smile on my face. There are times that when I get a symptom, and laugh at it.    I know that my brain is just playing tricks on me. So my positive attitude just goes on. I have too, this is how I will beat this thing,  :thumbsup:  and so will you.

 

 

  Godspeed to you,     

 

 

 

Rocket

 

 

[[Ma...]]

From a fellow c/t'er who is amazed that I feel so crappy this many months out:

 

my heart hurts for you folks who have had to deal with this for one, two years.  And I don't know how it will be for me.  Just when I think I'm feeling "normal"--when I have a window and I get amnesia about the symptoms I had and tell myself I was just being dramatic--soon after, I get hit with a tidal wave and I'm knocked down and feeling discouraged.

 

But, I remind myself that it's normal to feel discouraged.  That doesn't mean I will stop doing what I'm doing....pushing ahead toward that light at the end of the tunnel. 

 

It's just that these little tastes of normalcy are such teasers!  Then, I make a lot of plans and over-do it, and then I crash badly.

 

I guess this pattern could be causing me to go into these bad waves.....I guess if I exercised more temperance in my activities when feeling "well" I wouldn't pay such a high price.

 

It's just that MY "over-doing" is pretty laid back life compared with regular normal people.  For me, over-doing is spending more than three hours in any stimulating activity.  My brain can't cope with it, even if I'm having fun and telling myself the "good" neurotransmitters are being cultivated and nurtured.  It doesn't work that way.

 

It seems I just have an energy deficit and I just can't do what normal people do.  I may never be able to.  I also have fibromyalgia so I am battling two beasts.

 

Oh well, it is what it is.  No point fighting it, right?  Glad I have you guys to comfort my sad heart.

[[mo...]]

Hi, I'm about 5 weeks out from my last dose of xanax.  Had a wave yesterday that was pretty miserable - tinnitus, dizziness, fog, head pressure, palpitations, headache, muscle pain all over, swollen diagphram and belly, blood pressure spike... to me it feels like my whole system is clenching into a fist.  Finally slept and slept pretty well, woke up feeling much better except for pretty bad depersonalization/derealization today.  It's reminding me a little of what it was like when I cut my dose in half 1mg to .5mg (I had no clue about tapering, alas.)... I feel so cut off and disconnected from everything.  I hate this feeling so much.    It always feels like it will go on forever, for some reason, and I can't really remember what the alternative feels like.  I wonder when this symptom goes away for most people... I'm sure it's totally individual, though.  Feeling bummed tonight, although physically much better than I was yesterday. 

 

Lots of love and good wishes to you all.